authors note; I'm so sorry that this chapter is so long. I apologize for the over 7.2k words but I wanted their whole backstory in one chapter! This will probably be the only extremely long chapter! 🤎

trigger warning ⚠️; detailed death scene, mention of blood, loss of a loved one, dead body and emergency surgery after an accident.

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THE SILENCE HUNG heavy in the air as Happy still stood in the same spot, his boots firmly planted on the ground, unable to think clearly. Esmee was slowly starting to fuss in his arms, whereupon Gemma stood up and took the little girl from him, rocking her in her arms.

"I think you have a lot to talk. We're gonna leave you alone for a while", Jax suggested, hinting with a nod that the others should follow him while he placed a cigarette between his lips. "We'll be outside if you need us."

The blonde left the clubhouse first, followed by the others. The rumble of some bikes could be heard, which meant that the rest were probably also slowly arriving. Gemma was the last to leave the clubhouse along with a fussing Esmee, practically feeling Josy's eyes on her as her high heels carried her towards the exit.

But the two needed the moment together, even Gemma knew that.

It quickly became quiet. The silence enveloped them like a frightening shadow, no one able to open their mouth and say something. As if their teeth were glued together, their jaws clenched tightly, they just continued to stare at each other.

Then, completely unexpectedly, Happy shot forward and dragged Josy to her feet, his grip on her arm decisive. He ignored the brief moment of shock that Josy went through and grabbed her chin the next moment, his fingers digging deep into her skin.

"Hey, what the fuck?!" Josy's breath hitched at the quick move, horror crossing her face as his serious, almost menacing gaze met her frightened, intimidated one. "You're hurting me!"

But Happy didn't even seem to notice that she was speaking to him. It looked like a storm was brewing in his dark eyes, a storm of emotions that had gathered in them as he examined every single detail of her pretty face. Happy felt her skin beneath his fingers, as soft as ever, almost bringing tears to his eyes.

The woman looked just like his wife, his dead wife. Every freckle was still the same, the brown spots between the green in her tear-filled eyes still shimmered just as they did back then. The small, almost inconspicuous scar on her cheek that she had gotten from being clumsy with a dart at one of the many SAMCRO parties was also still there.

That was his wife, alive and unharmed, standing in front of him, a mixture of fear, uncertainty but also curiosity flashing in her watery eyes.

Josy swallowed softly as her heartbeat finally slowed down again and her pulse dropped significantly as she realized that he didn't want to hurt her, that he just wanted to study closely, as if she were a book he had been looking for for years, making sure this was actually his wife.

And she let him, gave him the moment he needed while she secretly did the same. His hard features, the way the muscles in his jaw twitched, the stoic expression with the film of tears over his brown, almost black eyesᅳ Josy looked took all of it in.

Without even noticing it, she brought a hand to his face to let her fingers, without barely touching him, dance over his stubbly chin. Again it felt familiar, not as if she was touching a complete strangerᅳ and yet no memory came back, bringing new tears to her eyes.

She wanted to remember, so much that she didn't dare to focus on anything else but her thoughts.

The moment she heard his voice, the redhead snapped out of her thoughts, her green eyes flickering up to him as the sound reached her ears. Raspy and deep, capable of bringing any woman to her knees. The sound of his voice was almost imploring and hypnotic to her and the young woman was suddenly confused by her own body's reaction.

Her mouth went dry, her legs wobbly, her heart heavily pounding against her chest again, her breathing was er and her lips slightly parted as her green orbs found his lips. For the first time since the accident, she felt attracted to a man, a man who was her own husband but whom she couldn't remember.

What a fucked up situation.

"Howᅳ" Happy shook his head in disbelief, his voice hoarse and thick with emotion, a shiver running down his spine as her fingertips kept ghosting over his skin. "You wereᅳ I saw you..your body..", he added stubbornly, visibly disturbed to see his wife, who he thought was dead.

What if this really was just a dream? If so, he never wanted to wake up from it, but just stay stuck in this dreamᅳ here with his wife, the love of his life.

"I don't know that myself", she answered in a whisper, closing her eyes for a moment as he finally placed his hand against her cheek, tentatively as if she might break or vanish into thin air under his touch. "All I know is that I'm really confusedᅳ and angry, and frustrated", she said with a sniffle, the overwhelmedness clear in her tone.

"This is crazyᅳ and absolutely fucked up." The first warm tears rolled down her pale cheeks, some of them quickly wiped away by Happy, his thumb rubbing against her skin.

But suddenly the SAA stepped back almost abruptly, the loss of his hand leaving a cold feeling on Josy's cheek. "I need to know what happened, who let me fuckin' believe that my wife was dead."

Happy's suddenly much colder tone tugged at her heartstrings and Josy didn't even really know why. He looked hurt, deeply hurt and shaken, and there was also a murderous gleam in his eyes that sent a shiver up her spine.

"Do you think I don't want to know? Shit, someone, probably my own family, has been lying to me for the last year and a half, hiding a huge part of my past from meᅳ the most important part", Josy countered seriously, gripping his wrist with a certain strength as he paced the room, ready to riot, to find someone to blame for this. "But what does that get us?

"What does that get us? Really, Josy?" Happy seethed, vulnerability in his eyes as freed his wrist from her grip, causing the redhead to back away and swallow softly. "I fucking thought I'd never see you again, that our daughter would never see her mother again!"

"Hapᅳ" she didn't even get a chance to say his full name before he got in her face, nostrils flaring.

"I buried my wife, the only woman I ever let in", he snarled, spit flying from his mouth with each word he spoke, pointing a finger in her face. "You know how that feels?"

Josy immediately recognized the pain in his tone, making her feel even worse. The redhead wasn't scared because he was yelling at her, no. It was pure frustration he was letting out, which was completely understandable.

"And I'm really, really sorry", she choked out with a strangled sob. Just imagining the pain he must have endured made her shudder. "Nobody should have to experience this."

"On top of that, my daughter never had a chance to even meet her mother", he added with a scoff, quickly wiping his eyes with the back of his hand to keep the tears from running. "So at least give me a chance to find out how this could've happened, who was playing games with us. I want to know why!"

"I want to know that too." Dropping her gaze, nervously fiddling with her fingers, Josy nodded more to herself. "But I'm here now, and I'd like to know how it all started, how we met. And how..how exactly it ended", she shyly looked up at him and into his eyes again, seeing nothing but great pain in them. "I want, no, I need to know everything. Who my husband is, who I was back then, how we came up with our daughter's nameᅳ all the things I don't remember anymore."

"Can you really remember nothing?", he asked, after all he didn't even know what Jax and the others knew. But it was clear that she had some kind of memory loss. "Nothing at all?"

"No, nothing. Absolutely nothing. Neither my childhood, nor my youth, nor anything that came after", she explained, voice trembling, as she rubbed the tip of her nose. "I know nothing and that's an absolutely shitty feeling. I mean, who forgets their husband, their child?"

With nothing but a grunt, he closed the distance between them, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug as one of her heart-wrenching  sobs fell over her lips, a new wave of tears running down her cheeks, mixed with the remaining mascara that was still stuck to her lashes.

Holding her felt strange, unreal and yet so warm, as if some light was finally coming back into his dark life. He was holding his wife, his wife who wasn't supposed to be here, and he was still afraid that he would wake up any minute and the bed next to him would be cold and empty again, not even her scent clinging to her pillow anymore.

To his surprise, Josy didn't peel herself out of his arms, she just stayed there, soaking his grey shirt with her tears as her sobs and sniffles were muffled by his chest, against which her face was hidden, her slim arms wrapped around his waist with an incredible firm grip.

Normally she would never trust anyone so quickly or allow such closeness so quickly. But this was her husband who had gone through hell just because her family, at least that was the only logical explanation, wanted to destroy their lives. She knew he needed the hug just as much as he did, no matter what the circumstances were.

"Sit down", he demanded in a rasp, slowly but surely pulling away before gently pushing her onto the first chair he found. Then he sat down himself with a deep sigh, across from her with his forearms crossed as he leaned back. "You really want to know everything?"

"Yes, please", Josy almost pleaded, then nodded slightly but convincingly, watching his features soften.

And then he began to tell their story, filling Josy's heart with joy and pain at the same time the longer she listened.

Charming, 2008
a little over 3 years ago ↓

BEFORE THEIR STORY began a little over three years ago, Happy had been firmly convinced that he never wanted to let a woman into his life, that he didn't need one. Until then, he had enjoyed the quick fucks, the attention he got from all the Croweaters no matter what charter he was in, the random blowjobs.

But that attitude changed the day he met Josy and shortly after he had decided to stay mainly in Charming, his transfer still pending at this time.

His breath was immediately taken away the moment he laid eyes on the pretty redhead, watching her happily surrounded by children, giving each and every one of them the attention they asked for.

Happy was stunned, his dark brown orbs glued to the woman sitting on a bench, next to her squealing, happy children waiting for her to paint their faces. With a wide smile that reached her eyes every time, she entertained the children and painted their faces with ease.

So she had a creative streak too.

A lion, a butterfly, Spiderman. She fulfilled every wish and listened to every little child who told her a story while she painted their tiny faces.

He had never seen a woman who looked so natural, loving and hot at the same time. Her red hair flowed down her back like a waterfall, perfectly framing her narrow face that was covered in freckles. A soft golden shimmer lay on her skin as the sun shone down, highlighting the freckles on her pale skin. They were everywhere. On her face, her arms, even her legs were covered by them and somehow Happy found that weirdly attractiveᅳ she looked unique, not like every second croweater walking around here.

It was probably one of the hottest summer days in Charming, the perfect weather for a fundraiser. Today, however, it was taking place on the grounds of the clubhouse and the donations would go to children with disabilities.

Gemma Teller-Morrow may have her flaws, but the well-being of children in need has always been important to the matriarch. In addition, the club had been supporting such events for decades so that children with disabilities here in Charming had everything they needed.

A slight grin tugged at his lips as he leaned against his bike and watched as one of the paint palettes landed on the redhead's legs, leaving a huge mess behind.

Her yellow summer dress was now covered in splashes of paint, just like her long legs and white Converse. But instead of reacting annoyed, the young woman burst into laughter along with all the children around her.

Happy had no idea why, but his legs carried him towards the picnic table where she was sitting, the sound of his heavy against the asphalt, before he crouched down and picked up the paint palette, which he placed on the table while the redhead wiped the paint off her legs with a wash cloth. And somehow she managed to get the children to wait patiently, not a single one of them complaining as they had to wait.

"Thank you." With probably the most beautiful smile he had ever seen, she looked up at him, throwing the now colored cloth on the table. "Sorry for the mess, the paint washes off easily, I'll clean it up later", she promised sheepishly as she briefly glanced at the now colorful concrete beneath her feet.

"I think there are worse things than paint on the ground", the SAA remarked with a hint of amusement in his tone, lifting an eyebrow as the kids began to giggle.

"They find everything amusing, don't even try to question why they're giggling now." With a soft chuckle, Josy looked at the little boy who was still sitting on the bench directly in front of her, a lion pattern drawn on his face. "You're done, by the way."

"Thank you Miss Josy", the boy chirped, no older than four, before climbing off the bench so the next child could sit down.

"I want to be a butterfly", the little girl with blonde hair exclaimed happily, her feet dangling from the bench. "Just like my sister."

"Then I guess we'll turn you into a butterfly, huh?" Josy winked at the girl before she gathered the right colors, still sensing the biker's presence. "Hey, would you mind getting me a glass of water? Mine is empty and I can't leave here."

She knew, through careful observation and her past with the Sons, that the women or prospects were usually responsible for serving the bikers here. Maybe it was cheeky of her to just ask him, but the heat was slowly killing her and her body was practically screaming for a sip of water.

"Sure, I'll be right back", Happy grunted with a nod before turning on his heel, making sure she would stay hydrated.

What the fuck? Since when did he take on such tasks? That was the job of a damn prospect. Getting a glass of water for the redhead, however, didn't bother him one bit.

On the way inside, weaving through the chatting crowds, a grinning Jax came to his side, slapping his back. "She's pretty, isn't she? I've seen the looks you shot her."

"And? Just a woman like any other", Happy lied to himself and Jax with a shrug. But not even his poker face could convince Jax today.

"Sure thing", the blonde mocked with a chuckle, visibly amused when Happy just grunted again as he went behind the bar and got two bottles of water from the small fridge under the barᅳ so that the redhead wouldn't get dehydrated.

"Stop grinning or I'll wipe it off your face in the ring later, VP", Happy warned as Jax got a beer from the fridge, a grin now decorating his lips as well. "You know her?"

"You can try, brother", Jax wiggled his eyebrows, a mischievous gleam in his blue eyes before he answered Happy's question.

"Josy? Yeah", Jax finally nodded. "We went to the same school, although she was a few grades below me. Her mom was pretty good friends with Gemma."

"Was?" Happy raised an eyebrow, actually interested.

"Josy's mom died six years ago, just before her eighteenth birthday", Jax said over the loud music in the clubhouse. The fundraiser, or rather the little party, was meanwhile in full swing. "She was supposed to go back to Roseville to live with her dad and sister, but Mom offered her to stay with us until she turns eighteen."

"And her dad just accepted that?" Happy asked, getting his own beer.

"What do you think?" Jax snorted in amusement, shaking his head. "He hated that Josy wanted to move to Charming with her mom after the divorce years beforeᅳ and then there were only two months left until her eighteenth birthday and even though she doesn't look it, Josy can be pretty stubborn", Jax explained with a shrug. "So she got her way, got her degree and then started working in a kindergarten."

"That's why she's sitting with all the kids", Happy noted more to himself, already making a mental note of the information Jax had just given him. "Is she single?"

"I thought you weren't interested?", the younger one with shoulder-length blonde hair teased and then just chuckled when Happy shook his head with a huff. Taking a swig of his beer, Jax nodded eventually. "Yeah, she's singleᅳ and she's a pretty great woman. If I wasn't taken again..."

Happy slapped Jax' arm with the back of his hand, nodding in a certain direction. Jax spun around, already sensing who's standing behind him, and shot Tara a sheepish smile as she stood there with her arms crossed, glaring at him.

If looks could kill..

"Hey babe", the blonde cleared his throat, smooth as always with his panty-dropping grin. "As I said, if I wasn't taken..."

"Just forget it." With a snort, the doctor rushed past her boyfriend, clearly jealous, drawing a deep sigh from the blonde who followed his girlfriend outside to talk things out.

Happy just shook his head with a grin, grabbed the water bottles and brought them to Josy outside, her smile now even wider than before.

"Thanks!" She immediately drained half the bottle in one go, wiping her chin as a drop of water ran down her skin. "I owe you one!"

Happy casually leaned against the wooden beam that held up the canopy, watching the woman finish the work of art on the girl's face. "How about a beer later when you're done here?"

"Not exactly a beer drinker", she chirped cheerfully, adding the last touches of color before glancing up at him, smiling. "But if I can have a Coke, I'll gladly accept the offer."

A raspy laugh rattled through Happy's throat, his arms crossed as he nodded curtly, enjoying the sudden blush that appeared on the young woman's face.

"You can have whatever you want", he assured her. "You mind some company?"

"Here? Now?", she asked sheepishly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as the heavily tattooed biker, who had caught her eye more than once today, nodded. "Sure, sit down. Then you can tell those little angels here how cool it is to ride a big bike."

They both shared a laugh as the kids, who had overheard Josy's words, cheered and begged the now much less scary biker to tell them about his bike. Some even asked if they could sit on it later, to which Happy nodded.

"I think it's going to be a long day", he said with a shrug, clearly amused, before taking a seat just a few inches behind Josy, leaning forward a little. "I'm Happy, by the way", he croaked.

His warm breath brushing her neck almost drew a pleasant sigh from Josy's throat. Turning around a bit to face him, she put on her kindest smile.

"Nice to meet you, Happy", she said sweetly, putting extra emphasis on his name, which she found pretty weird but fitting nonetheless."I'm Josephineᅳ but I prefer Josy."

"Then it's Josy", he said with a croak, quickly realizing the effect he was having on the young womanᅳ and he liked that.

But she only had to look at him with her green eyes, shoot him that stunning smile and bat her eyelashes to get the tall, intimidating biker all soft for her.

And after that evening at the bar, an evening in which he talked more than he had in the last five years, everything about Happy's attitude towards women changed.

Slowly, over the next few weeks, he lost interest in croweaters the more time he spent with Josy, who was now coming over not just to see Gemma and Jax, but also to see him. From then on, things happened fast.

They had shared their first kiss just two weeks after they met, the first sex followed relatively quickly, as did the announcement that she now belonged to him. Only three months later, she wore his crow on her shoulder blade, proudly showing that she was now the woman at the Tacoma Killer's side.

There were things she didn't yet know about him, but things that Happy told her little by little. And while some of the stories were a bit shocking, scary even, Josy had accepted him as he was, with all his flaws and emotional blocks.

In return, to show her what she meant to him, he had opened up to her more and more and told her things that no one else knew about himᅳ not even his mother.

As time went by, with both of them having a happy, harmonious relationship, problems arose. Arthur O'Connell, who absolutely did not agree with his daughter's choice of men, practically terrorized Josy with daily calls or weekly visits, trying to bring her to her senses.

At one point, when he saw how much Josy was suffering from the situation, from the emotional pressure her father put on her, Happy reached a point where he had offered to let her go if that was what she wanted, so that she could be with her familyᅳ and that was the first and only time that Josy had slapped him across the face and shouted at him, asking if he had lost his god damn mind for offering her such a thing.

For weeks she had felt bad about reacting like that, apologizing to him a thousand times while Happy could only shake bis head and smile, knowing that she would always choose him.

If someone else had raised their hand against the Tacoma Killer, it would've ended much bloodierᅳ but for Josy he would do anything, even killing someone if he had to.

When they found out about the pregnancy, which they were pretty surprised about since Josy had been on birth control, they had decided to keep the baby and just two months later they were standing at the altar, saying their 'I do's' to each other, regardless of what Arthur or Debbie thought.

Josy had made her decision. Once an O'Connell, she now proudly bore Happy's last name.

Flashback over ↑

JOSY EXHALED LOUDLY, her breath trembling as she listened attentively as Happy told her their story. She saw the determination and concentration in his eyes, how careful he was not to forget a single detail just so that she could actually picture it all.

He wasn't lying, she would've noticed that. Not even the world's best actor could convey the emotions in every word so sincerely and honestly.

Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears as she pictured everything in her mind. Amnesia was something neurological that you couldn't do anything about and Josy knew that, and yet it was absolutely frustrating that she couldn't remember anything at all. Everything he had said about how they met sounded really nice and all she wanted was her memories back.

Unfortunately, the doctors had told her that it was possible that her memories would never come back. But there was still some hope, at least there was a chance that one day everything or at least fragments could come back.

"Sounds like it was love at first sight", she said with a wistful smile, fiddling with her fingers that rested in her lap, another strangled sob sitting in her throat. "I'm sorry I can't remember anythingᅳ it feels so wrong to forget something like that."

"It was for me", he replied with a defeated shrug. It still felt weird just sitting here and talking to his wife, who he had been mourning for the last year and a half. "It's not your fault. I just want to know how you can be here. Iᅳ I can't wrap my fuckin' mind around any of this."

"I can't either." Josy leaned forward a little, wondering if she should reach for his hand. She had never seen so much pain in someone's eyes, and it broke her heart even though the man was basically a stranger to her. "All I know is that since I woke up after the accident, I don't remember anything. The doctors then declared that I have amnesia."

"But you were dead", he growled in despair, slamming a fist down on the table. "How the hell is that possible?!"

Josy flinched slightly, but eventually grabbed his hand and wrapped her fingers tightly around it, pulling herself closer to him. "We'll figure it out somehow, okay?"

"No one can give me and our daughter back what was taken from us that day, Josephine!" When he tried to pull his hand away, Josy's grip became more assertive, tighter. "It doesn't fuckin' matter what we do."

"No, that's true", she answered firmly, nodding. "Still, the person should face the consequences."

They would die, no doubt. Happy would skin whoever was behind this alive. "They will, I promise you, little girl."

She peeked up at him through her green eyes, her lips slightly parted. "Say that again."

"What?" Happy asked, slightly confused, finally able to accept her touch. His hand relaxed in hers, then he shifted position and wrapped his calloused hand around her soft one. "Little girl?"

"I remember that", she blurted out, the feeling of remembering something more overwhelming than she had expected. Her eyes growing wide, just like Happy's, she smiled from ear to ear. "I mean, I don't remember a situation where I could have heard itᅳ but I know it sounds familiar."

"Are you sure?" Still holding her hand, Happy pulled her closer, her upper body now bent further over the table as he leaned forward as well. "We're bringing your memories back, you hear me? I don't care how long it takes."

Unable to dash his hopes, to tell him it was unlikely, she nodded with a hopeful smile. "That would be my greatest wish."

She still didn't know why this conversation felt so familiar. Even though Happy had been her husband, she was still meeting him for the first time after her accident, after the amnesia.

"How, uh, so how did the accident happen?", she asked after a moment of silence, knowing how heavy her question would hang in the air. "I know it must be hard to think about that day, but I would just like to know. My dad..he always avoids the subject when I bring it up, just like my sister."

Happy's features darkened as he squeezed Josy's hand. "I'm starting to believe that your father is behind the whole thing."

"I know he's not easy..but that he would do something like that to someone?" She shook her head in disbelief, but at the moment she knew that anything was possible. "Can you tell me about that day..please?"

Happy lowered his gaze, no words coming out of his mouth as he thought back to the day that haunted him every night in his dreams and slowly drove him mad.

But she had a right to know her own story, so he took a deep breath, his gaze still fixed on the table while he repeatedly rubbed his thumb against the back of her hand.

"It was August 9th, 2009. We had planned to meet at the clubhouse because we had an ultrasound appointment and wanted to go together", he began, and Josy could see how the light literally disappeared from his eyes the more he talked about the day.

Charming, 2009
one and a half year ago ↓

HAPPY WATCHED AS a beaming Josy stood on the other side of the street, a small bag in her hand. Even from a distance he recognized the label on it, the purple lettering that came from Josy's absolute favorite baby shop.

They had been buying more and more stuff for the baby recently, and the nursery was done too, after all there were only two weeks left until the due date. Together with his mother they had also picked a name already for their daughter. Esmee had been their favorite on the list of names they had; and that's why they chose it in the end.

With anticipation bubbling in the pit of his stomach, Happy pushed himself off his bike, from which point he had a good view of the street, the gate open wide enough to see everything.

When he took the first step toward the gate, everything happened so fast Happy didn't even realize it was actually happening at first. Josy took a step forward, looking around for a car before crossing the street, but she only got halfway there.

Happy called out her name, sheer horror in his booming voice, as a car came from the side, so fast that no one could react in time, and hit Josy with full forceᅳ and Happy was forced to watch as his wife flew through the air and finally landed on the asphalt almost directly in front of the gate.

The loud cracking of her skull sent a shiver through his body, a sound he would never forget. It felt like his heart was stopping along with hers, his knees threatening to give in. But the adrenaline rush and sheer fear for his wife and their  baby finally carried him to Josy.

A huge crowd stood around them, gasping and screaming, calling ambulances and police while the driver fled. Happy slid to his knees and put her head in his lap with shaking hands, not giving a damn that everyone could see his tears.

He knew moving her was wrong, could make everything even worse, but at that moment he wasn't thinking.

All the blood that flowed from the open wound soaked his jeans and dyed the fabric a rich red within seconds, her copper-colored hair barely recognizable anymore under the dark liquid.

"You have to stay with me, baby", he pleaded, his forehead pressed firmly against hers, a hand resting on her stomach as a deep sob escaped his throat. "I need you, Josy, you hear me? I fuckin' need you!"

"Happy!" The SAA didn't react to anything around him. He didn't notice all the shouts of his brothers as they slid to the ground next to him one after the other, deep shock carved into their features.

"Did someone call an ambulance?!" Clay was the first to shout into the crowd, feeling immense anger when he spotted some people even taking photos. "Put the damn phone down!"

Chibs and Tig shooed away the crowd while Juice stood at the side, staring down at his best friend who lay in Happy's arms, her limp body placed in front of him. Tears filled his eyes as he realized they probably just lost Josy, one of the sweetest and kindest people in this awful world they lived in.

Opie was the one who finally stepped behind Happy and put a hand on his shoulder, knowing exactly what his brother was going through, how much pain he was feeling. Josy's accident brought back painful memories of Donna's death, ripped open old wounds, but right now they had to be there for Happy.

When the ambulance arrived, everything happened even faster. It was quickly decided that Josy needed to be reanimated, so they told Happy to move aside. He was too lost in his own world, in his grief, to let anyone get close to Josy.

"You have to let them help, Hap." Only when Ope tugged on his shoulder and Chibs put an arm under Happy's armpit did they manage to pull the man away from his wife, suppressing their own pain so they could be there for Happy.

Everyone stared at the large pool of blood in which Josy lay, her shirt ripped open so the doctors could do their work. But her body simply wouldn't cooperate, sending Happy to his knees, his palms resting on the curves of his knees as the realization hit him that he had just lost his wife.

The paramedics gave nothing away, only one stormed over to the group of bikers and informed the visibly broken man on the ground that they were taking Josephine to the hospital so they could make one last attempt there.

His heart shattering, unable to do anything, Happy stared at the now empty spot on the ground, his wife's blood seeping into the cracks in the asphalt, a lot of it sticking to his hands and himself.

"Happy, come on." Jax tried his best, but nothing. Their SAA didn't move an inch, not even as the ambulance sirens moved into the distance.

Opie finally crouched down, both hands on Happy's shoulders, his eyes filled with empathy. "Hap, they're taking Josy to St. Thomasᅳ they wouldn't do that if there was no hope left. You really wanna let her fight alone?"

The giant biker knew how provocative his last sentence was, but he achieved what he wanted. He grunted contentedly as Happy's head snapped up, his dull eyes staring deep into his.

Pushing the man away, Happy heaved himself to his feet, charging straight towards his bike. He wasn't in the right state of mind to ride, but no one was able to stop him. Instead, the guys followed their brother to the hospital on their own bikes, cursing under their breath and letting their emotions take over during the ten minute ride.

Hours had passed, hours of waiting, and Happy hadn't sat down for a second. Every five minutes he stormed into the depressing hallway and asked one of the nurses if there was any news of his wife after they had informed him that Josy had to undergo emergency surgery.

But nothing, every time he was put off and his hope slowly slipped from his bloody hands. And no one dared to make empty promises, knowing exactly how small the chances were that Josy would actually survive this.

Six hours after it all happened, after Happy had experienced the shock of his life, a doctor finally stepped through the door and into the waiting room, his clipboard clutched in his hands as his sympathetic gaze scanned the room.

"Which one of you is Happy Lowman?", he asked with a clearing of his throat, pushing his glasses up his nose with his middle finger.

"Where is she?!" Madness mixed with tiredness, fear and immense pain flashed in Happy's eyes as he shot forward, standing just inches away from the doctor. "Can I see her? The baby?"

"Mr. Lowman." As the doctor's voice dropped, everyone realized what was coming next. Chibs and Clay stood up, standing by the Killer's side as they each placed a hand on his shoulder, earning an appreciative nod from the doctor.

"What?" Happy asked with a deep growl, his voice already cracking. "Where's my wife?"

"I'm sorry; but your wife didn't make it, Mr. Lowman." The doctor cleared his throat again, not daring to make eye contact with the man. "We lost her during surgery, but your daughter made it. You can see her anytime, the girl is healthy and unharmed."

"Jesus Christ." Jax ran a hand down his exhausted face, supporting his mother who fell into his arms sobbing, not wanting to believe that Josy was really gone.

"Brother." Chibs' thick accent filled the room, his hand gently tugging on Happy's shoulder when for a moment it looked like Happy was about to rip the doctor's head off. "I'm so sorry."

"Shit, Iᅳ I don't know what to say." Clay put an arm around Happy, slapping his back in a comforting way. "Want us to take you to your daughter?"

"I wanna see her." There was no emotion or any feeling in Happy's voice, instead it was cold and apathetic as he shook off the others' hands and arms. "My wife."

"What?" His eyes twice their usual size, the doctor looked up at the slightly taller man in shock. He hadn't expected that.

"I want to see my wife", Happy repeated through gritted teeth, his tone nothing more than a sharp hiss.

"Hap, I don't think that's the best idea", Tig chimed in with a deep sigh, understanding his brother's pain. He too had once lost a woman who meant a lot to him. "It's not a pretty sight, man."

But Happy ignored Tig, staring the doctor down, close to wringing his neck. "My wife. I.want.to.see.her."

Opie sat in the background, watching the whole scene silently unfold until he finally raised his head and adjusted his beanie. "Let him see his wife. He needs this."

Murmurs, mixed with Gemma's sniffles and cries, filled the room. But in the end Happy's decision whether he really wanted to do that.

"Okay", the doctor agreed with a sigh, a little more dismissively. "It'll be a while before you can get to her. I'll get you when she's ready."

And with that, the doctor turned around and disappeared for the next hour, leaving Happy traumatized and grieving while no one had a chance to get through to him. In the end, it was Gemma who let a nurse lead her to the newborn ward after Happy had given her permission to check on the baby with an apathetic nod.

When the time came and he was led through the bare, bright and depressing hallways and into the lowest floor where the large room with the corpses was, a numbing feeling set in.

He felt nothing while he felt it all. This feeling was hard to describe if you hadn't experienced it yourself.

"Are you sure?", the guy who worked down there asked, standing on the other side of the silver table while looking skeptically at Happy.

"Show me my wife", Happy barked, his head tilted to the side as menace flashed in his eyes, making the man wince. "Now!"

"Jesus, okay." Shaking his head, the employee lifted the white sheet, revealing Josy's lifeless body. "I'll leave you alone for a minute."

Tears covering his eyes, his vision already blurred, Happy reached out and placed his hand against Josy's cheek. A strangled sob left the back of his throat, her body stiff and cold, lifeless and completely disfigured.

She was cleaned up, but he could still see all the wounds, the cuts, the bruises and dents on her body that the accident and the surgery had left behind. It was Josy, clearly, but she looked so different, so vulnerable and yet peaceful at the same timeᅳ as if she were sleeping.

"I'll take care of our baby, I promise. I won't leave her alone", he murmured after laying his forehead against hers, not giving a damn that she was deadᅳ she was still his wife and he needed to be able to say goodbye. "I love you, I always will, baby."

He wanted to go with her, that was all he wanted right now, but he couldn't forget that there was still their daughter who didn't deserve to lose him too.

Putting his lips on hers for one last kiss, his tears dropped down on her face, which he gently wiped away, as gently as if he could still hurt her, before he turned on his heel and stormed out of the room as a wave of nausea washed over him.

It was in front of the door that he finally slid down the wall and buried his face in his hands, allowing all the feelings to crash down on him now that he was alone.

This was something that would change him forever, that would leave deep scars.

Flashback over ↑

JOSY'S LIPS QUIVERED as Happy leaned back, his words hanging heavy in the air as she let it all sink in. This was hard to digest, so hard that her heart broke for the man who had to endure so much pain because someone had decided to hit her with a damn car.

There were strong people, and then there was Happy. Completely fascinated by how strong he was, that he kept going for their daughter, told her why she had fallen in love with him back then. Men like him, you don't find them often.

Tears burned in his eyes and this time he didn't try to hide them, which Josy was grateful for.

"I'm sorry", she croaked, her voice breaking as she threw her head back and tried to breathe away her own tears. "For not paying more attention. Maybe thenᅳ"

"No", Happy snapped sharply, grabbing both of her hands. Their eyes met, both filled with different emotions. "It's not your fault, Josy. The driver came out of nowhere, way too fast, almost as if he had planned to hit someone."

The low growl that rattled through Happy's throat and added an extra vibration to his words made Josy shiver. But again, his tone didn't scare her, it felt..familiar.

"Thank you", she said sincerely, flashing him a shaky smile. "For being there for our daughter, for not leaving her alone."

He looked at her with the slightest smile, a hint of pride flashing in his eyes. "Do you wanna see her? She's the best thing that could have happened to us. Youᅳ" now he too swallowed hard, a lump sitting in his throat. "You would've fallen in love immediately, from the first moment. She's perfect."

"I have no doubts about that", Josy choked out, quickly wiping the new tears from her cheeks while one hand still rested in Happy's. "I want to hold her, please."

"I'll get her." Reluctantly, he let go of her hand, but instead he walked around the table and planted a kiss on her forehead, his lips resting on her skin for a moment longer as Josy closed her eyes, her hands back in her lap.

Sniffling, she watched him go, her whole body shaking as anger and sadness, along with anticipation and nervousness, coursed through her veins. She knew she would confront her father, and if he had anything to do with this, she would make sure that he would suffer just as much.