Michael's Point Of View ~

'Captain Eo' Set | Los Angeles, California

"Is it covered? . . "

I ask Karen, my make-up artist before snapping my eyes towards the large mirror in front of me. My voice in a state of panic as I just stare. I can't help but to do only that. It has gotten so much more worse . . to the point where all I feel can be done to even it all out is to apply full body make-up from here on out.

My vitiligo.

I was hoping it wouldn't come to this. But it has . . it's here, spread so rapidly, so fiercely then the last time I checked in with you all. Tears threaten to fall but I won't let them. The situation is at it's fullest now then it was since my visit to the children's hospital those few days ago. I never like to look at myself in the mirror as it was that particular day that I simply couldn't but today, well . . I guess you could say I'm facing my fears. I take a deep breath as I know that today is a big day as it yet another day of filming something.

I'll be singing, dancing and acting.

But it's my skin that has all my attention. Ugh. I want to cry. But I won't. Not yet. God, I hate this. I hate that I no longer have the control over it like I once did. That I always thought I would hold. Who am I kidding? I scoff to myself as I think how foolish that was to think I even possessed such power. A knock on my trailer door sends my heart racing, because this is the moment the entire world will see me.

That I look different.

. . but do I?

I don't know. I don't feel different. I am still me after all. As I stare at myself in the mirror, it's as if I can already hear the whispers of millions. I can already see what the media have stuck on some daily tabloid in regards to my skin, helping themselves as to why they think it has become as light as it has. The stories they will lie about in hopes that it will sell. And it will. But will people actually believe it? It's a possibility . . but I know the truth. And that's enough but the media, they are such snakes.

It's just tabloid junk.

"Ready when you are, Michael! . . "

The voice yells from the other side of the locked door. Our heads turn towards the door that caught our entire attention before we snap them back towards the dread of the large mirror. The silence in the room is almost deafening, but Karen is the first to speak. "I'll let you have a moment, Michael . . ". Her fingers lower and release to allow the make-up brush to fall gently back onto the vanity. As I hear the click from the opened then closed door, I look around me, it's a soft look to witness the seemingly endless bottles of make-up that lay opened and now completely empty in front and all around me.

I just can't believe it. The speed of this spread. Only a few days after my visit to the children's hospital - that's all it took . . a few days. I have covered myself as best as I can from Ariana. Turning away from her to even completely having the urge to simply walk out of the room once she walked into it. Please don't judge me . . but now, I am left so ashamed. Worrying myself sick at the thought of possibly losing Ariana to this horrible disorder that I suffer from. I didn't see her this morning though, only to get up and ready, to then rush out the door just as she was doing the same for her music video she films today.

I don't want to lose her.

I love her too much.

It was such a cowardly act, I know. But I'm terrified. But I am not wanting to look like the lion that plays opposite me in 'The Wiz' all those years ago - I take a deep breath to gather myself before stepping out and in front of all those cameras. Oh how I wish I could dip only a toe into the murky waters that is the media, but instead, having no choice but to go all in.

Head first.

My outfit on. Everything is ready and everyone is waiting for my arrival on set. I'm ready . . I think. No, I am ready. Deep breath, Jackson. I take one last look at myself in the mirror.

I feel as if it takes me forever to walk onto set. Eyes on me from everyone. The voice of director Victor gets my attention, at the same time, distracting myself from my own thoughts.

"Ready to go now, Mike? . . "

I nod. "Yeah. I'm ready . . " I say softly.

Such angst, yet tranquil as the thought of doing what I love most - to dance and sing, does put my mind at some kind of ease. It's a peaceful thought as it helps me to somewhat forget about my skin that is causing all this angst. The acting side of this . . well, that is all done now. Victor gets the thumbs up and on sight - the music begins. I stand in position as the many backup dancers stand behind me.

"Action! . . "

I walk forward.

The sound of the drums now as I place one foot in front of the other. These arms of mine moving in ways that we only had rehearsed previously. My heart beating as I am so excited, only taking a second but I find myself not being able to wait that long until finally I can dance . . dance and dance until I will have no choice but to call it a day. The anticipation of me being able to do so makes my heart pound within my chest in pure joy. The angst of my vitiligo has disappeared as it's now replaced with tranquil.

I turn my back before turning around to face the cameras once more. A sense of silence spreads throughout but only lasting for a mere second.

"Woo! . . "

Finally. I am able to just dance. It's happening and the feeling is immediate. To feel such freedom and the sense that I'm able to somewhat communicate through my dance. I just love it so much. To be honest, it has always been something that is so hard for me to explain . . they don't feel the music like I do and can't express that feeling through dance. As for the way I move . . well, I'm not left amazed if that's what your thinking. To me, it comes down to the fact that I'm a perfectionist - something that I can never deny about myself. It's hard work to stand in a dance studio with no one there expect my own reflection as I wish so badly to perfect everything that is coming from my heart, plain and simple.

But I love it. It's just the way I am.

The way I was born, I suppose.

The music playing and I don't need to even think what comes next as I already know and can't wait to get there . . one dance step at a time. I dance with each and every dancer following suit, dressed in yellow or red. Here I am and doing what I love so much - to dance as well as sing.

"We're on a mission in the everlastin' light that shines . . "

"A revelation of the truth in chapters of our minds . . "

"(So long, bad times) . . "

My skin is what comes to mind as I hear the playback around me.

"We're gonna shake it up and break it up . . "

"We're sharin' a light brighter than the sun . . "

"(Hello, good times) . . "

Ariana - is what comes to mind coupled with the fact that I finally am to dance.

"We're here to simulate, eliminate . . "

"And congregate, illuminate . . "

My arm lifted high.

"We are here to change the world . . "

"Gonna change the world, hee! . . "

"We are here to change the world . . "

"Gonna change the world . . "

"Ooh! . . "

Our backs suddenly at the cameras as we walk towards the other side of the set. Hmm, not a walk per say but instead, a walk with a bit of a spring in it. Only for a few seconds as the eyes of myself and the dancers behind me gaze back onto the many cameras. Calling cut . . a scoff is what I silently release from my lips as I would never allow such a thing to happen. Instead, I wish to keep filming and to therefore keep on dancing and singing throughout until the second verse.

"So do surrender cause the power is deep inside my soul . . "

"Ah, sing it! . . "

"We are here to change the world . . "

"Gonna change the world . . "

"We are here to change the world, ooh! . . "

"And cut! . . "

I don't speak. I don't wish to. So I run towards the gate - the front entrance of this make believe, mystical place. I make my way back towards the cameras but along the way, helping others as I return them to their true selves instead of being enslaved by another's cruel mind. As I do this, the gate opens behind me but I don't want to leave . . not quite yet as my soul still wishes to sing and my feet still wish to dance. A small dance scene right before the final verse of this song.

With simple robotic moves and a spin before, of course, I can't help but throw in the moonwalk.

"Woo! . . "

"We are here to change the world . . "

"We're gonna change the world, girl . . "

"(We are here to change the world) . . "

"My brothers, my brothers! . . "

"We're gonna change the world . . "

"(We are here to change the world) . . "

"Deep down in my body . . "

"Deep down in my soul, baby . . "

"(We are here to change the world) . . "

"We're gonna change the world . . "

"Ooh! . . "

I hear cut being called. But this time, I'm more than happy to do so. My body loosens up and my muscles relax as I walk off set and towards a seemingly lonesome seat nearby. Phone in hand with my finger tapping the side of it as I think to myself - should I call her? Would she even want to speak to me? She must think I'm such a coward for just walking out the front door this morning without seeing her, without giving her a goodbye kiss like I always do.

It's because of my vitiligo.

No excuses, I know but it's the truth. The fact that it has spread the way it has within a matter of days - I couldn't face her. I just couldn't. My vitiligo has left me so afraid.

I don't want to lose her.

Her name reads largely on my phone screen but I can't seem to press that 'call' button. I feel like I should call her. To apologise, to explain myself even . . I don't know. Ariana knows about my vitiligo but only the fact that I can control it, covering those few spots with make-up . . but now, all she may see is nothing but a freak.

Someone who she used to love.

I close my eyes, shaking the thought of calling her away completely. I place my phone away and out of my grasp for now as I know that I will face this . . later, please just not now.

Deep breath, Jackson.

I look up and out, back towards the set to see colours all of a sudden, all around me. I see blue, pink, orange mixed with red. It's so beautiful. I make my way back onto set to shoot the very final scene. All cast is surrounding me as I kiss the hand of the now transformed 'witch' into the women she once was.

In character, I turn around with a smile beaming off me to then walk forward but only a few steps before . . "Ooh! . . ". Tranquil, I feel again. As I hear my new song playing. Everyone is dancing with me and having a great time.

Music really brings people together.

"We're sending out a major love . . "

"And this is our message to you . . "

"(Message to you) . . "

"The planets are linin' up . . "

"We're bringin' brighter days . . "

"They're all in line waitin' for you . . "

"Can't you see? . . "

"Your just another part of me! . . "

to be continued.

https://youtu.be/tKp2KgnlEf8