WARNING
i haven't been able to watch season 3 yet, ANY comments spoiling or talking about the first two episodes will result in a block <3

IF LORRAINE HAD LEARNED ONE thing from this whole ordeal, it was that Taissa was a fucking liar.

They'd all gathered their belongings, they'd made Ben a stretcher, they'd even written an SOS signal on the plane in a tube of lipstick. Then, they'd set off to find the lake.

Four or five miles, she'd said. But there they were, seven miles into the trek, and still no sight of the lake. They had seen a mauled bear carcas on their travels, though.

"A wolf, probably," Ben had said as though it cost him great physical effort. "Wolves can kill anything if the pack's big enough."

Everyone had stopped at that, the silence hanging in the air until Lorraine had broken in. "There's no reported cases of wolves attacking humans. They'd have to have rabies or something."

"What if it had rabies?" Shauna asked her, wide eyed.

"Then I guess we're fucked, but to be honest, I'd be more concerned about catching rabies than getting bitten by a wolf." She didn't even need to turn around for Shauna to hear her rolling her eyes.

Natalie huffed. "This shit is way longer than four miles. What if we missed it?"

Taissa stopped, squinting up at the sky. "From the angle of the sun, it looked just left of due north."

"Oh, great." Jackie snapped sarcastically, trying to haul a suitcase behind her with both hands. ""Left." That's a precise way of doing it."

"Didn't realise we had a sun dial on our hands," Lorraine grumbled under her breath. 

Taissa looked back at them, steely look in her eyes. "I'm not a fucking cartographer."

Jackie wasn't having it. "Or maybe you saw a mirage."

Van stopped dead in her tracks, almost causing Taissa to bump into her. "Oh, shit." She let out a whooping laugh before turning back to the group. "Oh, hell yeah, bitches!"

She took off and the rest of them weren't far behind. Down in a path between the trees, off in the distance, was a patch of gold, shimmering and shifting. Reflecting off the water.

It had been so long since Lorraine had seen anything but plane carcass, that the great expanse of water made her lose all thought of anything but. Van was the first one down there, dropping her bag and her shirt without stopping. 

Lorraine put down her bag a bit more carefully, stripping down her sweater and trying to unfasten her skirt. She'd been wearing her jeans since they got there, and that day had apparently been a bad day to switch it up. The zip got stuck often, but that combined with how she was shaking from adrenaline meant she couldn't get it open. 

"Here." Mari knelt down and helped her pull it. Her own top was discarded and her eyes were shining as she tugged on the lace of one of Lorraine's shoes. "I'll race you."

"Oh fuck off," she bit back, wrestling the sneaker off her foot and shoving her sock inside. 

"See how bad Yale wants you when you lose." Mari snickered. "Might have to come to Rutgers."

The letter was in her bag. She'd forgotten about it mostly, but it still flickered across her mind at night sometimes. She couldn't bring herself to open it.

Lorraine snorted as she bent down to untie her other shoe. "I think I'd rather die out here."

Mari stopped frowning. "I mean, I'd be there."

"No, I know," Lorraine didn't look up from her laces, struggling with them. She always tied them too tight, she felt like it kept her compacted. "Just, like, even if I didn't get into Yale, I wouldn't be going to Rutgers."

"Why not?" Mari asked. "What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing." Lorraine shoved her other sock into her she to keep it safe. "It's fine for you, but-"

Mari crossed her arms across her chest. "But what, Raine?" she snarked. "But it's not good enough for you, right?"

"What the fuck are you saying?" Lorraine stood up and looked back at Mari. "Where is this coming from?"

"That was mean, Lorraine," Mari said plainly. "What you just said, where you acted like it was beneath you to go to the same college as me."

"No," Lorraine shook her head. "That's not what I meant."

Mari shook her head. "I know what you meant."

She turned and walked off, leaving Lorraine standing there. Lorraine looked down at her bare legs. She'd been so excited at the prospect of the lake she hadn't thought twice about undressing. 

She hadn't been eating enough to throw up, but she still felt like she wanted to. The feeling of her stomach, her arms, her legs. They all felt too heavy. Sure, she hadn't been eating, but she also hadn't been keeping up with her cardio either. It was only a matter of time before she started getting bigger, she needed to get on it again. 

So, instead of following Mari, she ran. Ran straight for the lake, desperate for the cover of the water, so no one could see the swell of her abdomen. 

Mari stayed in the shallow end, standing with Jackie and Natalie. 

Lorraine needed to be off the ground. She needed the water to take the weight off her feet. She didn't want to have to worry about this, not here, in front of a bunch of people she barely knew. She'd float for now, and then handle it when they got rescued. 

The other girls were splashing around, Shauna and Van were wrestling, Travis was kicking water at Natalie. Mari stayed on the shore, sitting with Jackie, whom she seemed to be chatting avidly with. 

Mari was kind of a bitch, that was one reason Lorraine loved her so much. They were able to chat shit about the same people, it was one of the hundreds of ways that Lorraine felt Mari understood her. But Lorraine also knew that Mari liked people. With a few exceptions, like Misty or Flex, most of the time if someone showed even the slightest interest in Mari she dove right in. 

Jackie was giving Mari the attention that Lorraine hadn't been, and Lorraine had no one to blame but herself for that. She did know, however, that the only reason Jackie was sitting beside her and not in the lake with Shauna, was because she was seemingly pissed off with her. 

Laura Lee also stayed on the shore, sitting by the pile of bags and watching. She seemed content to just watch them all. Lottie was off to the side, fully submerging herself. 

She didn't want to be around either of them at that moment. She needed her solitude, at least occasionally. Lorraine spent a lot of time by herself at home, she needed the time alone in her head. Without it, she felt like she was missing things. 

Things were moving so fast in her consciousness, if she didn't get adequate time to process it, she felt like she'd just taken a bathroom break in the middle of a movie. Things had changed too much within herself and she didn't know where she fit anymore. 

The feeling of the water lifting her up felt nice. It had been a long time since the heaviness set in, leeching into her bones like blood in the water. This was good. She hadn't felt light in a while. 

She let herself lie back, hair fanning out around her head in a dark halo. Lottie watched her, laying forward so her chin was resting in the water. The sun was bouncing off her face and Lottie felt herself drifting over as if pushed by the tides. 

"Do you think we're going to get rescued?"

Lorraine's eyes were still closed. Lottie let herself fall back. They sat there side by side, Lottie's dark hair intertwining with Lorraine's own. Their pinkies brushed and Lorraine hummed. 

"I think so."

Lorraine felt like things in her life had seemingly just been happening to her. She wasn't in control anymore. She was floating through the tides, letting it wash over her. 

Lottie nodded uncertainly, wanting to believe her. Lorraine had her shit together. Lorraine knows things where Lottie doesn't. If she thinks that they're going to get rescued then Lottie had no reason to not believe her. 

Lottie's eyes ghosted over Lorraine's form. She thought she'd been getting to know her more over the past few weeks, but there were times where she didn't understand Lorraine at all. She felt like she was going crazy - she probably was. They were meant to be on their way home from Seattle today. She'd taken all the Loxipene she'd been allowed. 

Lottie didn't know when the feelings would start to set in again, but she knew it was inevitable. 

She was spinning out of control and there was nothing she could do about it, not unless they got picked up that day. She hadn't been off her meds in almost a decade, she didn't even remember what it felt like to be off them. She knew that it would be bad, though, and she didn't want to have to deal with reprecussions of it in front of everyone she's had a conversation with in the last few months. 

She had a very stable routine. Her medication hasn't wavered in the last nine years, she's rigid with her convictions. Home, school, soccer practice, the mall - sometimes. The parking lot of her high school, the Dairy Queen. 

When she felt like she wasn't in control, she went to the person with the most composure. Lorraine was known a bit for being a bit of a stone-cold bitch, she didn't take shit, she knew what she wanted, she didn't have time for people who didn't. 

She'd scowl at a freshman for asking where their classes were. She'd give a customer a blank stare for giving her the wrong change. She'd completely walk away if you were talking about something that didn't interest her. 

But she also had a softness to her that Lottie relished in. When they were in her car, wrapped in the blankets Lottie tried to bring up very nonchalantly - not wanting Lorraine to realise that she'd put in that amount of effort. Lorraine would be talking in such a quiet voice, and she would mention something that Lottie hadn't even noticed about herself.

She let herself float beside Lorraine, not needing to say anything to her. It felt like something tying her down. It was nice. 

Lorraine didn't mind Lottie being beside her, as long as she was quiet. She had a headache, not aided by the cold. She knew she should probably get out of the lake, it wasn't necessarily helping her feelings of losing control. 

But not needing her body weight on the ground, able to pretend that maybe it wasn't something that she needed to worry about, felt more important. 

She could feel the aches oozing out of her, drawing it into the water and letting it swirl around and sink down. Deep deep below, where she couldn't reach it anymore. 

"Guys." Lottie was upright now, water neck high. Her hair was soaked, sticking to her skin in long dark strands. "Look."

Her eyes were shining as she raised a hand to point off at one of the surrounding hills. 

"What is that?"

"It looks like a reflection."

Lorraine moved so she was treading water, looking up at Lottie. No, it wasn't her eyes. The glint was coming from something close. 

Van called out to the other girls who were further away. "Guys, there's something on the hill!"

The rest of the girls all started splashing their way to shore in the direction of Lottie's pointing. Lottie was still, unblinking as she gazed at it.

Lorraine reached out her hand. 

────────── ⋆˚✿˖° author's note
hello my loves <3 happy belated valentine's day. i know updates on this book really really have not been consistent, and i am sorry about that. i've been dealing with some health problems that have been really taking it out of me for a while. now that i've graduated i've been able to deal with them a little better

 i've worked every day since the new season came out and because of that i have NOTT seen it, please do not spoil it for me, i've been too physically exhausted to deal with shauna's bullshit (i love her). however, i'm super concrete about my plans for season 2 and i don't think it'll change depending on what happens. 

thank you so much for all the new reads and votes this book has been getting since friday, i super duper appreciate it. but more than that thank you to the people who had patience for me while i was figuring everything out and still read and commented on every chapter <3 i appreciate you guys. i hope you enjoyed this chapter, i'll see you soon (hopefully lol)