TITLE | OSTENSIBLE

GENRE | FANFICTION, SHORT STORY

AUTHOR | Txxhyungg_

CHAPTERS REVIEWED | 9 [ALL]

SPECIAL REQUESTS | PLOT TWIST, VOCABULARY AND GRAMMAR

TITLE | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

so far everybody must've noticed that i'm a sucker for aesthetic titles. my own short story anthology and poetry books have been named as aesthetically as possible lol. i like how you've given a description of the title, to explain it to people who might have to google if otherwise (for example, me). having said that, i would've liked a bit more to be shown in the title, something more intriguing, like, ostensibly yours. that's just my suggestion.

COVER | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

zero complaints! i couldn't have imagined a more pleasing cover than the one you have right now! i love the light pink shades interspersed with the glows — god, i adore it so much! if that was made by you, i would recommend you open up a shop and i'll be your first customer haha. also, your banners literally left me speechless. full points here!

BLURB | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

now, i get that you were going for something minimalistic and short. you even included a short peek into the book, which was quite intriguing. however, the rest of the blurb wasn't very captivating. i would suggest introducing hayoon and what she is feeling, instead of giving a general plot idea. also, the blurb needs to be edited. for example:

"— but the worst thing is that she has a boyfriend. She doesn't want to hurt her boyfriend but she also doesn't want to let go of her present love," is how it should've been presented.

PLOT* | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

while the girlfriend falling for someone else and dumping her present boyfriend is an overused wattpad cliché, your twist makes up for it in the end. i never expected it to end like that and every second i thought that hayoon was a horrible person for prioritising someone else's fame. wonderful plot twist there! i almost died laughing at my failure to notice the subtle plot points.

CHARACTERS | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️.5

while relatable, i spent eight chapters hating hayoon so don't kill me. i simply couldn't understand why she was being so mean to her boyfriend who just wanted what was best for her. she does say that it was because of the distance but her boyfriend was really making efforts. having said that, hayoon's boyfriend is my favourite character ever. periodt.

GRAMMAR* | ⭐️ ⭐️

okay, here's the thing. as much as i liked the ending and the nice disclaimer that you wrote at the beginning, Ostensible needs heavy editing. when writing a professional story or novel, it is accepted to use common grammar norms, no matter how aesthetic it may look. if you ever open a graphic shop, go all out on the aesthetics. but when writing a story, i suggest you stick to using uppercase letters.

having said that, here are a few examples of the grammatical errors and how you can fix them:

i simply did not understand the first line. maybe you wanted to write, "these feelings would never be good or pleasant to anyone." i would also suggest not repeating adjectives. "never be good" and "didn't feel good" back to back, takes away the emotional quality.

"Did I fall out of love?!"

here, you changed the tense. 'i was feeling numbness' should be followed by, "his butterfly effect on me seemed to have ended."

"—lot of hope in his eyes."

DESCRIPTIONS* | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

when you started off your story with a beautiful description of the office room, i loved it. however, you continued and stretched that one sentence into a whole paragraph. i would suggest not doing that. always remember: short and easy sentences. nothing too grand, nothing too short. also, maybe factor in better emotional descriptions. what does hayoon see on kim's face? don't just say disappointment. try saying, "his eyes filled with clouds of regret and i could emotionally feel the walls of his defences snapping back into place."

DIALOGUES | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

i really would have enjoyed more emotional delivery here. a break up is a hard thing for anyone to go through so they probably had a lot of things to say and a lot of hints before they broke up. i felt that the dialogue was a bit off especially when you used "omg" and "!" in one of the sentences. yes, we do read it as omg but we rarely write it as omg. so maybe you could fix that?

FLOW/LOOPHOLES | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

i barely found any loopholes so well done on that front! talking about the flow, i rather enjoyed reading it the way it was paced. it all happened in a matter of days so the flow feels appropriate. not really rushed but okay. still, the way her boyfriend took her break up speech was commendable. i mean, how are there such nice guys on the planet? i don't know. so yeah, other than his end reaction, good job!

ENGAGEMENT | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

i absolutely have to commend you here. a lot of short stories drag on for ages because the authors want to stick to 5 chapters but they fit 19272728 words in them. your story was precise, fixed and i could read it without feeling bored. i also loved the ending, which really helped up the reader impression! great work!

FINAL VERDICT | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

so, you've got a wonderful plot and a wonderful character for hayoon's boyfriend. all you need now is to make the blurb longer, the dialogues more emotional, the reactions more shocking and an editor. you'll have the perfect plot twist and a beautiful cast to back you up! well done!