˖ ࣪ AGAIN, AGAIN, 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡
AGAIN. . . !

━━━━━ ( 016. real life )
✶ ・・❛ MAKE YOU BREAK. ❜

( ☼ )

CHRIS TAKES IN A DEEP BREATH from where he stands in front of clementines apartment door. it's been quite a long time since he's been stood in front of the place and there's got to be at least a hundred different memories he's had here flooding his mind right now.

he looks down to the welcome mat that his feet are in front of, a frown etched over his lips. it's a lot different being here for the first time in a while than he imagined it.

the feeling he has right now is a bittersweet one. he's had so many happy moments in this place, all with the girl he used to proudly call his own. the memories have almost lost their color and faded to gray because of how much has changed since the last time he was here, but he's trying not to think about it.

he needs to keep his main priority in mind—and that's apologizing to clementine.

he honestly can't believe he didn't do that right off the bat, but his mind has definitely been very messy lately so it makes sense. he begins to shake his hands back and fourth, trying to work up the courage to knock on the door in front of him.

having to knock on the same door he used to open and barge right through with no fear is a strange thing. it makes him want to shrivel up and die just a little bit.

he turns his head and looks over to where he knows matt parked the car. matt and nick sit in the front and their eyes are on him, watching him as he attempts to do this. when they notice chris' eyes on them, matt gives a thumbs up and nick tries his best to nod his head encouragingly.

chris turns back around to face the door. he can do this!

he raises his fist and knocks three times.

he has never been so anxious in his life, and when he begins to hear the shuffling of someone approaching the door, realization sets in and he wants to run away. he doesn't run though, because that's one mistake he's trying not to ever repeat again.

chris watches as the door knob begins to turn and has to stop his foot from tapping impatiently. the door opens and fuck—chris should've ran away.

coming face to face with clementines dad for the first time since he broke up with clementine? definitely not something he was hoping to do today.

chris' eyes widen and clementines dad, clint, raises his eyebrows at the sight of the boy in front of him. he eyes him skeptically and chris really wishes he had ran away.

chris doesn't speak, so clint does.

"christopher." his voice is a deep, stern one and oh my god, this was such a bad idea. chris has never gotten this voice used on him from clementines dad. he might just get killed.

chris gulps.

"hi," he says shortly, hating how pathetic his voice sounds. it's clementines dad though, and this is the most intimidating he's ever been. "is uh..." he trails off for a moment at the sight of his unchanging face and coughs. "is clementine home?"

clint raises his eyebrows at chris like he's got some audacity to be asking that. the look makes chris want to vomit and die. he shakes his head. "i don't think that's a good idea."

chris internally shudders. clementines dad hates him now, that's really easy to tell. they used to get along really well though. they bonded over sports games and chris still remembers how much he seemed to love him like his own family. chris' dad and him were best buds too. he hates that he ruined so much when he broke up with clementine.

chris takes in a breath. "please," is all he can manage to get out, his voice a weak one.

clint narrows his eyes at him, opening the door he hasn't fully opened a little more to step out a bit. "you know," he starts, already making chris fidget on his feet. "when my little girl called me on christmas eve crying, i was the one who had to go and pick her up. i was the one who had to pick up those pieces."

chris uncomfortably shifts on his feet. he hates the way this man is talking to him right now just because he knows how true all of it is. guilt swirls up in his chest and makes his heart ache. he doesn't know what to say.

clint watches the clearly nervous boy and waits for him to defend his actions. when he doesn't, he just shakes his head and begins to turn around.

chris notices though, and realizes he has to try to say something at least. "i..." he starts, catching his attention and making him turn back around fully. "i love her."

clint scoffs. he scoffs and chris feels like his own father is disappointed in him. "at one point? sure," he says, shrugging before continuing with a more stern voice. "now? no. you don't do that to someone you love, son."

son, chris' mind repeats. he does, in fact, want to die at this very moment.

chris clamps his eyes shut for a moment, trying to ignore the way his heart hurts and just work up the courage to continue fighting. he knows he has to continue fighting because it's for clementine. if he can't get through to her dad, he'll never get through to her.

he takes a breath and opens his eyes. "i made a mistake. please," he practically pleads with clementines father. "come on, she's with jax cunningham now," he emphasizes. he's never been shy about his hatred for the boy and he remembers talking about it with clint. he agreed and said the douchebag gene runs back in his family. turns out, he knows jax's dad. it was a bonding moment for them honestly. "just—just let me talk to her," he begs.

clint goes silent for a long moment and chris sucks in a breath. he can't tell what he thinks because of how hard his expression is, but when he speaks, it's with a sigh. "she's not here," he tells chris, watching the way his face immediately falls and giving in, "she's on the rooftop."

the rooftop is on the top of the apartment building, of course. it's accessible to anyone that lives here and chris remembers how much of a sacred place it was for clementine. it had become a sacred place for him as well, almost thinking of it as their spot. he remembers all the times they'd bring blankets up there, all the times she'd paint while he watched, all the times they'd sit in comfortable silence and stargaze—he remembers every thing.

chris' face softens with relief and he tries to express how appreciative he is. "thank you."

clint just shakes his head. "i better not hear you've disappeared again after this."

chris pauses, his eyebrows furrowing just slightly. "what?" he asks, not really understanding what he means.

"if you're going to reenter my daughters life, i don't want to see you leaving it again. this better not be the last time i see your face, chris."

chris' eyebrows raise and his chest fills with possibility. clementine's dad wants to see him here again, which means there's a part of him that's rooting for him and clementine. there's not a lot of people that are rooting for them anymore besides chris, so his heart swells a bit. chris can't resist the slight grin that forms on his face. "it won't," he assures him, nodding his head slightly.

clint gives a look that suggests he'll believe it when he sees it. "counting on it," he tells him shortly, giving the same nod of his head that chris gave him before taking a step back into his house.

he shuts the door with him and chris is suddenly by himself. he takes in a deep breath. now, it's time to face another battle—clementine. clementine's wrath is like an entire war at this point, but it's okay because chris, for once in his life, is ready to fight.

( ☾ )

CLEMENTINE QUIETLY HUMS the tune of the song currently playing from her speaker. she sits against the concrete railing of the rooftop, or honestly more of a short wall, with a small blanket over her lap. an assortment of paint is spread onto a plate next to her as she paints this stupid sketch of chris.

she usually loves painting, but she hasn't really found inspiration for it in a while. she can't remember the last time she did so by choice.

she loves doing it on the rooftop though. the rooftop of her apartment building is something she's practically had claimed as her own since she was fourteen. she literally has a painting easel that she keeps up here. no one else in the building really comes up here, except for this sweet old lady for smoke breaks. it's usually only once a day, and all she says about it is 'old habits die hard.' clementine doesn't mind because she thinks she's a sweetheart anyway, and she always tells her some sort of story while she's up here.

right now though, clementine is by herself. she's got a bluetooth speaker with her that's currently playing 'just a dream' by nelly. her throwback playlist is the one currently playing.

she feels peaceful in the moment but of course—of fucking course—her peace is ruined.

when she hears the door to the stairwell leading to the rooftop open, she doesn't even register it. she doesn't bother with looking up, figuring that it's the sweet old lady and that she'll announce her presence.

the voice that speaks though, is one that makes her want to do a back flip off of the railing behind her.

"is that nelly?" chris asks, referring to the song playing. clementine instantly clamps her eyes shut because what the fuck? literally what the fuck?

she keeps her eyes closed for a few seconds like she expects him to be a figment of her imagination, but when she opens them, he's still there. he's stood directly in front of her and she wonders what she did to deserve this. "what the fuck?" she vocalizes her continuous thoughts, suddenly realizing what he said and scoffing. she aggressively snatches her phone from where she had set it on the ground next to her, pausing the music she had playing through the speaker. "not anymore. you ruined it."

his eyes trail over her annoyed expression and he sighs. she grows very offended at the noise. in what world should he ever be the one sighing at her? he has no right to sigh at her. she's the only with the right. she should always be the one sighing. he really has some audacity.

she stares at him grumpishly, a furrow to her brows as she's still trying to figure out what the fuck made him even think to come to the place she lives at. chris though, suddenly notices what's on her lap. his face lights up and she wishes she didn't have to watch the admiration grow on his face. "are you painting me in your own free time?" he questions.

"yeah, for the mandatory school project, you egotistical fucking idiot," she scowls, words a bit harsher than they sounded in her head.

chris' eyes widen from her use of words, managing to raise his eyebrows at her aggression. she just rolls her eyes and sets the painting aside, standing up to face him completely. he watches her as she does so without saying anything. his eyes never leave hers.

"this is getting really fucking concerning, chris!" she exclaims, the frustration that's been building up from his mere presence in her life recently becoming clear in her voice. "showing up to where i live is actually fucking insane, like what are you even trying to achieve anymore?"

chris doesn't even flinch from her words, which just makes her more angry. he tilts his head at her, taking her words literally. "you trying to say you live on a rooftop, clem?"

clementine narrows her eyes at him, finding him anything but funny. she doesn't have time for this. she doesn't have time for him. she's busy with finishing this stupid fucking art project of him. she doesn't bother with an actual response to his lightheartedness, she just sighs. "just go home, chris."

"no," he's quick to respond, noticing how her expression is falling and how she's about to turn away from him. he grabs her wrist, this time gentler than the others, allowing her to slip from his grip if she wanted to. the softness of the touch has her eyebrows furrowing as chris' face grows more serious. "i came here for a reason, clementine."

she glances over his face, eventually sighing. she pulls her wrist from his grip, but it's a lot less aggressive than usual. chris takes note of it. "what?" she asks shortly, crossing her arms over her chest for some sort of internal protection.

"i..." he trails off for a moment, struggling to find the words and actually allow them to slip through his lips. he takes in a breath, trying to be appreciative of how clementine hasn't just screamed at him and told him to go yet. he clears his throat quietly, finally working up the courage to say what he should've said months ago. "i'm sorry."

clementine tenses. she goes completely stiff at his words. chris can easily pick up on her change in body language but she's not worried about that right now. she ignores the way her heart skips a beat. the january version of herself is practically screaming. "what for?" she questions dryly, wanting him to specify.

"for breaking up with you on christmas eve," he responds quickly, catching her off guard with how fast he is to clarify. her breath hitches from the words she's wanted to hear since the very night she left his house crying. he notices her change in expression and tries to continue on. "it's my biggest regret, clementine. i don't know what i was thinking. i should've just talked to you, i should've made it work, and i never should've done it on christmas eve."

clementine stares at him for only three seconds, but he's sure they're the longest seconds of his life. she takes in a breath and then begins to shake her head.

she shakes her head repeatedly and chris hates that she can't believe him, so he takes a pleading step towards her. she doesn't look at him, she just continues shaking her head like she's saying 'no,' like she's in a form of denial. "i used to think the greatest thing i could lose was the sight of my future," he starts to speak again, thankfully catching her attention. when her eyes are finally back on his, he continues. "i was so obsessed with making sure i knew where i was going and what would be the easiest way to make sure things worked out, that i lost sight of what was really important," he pauses to search her eyes for something. anything. "you."

clementine doesn't respond, she just continues to stare at him like he's an exhibit made of glass. he runs a hand over his face and collects himself. she stares at him while he does that as well.

she just can't register what she's hearing. she's wanted to see the regret, the remorse, the guilt, and everything that's so clearly present on his face right now for so long. now that she's getting it though, she doesn't know what to say. she doesn't even know what to think.

clementine must get lost in her own trance because suddenly, chris' hands are reaching to grab ahold of her elbows and get her attention back on him. when it works and she's looking at him again, he doesn't drop the touch but instead, travels his hands to her wrists. he keeps them there and clementine wishes she didn't feel the heat it creates in her heart.

"i was wrong, clementine," he starts to speak again. his voice is so soft, so remorseful that it almost has her eyes softening. "i was so wrong," he emphasizes. "the greatest thing i could lose was you—and i did... so i'm sorry," his words stop for a moment and his eyes glance all over her features. she wishes she could see her own face because honestly, she doesn't have a clue what emotions are displayed over her face right now. "i'm sorry i ever stopped putting you first and i'm sorry i let doubts of my future get in the way of us. you were always the most important thing in my life and i somehow lost sight of that. i am so sorry."

clementine goes quiet. she glances over his face. she looks into the eyes that once used to be her favorite shade of blue, she looks to his eyebrows that are settled into a deep furrow from pleading with her, and she looks to his lips that seem to be permanently turned downwards at the moment. she can always look at him and have a clue of what he's feeling, and right now, she knows he's truly sorry. it's written all over his face.

she sucks in a breath and pulls her wrists from his hands. "okay."

his eyebrows seem to furrow more than they already were. "okay?" he questions.

clementine adjusts her hair and decides for once, to show him sympathy and try to understand. "that was a really nice apology and i think i really needed to hear it, so thank you," as soon as chris' face lights up just slightly with possibility, she diminishes it with her next words. "i'm glad i can finally get closure."

chris' heart breaks in his chest. "closure?" he repeats, his face falling drastically. "i don't want closure," he sighs defeatedly. the sigh is so sad that it's almost earth shattering to clementine and she absolutely hates that she feels like that. chris' voice grows pleading once more as he looks to her with a pitiful expression. "can't you see that i miss you with every thing i have in me, clementine?" every fibre of his body aches for her.

"chris," she sighs deeply, feeling sympathy for him, but also knowing that that's all it should be. she should never feel more for him ever again and that's just that. "give it a rest, please."

"no." he shakes his head. "i can't, clementine," he tells her seriously, emphasizing his words to try and make her understand. "i know where you belong and it's not with jax. it's not with anyone else. it's with me. i was stupid before and i let doubts get into my head and fuck it all up, but i'm sure now. i'm sure about you and i'm sorry i wasn't before."

clementine gives him a tight-lipped smile. "that's great, chris," she says, voice practically blank. "but i was sure about you then and i needed you to be sure when i was, not now," she tells him, pausing for a bit before adding on what she knows will hurt him, but what he needs to continuously hear until he actually gets it. "i'm sure about jax now, not you."

"no," he surprises her with how quick he is to respond this time, voice growing a little harsher. "you're not sure about him," he states as if he knows anything about their relationship. "if you were sure about him, you would've told me to go fuck myself by now and forced me to leave."

clementines eyebrows raise at his audacity to tell her things about her own relationship. her jaw clenches with slight annoyance, but she doesn't attempt to defend herself on what his words suggest. instead, she tries to take in a deep breath. "i don't think you understand," she begins. "i'm never going to be sure about you again. all that we had is long gone now. it has been for months."

chris shakes his head. he fucking shakes his head at her. "it is still here or you wouldn't be talking to me right now," he tells her, daring to take a step closer to her as she legitimately glares at him. she hates how convinced he is that there's still something between them. he notices the frustration on her face and sighs quietly, softening his voice before speaking again. "i'm not going to just give up on us like i did before."

clementine's eyes almost soften, and her heart almost gives in from the softness in his voice. endearment is dripping from his lips with those words and she hasn't heard that from him in so long. she can't give in though, she knows that.

she instead, uses her anger towards herself and her own feelings, to direct towards him. she narrows her eyes. "there is no us," her voice is harsh. "you decided that."

"and i'm taking it back," chris says like it's the simplest thing in the world. "if there was an us then, there can be an us again."

clementine feels actual anger beginning to bubble in her chest again all of a sudden. she takes in a breath and allows the anger to slip from her lips. "you can't just randomly wake up and decide your feelings for me. you can't just randomly do all this because i've moved on and you don't want to see me happy! you ruined me and tore what we had apart to shreds," she reminds him harshly. "sometimes you have to deal with the fucking consequences, chris."

chris' face falters from her words but unfortunately, he recovers quickly. he shakes his head, taking a step closer to her that makes her want to die. "and i'm sorry. i'm so fucking sorry, clementine. i shouldn't have given you up so easily. this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you, and telling you i'm sorry. i was wrong, okay? i was so wrong. i shouldn't have had doubts about our future. i knew we could make anything work, i was just scared. i'm sorry i let fear get to my head and i'm sorry there was ever a time i wasn't sure about you."

clementine's breath hitches, hearing the softer side of him catching her off guard once again. she tries a calm approach. "and like i said before, thank you. honestly. i just can't-"

he cuts her off before she can even finish her sentence. "you can," he denies. "i'll fight for it. i can make you sure about me again."

clementine raises her eyebrows at the nerve he has. he's so sure of himself and it's driving her fucking crazy. she narrows her eyes intensely at him, giving him a challenge. "i'm not gonna break," she tells him stubbornly.

to her disappointment, her words do not affect him in the way she hopes at all. instead of flinching or even just frowning, he smirks. he. fucking. smirks. "i'm gonna make you break, clem," he tells her cockily.

clementine's mouth drops in offense. he is so fucking egotistical and cocky that she wants to slap him in the face, holy shit. why does nothing she says affect him? like why can't he just give up?

she takes in a breath and begins to open her mouth to say something, before ultimately closing it when he takes yet another step towards her. see, he's already taken two steps towards her, so now they're really close. their chests are only a bit apart and if she focuses enough, she's sure she could feel his breath. her lips are suddenly completely closed and she finds herself gulping. why is she just now aware of the tension between them?

chris opens his mouth and the sound of his voice is now completely world collapsing to clementine. there's a rasp to it that makes her want to die. "i told your dickhead of a boyfriend this, and now i'm gonna tell you," he starts, keeping his eyes directly on hers as he speaks. "you were my girl, clem. you were always my girl and i fucked up, i know that. it took me a while to figure out how much i need you in my life and that's because i'm fucking stupid, which you can easily agree with, but i'm going to get you back. even if i have to hang the stars in the sky myself, beg on my hands and knees, or go to space and bring you back the fucking moon. i don't care about how much you hate me right now, or how much you claim to 'love' jax. i'm going to make you mine again. i'll do anything it takes to make you realize how sorry i am and to take another shot with me. i'm not doing this because i'm a dick and want to make your life hell, i'm doing this because i never should've given you up in the first place. i won't give up on you—i won't give up on us, no matter what."

clementines insides are embarrassingly falling apart right now. she tries her best not to show that though. "try all you want," she breathes, voice coming out a lot weaker than she hoped because holy shit, he is very close to her right now. "it's not going to work."

he just raises his eyebrows at her. there's a smug glint in his eyes as he looks at her. "oh yeah?" he questions, glancing over the features of her face and making it known that he is also very aware of how close they are. "you sure?" he smirks, noticing how affected she is by him right now.

clementine takes in a deep breath as she glances over his face. he's put her in a trance of sorts and is ridiculously smug about it. it's when something changes in the sky and the light casted over his face by the sun fades away that she's gets right the fuck snapped out of it. her eyes widen and she suddenly raises her head to see the sun beginning to be covered by clouds, and clears her throat, taking a step back as chris' face falls just slightly. it, somehow, takes her back to christmas eve and how differently chris had looked at her then, like his usual sunshine had been taken over with dark clouds. "yeah," she answers blankly, voice now changed and dedicated to standing her ground.

chris sighs and looks up at the sky, noticing the change in lighting as well. he looks back down and when he opens his mouth, a drop of rain hits his cheek. clementine glances at the droplet and chris closes his mouth, wiping the wetness off.

a drop comes down on clementine as well and she takes in a deep breath, glaring at chris like he's the cause. "i don't know how, but this is your fault."

he raises his eyebrows at her, clearly amused. rain begins to continuously fall from the sky between them. "it's cute that you think so highly of me that you think i can control the weather." he tilts his head at her, making her lips purse into a thin line.

"shut the fuck up," she deadpans. rain begins to fall more harshly and rapidly and she looks back up at the sky once more, now focused on how dark the clouds are. it's definitely about to storm.

her eyes suddenly widen and she turns around, instantly racing over to the art project she carelessly left on the ground. chris follows her curiously and watches as she picks it up, finding it to be ruined by rain. "fuck," she throws her head back in a groan, clearly beyond frustrated.

chris presses his lips together. he glances over the page that seems to be soaked with water. it's practically pouring now and he sighs, walking over and beginning to pick up all the painting supplies laid out. clementine glances over at him doing so and huffs. she doesn't need his help.

she doesn't say that though, because even though she totally doesn't need his help, she'd rather not pick everything up by herself. instead, she grabs the blanket she laid out and stands up completely, the unfinished and completely ruined painting in her hands as well.

she looks over to chris still picking up the paint bottles and brushes and even though it's completely freezing, she stands there in the rain to wait for him. after he's grabbed her speaker as well, he pushes his soaked hair back and finally stands up with every thing he grabbed. he pauses once he turns his head to see clementine still there. he assumed she already began exiting the rooftop but no, she waited for him. a soft smile takes over his face that makes her roll her eyes as he walks over to her.

"you waited."

"shut the fuck up, chris."

he sighs, but does so nonetheless. the two both turn and begin walking to where the door to the exit is.

as they quickly walk, chris speaks up. "the paintings ruined and matt and nick are waiting for me in the car," he tells her, noticing the way her walking slows just slightly from the mention. she's still got a soft spot for his brothers, and he can tell. "looks like we should probably redo it then."

clementine stops completely, even though they're about to be in the middle of a storm. "what?" she stares at him, pushing the wet blanket and painting in her hands closer to her chest.

"your dad won't mind if we come inside, right?"

holy shit, clementine is going to bash her head into a wall.

💌

longest chap so far 🥶🥶🥶 things are only going up from here guys‼️‼️

had to do the double update for polly 😬

<3
jaden