❝ ILLUMI ❞
lower case intended

"I...didn't know you're good at this."

i said between my breaths as i laid beside this tall, long-haired man, none other than Illumi Zoldyck. we're best friends since kids, his feelings clear to me just today. he loves me. Illumi Zoldyck loves me. not just as his best friend, not just as his acquaintance, not just as his partner on crimes, but as a lover. for real.

for the first time in forever, i cried in front of him. not because this is my first time, not because he took my virginity away, but because i'm so happy. that finally, someone's out there, offering his love to me. i'm a killing machine, i'm unforgivable. i might try to do good deeds but i'll still receive no salvation. yet, Illumi's ready to give his everything to me.

and i'm convinced that i'll give my everything to him too.

wiping my tears away, he faced me...and then he smiled. it's so genuine. it's so kind. so sincere. so pure. there are so many words to describe that smile yet i can't say it all.

"It's the proof that I love you and I'm willing to offer you my everything. Even my life."

i want to stop my tears but i can't so i just buried my face in the crook of his neck, hugging him very tightly. this moment is very...serene. i don't want this to end anymore. i just want to stay like this forever. i am just very grateful too that his family is very fond of me and they all like me. Kikyo, even though she may look crazy and bitchy, she buys me everything i want. she's now playing her role as my second mother.

she wants me to marry Illumi. and obviously, i didn't decline.

"I love you so, so much, Illumi. I love you, I love you..."

i don't know what to say anymore. i just want him to feel such burning love formed inside my heart. he shushed me by patting me by my head. i'm so thankful for having him, that despite my sins, the Almighty gave him to me.

"I'll protect you..."

his voice is my favorite melody, the music that i want to hear forever.

"You and our future family."

i stayed silent, focusing on calming myself and then to his words.

"Y/N..."

"Y-yes?" i said, almost a whisper.

"Thank you for loving me back. I...killed countless people before and I know I'll still keep on doing it, as much as I hated but I can't do anything since it's my nature, but in the end, you chose to love a man with dirty hands. With hands full of blood. That's why I am thanking you."

facing him, i gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "We're not different from each other."

i started, holding back my tears again but i will not hold back my words anymore. i will not achieve another chance like this again that's why i will say everything i want to. for Illumi, for myself, for my feelings, for our future.

"I'm a woman whose spirit is darker than coal. I'm heartless, I'm dirty, I'm merciless, I'm...unforgivable, Illumi. This is our nature, but even if we're both born in a world better than this, I'll still find you. I'll look for you, Illumi. Because I love you."

i was taken aback when tears fell from his eyes too before burying his face my chest, feeling how it rises and falls, feeling how calm my heartbeat is. i caressed his head, closing my eyes. the moon is shining brightly above us, giving us light. i smiled, i will treasure this moment forever.

"I love you, Y/N."

"I love you too, Illumi."

i was snapped back to reality as i ran back to my washing machine, now in a total mess. the bubbles are everywhere and water's overflowing too.

Please! Someone help me here too! And where the hell is that man?! I'll kill him when I see him!

whining, i started cleaning up just when my little girl, Aika, came from her bedroom and now running towards me.

"Mommy! Look what I drew!"

she raised a paper filled with colors and paints in the air before i clapped my hands and patting her on the head.

"Very good, sweetie! But now, do you mind helping Mommy here?"

"Yes, Mommy! Let's play bubbles!"

"Oh no, not playing bubbles. We'll clean, baby."

"O-oh, okay Mommy!" Thank God for my daughter's kind like me. Bleh, no complaining.

we started cleaning, cutting off the machine's power so we can accomplish our work when i felt a pair of strong arms around my waist. feeling his breath on my neck made me shudder and excited at the same time. Talk about these hormones!

"What's my baby doing? Helping Mommy?" he said huskily on my ears.

"You're talking to Aika but you're hugging me. At least talk to your daughter properly," i said sarcastically, not facing Illumi yet.

"Why are you so upset? Aren't you happy that I'm here?"

he asked, sounding like a baby. he pouted at the same time but it just made my blood boil! Oh please, Illumi. You can't get me with that!

"Shut up and help me here."

"Anything for my queen."

"Daddy, i drew something! Please check it out!"

as much as i thought that these two would be a great help, but it turns out to be the opposite. they started playing, ignoring how stressed i am with these chores. dropping everything on the floor, the two stopped chatting and now looking at me, guilty and scared.

Anything for my queen, he said. That Illumi, I'll seriously punch him later!

my thread snapped and now i'm really pissed off. closing my eyes, i tried to control my anger but to no avail, i failed. this day is very...very stressful! i should be sleeping in my room or probably eating my favorite snacks and Illumi should be the first one doing all of these but he still chose to play with his daughter!

it's not like i'm being selfish or whatsoever but at least, help me first! i'm still going to cook our lunch! thanks to that butler, i won't have to cut some ingredients anymore. and after all, i'm—

"M-mommy..."

"Y/N..."

they immediately stood up from their seats, fidgeting their fingers. at the back of my mind, i'm awing at their cuteness! Aika and his father, sharing the same eyes, are now looking at me adorably but the stress and hormones acted enough for me to control myself from shouting.

"I'm pregnant, for Pete's sake! Help me here!"