˖ ࣪ AGAIN, AGAIN, 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡
AGAIN. . . !

━━━━━ ( 025. real life )
✶  ・・❛ BULLSHIT. ❜

( ☼ )

"I'M SORRY... RUN THAT BACK to me one more time?"

"i said, i finally got somewhere with clementine and we were kissing again, but jax alrea—"

"i'm sorry—what?" astoria cuts chris off in disbelief, closing her car door and stomping around to the other side to give him an exasperated look. "you managed to kiss clementine and let her go back to jax all in the same breath?"

chris presses his lips together for a moment. "well," he clicks his tongue, adjusting the strap of his backpack on his shoulder. "when you put it like that.."

astoria just rolls her eyes and nick and matt, who had both been standing a few feet away, share a look before walking over to them. "okay, let's just get today over with already guys," matt suggests, gesturing with his head towards the schools front doors.

"i can already tell that today's gonna make me want to kill myself, but okay," astoria sighs, turning as the group begins to make their way to the doors.

"don't even start that shit, stori," chris warns, shooting her a look. ever since yesterday when clementine left his house with jax, he's had this horrible feeling in his stomach. it got worse when he never heard from her afterwards, and it's only worsened since he woke up this morning.

astoria first only narrows her eyes at his expression, but when he looks away and she realizes somethings actually up, she frowns. she steps to walk alongside him and looks over to his face. "chris," she starts, grabbing his attention. "as much as she's changed, clementine is still clementine, and as long as she's clementine, she's gonna choose you," she tries to reassure him because it's truly what she believes even though she might not tell him all the time. "just hope that means now."

chris halts, making astoria freeze her movements as well. she glances to nick and matt who continue walking and make it to the front doors, before looking back to chris and deciding to stay back with him. the pair stand face to face and she crosses her arms, ready to listen and waiting for him to speak. when he does, he's frowning. "and if she's not herself?" he asks.

astorias lips twist to the side for the second, not expecting chris to take their conversation into such deep thought. she takes a moment to ponder the question before shrugging, "then i guess you're going to have to be willing to fight some more to get her back."

chris visibly deflates at this and despite hoping it isn't that obvious, astoria raises her eyebrows at him. he just sighs. "what if i was ready for the fight to be over already?" he says, earning a frown of sympathy from her. "it gets pretty tiring."

"some people are worth it, chris," astoria doesn't miss a beat with her response, trying to reassure him to her best ability.

chris takes in her words for a moment, letting out a hum before a slight smile takes over his lips. "yeah?" he says before giving a tilt of his head, "if you think she's worth it, then why aren't you friends with her anymore?"

astoria's face quickly drops, and chris chuckles, clearly having just wanted to catch her off guard. "this is your therapy session, not mine, dickhead," she tells him with a roll of her eyes, turning on her heels and leaving chris to follow her as she heads for the doors.

the two make their way into the building and only take a mere three steps down the hallway before someone suddenly bumps into astoria. the two collide and instantly gasp at the harsh contact, chris watching with wide eyes as the person is none other than bianca.

astoria, after recovering, notices that bianca is the one stood in front of her and immediately scowls. "blind much?" she narrows her eyes at the girl.

bianca, who chris notices has a more distinct scrunch in between her eyebrows than usual, merely eyes her up and down before scoffing and walking off. chris turns to astoria and gives her a look. all she does is groan as she begins walking like usual. "dumb fucking bitch."

"got a crush or what?" chris murmurs under his breath through a chuckle.

"not even funny, chris!" she exclaims, reaching over to elbow him as he only laughs. the two continue walking as she goes on, "i do wonder what's got her in such a rush to get out of here though."

"yeah..." chris agrees, a frown forming on his face as his word trails off. the two begin reaching matt and nick who are stood waiting by their lockers with their stuff already in hand.

"fucking finally," matt mutters once chris and astoria stand in front of them.

"yeah, hi, matt," astoria sarcastically responds to him, looking over to nick and furrowing her eyebrows. he's looking into the distance at something and the look on his face is one of disbelief. "nick? are you alive?"

her words cause matt and chris to suddenly become aware of their brothers weird state as their heads quickly turn in his direction. the attention snaps him out of it, but he keeps his eyes on target as he says, "i'm honestly just confused on what the fuck i'm looking at right now."

just as quick as chris whips his head around to catch sight of what nicks looking at, his world shatters.

his jaw goes as hard as stone as he processes the sight of clementine walking down the hallway hand in hand with jax—the same hand she used to hold chris' when weaving through the party the other night. the hand she used to tug his hair in the bathroom. the hand he reached for repeatedly trying to get her not to go to jax.

"this isn't me going back to him. this is me cutting him from my life. just let me do that myself, okay?"

liar, chris thinks in an instant.

he feels nauseous when her previous words come to him in a flash, and he quickly turns his head back around before he has to take any fucking longer looking at jax's smirk.

it feels like the day he first found out about the two being together all over again. honestly, he thinks it hurts worse this time. he thought she had finally begun to let him back in. he thought she was done with jax.

seeing them walk together just like they would have a month ago is making his skin crawl. why is she with him like nothing has happened? he's trying to hide how bothered he is, but judging by the way nick, matt, and astoria are looking at him and waiting for him to snap, his poker face isn't a very good one.

"chr—"

"i've gotta get to my locker," chris cuts astoria off, pressing his lips together as he does not want to hear her concerns.

he notices matt and nick share a look and refrains from sighing when nick starts, "are you su—"

he's interrupted by the loud ringing of the first bell, making chris audibly groan at the fact that he'll definitely be late. "great," he grumbles, turning away from the group and walking in the direction of his locker without another thought.

he makes it to his locker and gathers his stuff as quick as he can, but alas, the tardy bell rings and he curses underneath his breath. he now decides to take his time moping through the hallways on his way to class.

the universe must seriously just be trying to get a laugh out of him though, because the next corner he turns is down the hallway clementines locker is at. of course, thanks to jax he's guessing, she's still at her locker—also late.

chris ponders on what he should do for only a few seconds before suddenly, his body decides for him when he finds himself directly in front of her locker. she doesn't notice him at first standing behind the door of her locker that is open, so as she goes to close it, chris speaks, "clementine."

clementine instantly freezes at the sound of his voice and the hand holding her locker door pauses. she finally looks up to chris and closes it fully. chris is wondering what she's going to say when he notices her eyes begin to flicker around the hallway they're standing in. chris looks around and notices a few lingering people, just a couple glancing in their direction. chris' jaw clenches as he looks back to clementine and sees the anxiety written on her face. is she seriously ashamed to be fucking seen with him?

clementine though, doesn't plan on addressing anything happening right now, it seems. she doesn't even look him in the eye when she says, "i'm going to be late."

she attempts to walk past him, but she's really got no chance considering chris already has eyes on the janitor closet just a few lockers down from them. "yeah, we both are," he tells her, making her eyebrows furrow for just a second. without thinking, he quickly grabs her wrist and begins dragging her to the door. he hears her gasp and then begin to murmur whatever the fuck, but he doesn't listen.

as soon as they reach the door, chris opens it and pulls her in. he closes the door in an instant and immediately turns around to her. he attempts to speak, but she beats him to it. "what the fuck, chris?" she exclaims.

"don't fucking say what the fuck to me, i should be the one saying that," he quickly bites back, clementine rolling her eyes. "why on earth are you with jax? did you lose your memory or some shit?" he narrows his eyes, genuinely not knowing what to believe with the way she's acting right now.

now she's narrowing her eyes like he's in the wrong. "no, chris, i didn't lose my fucking memory," she remarks. "i made a mistake with you. jax is my boyfriend," she says without flinching. chris wonders if she can see the way his heart is cracking through his face. "that's it."

"that's it?" he repeats in disbelief, beginning to shake his head. "what did he say to you?" he murmurs more to himself, so confused on how he seemed to have everything he ever wanted right in the palm of his hands the other day. how could she switch back to being ice cold to him so quickly? chris takes in a breath, softening his voice as he takes a step towards her. "clementine," he starts, noticing the way her lips twist downwards in a frown even though she's clearly trying to hide emotion. "please just let me—"

it's when he reaches his arms out for her that she snaps out of it and takes a step back from him. "we're done, chris," she tells him blankly, her face stone cold. "what's the matter with you?"

he scoffs. "no, clementine, what's the matter with you?" he throws back at her. "why do you suddenly have all these walls up again? and for fucks sake, why are you trying to get me to believe all your jax lies again?" he exclaims frustratedly. he thought they had finally made progress. he thought they were past this.

"lies?" she repeats with a squint. "i'm being honest with you, chris."

"clementine," he chuckles dryly, not able to do anything else as he's sure he might explode. "tell me you're not being serious."

he watches the way she falls silent and knows she's still in there, despite what brainwashing jax must have put her through. again, he attempts to step closer to her. "i know you still love me, clem," he whispers, her watching him silently. "i could feel it in the way you kissed me."

he takes her silence as a good thing and tests his luck when he reaches a hand to push one of her stray hairs back. he clearly fails when clementine grabs his hand instantly. he freezes and looks in her eyes as she says, "that kiss was nothing but a mistake, it meant nothing." her words cut right through him as she lets go of his hand and it falls back to his side.

"a mistake?" he repeats the only words he can manage. he's trying to hide the hurt seeping from his heart, but it's undoubtedly written all over his face.

"yeah, chris," she responds without missing a beat. chris wonders how she could've switched up so easily when she continues, "every second i spend here with you is a mistake." she tries shoving past him to reach the door he's stood in front of after she's spoken, but he doesn't let her.

"really?" he tilts his head at her, deciding now that he doesn't have anything to lose, so he might as well take things a step further. "because i was in the bathroom that morning and it definitely didn't seem like a mistake before jax showed up."

clementines jaw clenches, clearly not having thought he'd bring that up. she quickly opens her mouth to cut him a new one, but he interrupts her.

"look, clem," he softens his voice one last time. he gives this a try one last time. his eyes flicker between her two brown ones and he tries to be extra gentle with her when he speaks. "i don't know what he told you, but i'm still me," he tells her genuinely, seeing something swirl in her eyes. he can't place what it is, but at least it's something. he convinces himself she's still down there and continues to try. "just talk to m—"

"chris," she takes an angry step towards him and chris let's out a sigh as he's clearly losing this battle with new clementine. "i mean it when i say that any love i had for you when we dated is long gone now." chris knows that the words are just to hurt him, but fuck, they hurt. "i made a mistake with you, and now i'm moving past it."

chris glances over her face, seeing the lack of emotion and wondering what the fuck jax said to his girl to make her become heartless overnight. this clearly isn't the clementine he had made a break through with in the bath tub, or the one that let her guard down enough to tell him she wanted him to chase after her that christmas eve. all he wants to be is gentle with her because he knows jax has never had such kindness with her, but he also knows that won't work with this version of her.

"you wanna do it this way then?" he furrows his eyebrows mockingly as his tone is now as harsh as hers. "fine, clem."

a slight scrunch forms between her eyebrows and it's a sign of emotion, so chris runs with it. "you can say you don't love me anymore," he says, cutting right through her as he looks directly into her eyes. "you can even say you love him," he adds with a dry chuckle, not missing the way clementines eyes narrow before he continues, "we both know it's bullshit."

clementine looks between both of his eyes and chris knows it. he feels it. the old clementine is still in there, she's practically clawing to be let out. she takes in a breath. "bye, chris," is all she says before shoving past him.

chris quickly turns around to face her as she makes her exit. "okay," he shrugs. "just come back to me when you're done lying to yourself then!" he calls, wondering for a second if she even heard him as the door is beginning to close and she's already stepped outside.

she pauses and turns around to shoot him a glare through the small window in the janitor closets door, and chris let's out a breath. she's there all right, it's just gonna take some work.

the janitor's closet door latches though, leaving him in here alone as he suddenly feels a little cold. he glances around at all the dusty cleaning products and feels a frown form on his lips as his mind now eats him alive. a lot of work.

with a sigh, he accepts his fate as he is already late enough for class and slides down a wall to eventually sit on the floor. he picks at the hem of his pants and wonders what all the work he's already done was for if it just led her back to jax.

💌

sorry guys i promise i'm not leaving u hanging i'm just sick and trying not to rush writing so i won't lose motivation for it 💗💗💗

brainwashed clem is my fav! how long until chris gives up i wonder! #angst ☺️

<3
jaden