˖ ࣪ AGAIN, AGAIN, 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡
AGAIN. . . !

━━━━━ ( 020. real life )
✶  ・・❛ YOU STILL HAVE ME. ❜

( ☼ )

"THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY," chris has a smirk on his lips as he spots clementine as soon as she walks through the door. "hi, clementine."

clementines eyes are already rolled into the back of her head the second the words leave his lips but still, she steps out onto the balcony, and walks over to stand in front of the same railing chris is stood in front of. she glances over to him and his smirk turns into a warm smile, one that has her instantly looking away and in front of her instead. "hi, christopher."

"christopher?" chris is quick to repeat, offense clear in his voice. "ouch."

she raises her eyebrows, now returning eye contact. "just returning the favor," she shrugs, chris realizing it's because he called her clementine.

amusement takes over his expression and he subtly leans to stand a little closer to her. "oh, so you pay attention to when i use a nickname for you and when i don't?" he questions, an upturn to his lips. "cute."

"ugh, shut up," she grimaces at his usual smugness, something she's unfortunately getting used to.

a silence begins to form between them, the only noise being the sound of chris' fingers tapping along the edge of the railing until he, of course, speaks up, "so, to do what do i owe the pleasure?" he asks, keeping his eyes on her when he continues on with, "got too tired of babysitting your drunk boyfriend?"

"it's not babysitting," clementine snaps, chris' eyes widening at how quick she is to defend their relationship. he chuckles quietly and throws his hands up as if to say he's innocent. she rolls her eyes at his behavior and he puts his hands back down as she sighs. she pauses for a second before letting out a frustrated huff of air. "he just gets so annoying when he's drunk."

chris can't help it when he immediately breaks out in a grin. "oh, yes," he sighs happily. "i love when you complain about him," he tells her carelessly, not even faltering when she just narrows her eyes at him. he leans closer to her and softens his voice. "you can tell me all about your boy problems, baby."

clementines face drops so quickly that it's honestly admirable how fast chris affects her.

she takes a step closer to him because she's angry, but all chris sees is a shorter distance between them. he smirks at her as she burns a hole right through him with her glare. "call me that one more time chris and i swear to fuck, i-"

"what?" he cuts her off, breathless as he glances over her features. clementines mouth closes, clearly not having thought that far into her words. their bodies are completely turned towards each other as they stand in front of the balcony's railing and chris can almost feel her breath when she speaks. he loves it. "what are you gonna do?"

clementines eyes narrow at his smug tone. his eyes are jumping all over her face, obviously not ashamed in the slightest with how he's staring at her. it kind of makes her want to die. she racks her brain of something to say, anything to say she doesn't care about the look in his eyes right now. all she can come up with though, is: "you're a psychopath."

chris' eyebrows raise to the top of his forehead, surprised that that is what she came up with. he eventually just chuckles. "aw."

he continues looking at her though, and it begins to really irk her. the entire reason she called him a psychopath is so that he would break eye contact or just.. something. it clearly didn't work. she sucks in a breath and tilts her head at him. "you can stop staring at me like a weirdo now," she tells him pointedly, turning her head to look off the balcony instead of returning his intimidating eye contact. "creep," she adds on in a mumble just because she can.

chris' lips turn upwards in amusement at her attempt to insult him. he's not insulted in the slightest. if staring at clementine makes him a creep, so be it. there hasn't been a single thing worthy enough to take his eyes off of her since the day he first met her.

he lets out a sigh. "i can't," he says honestly, voice growing quieter as he admires her side profile since she's busy looking at anything but him. his words though, get her to turn and allow him to admire all her beauty again. he glances at the brown of her eyes, the swoop of her nose, the sharpness of her jawline, and the shininess of her lips. he just can't do it. he can't find a single imperfection—not a single flaw. clementine stays silent as his stare goes completely soft. "you're far too pretty to take my eyes off of."

oh, clementine hates the way her body reacts. her heart goes all warm and time feels like it slows. she absolutely hates it. it's all wrong, but it's still there. her body still reacts to him the same way it did just last year, the same way it did when she first met him, the same way it always has when it comes to him.

her heart has not moved on.

she refuses to address that though, so she presses her lips together. "no," is all she responds with, not giving him the time of the day.

chris is snapped out of his daze at clementines change of tone, her clearly already attempting to push him away. "oh, come on," he groans, stepping away from the railing and turning completely towards her as he raises his eyebrows. "i'm not allowed to call you pretty anymore?"

"no," she tells him obviously, stepping away from the railing and not hesitating to turn towards him as well.

he blows out a breath at the way she crosses her arms. "why?"

"pretty sure you lost that ability after you broke up with me on a holiday."

chris clicks his tongue. okay, so maybe he deserved that. "clementine-" he starts.

"no, chris," clementine cuts him off and begins to rub at her temples, chris noticing how quickly she managed to get this frustrated with him. he takes in a breath as she squints her eyes at him. "can you just fucking let me go already?"

chris' heart stops in his chest for a split second. he was not expecting that question.

he's suddenly aware how tense it is between them and how much his behavior really seems to aggravate her. still though, he keeps his composure. he glances over her and maintains strong eye contact as he lets out his short but sure response, "no."

she scoffs at his answer, as expected.

"why?" she's quick to question, her voice sharp. "why not?"

chris just shakes his head. she already knows the answer to that. she's looking at him like he's a crazed lunatic and all he does is shrug. "because i've already made that mistake."

her eyes are immediately narrowed and chris internally prepares himself for war as this is obviously about to turn into an argument. "fuck off," she scoffs, looking at him with disbelief. "you ended this. this is what you wanted."

"what i wanted?" it's chris' turn to be in disbelief. "you think this is what i wanted?" he asks her, in genuine shock that she would think that way. she nods with a blank expression and his face immediately twists up. "you think i enjoy seeing you with him every day? you think i like hearing people refer to you as his girlfriend? you think i like the looks he gives me when you walk past me with him? you think i want this?" he shoots question after question at her, sending her into a daze for a second. "i don't want any of this," he continues with a shake of his head, managing to soften his voice. "i want you."

clementine is quiet for a few seconds longer than chris expects, giving the weight of his words extra time to sink in. eventually, she just sighs. she sighs and when she speaks again, her voice is quiet. "you had me."

chris' heart breaks in his chest. if he could strangle the december version of himself, he would. he would, he would, he would.

"and i took you for granted," he admits his fault, now his voice just as quiet as hers. "i'm sorry, clem," he tells her gently, daring to take just a small step closer to her.

she doesn't respond, so he watches as her face continues to change and sucks in a short breath. "you deserve better, but..." he pauses for a moment to regain to same courage he had before. "i can be better," he tells her confidently, the change of tone making her eyebrows raise. "let me be better for you."

clementine glances back and forth between both of chris' eyes before blowing out a breath and crossing her arms tighter against her chest for a sense of security. "you couldn't have been better before?" she questions, catching him off guard. when he takes too long to answer, she scoffs. "this is all bullshit," she accuses. "you don't want me, you just don't want me with jax."

chris' eyebrows raise to the top of his forehead and honestly, his jaw drops a little. there is just absolutely no way.

"what?" he asks in disbelief, shaking his head to himself for a moment before growing serious and focusing back on clementine. "this has nothing to do with him," he tells her, taking another step towards her. "i don't care who you're with—yes, he is the biggest asshole i've ever met and i hate him with every fibre of my being—but it's not that. it's that you're not with me. you could be with anyone and it wouldn't be who they are, it would be that you're not with me. i just want you back, clem. there hasn't been a day since christmas where you haven't occupied my every thought. as soon as you walked out of my room crying, i regretted it. i need you to know that. this isn't about jax, this isn't about me, this isn't about what i did," he explains to her in an honest rant, taking a moment to catch his breath before lightening his tone with his next words. "this is about you. it's always going to be about you."

her eyes glance over the features of his face and she's speechless for a good few seconds. chris uses the time to even out his breathing from how much he's talking.

eventually, she sucks in a breath. "okay," she responds. chris' face falls slightly but he still attempts to stay determined. "we're done, chris. we've been done for a while," she tells him for what feels like the hundredth time. chris is getting pretty sick of hearing the words. "i don't know how to make that any clearer for you."

"we're never going to be fully done, clementine."

clementines eyes are suddenly narrowed again and chris is beginning to realize she gets the most angry when he grows smug. how fun! he smirks a little at the fact honestly.

she scoffs and begins to speak, "i don't know who the fuck made your ego so-"

"you did," he cuts her off before she can even finish her sentence, immediately making her go silent. chris smirks even more at this. she knows he's right. "you used to say i was too pretty for my own good," he's practically beaming at her as he speaks. "i remember."

clementine inhales sharply, going silent for a short moment. she regains her composure and crosses her arms. "huh," she mumbles, managing a tilt of her head. "just like you used to say you couldn't live without me," she brings up carelessly, watching his face drop a microscopic amount. "i guess we're both liars then."

his mouth stays set into a firm line, the distinct frown on his face giving her nothing but satisfaction. eventually though, like always, he recovers. he takes in a breath and crosses his arms as well, daring to raise his eyebrows at her. "you trying to say i'm not pretty anymore, clem?"

he watches with amusement at how quick she is to roll her eyes. she presses her lips together, not finding it funny how he can't be serious for one second. she takes a step back and chris frowns.

she turns and begins to attempt to walk away from him and just get off the balcony without a word, but chris reaches for her wrist before she can get away. she slows her movement and turns her head to him with a sigh.

chris, using his light grip on her wrist, has the courage to pull her just a tad closer to him. her breath hitches at the short distance between them and chris drops her wrist, instead giving her a look of sureness. "you're the only girl for me, clem," he tells her seriously, pointing a finger at his chest as she gulps. "i know that," he emphasizes his finger pointing at his own chest before turning it around to point at her instead. "and you know that."

she stares at him. she doesn't say a word, she just stares right at him. chris' expression doesn't falter and he allows his hand to drop from where he was still pointing at her. eventually, she lets out a breath and looks him dead in the eye. "it's not happening, chris."

chris resists a roll of his eyes.

"oh yeah?" he's quick to challenge her, now firmly crossing his arms. "why not?" he asks, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek. "name one thing jax gives you that i can't, clementine."

clementine narrows her eyes at the cockiness he has and manages a shrug of her shoulders. "well, i don't have to worry about him randomly waking up one day and deciding he doesn't love me anymore, so that's pretty nice," she speaks carelessly, not noticing the way the words make chris' face twist completely up.

"what?" his voice is raw enough to hear the genuine surprise in his tone, catching clementine off guard. "that's what this is about?" he questions like he's in complete disbelief. "you think i don't love you?" he asks, his heart nearly breaking in his chest when she just nods in response. he begins to shake his head repeatedly. "no, no, no," he murmurs, taking a step closer to her and keeping his eyes on her to be sure she's really paying attention to what he's saying. "you've got it all wrong, clementine."

clementines eyebrows scrunch together just slightly as she watches how genuinely upset he is about her thinking this. she watches him take in a deep breath before going on a rant. "i still love you with every single piece of me." clementines mouth is suddenly dry with nothing to say as her jaw goes slack. "i wouldn't be right here right now if i wasn't completely and totally in love with you. i love you, clementine—always have, always will. i made a mistake; that doesn't mean i ever stopped loving you. you legitimately have my heart in your hands. all of me loves you. there has never been a time i haven't loved you with everything i have in me, i was just being fucking stupid. please. i need you to know that."

clementine doesn't have a clue what to say, he's rendered her completely speechless. "chris..." is all she can come up with, not breaking the strong eye contact he's making sure they're maintaining.

"clem," he breathes, taking yet another step closer to her as her eyes scan his features. "i know there's a small part of you down there that still loves me just as much as i love you. you can hide it with a new boyfriend, new friends, and a completely new life—but i know she's still there. i know you. i am just asking—no, i'm begging. i am begging you to just give me one more chance. give me a second try to make things right."

clementine is speechless once again. she knows now is very much her turn to speak, but she doesn't have a clue what to say. it's not every day you have your first love in front of you begging you to give him another chance.

she looks at chris and all of his pleading face, her eyes doing the mistake of softening. she looks back and forth between both of his eyes and wishes she knew the right words to say.

his face begins to grow more and more defeated as she just stays silent. he gives one last attempt, looking down to the floor and catching sight of what she's wearing again. he reaches out and holds some of the fabric of her dress in his hand, then looking back up at her with soft eyes. "you're wearing the dress you were when we first met, you know that?" his voice is a mere whisper.

a ghost of a smile takes over clementines lips. "i know."

judging by the way his lips part just slightly, her answer surprises him. he assumed she just blocks out all memories of him, but it's comforting to know she can still recognize the same reminders of their past that he can.

"you've still got the dress," he states, allowing a small smile to form on his lips that disappears just as quick as it came. clementine frowns at him as he lets go of the fabric he was holding in his hand. "but i don't have you anymore." his voice grows quieter and unfortunately, the look of defeat on his face does nothing but tug at clementines heartstrings. he blows out a breath and looks at her one last time. "i'm sorry, clementine."

after he's spoken, he steps away from her and turns around. for some reason, clementine tenses at the sight of him turning to leave—to just walk away. the words he spoke were soaked with nothing but defeat and it's become clear that with him walking away, he plans to give up.

clementine though, has had a hole in her heart since christmas that she's tried to fill with the promise of a new relationship, new friends, and a new life, but none of it has come close enough to fill the true vacancy. the hole was never there when chris was there and for a second, it seemed like it had gone away again. looking at his back as he begins to walk away now, she can feel it coming back as soon as it left.

so, clementine does the unthinkable. she folds.

before she knows it, she's doing the same exact thing he's been doing to her. she's chasing after him. she takes the same steps forward that he did and reaches out to lightly grab ahold of his wrist. she does so successfully and chris instantly freezes.

"chris," she breathes.

chris, after his body finishes completely tensing up, slowly turns around. his eyebrows are furrowed and the confusion present on his face only grows stronger when he sees the vulnerability in her eyes. it's something he hasn't seen from her in a while so when he speaks, his voice is in a mere whisper so he doesn't ruin anything. "what?"

clementine takes in a breath, trying to decide what exactly she wants to say. "i..."

chris searches her face for something that suggests how she's feeling and for the first time in a very, very long time, her walls are down far enough for him to see true emotion towards him in her eyes. "what is it?" he asks, keeping his voice as gentle as he can. he's afraid he might just breathe wrong and her guard will be back up.

she closes her eyes for a moment, trying to summon enough courage to risk putting herself out there and possibly getting hurt again. everything she's gone through in the past months is screaming at her to snap out of it and telling her he doesn't deserve any of her attention in the first place.

she can't help it though. the heart wants what it wants and right now, it's longing for chris.

"chris..."

chris hears how soft her voice is and honestly, he melts a little bit (a lot a bit). he glances down to where her hand is still gently wrapped around his wrist and feels the warmth it creates against his skin—the fire it builds in his heart. he takes a step closer to her. "clementine..."

clementine glances over his features, her heart pounding in her chest as her brain screams that she's making a mistake. "you shouldn't," she starts, chris' eyebrows raising just slightly. "but..." she trails off for a second, knowing that after she's said her next words everything could change. she focuses on his eyes—his blue eyes glazed over with such a look of love that she doesn't even second guess it when she says, "you still have me."

she can feel it: the way his body immediately goes tense. his breath hitches and it's like time practically stops right then and there. the noise of the party still going on inside and the lingering people scattered around the other side of the balcony are completely irrelevant. he can't hear anything else, just 'you still have me.'

he still has her.

chris still has clementine.

he doesn't need a love confession, he doesn't need a grand romantic gesture, he doesn't need her forgiveness, he doesn't need her to take him back, he doesn't need anything more from her. he just needs those four words. he still has her.

slowly, a grin begins to take over his features. "yeah?"

clementine, still hesitant, manages a small smile back to him and it just makes his heart unbelievably warm. "yeah," she confirms, giving a nod of her head.

his grin widens and clementine sees a glimpse of the boy he was when she first met him. he still is that boy. he's still the boy she loved with every single piece of her, he just made a mistake. maybe that's something she's beginning to realize.

chris doesn't know what else he should say and what he shouldn't say and what she wants him to say, so it's a good thing that a piece of clementines hair happens to fall out of place right at that very moment. it falls in front of her eyes and before she can raise her hand up to push it back, chris does.

he reaches his hand out to gently tuck the fallen strand of hair back to its rightful place behind her ear. the two maintain eye contact as clementine registers the warmth his light touch creates. it's when his hand lingers for a moment too late that her eyes accidentally land on his lips.

she instantly looks back up to his eyes but it's too late, he saw it. his eyes flicker with something she recognizes and he takes another step closer to her, her lips parting just slightly as the way his eyes never leave hers once. "clementine," he breathes.

she's not sure if he's asking a question, looking for her to say something, or just saying her name, but all she can think to do is the same. "chris." her voice is a whisper.

he leans in closer to her and clementine knows what it means, so she doesn't look back up to his eyes after she finds herself staring at his lips again. it's when he suddenly pulls his wrist from her hands light grip that she looks away from his mouth. she looks back up to his eyes and furrows her eyebrows when she feels the same hand come to rest on her back, his arm wrapping around her waist. he pulls her closer to him and his touch is so absolutely the same that honestly, it makes her a little weak in the knees. "is this okay?" he whispers.

clementine is nodding before she's even really registered his words. once she registers them, she also hums, "mhm."

his lips quirk upwards and that's all clementine can focus on since her eyes are.. well, focused on his lips. he uses the hand he still has on her face from when he tucked her hair back to pull her face closer to his. her breath hitches and his hand moves to the edge of her jaw, gently tilting her head upwards. "i'm going to kiss you now," he tells her, her heart nearly stopping for a full three seconds. "is that alright?"

"yes, chris."

chris smiles at the sound of one of his favorite things: his name on her lips, before leaning forward to do one of his other favorite things: kissing her.

the second their lips are connected, clementine feels everything. she feels the familiarity of the lightness of her chest, the warmth in her heart, the butterflies in her stomach, the weakness in her knees, the sudden need to be as close as possible to him. she feels everything he used to make her feel—the things she never feels with jax.

clementine becomes completely consumed with chris. all she feels is his hands, all she hears is his hurried breathing when their lips break apart, all she smells is the familiar scent of his cologne. she's completely engulfed with him. he's everywhere, all at once. he's everything, all at once.

clementine raises her hands to come against the back of his neck and it's like flames erupt on his skin under her touch. her hands creep up to his hair and he pulls her even closer, tilting her head with his hand to deepen the kiss. all he's ever wanted is in his hands again and he's afraid he might just not let her go.

he breaks away from her to collect his breath and manages a smirk. "oh baby," he breathes, taking in sight of how flushed her cheeks are and how pink her lips look. he thinks it's the prettiest thing he's ever seen, or well actually, she's just the prettiest thing he's ever seen. "you have no idea how much i've missed doing this."

"chris," clementine murmurs, removing one of her hands from his hair and instead cupping his cheek with the same hand. she uses the touch to pull his face back down to hers. "shhhhh."

chris smirks. "always knew how to shut me u-"

he's cut off by her lips on his again and he is not complaining in the slightest. after this, he'll never have anything to complain about ever again. he's done. he's set to be completely content with his life for the rest of eternity after this one special moment.

this kiss though, ends just as quick as it began.

"gian, babe, ya out here? i know—WOAH! okay, sorry guys! don't mind me, haha! sorry!"

clementines eyes immediately snap open and she practically jumps away from chris. he blinks repeatedly in surprise as clementine steps away from him and looks over to find finnley being the one who interrupted the pair.

finnley doesn't even say anything else, he just flashes her a quick grin and a thumbs up before disappearing back into the inside of the house. clementine blinks.

she just got interrupted by a friend of jax's, a friend that's become her friend, but is still nonetheless a friend of jax's.

it causes a cruel sense of reality to creep on on her as she just realizes what she's done.

chris watches clementine as her eyes go all panicky, as she realizes what just really happened. chris doesn't react because he knew this was coming, the snap back to reality, but he still hoped to continue this dream a little longer.

clementines eyes snap back to chris and he raises his eyebrows at her, waiting for her to speak and wondering what excuse she's going to shoot at him for why her lips were just on his.

"i'm..." the best clementine can come up with is: "i'm drunk."

"what..." chris says questionably, trailing off and hiding his amusement at the fact that she is clearly completely sober. "no you're not."

"yes i am!" she's quick to respond, chris just giving her a blank look. she begins to look around them and he knows she's about to make an exit. "this actually never happened because i'm drunk," she tells him like a lunatic, chris just barely holding back a chuckle. "goodbye."

and then she's gone. chris turns his head to watch her hurriedly rush off of the balcony and back inside to the party and he can't even be disappointed as she runs away after she got caught with him. he knew it would happen, he just didn't know she would blame it on nonexistent alcohol in her system.

chris can't even find himself to be mad. he runs a hand over his face and shakes his head to himself. "this girl..." he mumbles, his mind still on how her lips were on his just moments ago.

before he knows it, he slowly begins to grin uncontrollably. he just can't help it. he raises his hand to touch his lips—the same lips luckily enough to experience kissing clementine—and his smile just widens.

he still has clementine.

💌

WOAAAAAAAH

this is the longest kiss scene i have ever written like 5k words for a smooch is crazy i was just feeling silly i guess ??? like i was gonna make it an almost kiss too and then i was like 🤔 wait...

also like i really didn't want to have them kiss while clementine is dating jax but... cheating is okay when it's clem bc she's dating jax so it's automatically fine ! i do not condone cheating though 🫤

this does NOT mark the end of the great war btw. we 🆙 from here but we also ⬇️⬇️⬇️ the notes app notes are jampacked i'm afraid

but chris and clem are smooching again 🤔🤔🤔 interesting 🤔🤔🤔

<3
jaden