Since I don't have a "journal" or a so called "diary" I'm just going to input what I'm feeling and the thoughts that go through my mind in to this chapter .

*takes a deep breath and exhales *

I guess I'll start from the day I joined this site, everything back then was so much better, everyone seemed to get along  than how they do now. It's quite sad to see so much has changed with a tiny  press of a button "send"
The hatred that some people do to others around here doesn't even begin to explain how terrible I feel about this situation.

I been its victim believe it or not , & I also shed my amount of tears thanks to that. Not only have I been bullied on here but I been abandoned by my so called "friends" .
I always ended up starting  a fresh account because the old ones just brought me bad memories of the past.

This one I hope will be my last because I can't take another heart ache..

Now that .. that's out of the way I'm going to start with "drama ". Yes you heard right. I fell in to that category as well sad to say .
Why oh why do people enjoy starting sh!t with you? Is it because you have many followers? Your anon is loved ? You are a good writer? What ever the reason is people feel it's okay to start up rumors about you.
I cried at least 2 times now, (no joke ooa cried ) I been broken 3 times. Why ? Because people felt it was okay to start sh!t with me.

Have I been lied to ? Yes countless times
Have I been used ? More than you can count
Cheated on ? .... Hmm *taps my chin* probably , I mean seriously people always find a way to ruin the little happiness I have left .

And I'm probably so stupid to still have faith on those people, thinking they can change... I'm to naïve I get that, but I'm not blind I know when people lie to me, I'm an expert on this now thanks to all those who have hurt me in the past.
Do I hide my pain  from everyone? Yes
Do I want to scream ? Yes
I cry in silence but for what purpose?

I'm ONLY hurting myself

I guess I'm just used to it, sad to say. Maybe that's why I don't care anymore. I been stepped on so many times that I can see the dust of  my own shadow .

I guess if you're planning to hurt me please just go away and don't talk to me, delete me from your life and move on . I'll do the same. I'm tired of pretending I'm okay. When clearly I'm not.
I made this longer than I planned but oh well it had to be said.

If you are my friend and you stab me in the back, don't expect me to be so forgiving.. I'm done forgiving . If  I talk to you and make an effort to be your friend .... Consider yourself lucky because I don't make friends anymore, why bother, they always end up leaving.

I sometimes think of deleting my account and be done with it ...  So if you truly do care you would say things that can convince me to stay. Otherwise why bother.

But yeah these were my very depressing thoughts

~Sam the admin ✌🏻️~
Or Padmé's ooa