˖ ࣪ AGAIN, AGAIN, 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡
AGAIN. . . !

━━━━━ ( 029. real life )
✶  ・・❛ BE SURE TO BRING MY GUN ❜

( ☾ )

"YEAH, TAKE AS LONG AS you need, clementine," jax's voice is laced with sarcasm, clearly mocking the girl in front of her locker putting everything into her backpack. "no rush here or anything."

clementine clamps her eyes shut for a moment, having to deeply resist from groaning. she doesn't though, and finishes shoving all of her belongings into her bag. she then stands up, and thanks to jax being stood behind her open locker door, she quickly takes advantage of such. she grabs the edge of the locker door and abruptly moves it further back, causing it to smack jax right on his bandaged nose. jax immediately winces in pain, and clementine mocks a frown as she pulls the door back. "oh," she says, pausing for a moment to close her locker before looking to jax. "oops."

jax narrows his eyes at her nonchalance, raising his hand to hover over his hideous nose as she turns away to begin walking without him. "fucking bitch," he mumbles, jaw clenched as he is hot on her heels.

once he is at her side, he swiftly wraps an arm around her back as they walk, seeming to only find satisfaction at her tensing. he lowers his voice when he asks, "why am i hearing that you're talking to astoria adkins again?"

clementine immediately scoffs at such a question, nearly in disbelief at how quickly he's found out something that just happened. "why are you keeping tabs on me?" she bites back without even looking to him. "who even gives a shit?"

"me, when she's best fucking friends with the same ex you can't stay away from," he responds harshly, keeping his voice hushed as he pulls her further to him so that his words are intentionally only for her ears to hear.

clementine's jaw clenches, the mention of chris invoking a special anger within her. "that's really no one's problem but your own," she responds with a huff from her lips. "and it doesn't matter now, does it?" she adds, slightly quieter. she can thank jax for that.

"that's the spirit," he smirks, the sight making her want to vomit as they stop for a second in front of the doors. "because what are you gonna do?" he mockingly furrows his eyebrows. "try and break up with me again?" he says like it's preposterous, dryly laughing right in her face as she adjusts her backpack on her shoulder. he then shakes his head as if he's amused, turning and opening the front door without waiting for her. "yeah, let's go."

clementine dreadfully follows behind jax, a permanent frown etched across her face as he gets stopped by a ridiculous amount of football guys on their way through the parking lot. she stands to the side with her arms crossed during it all, paying more attention to the random students passing by.

a specific group catches her attention as her eyes scan over all the vehicles parked, spotting matt's car among them all. of course she automatically picks his car out; it's her brains fault. what really causes gears to grind for her though, is the sight of not just matt, astoria, and nick climbing in, but the fact that finnley and bianca are with them. what on earth?

if clementine wasn't resisting doing so, her jaw would be on the ground right now. she couldn't pay bianca to willingly get inside a car with astoria, nonetheless matt fucking sturniolo's, so she's not sure what the fuck she's looking at. she feels like she must have entered an alternate dimension. finnley too—like how is this real?

she wonders where they could possibly be going as she blatantly stares at them from her safe distance away. she wishes she could ask about it, but the idea of having to deal with anything more than what she already is now, just feels exhausting. she looks away with a sigh, finding jax to seemingly finally be wrapping up his conversation.

"yeah, man, see you tonight," he says to one of the guys, dapping him up before they go on their way. clementine silently hopes that whatever 'tonight's plans are don't include her, and crosses her arms as jax turns back to her.

"we're going to logan's tonight," he quickly diminishes her dream, the two beginning to walk to his car now as clementine feels like he's truly a leech sucking all of the joy out of her. "so i'll spin back around your place at like 6."

"lovely," she sarcastically replies, finding that he is not asking for her presence tonight, but demanding it from her. "i'll be sure to bring my gun." she knows being so openly annoyed at having to go is like playing with fire when it comes to him, but she really doesn't care. she doesn't have anything left to lose.

"that's funny, baby," jax replies from next to her, dryly laughing as he slides an arm around to hold her hip. the touch stings—his fingers digging into her sides as it makes her feel like she'll be stuck in his death grip forever. she can feel the aggression radiating off of him before he's even leant down just slightly as they walk, lowering his mouth to her ear to harshly whisper, "you better fucking act right when the guys are around."

"like they don't know i was just with chris," she mumbles a response, a quiet huff of air following her words as the boy's name on her lips almost hurts her to say. her heart feels heavy with all the damage she's done recently; she wishes a hole would summon in the ground to swallow her and all her mistakes up.

just as her mind begins thinking on where she could be right now if she hadn't left chris' house that morning, she is reminded by jax's unfortunate presence next to her. he apparently doesn't find amusement in her murmur, tightening his grip on her hip as her eyes clamp shut. "i've already told you i don't want to fucking hear it, clementine."

she decides to no longer bother with responding, just containing her sigh as they finally reach his car. as she climbs into the same car she once got excited to see outside her window, she can only wish she was elsewhere—far, far someplace else. she feels as if she's entered her own personal hell, and when she tries to run, she looks down to find her feet glued to the ground.

the car ride consists of jax informing her on all the ways she can 'act better around him' and her remaining silent with her head against the glass. he eventually gets tired of her and connects his phone to the aux to play music clementine is so sick of hearing.

once they reach her home, she's quick to make her exit, but not before jax stops her by the wrist to give her one last scolding. she rolls her eyes through it and finally makes it out of his godforsaken truck, practically sprinting to her apartment door once her feet hit the pavement.

she opens the door to find tiana hanging out in the living room, an animated movie she recognizes as the princess and the frog playing on the tv. she closes the door behind her and feels her sister peering over at her. "you look like butt," she says without beating around the bush.

clementine refrains from sighing, only walking through the living room without attempting a response. she feels tiana's eyes follow her as she walks, but doesn't feel like pointlessly bickering right now, so she just continues on to the hallway.

once she makes it to her room, she audibly sighs of relief, instantly closing the door behind her and leaning behind it. she feels the urge to slide against it, but refuses to be that dramatic, and instead sets her backpack down and walks over to her bed.

she sits on the edge and feels the weight of her recent actions hit her at once. she's ruined everything and she can't even do anything about it.

automatically, tears are brewing in her eyes, but she refuses to let them drop because she feels she doesn't even have the right. she's the one who's messed everything up; she can't be upset about the position she's in. she's already cried once today, and that is more than enough because she shouldn't have even gotten to do that.

she blinks repeatedly as she looks around her room, her eyes jumping to all the remnants of jax scattered everywhere. the pictures on her wall once made her happy to look at, but who is she kidding? that was only when they were still ones of her, chris, his brothers, and astoria. even when she first replaced everywhere they once were with jax, she knew it was never the same. she's always been lying to herself. she wishes she never would have.

before she knows it, she's standing up on her bed to quickly remove picture after picture from her wall. some fall to the comforter, and some fly off of the bed to the floor. after that wall is clear, she heads for other pictures spread over different walls in her room. then, she nearly smashes the framed photograph on her dresser before deciding that is not a mess she wants to clean up, and settles for taking the picture attached out and ripping it up instead.

the very last thing she gets her hands on is the bouquet of flowers sat in the vase next to the frame. they're blatantly decaying due to her never taking care of them. she's never really had to worry about tending to them because they're usually replaced quickly enough that the thought doesn't even enter her mind. apologies from jax are given out from him like candy; they lack depth and sincerity.

she figures he'll stop with those soon though, now that he knows he's got her locked in handcuffs. things are only worse from here, she figures. she picks the flowers up carefully, glancing over the dying buds before dropping it into her trash can.

once her room is clear, she feels as if she should be relieved. she feels anything but however, because she can still feel him everywhere. he's in her skin, on her clothes, and dirtying up her bedsheets. she runs a frustrated hand through her hair, trying to decipher through her blurred vision due to tears built up in her eyes and find anyplace she must have missed. she didn't miss anywhere, but he's still here. he's here and she's going crazy.

with an earth-shattering sigh, she gives up and drops to the floor. the floor still has some remains of ripped up pictures, but she can't find herself to care as she pulls her knees to her chest and rests her back against the side of her bed.

she feels so defeated. just when she realizes all she wants is what she's been been running from, the rug is ripped from underneath her. she's stuck under jax's claws and chris is clearly through with playing the same games. she can't blame him; he must be exhausted with her switch up. she wishes she could explain that this would never be her choice, but it isn't that easy, and she just wants to scream. she's not sure if she'll be able to take another look of hatred from him catered towards her.

desperately needing a cleanse of her mind, she scoots away from her bed and turns around to face it. she then leans forward, reaching underneath her bed until she feels a familiar shoe box. she pulls it out and then reaches up to wipe some of her stray tears that have fallen.

she nearly feels ill at the sight of the doc martens box, but she opens it before she can second guess it and allows herself to get lost in the world of what once was. she glances over all the different memories connected with each belonging, and reaches for the first photograph inside. it's a polaroid of her and chris before they had began dating, and she can easily recall the day it was taken like yesterday.

the friend group was all spending the weekend at astoria's house, and they had decided to have a just dance competition in her garage. matt opted out, so he had the job of counting up scores. clementine and chris wound up being tied and instead of looking to crown a winner, they decided to just take their wins and celebrate with a duet.

she can still remember the blush that fled her cheeks every time they had to touch, and the lingering gazes that felt so forbidden at the time. after the dance, the two stood together to pose for a picture, and clementine silently freaked out when chris smoothly slid an arm around her shoulders. she used to get so giddy over anything he'd do, and she remembers admiring his lazy smile in the photograph so much that she would carry the polaroid around in the back of her phone case.

she frowns at it now, fearing she'll never feel such a thing again.

"clem?"

clementine jumps at another voice in her room, instantly whipping her head around to find tiana hesitantly stood in the doorway. clementine's eyes widen, and she immediately wipes more tears as she turns back around. she sets the picture down and closes the box, hoping it is out of her view and realizing it is not when she looks back to tiana's frown. "jesus T, you scared me," she forces a chuckle. "how long have you been standing there?"

tiana doesn't answer her question, just entering her room with an unreadable expression on her face. clementine hopes that she isn't visibly a wreck, but gets the feeling that tiana knows something is up when she stops in front of her and quietly asks, "what are you doing?"

her voice isn't filled with it's usual pestering annoyance, and it makes clementine want to assure her that everything's fine as quickly as she can. "nothing!" she answers rather fast, tiana raising her eyebrows when she slides the shoe box in front of her feet. "throw this away for me, will you?" she asks despite the question paining her to say, "i don't need these anymore."

tiana frowns. she doesn't say anything; she just frowns down at her sister. clementine almost feels like she knows too much somehow, and looks to the floor instead of her as her gaze feels pressuring.

after a moment of silence, tiana audibly sighs and reaches down to pick up the box. clementine raises her head and watches as she turns around with it in her hands. once she closes the door, taking it with her and leaving clementine alone, clementine's world is crumbling again.

💌

filler chap 🤥

clem is so misunderstood js wait 😞 like that's my baby fym

flashback to jax n clem the morning jax showed up to chris' house would go craaaaaazy rn

<3
jaden