THEY USED WHATEVER THEY COULD FIND. Old bits of cardboard, barf bags from the plane, discarded pieces of notebook paper. They dug with curvel metal sheets from the hull, glass bowls, their bare hands, and it took hours, but eventually they'd made themselves a small graveyard. 

The headstones, shoved into the ground as gently as they could, named each mound of dirt, each belonging to one of the deceased (as well as one that Mari had made for Coach Scott's leg). 

Lorraine looked out, the rolling hills of corpses. Girls her own age. Younger. She didn't know any of their names.

"Before we took off I heard Rachel say that she was going to see Oasis at the Meadowlands next month." Van was the first one to speak. None of them looked at each other, instead, their eyes were glued to their own morbid handiwork. "She was really excited. Now she's never gonna hear Wonderwall again."

"Come on," Laura Lee urged. "Let's join hands. We'll pray for them."

Lorraine didn't want anyone touching her. She felt filthy, hollow and heavy. Lottie reached out and let Lorraine take her time. 

Jackie didn't extend her the same grace, worming her hand into Lorraine's right. Jackie's was soft, even after hours of digging. Lorraine clutched it tightly. Jackie squeezed back. 

"Rachel." Laura Lee started, voice heavy and chest heaving. "You just moved up from JV, so we didn't really know you. But, in Trig, you never confused your secants and your cosecants. You seemed really smart." There was silence. "Anyone else?"

"I saw her carry a flute case once." Van was out of breath. 

Laura Lee nodded. Lorraine watched as Lottie put her arm on Travis's shoulder. "Oh, Lord, lease accept Rachel Goldman into your arms so that she may fill your kingdom with music.  Please accept Coach Martinez into your glory, too, and flight attendant Janet, pilot Robert, pilot Fred. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

Lorraine had never given much thought to dying. She didn't imagine it would be young. She had things she needed to do. She was going to go to Connecticut, to New York. She was going to become a journalist. 

She couldn't imagine what people would say at her own funeral. She couldn't think of who would be there. Mike, maybe. The possibility was dwindling the longer he was kept away from her. 

What would they say, whoever did go? She couldn't picture it. 

She wasn't any of the usual things that someone would say at a funeral, kind or generous. She was a fine soccer player, but that wasn't going to make the eulogy. Here lies Lorraine, the second best soccer player on her high school team. 

She didn't think that was particularly likely. 

They couldn't dwell for too long. They needed to split up their supplies. They'd already been out there for days, they had barely any food as it was. It was meant to be a six hour plane trip. 

Van handed her a bottle of water. "Split this." Lorraine poured some into the cups they'd manage to save from the plane, handing one to Mari and one to Laura Lee. 

Shauna was painstakingly cutting fat free cookies into thirds to split when Travis stalked past, grabbing two. "Dude!"

Lottie scowled at him from her seat on the ground. "Uh, maybe you didn't notice but we're kind of in a situation here, Flex."

Natalie looked at her, dark eyes boring holes into Lottie's skin. "Don't."

Travis turned around and glared at Lottie before continuing off into the woods.

Lottie rolled her eyes. "Who died and made him king of snacks?"

"His dad, Lottie. Literally his fucking dad."

Jackie nodded. "Nat's right. We should cut him some slack."

Lorraine let out a scoff. "Jesus Christ," she shook her head. She didn't understand why he was so cut up about it. Coach Martinez was a dick, it wasn't hidden. They had bigger problems than Travis.

If it were her dad, she would not be taking two SnackWells for herself. 

She'd already shaken off the third that Shauna had offered her. 

It felt like there was some dignity to it. Withholding herself from something she didn't need but other people did. Retribution. For the sin of pride. 

Mari seemed to share her opinion. "I guess it's fine if we all starve to death, as long as Travis's feelings are okay."

Jackie tried to comfort her. "We're not going to starve to death. Okay? When the rescue team gets here-"

"If," Van interrupted, a steely look in her eyes, "it gets here."

Jackie looked genuinely shaken. "Don't say that." Her voice quivered and for the first time Lorraine realised how scared she really was. She was still playing captain, trying to boost morale. Lorraine couldn't imagine she was being a very good VC. 

"I mean," Shauna pointed out hesitantly, "it has been three days."

Jackie almost laughed. "They're coming." She sounded like she was trying to convince herself. "They're coming."

Lorraine let herself slump against Mari. "You okay?" she asked, watching as Lottie got up and walked away. 

Mari nodded. "Yeah. Tired, hungry, not much is new." She reached out and grabbed the end of Lorraine's ponytail. "Are.. are you- we okay? It feels like something's up."

Lorraine felt guilt fester in her stomach. She'd been avoiding Mari, she couldn't lie. It was hard when she had so many feelings that she couldn't name and Mari could read her better than anyone in the world. 

"I..." she took a breath, keenly aware of the rest of their teammates being so close. None of them seemed to be paying attention. "I think I just feel... disorganised," she admitted, "from everything. It's taken me a bit to get my bearings, and I'm sorry I've probably been being a bitch."

Mari pretended to think. "I guess that makes sense."

Lorraine could feel it. A bone deep aching tiredness that Mari was pushing aside. She grabbed her best friend's hand, letting the space between them dissipate momentarily. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Mari sighed, visibly deflating. "I want to go home," she said. It wasn't a secret, but it was the first time she'd said it aloud since the crash. "I miss my mom, I miss my bed, I miss all the free shit I'd get from the DQ."

Lorraine wheezed out a laugh. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm getting fired from there if we don't get rescued soon."

"Please," Mari leaned her head on Lorraine's shoulder and squeezed her eyes shut, "please let the rescue team get here before I stop getting free Blizzards."

Lorraine sighed. "I should've known that was all I was to you, free ice cream."

Mari wrapped a strand of Lorraine's dark hair around her finger. "Ever since I was a little girl I knew that I wanted my best friend to work at the Dairy Queen."

Mari took a bite of her cracker, offering the other half to Lorraine. She took it. It was dry and too salty, and it scratched her throat the entire way down. Hunger was something she was familiar with.

She had spent her entire life going without, without food, without power, without anyone looking out for her. This, here, in the wilderness? It was the universe's way of telling her that her struggles weren't enough.

A lifetime of restriction, of restraint, of control. And whatever God existed was telling her that she still hadn't done enough. Her pride had toppled her, preceding the fall that had sent her plummeting from the sky. 

Pennance. For vanity, for nonbelief, for gluttony. 

The cracker sank to her stomach, and she felt like if she moved the wrong way one of the sharp corners would pierce her, slitting her open from the inside out. 

Her curse to bear. 

Taissa came bursting through the trees. Her hair was trailing widly behind her and she looked happier than Lorraine could imagine given their current situation. "Guys!" She stopped, out of breath. "Guys! There's a lake! I saw it from that hill." She pointed. "It looks about four or give miles away."

Shauna stood. "Do you think we can hike it?"

Lorraine dragged Mari to her feet. Taissa nodded eagerly. "It's pretty rocky, but yeah."

All of them were standing, the air abuzz with change. This was the most interesting thing that had happened in the three days they'd been out there. It would also solve one of their biggest problems - they were going to die of thirst if it didn't rain soon.

Jackie stayed on the ground, looking uncertain. "Uh, we, uh, we can't... we can't just leave." She stumbled to her feet. 

Taissa stared blankly at her. "We've got two days of water, tops. And then what? Just sit around and die?"

Jackie laughed nervously. "What if the rescue team comes?"

Taissa screwed up her face. "Do you think they're taking their time on purpose? If they knew where we were, they would be here already."

Jackie tried to smile reassuringly. It came off more as smug. "You don't know that."

Taissa looked around. Nobody wanted to look in her eyes. She huffed. "What do you think, Coach?"

Coach Ben looked like he didn't really care. "I don't know," he admitted. "Uh, I mean, you'd have to leave me behind, I guess, but whatever."

If Lorraine was being honest, he looked hopeful at the idea that Misty might leave him alone for a few hours. 

"We could make you a stretcher," Taissa urged.

Jackie laughed, this time without the nerves. "Oh, okay."

"Seriously," Taissa continued. "If we take turns carrying it..."

"No!" Jackie interjected. "This-This is bullshit. I say no. Okay? No way. 

Jackie was used to being listened to. She had power. She was their captain, and even if they didn't always like her, they would trust her judgement. But this wasn't soccer. This was life or death. And Lorraine didn't trust Jackie Taylor to save her life.

Taissa looked around firmly. "Let's put it to a vote." Jackie looked desperate. "All in favour of waiting here?"

Jackie's hand flew up. There was silence as she turned to face her teammates. Lottie's hand snuck up as did Laura Lee and Mari's. 

Lorraine fiddled with her fingers where they lay at her waist. 

"All in favour of the lake?"

Taissa. Travis. Van. Natalie. Misty. 

Lorraine. 

Her gaze stayed on her feet. She didn't want to look at Mari's face, or Lottie's. Fuck, if she looked at Laura Lee she might change her mind altogether. She didn't want to see the look of betrayal they each shared.

She could imagine it was similar to the one Jackie was giving Shauna, who had indeed voted against her. 

Taissa looked triumphant. "Then it's settled. Grab your shit."

────────── ⋆˚✿˖° author's note
hii guys <33 how are we ?? i fear  this isn't my best work but tbh i kind of think that about a lot of these chapters. i know we've been sorely lacking in the marilorraine department which i take full responsibility for, but i hope that this chapter made up for it even a little bit!!

when the release date was announced for season 3 i remember thinking "oh i could probably finish the first two seasons before it drops" and like. i don't know WHO i thought i was but that was not me, we're still on episode three. writing this though has made me realise how little the teen girls are actually in the show compared to the adults. like, they're all listed as guest stars, which is kind of crazy to me

i had the thought that the chapters were probably going to get longer as the episodes progressed but tbh 2k just feels like a story beat so i think i'm going to stick with the format that works (+ updates are slow enough without me making the chapters longer lmao) which means i believe there's going to be roughly 3/4 chapters per episode

with 17 more episodes to go... i was fully delusional lmaoo. i think there's probably going to be between 50-60 more chapters of this book so. i hope you guys are enjoying the book cause this will be awkward if you're not