Nervously, my foot tapped repeatedly on the floor in front of my car seat.

We where on the way to the hospital. Elliot was awake and could receive visitors. I was so nervous, it's like everything just went by too fast for me to notice. I couldn't even think straight. And before I even knew it, the car stopped.

Anxiously I followed my parents. They opened the door and as I saw my brother, my breathing hitched.

Tubes and needles where all around his fragile looking body. His eyes met mine and his gaze seemed to soften. He was pale and few drops of sweat where sitting on his forehead. Yet, he managed to smile a generous smile in my face.

Slowly, I made my way to his bed and hugged him tightly. Not to tight, though. He was still injured.

"I am so, so glad nothing happened to you." Elliots voice was hoarse and a little raspy, but the best thing I could here for a while. "I'm so sorry, Elliot. I really am. Never ever will I forgive myself to put you in such danger." I sobbed and let the tears flow, wetting his hospital gown a slight bit.

"Hey, hey, please don't cry, Hope. It's not your fault. Really. It's not your fault. You couldn't have known." As I looked up in his glossy eyes, we embraced each other in a hug once more. He whispered a few times that it's not my fault while I whispered I was sorry.

We comforted each other. Heart on heart. Exchanging our shared trauma. Understanding each other in a way no words were needed. I inhaled deeply, smelling his faint, familiar smell. Just then, I realized how much I missed him. And how important he actually is to me. Our parents kinda interrupted our little hug-moment but I don't blame them.

It's not surprising that they wanted to see my brother-their son-again. Exchanging hugs.

Tears fell. Happy and sad cries escaped everyone's mouth. We talked what felt like for decades but was in reality just a few hours. The best ones I had in the time after the accident. Accident. Was that really what it was?

Carefully, the door got opened. It was Janice-the-nurse. How nice it felt to see her again. "Good afternoon. Nice to see you're all doing well." She gave us a small and warm smile, then even, nearly not noticable, gave me a wink. I couldn't do anything against the smile that formed on my face. An actual real, genuine smile.

"Unfortunately, the time to visit is over. Since twenty minutes. Elliot needs to rest now, but tomorrow you can of course come and visit again."

Oh. We've been here even longer than allowed? That made me like Janice even more. She was such a sweet, still young looking woman. She knew how important that time was for us and let us stay.

Elliot and I hugged one last time and said our goodbyes until tomorrow.

Back in the car, I realized I was right. I did felt better than yesterday. I was doing fine. Just a bad mood and no appetite. I was tired. Nothing serious, nothing to worry about.

//°°\\

Days passed. Everyday I visited him as long as I could. He said he was greatful he had my company, 'cause our parents still had to go to work. I was freed from school, just as Elliot. We would go back together. Well, everyone of us to their own school. I was in my last year in highschool and Eli went to university. But still.

From his expressions, I could tell he was doing better with every day that passed. He gained color in his face and the tubes and needles and devices were becoming less and less. Sometimes Janice would come in and readjust some things here and there, or she would give Elliot some medicine. When we asked, she even stayed a bit and talked with us.

That woman honestly needs a raise.

She was awesome and such a sunshine. Even though she didn't tell us much, some things of her private life slipped through and now we were bugging to see a picture of her little puppy.

"Please", we begged, but she shook her head. "No, seriously, that is not a good idea. Elliot should rest and you should be, well, I don't know, you are doing good." I giggled at that. So creative. Elliot nudged me and annoyed because that hurt a little, I looked at him. He looked at Janice and sticked out his bottom lip. His eyes started to twinkle and I started to do the same, at the face that Janice was pulling I had to smile so I wouldn't burst out laughing though.

Nobody could resist our faces, so eventually, Janice gave in. "No word to anybody.", she sternly said. Fast, we nodded as she took out her phone.

In awe I looked at the cute little puppy in the picture. "He is soo cute." I shook my brothers shoulders. "Can you bring him tomorrow? Please!" Elliot asked. "No, that's it. I have to get back to work. Hope, ten minutes."

With that, she was gone. And ten minutes later, I was, too.

//°°\\

Today was the day. Today was the day Elliot finally came home again. Yesterday, I couldn't visit him. Our parents wanted to talk to him in privacy. So I stayed home alone. Bored. I wasn't doing that bad but I sometimes noticed how I seemed to not enjoy some things the way I used to.

That will change when they get home. Definitely. Maybe. Hopefully.
I sighed and walked down stairs to get some water. Unpaitently I chugged the Glas down. And another one. My stomach felt a little hollow but I was way to nervous to eat. It'll probably end up straight into the toilet.

After five glasses of water, my stomach didn't felt like growling like a freaking dog that lost it's stick anymore. Wait. That was kinda mean. I love dogs. Mentally taking back those thoughts and changing them into growling like freaking thunder I felt better. I still like cats more, though. Not taking that back.

Downstairs opened the door, and it was now that I realized I walked through the whole house and up the stairs. Fast, I rushed to the door. And they were there. Finally. With a relieved exhale I sprinted into my brother's arms. It felt like a really big stone was lifted of my heart. And stomach. Breathing in his scent made me feel better. Lighter. Like everything was fine again.

I hugged him so tight, that my mother got between us. "Careful." Than she added, "Please sit down at the couch, Hope. We need to discuss something with you." Panicked, I spun around. "What?" Dad grabbed my shoulders and pushed me to sit. Elliot took my hand and squeezed it. Shocked, I looked him into the face. He had a reassuring expression.

"Wait. Slow down. Or don't start, whatever. Elliot you know what is going on?" My mouth opened a slight bit. Did he betray me? "Hope. Focus." Dad snapped unpatiantly but after the warning glance from my mother, he added a 'Please'.

"Listen, Honey. This place has a lot of memories. Your childhood ones but also the whole town will be reminding you of the incident." With 'incident' she meant the shooting. "Elliots therapist told us-" But I interrupted her. "Hold up, hold up, Hold. Up. Therapist? When did yall plan on telling me Elliot was seeing a therapist?" I pulled my hand out of his and slid a little to the side. I needed space. And time to process. Obviously I wouldn't get both 'cause they just continued, not aware of the fact it was overwhelming me severely.

"He still is seeing her. And we talked with her as well. She recommended us to move out of town. So-" Again, I interrupted mom. "Moving? This is getting ridiculous. You expect us to move to another continent and start a new, happy life? Seriously? I'm not participating in this. I'm out."

I rushed away, stomped up the stairs and shut my door. Tears were forming in my eyes. I kept rubbing them away, but they seemed to be stubborn, until I let them drop. Footsteps approached the door.

"Honey, I know this is hard, but we will only move a few towns. And nothing is holding you here. You have to let go of the bad memories. You have to move on." Wow. Nothing is holding you here. She indeed was right.

All my friends turned their back on me when I decided I wanted real friendships, so that didn't bother or effect me much. My best friend stayed, but she moved ten months ago and our contact isn't holding up well. I haven't heard of her for a month. A sob left my mouth. Nobody wants me.

"Oh my-, Honey I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that. I promise. Hope?"

I didn't reply. Even if I wanted to. My chest felt like someone was squeezing it so hard, no air could come in or out. My throat felt like it was on fire. Panic started to rose in my chest. Firmly, I pressed my hand onto it, as if that would've helped. Gasping for air, my legs gave in and I kinda harshly landed on the floor. Curled up, I was laying in the middle of my room, that no longer will be my room.

Hot tears stained my cheeks, and a loud sob escaped my lips. It felt like I was close to fainting 'cause it felt like no oxygen really reached my lungs. My blood rushed and my sight was getting blurry. Only as a faint image I saw my door open and somebody rushed in, yelling stuff.

Than I fell completely into a dark abbis.

//°°\\

A/N:

Chapter three, and it seems to be the first long chapter. Yay!

I know some scenes seem a little off (the Janice-puppy-thing) but that was just a little filler. I just now really realize that you do need many fillers until you get to the parts you want to get to (wich are still coming).

Next chapter one might be starting.

Also I hope the panic attack was realistic, luckily I didn't had one, yet.

What do you think of Hope so far?

X WrittenBy09