I chose the easy way, again.

When my parents and my brother finished lunch in the hospital cafeteria, they came bursting into the room me and Thomas are in. This time, we both jumped at the sudden noise and movement.

When they came to hug me, Thomas had to step aside and let go of my hand.

I had no time to think about that as I was pressed together from all sides. "A'm saffacatang." I tried to tell them through my squeezed face that they're suffocating me, though I had to suffer for a few seconds until they finally let go.

But don't get me wrong, I enjoyed their company already, though now I needed some space. And my parents don't know that.

"Honey what happened?" My mother took the hand with the pulse oximetry and I silently wished for Thomas to take the other one again.

And here comes the easy way. "I-" trailing off on purpose and acting as if I was thinking I scratched my head, which hurt and which I hissed at.

"I only remember hitting my head. I know that I slipped, hit it and from then everything is just, blank." This wasn't even completely a lie. I did hit my head.

"Oh Honey I'm so sorry." And she hugged me again.

I looked at Dad. His face was full of pity as well. But I don't want pity. I want Thomas.

Taken aback by own thoughts I frowned at myself. Where did that came from?

"Angela, give her some space. Look at her confused face!" Thanks to my dad, I was set free again. And thanks to my weird thoughts.

Mom gave Das a quick glance, though she turned back to me. "Do you need anything? Is there something we can do?"

Well...

But they're not an option anymore. Or...

"No." I said to myself and answered Mom at the same time. "Angela, she needs space, don't you see?" Dad urges, so she backed off.

Again, I loved them all and I enjoyed company, but right now I don't want them to bomb me with questions. I don't want to look in their faces full of pity or hear their words telling how sorry they were this happened.

I don't want them to hug me and I don't want them to ask if they could help me all the time. I don't want them to start arguing over giving me space I secretly craved.

"Mom, Dad, why don't you leave the room for a bit? Hope is exhausted and doesn't need you fighting over literally her. Thomas and I can stay to look after her and keep her gentler company."

Elliot spoke for the first time since he entered and the words he set free were exactly what I needed. He understood me in a way nobody else does.

My parents, though, had a hard time understanding and giving each other unsure face expressions. They even started nodding and shaking their heads as if they communicated without words.

It didn't look as romantic or smooth as you watch in movies. It looked like it wasn't even working.

Until my father finally spoke up. "Fine." He took Mom by her hand. "We'll wait in the cafeteria." And they left. With them left a pressure I didn't know I had. Nor did I know what pressure.

"Why can you read my mind?" I asked Elliot, turning my head slowly 'cause it's hurting like hell.

"I'm a magician."

Elliot kept a straight face as he said so, he couldn't be joking. But he was. He wasn't a magician. He was to dumb to be one and I told him exactly that.

"And you are to dumb to not hit your head."

My jaw was on the floor. And so was Thomas'. "Dude, too early." "Too early?" "Yes!"

They kept on bickering for a while and I enjoyed just listening. It was somewhat nice to listen to something normal and I really don't want to be the topic. Not always me in the middle.

Not always something being wrong with me and everybody pointing it out.

"Do you want to drink something else rather than water?" Thomas asked. I, glad I could speak again, replied with a thankful yes.

"You too?" He asked my brother. "Yeah, thanks." Thomas headed out the door. "Three chocolate drinks it is." And he was gone.

"What is that between you two?" Elliot asked the second the door closed. "What?" "Yeah that's what I'm asking you." "It's nothing." I waved it off, face heated.

"Hop, he never ever left the room."

My jaw was nearly at the floor. But there wasn't anything, right?

Fast, I found the right words to defend myself.

"How could I know? I was passed out, should I have just woken up for a second to tell him that he should he leave the room? Jeez, Eli, we became friends at school."

Anger was boiling up and quickly spreading in my veins. I had no idea where it came from, but once I started, there was no way back.

"You don't have to protect me all the damn time. Yes, he's a boy but what does it change? You even know him, I mean he's your freaking best friend!

"Don't you want me to be alone again? To have no friends?"

He was in pure shock and so was I. Yet I still continued.

"And how can I know what his intentions are? He found me, Elliot. From the looks of my leg which I didn't even get and the memories from seeing red puddles, I don't want to know what he must've saw when he entered my room!"

Did anyone else saw it? Saw the mess?

"He must be freaking traumatized and I don't blame him by staying in this room to watch that I'm gonna be okay. And you're sitting here acting as if everything is fine! Tell me why? Why don't you seem affected by literally anything?"

"You think I'm not affected by anything? Seeing you surrounded by doctors? Why do you think I'm seeing a therapist? Definitely not to chit chat. I'm at least trying to cope with what happened!"

He stood up and got louder. I got scared. And guilty. It's not his fault. He's right. He just wants to live again. Close that chapter of his life. And I'm.. well I'm just trying to avoid it.

The door opened and Thomas help three packs of a chocolate drink in his hands. Elliot scoffed and walked away, snatching a drink while he went past Thomas.

"What..?" He trailed off, looked over his shoulder where my brother disappeared and back to me.

"Just leave it." When I tried to move away from him pain shot from my leg and spread around, so I just turned my head away.

My vision got blurry again. I want it to be the different blur again. The one back in my room. I want to be back there. Standing, sitting or laying down, I couldn't care less.

I want to watch the golden shapes. I want to feel free and I crave the relief. It's been four days. Even if it's still in my system, it doesn't feel like it.

If it would kill me or not, I need it.

Roughly, I threw the blanket on the floor. Thick bandages wrapped around my calf. I could see some small bruises, too. Just right know I do not care.

Fast, maybe a little too fast, I sat up. "Hope, that's really not-" "Don't tell me what to do." I snapped and massaged my temples to get the dizziness away.

Then I placed my legs on the floor, biting my lip so I won't scream at the pain. How deep was the wound?

"No, really, let's just not-" "No." I cut off his second attempt while trying to find support on some stuff standing around. The second I put some pressure on my hurt leg it just gave in like nothing.

So there I went, flying to the ground.

Until my arm got grabbed. Lucky me, my head didn't made contact to the floor.

"Lay down." Thomas placed me on the bed again.

Everything for nothing. I sat up and even stood up, all for nothing. I'm back where I started.

I'm back where I started.

The blanket was on top of me again. The tiredness was back. But I just slept. I need to go.

"No, please. I don't want to sleep. Not again" I whined. It felt like my leg was on fire.

"I'll go get a- Whoa what's that?" He pulled the blanket back down. "Oh my- I'm gonna go get a nurse, you'll be just fine. Stay awake, Hope. Stay awake!"

I looked down.

Red.

But I was still here. I wasn't in my room. It was hopeless. I hate my name. I'm hopeless. I'm a hopeless case. It's hopeless for me to live a happy, joyful life again. Everything, hopeless.

I have no idea what happened next. Voices, hands, touching, pain.

But I was somewhere else. Seeing everything I could have and everything I'm never going to get.

I was there, but not.

I didn't perceive anything. Maybe I fell asleep, maybe I didn't. Maybe my parents came into the room, maybe Thomas, maybe nobody at all.

What if I was alone?

I really, really don't want to be alone.

Tears didn't stream down my face and sobs got stuck on a place that wasn't real. This here right now doesn't even feel real.

I want to register just anything, though when I tried to focus on anything, it was all gone.

Like everything and nothingness at once where surrounding me.

But I don't want to be alone.

Everything, but not alone.

//°°\\

A/n:

I'm not alone atm, my cousin is staying over actually and it's 1 am, the only time where I can write.

I won against my Writer's block again! The fighting idea just randomly popped up in my mind so I was like why not?

I am very tired rn so I'm not looking for any typos or grammar mistakes, if you find any please correct them!

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed.

Have a great day or rest of it!

WrittenBy09