Lazing about on the school roof of Sobu High School, Y/N let out a tired sigh. Skipping class (which seemed unlikely of him) because he honestly felt bored, having the feeling set in him of not wanting to be in there at all. But his grades were good, so he didn't have any worries about today's class.

It was Modern English, a subject he rather excelled at considering he spent quite a bit of time abroad in Europe before returning here to Japan to continue his studies, but he shouldn't be too lax about it. He did know that his mother would be very hard on him if his grades were to dip down into the failing area, even if she did seem quite laidback when it came to his studies. Honestly, Y/N often wondered how his mother fell in love with his father—a man whom was so focused on success that he often lost sight of the important things.

That being missing birthday parties, family gatherings, the like. It was the stereotypical thing he'd see in those American drama films or those stupid stories he'd read online in his youth. He honestly hated the fact that his life sort of mirrored that aspect; he often found it laughable at the prospects of such a life before he even realized that it was quite literally happening to him.

But just thinking about it made him click his tongue in utter annoyance, shaking his head as he lied down onto the roof's ground as he stared up at the blue sky. He let out another sigh. What he would give to be those fluffy white clouds. Just to float freely without any restrictions. It seemed rather pleasant.

However, as he laid there, he felt this gnawing feeling deep within his chest. As he closed his eyes, he felt himself be wrapped around in this perpetual darkness of nihilism—something like that. He would have moments like this from time to time, feeling nothing but pity and dark feelings about himself. Self-badgering and self-deprecation. He honestly hated that aspect about himself when it first occurred to him, but at the same time, he also found an odd comfort about it. Why?

He could hear voices—his own—talking down to him, talking bad, saying things behind his back that almost sounded like people close to him would utter those words to him right in front of his face. He would hate this, however, it felt oddly comforting for him to feel these sort of things be lashed onto him; like arms wrapped around him tightly. An almost suffocating feeling that would choke the life out of him, but also ensure that he was safe. It was truly odd. One that he hadn't wrapped his head around completely; at all for that matter.

The only problem is that he never told anyone about this. He didn't tell Yumiko. He didn't tell Erica. Not even his mother or his most trusted butler. He didn't tell anyone about this. How could he?

All of these signs were most definitely symptoms of a condition: depression. However, as to what stage it was, he wasn't sure. He had searched the net a little bit for signs about this, about a year ago; during his last year of private schooling in Europe. He hadn't gotten to the extent of harming himself... At least, not that he could remember. Any such things regarding that seem to have blanked his mind, nothing but a pure abyss when peering into the mind's window when searching for memories like that. The symptoms he lined up more with was growing anxiety, the desire to do nothing, feeling no ounce of pleasure in doing anything at all, to feel useless in almost everyday life. That's what he felt.

It was suffering. Intoxicating. Growing each and every day.

And yet... He couldn't help but lean into it for comfort.

All of this was all so confusing to him. Confused on what to do with his life from now on, despite these new... Situations, per say, occurring right now. His reunion with Yumiko, Erica's sudden appearance at this school, and now the prospect of joining the Light Music Club, the invitation extended by that senior he had met.

He wasn't sure what to do.

Y/N let out another sigh, far more elongated than the last one. The more he continued to lay down here, the more he wanted to just stay here forever. To do nothing at all and just live whatever ounce of life he had left in this single spot.

'Hah...' The young man thought. The feeling of nihilism still continued to persist within him, that ever-so unending darkness he's felt still wrapping around him like a vice grip.

That choking feeling around his throat to press the ever-living life out of him, but also restricting him in a comforting pillow of sorts. He could feel his vision beginning to darken as he continued to stare aimlessly at the sky above, the feeling of fatigue and exhaustion creeping unto him—to be wrapped around in such a thing.

Would it be alright for him to fall asleep here? To never wake up ever again? What would his mother think? Edward? Erica? ...Yumiko? What would she think?

...Wait, why is he even thinking about that right now? He should just fall asleep... Yes... Falling asleep... It sounded very comforting right now...

...

*FLICK*

Y/N grunts. His forehead had been flicked by someone's finger. And now a stinging sensation was left.

He opened his eyes, rubbing the area that had been flicked, an annoyed expression as he went to look at the person that had done so.

Dark pink hair, illuminated a little bit brighter due to the afternoon sun, scarlet red hair that twinkled with intrigue, her chin-length locks of hair flowing with the wind. A beauty and easy on the eyes, one that Y/N had to admit that his senior rivaled Yumiko's looks in her own way, carrying an almost nonchalant, and cool demeanor. One that was easy going with the things in life and much rather focused on the ideals of fulfilling one's happiness, living life to the absolute fullest without any sort of regrets. Some may say that she practices a hedonistic lifestyle, but that wasn't necessarily the case, she was just a girl that went with the flow of things.

Masami Kurokawa, Year 3 of Class B, was a girl Y/N had come to respect—in particular to her eye and taste of music. Masami was a girl that enjoyed a slow rock, alternative music, or any sort of genre that had artists expressed their feelings and emotions through the words in their songs; much like how he listens to those genres as well. Kindred spirits, in a way.

But Y/N wondered what his senior was doing here. It appeared that she didn't seem to be bothered with how she leaned over him, Y/N averting his eyes so he didn't have to look at that embarrassing sight. Much like Yumiko, Masami was one who didn't really adhere to the school's dress code, modifying her outfit to suit her own comfortability. School uniform was rolled up to her elbows, omitting the usual school loafers with black flat calf-high boots, along with black wristbands (one on each arm).

A style and functional outfit.

And as per usual, Masami was occompanied by her usual black guitar case slung over her back, containing her precious tan colored acoustic guitar. Not many were allowed to use the guitar—very rare of her to allow even anyone to touch it—but when Y/N played that song that day, rather beautifully in her eyes, Masami allowed him to be one of those few to use it.

Hand on her hip, a bit of a sly grin on her face, she quirked an eyebrow, "Didn't think you of all people would skip class. Hasegawa said that you're quite the stickler to adhering to school rules."

He snorts, "The fact that she says that says quite a lot. That she doesn't know me, anyway." Y/N sits up, giving his senior his full attention. "What are you doing here, Kurokawa-senpai?"

"Me? Mmm... Nothing much, really. Didn't feel like heading to class either. Oh, and my grades are good, too, so don't worry about me. Besides, I like coming up here."

"I assume you don't come up here to just relax and sit around, huh."

"Not exactly," she says with a chuckle, then taking a seat next to him. "I like to come here to think up of lyrics. It's calming—helps me think better when I'm up here."

Y/N, fascinated, murmured a low sound of admiration. "...Can I...can I look at some of them? If I'm prying into too much, you don't have to."

"No, it's fine. I don't mind at all. Here."

Opening her guitar case, she takes a few sheets of paper out. A considerable amount of wear was on them, evident by the numerous scribbles on the edges of the sheets, the various amounts of eraser marks, faint lines of lyrics still displayed even after being erased. Y/N gave the lyrics a small skim.

'The day end as I'm trying to find where to vent my irritation
The sky is gray, I can't see anything beyond
People who act like they have common sense are laughing; what kind of lie will they tell next?
How can they treasure what they obtain with those lies?
But we've got to move ahead, toward tomorrow
That's why I'm singing like this

It's you who is crying, it's you who is lonely
You're right, you're being human
The tears you shed say
Thank you for giving us this amazingly beautiful and real, true life'

He sang the lyrics in his head. Already, he could picture its melody, tone, beat, and tempo. Whatever message it was trying to portray.

Overcomng one's trauma through music—finding strength in despair and loneliness—was something he could never imagine doing. And yet, it was the same way for him. Listening to music has been a way to combat those feelings of depression, listening to these slow songs from his favorite artists being a form of escapism for him. While it never worked all the time, when it did, it really did work.

The way the music—the strums of the guitar—harmonizes with the singer's voice. How it creates this endless rollercoaster of emotions that ends up providing the fuel to be happiness. It was simply amazing. Immaculate. To be moved by such words—such writing.

Y/N couldn't help but crack a smile. Masami noticed it.

"So? What do you think?"

"It's... They're—They're amazing," Y/N said, his voice in utter awe. "I can instantly picture it in my head. How it easily comes together. Naturally, without any consequence."

"You think so? I honestly think some of the lyrics need a bit of work, but thanks. The compliment is appreciated."

Y/N nodded, handing the sheets back to her before he looked back up at the sky. Honestly, Y/N envied her.

With the way Masami carried herself, Y/N could tell that she herself suffered from something traumatic in her past. But unlike him, someone who was still wallowing in it, she was able to move on from it; appear so graceful and upbeat in the eyes of others. Like nothing was holding her back.

He wondered how she was able to be like that. To feel so... Free.

He had been quiet for so long that Masami flicked her fingers at him again. This time, onto the side of his head, jeering one way as he rocked back and forth a little, rubbing the spot that was stung.

"Hey..."

"What's the matter with you, Junior? You're looking down. Something up with you?"

"No... Well... I mean—everything's fine. Why do you ask?"

Masami let out a dry laugh. "Because...I had that same look too. I still get it from time-to-time."

His eyes widened. What? She still experiences things like this? How?

"Surprised?" Her voice broke his thoughts, as if she had read his mind. "You make it sound like you view in such a light. Like I'm impervious to thoughts like that."

"I mean... How can I not? You're amazing."

"Amazing? That's a stretch. I'm good, but I'm not that good."

"Are you kidding me? How can you say that?" Y/N looks at her in disbelief. "With those lyrics you've written, how everything just formulates so perfectly, how can I not think you're amazing?"

She smiled, nudging him. "Hearing you say that makes my heart flutter, Junior. I honestly might think you're flirting with me," she jokes.

He frowned. "That's not—"

"I know, I know. I'm just messing with you." She sighed, leaning back as she held a hand over her acoustic guitar, silently running her hand over it's smooth wooden frame. "Not everyone's perfect, Junior. That's just how it is. Everyone's inevitable to fall into that pit of despair. To feel so miserable that you feel like you don't want to live anymore, to feel so powerless in a way that they just can't do anything."

Y/N, having fallen silent, continued to let her speak.

"But you know? That's just part of life. And sometimes, you just have to go with it. Yeah, that pain will stick with you for a long time, and it might never go away. But that doesn't mean you should succumb to it. There are so many ways, so many things—so many people—that can bring you of that darkness. You just have to be able to find it, and strike that balance to maintain yourself. Only then can you find joy—find the strength to be able to continue in the darkest of times."

"...How...how do I find that 'thing'?" He quietly asks.

"Don't know. That's something you're supposed to find yourself," Masami simply replies. "But when you do find it, you'll know it. I knew it the moment I put on that headset the day I wandered into that music store. How I felt when those words struck me deep into my core."

"..."

Masami, standing up and fixing her things, pats Y/N on his shoulder. "Cheer up, Junior. It'll be a difficult journey, I know, it always is, but when you finally reach that point in your life when you're able to be THAT happy, it'll all be worth it."

"...How do you know I'll reach that moment, Kurokawa-senpai?"

"Again, that's something you'll have to find yourself. You'll find yourself straying, feeling difficulty in continuing. But you've just got to push on, enduring—even enjoy sometimes—at whatever is being thrown your way. Because if I'm able to reach that point, then you can do it too. I know you will."

He let her words sink into him for a moment. Could he really reach that moment she was talking about? They may be similar—how their circumstances came to be—but Y/N wasn't like Masami at all. He didn't think he had the capacity to even reach there.

But her words, like the music before, they struck him deeply. They were comforting. Reassuring. Gentle. To even hear them felt like a blessing.

Almost magical, even. It truly was amazing with what words could do for someone. It was something simple, but they can have the biggest of impact on people. Y/N couldn't help but crack a smile.

"Thank you... Thank you, Kurokawa-senpai. It...it means a lot."

"Don't mention, Junior. It's a Senior's job to look out for their underlings, right?" She flashed him her signature grin. "If you keep it up, maybe we'll sing on the stage together."

He blinks, "You're serious?"

"Hell, yeah, I am. But you've got to be able to take that first step. If you don't have the convinction, the confidence and the courage to do so, well... You can kiss that dream goodbye."

"...You're really amazing, Kurokawa-senpai. Really."

She laughs. "Again, you're seeing me at too high of a light. But I'm serious, L/N. You've got heart. You've got talent. But more importantly, you've got people around you who care for you. Don't let that all go to waste."

He stayed silent. With another laugh, she turned around and began heading for the entrance to the stairwell.

"Anyway, I'll catch you later, Junior. And drop by the Light Music Club some time. I would love to do a jam session with you."

And with that, she left, leaving Y/N all alone on the school roof.

But this time, he didn't feel that perpetual darkness enveloping him. He didn't feel alone. He just... Smiled.

[Chapter Twelve] | Words From A Cool Beauty

---

So, another chapter long overdue, huh? Been one year and a little bit longer, to be precise.

For that, I apologize, but when trying to concoct something for a really difficult topic like depression is a serious thing, and it has been something I have struggled with myself. I've gotten better, but it's not completely gone, and it honestly may not ever go away.

But I decided to channel that energy into writing something that can be inspiring and comforting, one I'm hoping I was able to genuinely convey into this chapter. Depression is a serious thing, and one that needs to be talked about more often. Great strides have been made in today's age, mental health having been a great focus in a lot of areas and schools, but it can still never be enough. There are people out there that feel hopeless and unable to continue going on, and it is hard to even acknowledge when one has those thoughts, let alone be able to cope and improve from it.

All I'm trying to say is, you're not alone out there, people. Sure, it can be difficult as hell to talk about this to others. It took me almost five (could be less or more, can't remember) years for me to even muster up the courage to tell my parents that I suffered from depression. It'll be difficult, always is, but you've got to be able to take that first step in being able to heal yourself.

You're not alone out there.