Chapter 19: Regret
Chapter Theme:
Sorry (Dear Daddy) - f(x)

Han Seungwoo

I'm about to pass out anytime soon because I'm so drowsy. I closed my eyes for three seconds and shook my head to ease the drowsiness I'm feeling. My eyes were getting heavy and it started to stung and my head felt light. For the sake of our safety, I need to keep my pace straight and right.

Harin was peacefully sleeping on my back as if I'm a comfortable mattress while I'm battling with sleep. I need to exert an extra effort in holding her because she might fall anytime due to her giddiness.

"Harin-ssi, stop moving." I turned my head a little to let her hear my sentiment.

The incandescent moon was still enveloping the neighborhood of Hongdae. Together with the street lights, they collaborated to gave the neighborhood a pleasant view.

I carefully reached for my key in my pocket while gripping Harin well. I opened the backseat so she can comfortbaly lie down. She groaned as her head hit the hard door.

"I'm sorry!" I apologized but it wasn't a big deal because she was still on her slumber.

I turned around to open the driver's seat and started the engine. It was already 3 am and I can already feel my need to rest. Sending Harin to her home was not strenuous because I already sent her home before.

"Harin-ssi.. wake up.."

I poked her and with that, her eyes were slowly opening. She scowled at me for disturbing her sleep. Her movements weren't organized causing her head to bumped again. She rubbed the affected area of her head and muttered a curse. Her lips twitched in annoyance and looked at me in an angry way.

"You're home, birthday girl. It's alright not to thank me. Getting out of the taxi as soon as possible will be highly appreciated."

The faint chirping of the birds made me worried. I am going home early and it only means that I am going to sleep the whole day and I will be unproductive.

"Pull the handle and push the door so you can get out now." I motioned the handle where her feet rested. She yawned and waved her hand as a goodbye.

"Happy birthday!" I greeted her
'cause I doubt that I'm gonna see her this day again.

If I wasn't tired, I could possibly show off my charms to her. Like, opening the door for her and walking with her to the gate. She's tired, I'm tired. There's no room for romantic acts. Maybe some other time.

I am on the verge of stopping the taxi and let my eyes rest without going home. Abbeoji may not be an overly worried father but the fact that I had been ignoring all his calls and messages for sure I got him worried.

Dongpyo might be missing me already and I missed my son. Guilt drowned me for being such an impulsive man without thinking the responsibilities that I ignored for just a woman. But she's not just a woman to me. I'd grown affection towards her and I wish it will not affect my credibility as a father.

Harin got a pure heart. She's a woman clad with a warrior's armor. I saw her cry over a man and I saw her fighting with a man which made me conclude that she's invincible. The only thought that had been playing on my mind ever since I grew fond of her was, will she accept my plus one self?

That thought bothered me everytime I imagine myself pursuing her in the future. I can't just choose between Dongpyo and Harin. I can't loose my son just because of my personal greed. Being on this crisis will never be easy. Will Dongpyo like her?

As I took a glance outside, I suddenly remembered the kids who disturbed my sleep. If only they did not disturb me, I am probably still energetic until now.

I opened the windows to let in the fresh air to freshen up myself. There were vauge voices that I heard that made me curious. It was like there were shouts and screams. My eyes wandered around the area only to find out a bunch of kids on the sidewalk.

"Yah, Subin get up! Don't be such a wimp just like your minions who only depend on you!" The rage kid kicked the Subin kid a lot of times making him lost his balance.

Bullying will always not be tolerable at my sight. Taking advantage to someone who's weaker will be always a cowardly act. They're not showing superiority but rather, they're showing how foolish they are.

"Subin!" I called the kid who was kneeling, trying to get up from his fall. "I've been looking for you the whole night!" I grabbed his arm which made him winced in pain. Scratches and wounds were all over on his face and arms. I bet he broke a rib too.

He turned to me and made a confused look. I was surprised when I saw who this Subin kid was. He was the kid whom I had a conversation yesterday for being such a troublemaker. My goodness I will be totally drained!

"Who are you?" He whispered to my ear as we took a step away from those crazy bastards.

"Wow.. did his kicks make you forget your memories?" I sarcastically talked back.

"Ugh! If my brain serves me right, you were the ahjussi who went nuts yesterday." He chuckled in an annoying way.

The audacity of this kid!

"I'm asking you. Who are you to mind other's business? Are you really that itchy to butt in to other's business?"

The kid's making me a bad guy for what I had done yesterday and at this moment.

I was about to answer his questions that I am here to save his pity ass when suddenly, I lost grip of him when his rivals threw their shoes at our directions.

"That hurts!" I complained when my arm was hit by a hard shoes. "He's your enemy, not me!" I told them. They should know where to throw their shoes so they won't hurt an innocent civilian like me.

"Ahjussi.. did you forget to teach your brother not to be boastful and liar? Your household might be very chaotic because of your troublesome brother. Bring him back to his senses and make sure he's not gonna do the same thing again. I am not a bully but he's making me one." The rage kid explained making me a little bit guilty of what I thought about him earlier. Well, what he did is not really tolerable and inhumane.

"Choi Byungchan, why can't you accept that I deafeted you? I won so I have the right to boast. Sorry if I hurt your ego, Byungchan sunbaenim." Subin hollered at Byungchan. Now I'm guessing that Byungchan is Subin's senior at school and they were literally rivals at a competition.

Byungchan smirked in vexation making his dimples to surface. This kid got looks to kill.

"Subin-ie, stop acting like you played fair. You're surely a disgusting and cunning kid."

Their feud might be out of my context but as a mature grown up man who's witnessing their mutual enmity, I need to take an action to protect them from further violence.

I stood up in between the two parties to let them hear my sentiment.

"Hey.. all of you need to cool off your heads. The sun is starting to shine yet you're still enraged with each other. Can't you just make a truce or come up to a decision to just have a cold war? Kids, you should be swayed at my suggestion for your better good."

There was a hint of authority at my voice and I showed them a stoic face which I think would make them retreat from brawling each other. Byungchan's team seemed to be more mature than the one behind me. Without a word, they turned their backs leaving us two alone.

"What did you do this time Subin?" I sounded like a real worried brother even though we're not.

"Worse than what I did to the cars yesterday. Satisfied?" He glared at me for butting at his business. He was able to got up on his own which made me gave a full access to assess his face.

"Did those kids do this all?" I am referring to his scratches and wounds all over his body. My mind became wake because of this kid. I just came to realize that this kid disturbed my sleep again.

"Aniyo, those kids only kicked me. I got the remaining pains and wounds from the other kids. A lot more questions?"

I sighed trying to calm myself from the kid's mockery. I don't know where did he get his temerity even though he's been hurt. His mulishness might be the cause why he was beaten up. This kid hasn't realized his wrong deeds, I bet.

"What's your name?" He's mocking me so I should give him a little bit of a comeback to what he did to me.

"Really?" He sneered. "Jung Subin."

"Okay Jung Subin, I think you should need a medical care. C'mon, don't hesitate to come." I tried to persuade him and I think a little threatening will do. "Or else, you wouldn't want me to drop you at the police station."

At this moment, I should be home by now, resting at my comfortable bed while hugging Dongpyo. But I'm heading to a different direction, which will lead us to a hospital.

Our trip was quiet. Hanse rested his elbow on the window while his eyes were travelling together with the taxi. His forehead creased and every moment, I saw him carressing his chest. It might hurt that bad.

"How am I gonna pay the bills here? I don't want my parents to get involved. You know what I mean ahjussi, right?"

He's upset for accepting my proposal but he can't do anything now 'cause the nurse started to gave treat for his wounds.

"Now you look like a scaredy-cat. You never realized that while doing your senseless endeavors your parents are already involved because you are their son, don't you?"

I sounded like an honorable man when in fact, I did something not good today either. I am now getting nervous as to what might happen after getting home. It's a fact that I'm old enough and can handle myself but I have a son to take care of and my father had been waiting for his medicine.

"Ahjussi.. just make sure I won't see you again. If we'll collide again, please act as we hadn't shared a few words. Man up and be a stranger to me."

I wanted to laugh at his weird request. This kid's really arrogant and full of himself.

"I'm not a person who get easily attached by some random problematic kid. Suit yourself here, kiddo." I hurled back.

There was no answer from him after. His mouth was sewn by the nurse for sure. I really do hope the kid will be enlightened and will change the way he lives his life.

It's now 4 am and definitely, I'm going home. There was a part of me who wanted to check Harin but for sure, she's already been sleeping.

As I was walking, I heard gossips from the nurses and everyone around me.

"Who's that guy? Is he the new doctor?"

"I am stanning him already!"

Those kind of statements were not new to me but I always felt awkward because I'm not used to it even though I'm used on hearing them.

"The kid has been wailing for an hour now. He won't let go of his grandfather's hand. I did try to woo him but he won't budge."

Two nurses where talking a meter away from me. They were so engrossed talking to their subject.

"Gummy bears might help him."

Dongpyo can easily be swayed to stop crying everytime I give him gummy bears. Gummy bears do the magic on him.

They were startled at my presence. I showed them an apologetic smile.

"Thank you for your suggestion, sir."

"No, worries."

"But the problem is, stores aren't open at this moment and there are no 24/7 stores near the hospital.."

I am not naive for not noticing how her eyes sparkled and her cheeks burned at my presence.

"I have gummy bears on my car for my son.." I did intentionally mentioned the word son on my statement. Her eyes widened in sorrow upon hearing that I have a son. "But I don't mind sharing it. Just wait and I'll get it."

After taking a few steps away, I heard a child's clamor resonating in the emergency room. I made a quick detour to take a look of the child. He was clad with a hood and his feet were exposed on the cold tiled floor. As I took a glance at the hood again, my heart were ripped into pieces.

A sudden gulped was made by me before calling out his name.

"Dongpyo!"

Tears were streaming down on his cheeks like waterfalls. I can't accept that my son, at this age, suffered a great devastation because of my compulsive behaviour. If I weren't too selfish, this won't happen.

"Hush baby.. daddy's here.. I will never leave you again." I scooped Dongpyo and brought him in my arms. I hugged him tightly to let him feel that everything's going to be okay. "Adeul-ah.. mianhae.." I kissed his forehead a lot of times to soothe his heart.

Dongpyo won't stop crying so I cupped his face using my right hand. "You're a very brave kid and I'm so proud of you my son.. crying doesn't mean your afraid. You're just letting out the sad chemicals in your heart.. cry your heart out Dongpyo, everything will be okay. I'll make sure of it." I patted his head and wiped his tears with my fingers. I was trying to comfort him with my words and action. My son is really vulnerable.

I was noticed that abbeoji was delivered here after he had an attack due to his hypertension. There was no medicine that he can take right away so he had to be treated here in the hospital. Thankfully, it's not that serious.

Dongpyo's a smart kid so he called 911 right away.

"Abbeoji.." I called him as his eyes opened. I hope he didn't hold grudges on me that might affect his state. "Jeongmal mianhae.. I.. I was too selfish.."

My eyes started to water making me unable to finish my sentence properly. I suddenly became weak and deprived. The two of them were my only family but I had failed them.. bigtime.

"Han Seungwoo, you should reflect at your actions. I am not blaming you for what happened to me.. it's just that I am deeply disheartened. I have no idea on what you did.. but I wish it made your heart happy."

I was moved upon hearing my father. He did know that I was not just wasting my time for nothing. He's my father afterall and if mother knows best, a father knows what his son has done.

"I promise.. I won't act impulsively again. Responsibilities should go first before anything else. This time, I have learned my lesson abbeoji."

"The world doesn't only evolve in your current responsibilties, Seungwoo-yah. Show your optimistic side and don't let, things like what happened today, burden you. Your capabilities as a person is greater, son."

Having a father like him is such a great privilege. My father has a great sense of understanding and he don't always bicker around. I am duly honored to be his son. He's my role model for being a parent. I do hope I'll become a great father to Dongpyo.

The sun radiates its light towards my direction. As the sun rises, my responsibility as a a person might increase but it will never decrease when the sun sets.

Regrets. It will surely choke us up to our consciousness but having no regrets mean we're having an idle life. I did regret spending my time with Harin when I saw Dongpyo wailing and abbeoji weakly lying on the bed. But when abbeoji shared his thoughts, my regret on Harin disappeared.

This day wasn't a great day but I learned so much.