Patrick Fisch - best known to his closest friends (of which he had approximately none because he was Not Like Other Fish) as Mech - was not cute. At least, this was Mech's humble opinion, despite being a particularly tiny, chubby guppy, generally serenaded by "awwww"s wherever he went.

No matter - Mech was far too old for those seashots' saltshit now. He was going to school for the first time - "school" being fish-school and fish-school being a school of fish - tomorrow and couldn't very well make an appearance like this. No, Mech would be sure to look fierce. Or so was his thought process the night he snuck out of his reef to swim to his local branch of the suprisingly popular chain Fishy Welding Mask Provider. (It was located in a pineapple under the sea and operated by this fishfic's token serene koi™, a lovely specimen known as Eirifin.) (Mech was, alas, several degrees too gay for her, and she him.)

What would you like? Eirifin asked, spelling out the words with cleverly executed bubbles. (She never spoke, which wasn't much of a fish issue - fishue - considering everyone was a fish and none of them could actually speak.)

Mech glanced around, guppy eyes going wide when he saw a particularly enticing (explosive) welding mask. "That," he said, aforementioned nonfishue forgotten.

A lovely choice, Eirifin bubbled, handing (finning?) the mask to him. It fit over his little fishface perfectly, and after seeing the mute koi's visceral, panicked reaction it was simple deduction to see that this thing made him look scary and unapproachable. Perfect.

(In fact, Eirifin's panic was at how absolutely, unbelievably adorable the guppy looked in the mask. Like when a toddler tried to be scary, only cuter somehow because he wasn't actually a toddler. Eirifin was semi-straight-panicking, believe it or not. Yes, this is how she realized she was bi. Luckily in future for a certain shiny goldfish...)

The next morning, Mech swam to school with a hop in his stroke, ready to show all the seashots constantly oohing at him who they were messing with.

If only he knew what was coming.