Hospital.

No, nurse. School.

It's the same though.

Blank walls.

It hurts. Like always.

School isn't a distraction anymore. It's worse here and I don't think I can go out again. What do I do now?

"You ok-" "Don't." I interrupt. Those questions are useless. Always the same question and always the same answer.

I spot my backpack sitting on the floor, next to Thomas' one. Mines Beige with one single key chain attached to one of the zippers. It's made of pearls, one of them star shaped.

It's a gift from Becca.

Thomas has one for those dark green ones. It looks old, but it fits his personality.

Gritting my teeth and ignoring the pain in my leg I get up, grab my backpack and leave. Nobody interrupting me. Nobody stopping me.

The door falls shut and I hear steps behind me. I don't look back, I don't slow down. I'm not fast in the first place.

Once I reach the parking lot I don't know where to go anymore. Elliot always drops me off and drives to college as it's near by. It's very advantageous that we moved here because he used to live in a dorm room and only visited on weekends.

I think him going to college here was a part of the decision to why here.

But I can't know, I never had a say. I didn't want to and I still don't care, I guess.

A warm hand takes mine and gently pulls me with the person it belongs to. I don't resist. Maybe I should. I don't know.

I don't know what I'm supposed know, actually. What's normal? What's not? My life certainly isn't normal anymore. I hate it.

Thomas leads me to his car and opens the door for me. Without a word I let myself collapse on the passenger seat. My body is tired.

Doesn't matter.

Nothing matters.

I look out of the window. Trees pass by. And for once it feels like my thoughts are passing by as well.  

For one time I don't feel my feelings overwhelm me. I think this is what it feels like to have an empty head.

But not only is my head empty, my chest is empty and I just feel empty. I won't complain, for now.

Faster than I thought, we stop. When I look out of the car window, I see an unfamiliar house.

With scrunched eyebrows I look over to Thomas. "That's not my house."

"I know." He opens his door, gets out and makes a mini sprint to open my door for me. Hesitantly I get out. "That's my house." He finishes.

We walk to his front door, though I'm still confused why we're here. "Don't worry, my parents aren't home."

He opens the door and I step inside. This is the first time I'm here.

I take a quick glance around the space. Everything looks neat and nice. It's clean and nothing seems to be out of place.

Some family pictures hang on the wall, most of them showing Thomas as a child.

Just when I wanted to inspect one picture where he's holding a fish with a hilarious face -I think because it looks like the fish was wiggling in his arms- he guides me to the sofa.

It's soft and I instantly feel comfortable.

"We need to talk." Oh Lord.

What does he need to talk about? About what happened at school? Why it happend? The big one problem? The kiss?

"Uhm.." he rubs his neck as if that's gonna help him with what he's about to say. "About some stuff." "Stuff?" I repeat. "Yeah, stuff."

The boy clears his throat. "You know, that stuff." Wow. I know exactly, one hundred percent what he means. "Just say it, Thomas. I'm clearly not gonna run away."

"Right yeah. Uhm, so you look okay and the school nurse said you're okay. But I still figured you don't want to talk about, you know, what happened earlier."

I sigh. "You're right. But if you know that I don't want to talk, what is it that you still need to talk about." A little bit more urging, I look into his eyes but he's avoiding me.

"I wanted to talk about, you know.." "Just tell me okay? Seriously. I won't be mad or anything." After he still doesn't speak a work I add "Promise."

"I really hope this doesn't make things awkward. And I really hope this'll lighten your mood." Thomas takes a final breath. "I wanted to talk about that kiss."

I knew it. Kind off. But before I even get the chance to answer he speaks again, this time the words seem to flow right out of his mouth.

"First of all, I don't regret it. Not at all. You know, I've actually waited for that moment quite some time." His face falls. "No wait, that sounded creepy. Let me explain."

I'm too stunned to speak and watch his arms fly around the air as he's explaining everything. Even though he doesn't have to explain anything.

"When I first saw you on that couch, reading your book, I got instantly nervous. Elliot never told me he had a sister. And I did a terrible job in greeting you. Or introducing myself. When I think back I still get embarrassed." He admits with a little blush on his face.

"That's funny." I hold back a small laugh, "because I was traumatized as well. How could you even talk to me when I spoke about myself in third person."

Again, I cringe at that thought and palm my face. His warm hands wrap around mine and I look up again.

"I don't care. Ever since that day I was intrigued by your presence. You caught my attention, I have to say. But then things started to change a little.

"I found you while having a panic attack and while you were nearly conscious and that was when I got really scared. To loose you. I don't want to bring back old memories, but you laying there, blood everywhere following you was a horrifying experience.

"When I drove you to the hospital and they took me away from you to, you know, treat you, that was the moment I knew I can't let you go again. I didn't really approach you earlier because it was obvious you had to deal with so much already, so I wanted to be there for you as a friend."

Tears sprang in my eyes and are now rolling down my cheeks. He smiles at me and uses his thumb to dry them and puts a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"But after that kiss.." His words slowly trail off, his hand still holding my face. "I don't think I can be your friend anymore." Taken aback I pull my face away from his hand. What? He doesn't want to be my friend anymore?

"What-" I'm left speachless. This is not what I expected.

"No, no, no, Hope. I can't and I don't want to be your friend anymore because I want to be more than just a friend. I meant what I said. I like you, Hope." His hand finds his way to my face again. "I really like you."

"I really like you, too." I say relieved. Even if we already told each other those words, it felt different this time. It felt more real. More genuine.

Those words were like approval for him because he slowly came closer. "Can I kiss you again?" He murmured. I can feel his heated breathing against my skin. It sends goosebumps all over my skin.

A nod is all I'm capable of. "I need you to say it." "Yes." And his lips are on mine. For the second time. This one feels softer, more careful.

The events from the past hours blur into the background, they're not important anymore.

I'm too focused on Thomas hands cupping my face, his lips still pressed on mine.

Where do my hands go? Do I like put them in his hair? Behind his neck? Hesitant, I move them up, closer to his head.

But he pulls away, "Is there a problem?" He asks with flushed cheeks, "You're really tense and I don't wanna force you do something."

I shrink a little. "I have a zero experience. I don't know what to do." My hands which were still hanging in the air drop into my lap. My eyes focus on my hands fidgeting. This is kinda embarrassing.

He takes my hands and I look up again. "It's fine. I'm not that experienced as well." Surprised I lift an eyebrow at which he chuckles lightly. "I know there would be some assumptions, but I really don't have much experience. Actually, there wasn't really much time for long term relationships."

For whatever reason I feel myself relax again. Only a little bit.

"But you seem to know what to do. I don't even know where to put my hands." Heat rises in my cheeks. His hand reached to put a strand of hair, that I didn't even notice was there, behind my ear.

Without hesitation, like it's the most casual thing I wrap my arms around him. I feel his embrace me and I bury my head in the crook if his neck. This is even better.

"I'm sorry for earlier." I murmur. "You shouldn't get into fights because of me." When I pull back I take my time to fully inspect him. I already saw the bruise right under his left eye, but looking closer his lip must've busted.

I look down and see his knuckles also have dry blood on them. "Don't feel sorry. This is nothing compared to your pain." He pauses for a second. "And he deserved it. Also, I hit him harder and more often and I should shut up about."

My face must've given up what I was thinking. I'm still pretty sure I hear a bone break and Thomas doesn't look like he got a broken bone. "Did you break his bones?"

He looks around the room. That means yes. I don't feel bad for Tyler though. He did deserve it. "Yes."

I nod and as I look down I see a small red stain on the side of my pants. "You didn't need new stitches but the nurse had to make a fresh bandage." I nod again.

"Won't you get a punishment? For the fight?" I look at his bruise and then his eyes. "I don't know yet. Let's not worry about that today."

He wraps one arm around my shoulder and leans back. "Let's watch a movie." "Thomas-"

"Nah ah, don't start. I don't care if I get punished. It was all worth it."