"Even if it's a useless dream, stay a little more like this, yeah, As if there was no tomorrow"

1st April 2021, Blackpink House, Evening

LISA POV

We were sitting around like dead souls in the living room of our house. Nobody was crying, nobody was screaming angrily, but everybody was thinking of what to do next – after break up. Will we be able to meet each other again? Will we be able to hang out? Or will we just return to our boring schedules?

I knew I couldn't do anything. I didn't even have a proper time with Tae Oppa - for my faults. All of it was my fault - I knew it - and that's why I didn't want anyone to know! Why did I lie to him? He was so kind and loving soul, why was I the one to destroy it! I hate, self so much rn.

Please, why am I always the one to suffer and why is he the one too?

"Lili !" Chae called as I was sitting in my room.

"Yeah ?" I asked.

"Lili, it won't help if you keep this to yourself. Please talk to me, what happened?" She said.

I sighed. She was right, it won't help if I keep ignoring everyone.

"Well ........" I started to tell what happened in my room in the morning.

flashback

"Lisa, Lili -" Tae called out. I ignored him and he said, "What happened?"

When I did not answer again he slowly turned my face to see, he saw my eyes full of tears threatening to fall anytime. One more wrong word and they would spill.

"Talk to me !" He demanded. "Tell me why are you doing this !"

His voice quivered with anger but I knew he was sad, incredibly sad of the way I was treating him. But did I have a choice? I don't know. I am not able to sort out my damn feelings.

"I -I can't !" I whispered and he cupped my cheeks in his hands and brushed away the tears gently.

"How can I? I am scared !"

"Of what ?"

"Of losing you !"

"Why ?"

"I don't know. I am insecure, a lot. I see the way other people or girls look at you and you look back at them. I see the way you intimidate people by just your looks, I just know you will not be mine. Will you still like me if you see my exposed face and forehead without the bangs, or are you only mesmerized by my outer beauty or stage performance. Will you know about me or will you tell me I am not good enough for you when you see my true inner self. I don't let you touch me because I don't want to feel like getting too close to you! What if you leave me! My goddamn life will be over. Trust me, I am not being dramatic !"

<present>

"And then ?" Chae asked.

TAEHYUNG POV

"Then-" I said to Jimin who was standing by me and back hugging me as I was shaking and crying in the balcony.

<flashback>

"Lili - why would you think that? Why did you lie to me, Lili? Why did you not tell me what's bothering you? Why did you keep it a secret? Lili, no one could ever replace the way I look at you. Why are you being so insecure? Lili, you are beautiful with no makeup and an exposed forehead. No one judges you by the way you look. They see you rap and dance. Have you seen yourself on stage? You are like a fire up there. Lili, I love you for who you are, not for how you look. You think I don't know about you. I know that you are a stubborn little girl who wants anything and a mature young woman to handle things. I know that whatever may be the condition you will never leave someone's side, let them be your friends or not. Even though you would rather spend time with your family and friends, I know that you would come back instantly if required. That's who you are Lili, embrace it! Please !"

She looked me in the eyes and I sighed, " I just can't believe you lied to me, I -"

"Mianhae !" She said.

"So can we be a thing ?" I asked hopefully.

"Aniya, we can't !" She replied.

"What, why ?" I asked.

"I think I need to regain some time before !"

I became angry and lashed out.

"Oh my god, Lili. Why are you thinking this, I can't understand. What is wrong with you ?!" I screamed.

She looked at me with tears brimming in her eyes and said," Maybe - maybe we are just not meant to be together !"

"I -" I started but then Namjoon hyung called.

present

"Give her some time Taetae! Please. " Jimin said as I cried into his arms.

How much more time do I need to give before she will finally be mine?

I am ... not crying! Namjoon stop cutting the damn onions!