! BAD GIRLS ! BAD GIRLS !

( a sex and the city fic )

PLANE
new york, new york -> san francisco, california
10am

"i cannot believe that my book tour is making me go to sam francisco! apparently, i'm very big in san francisco." carrie said from the window seat.

"you mean, big is in san francisco." samantha corrected from the aisle seat.

"okay, yes, perhaps i'll see big." carrie said in hopes of being nonchalant. "i need to have sex. it's been too long. i mean, lately i've been having these dreams where i just run and start kissing random guys!" she said receiving glares from those across from us. "sorry!" she whisper yelled.

"if all you want is sex, then you could've just stayed in new york." i told her. "why am i even here?"

"because you know san francisco like the back of your hand! you can show sam and i sights." carrie explained. samantha had to go since she was carrie's book manager.

"the only sight you'll be seeing is big's sheets anyway." i pointed out. "hey! your words not mine."

"maybe. i need to feel the weight of a man on me." carrie said.

"it's times like this that i wish women could go to male prostitutes." samantha said.

"those are only in bad screenplays and first novels," carrie said. "big is my male prostitute. i'm mixing business with much needed pleasure."

"this is going to be a long flight." i sighed out as i placed my eye mask over my eyes.

"i'm gonna get laid! i'm gonna get laid!" carrie sang in my ear since i was in the middle seat.

"carrie!" i snapped. "you're making this journey very hard."

"it's not the journey that matters, it's the destination. aren't you an english teacher? you should know that." carrie said.

"i am going to sleep. wake me when we land." i instructed as i headed back to sleep.

STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO
san francisco, california
1pm

the cool san francisco air hit me as i drove our rental car, i missed the feeling of driving in california. something about it was so freeing.

"so now we're headed to the book store that i'll be reading at!" carrie announced from the backseat.

"already?" i questioned.

carrie nodded. "mhm, it's first on the list."

i just shook my head as i continued driving. in all the years i had known carrie, i had never seen someone as hyper and excited as she was.

then my phone rang, with my eyebrows raised i answered: "hello?"

"jamie, hey. it's calvin." the man on the other line said.

"calvin, yes." i said with a smile before, "how'd you get my number? i thought you worked at the bau not the fbi?" i questioned.

"if you'd like to get technical, they're all connected." he replied.

"well, what do i owe this unexpected call?" i asked as my focus was mainly on the road.

"you can expect to hang up! i need to get to the bookstore in one piece. i can't show up to big with bruises on top of this pimple." carrie complained.

calvin sighed, "you're busy. and driving....ill talk to you later?"

"later. yes." i said before hanging up.

samantha sat in the passenger seat as she looked out the window, taking in the sites of san francisco. the three of us sat in a comfortable silence as i continued to drive to the book store. "calvin, hm?" she said.

at the bookstore, carrie was ecstatic when she saw the decently sized crowd. "wow, i guess you are big in san francisco." i told carrie.

she smiled as her publisher came over, "i can't believe it! all of these people came to hear me read?" she gushed to the publisher.

the publisher made out an awkward chuckle, "um carrie...they're not all just here for you....mr. winkle's here." she said.

"who's mr. winkle?" carrie inquired.

her publisher pointed to a poster on the board which showcased a dog. "he's making an appearance right after you." she informed carrie.

"you're opening for a dog?" samantha asked.

i bit back a laugh as i shook my head, "wow..."

"they had a chance to get mr. winkle and they jumped at it." the publisher said. "he's huge on the internet."

carrie sighed in disbelief, "lillian, i can't be the opening act for a dog!"

"what can i say carrie? the west coast sales rep totally fucked me on this." the publisher complained.

"lillian, hi!" a man yelled.

"hey!" she said back. "i'll be back." she told us before walking off.

"you know-" i started to say.

"oh, thanks. but don't even waste your energy. you two go back to the hotel, get in that giant tub, relax, order a shit-ton of food." carrie ordered gently. "i'll see you all later and we'll have a meal."

"later? aren't you going to call big?" samantha asked.

"between the pimple that came on in the plane and the puppy, i'm not up for it." carrie shrugged.

"are you sure?" i asked the writer.

"yes! you two go, go. take a long bath and hang out. enjoy san francisco." she said.

"i may never get out of that bath." samantha said as she hugged carrie.

"bye sweetie." carrie told the taller blonde.

i kissed carrie's cheek, "break a leg...i'll be rooting for you from the hotel room." i informed her.

as i pulled away i saw a look of insecurity on carrie's face, but for a split second, before she pushed it back. she was just nervous, understandably. it wasn't every day that a writer opens for a dog.

i gently squeezed her arm, "you'll be fine, just do what you're good at." i offered, and she nodded.

samantha took my hand, and we headed out of the bookstore, while carrie took a deep breath and got herself ready to read.

OCEAN BEACH
san francisco, california
3:45pm

after dropping samantha off at the hotel, i found myself at the beach. seated on the sand in the same place i went to often during my highschool years. the place i hadn't seen in over fifteen years.

the sound of the ocean wave, and the light breeze was almost as relaxing and therapeutic as a massage. the feeling was almost nostalgic, as i found myself letting out a content sigh. it was nice coming back to san francisco every now and then.

i smiled to myself as i took in the peacefulness of it all. i sat on the beach, allowing myself to relax and just take in the peace. the only thing missing was a cigarette. i hadn't smoked one in a few weeks, but there was something about the ocean and a good old cigarette that went hand in hand.

i decided to walk to a nearby walgreens, in hopes to pick up a pack of cigarettes. it was only up the street after all. after walking up the sidewalk, i entered one of the many walgreens, and made my way to the section filled with packs upon packs of cigarettes. i browsed through them, grabbing a pack of newports.

"you know those are bad for you?" a voice said from behind me, causing me to look over my shoulder.

holden andel. he stood behind me on line with a smirk on his face.

i shook my head as i smiled at the tall man, "no, i don't think i've heard that one." i said, knowing i've heard it a million times.

he shook his head as his eyes raked over me, "what are you doing here in san francisco, jamie? i thought you were a new york girl through and through."

i looked up at holden, surprised to hear his deep, rich voice after so long. "i could ask you the same, coach." i quipped as i handed the worker my id. "i'm in town for book tour with carrie and samatha." i told him.

"ah, book tour? interesting." holden commented as the worker handed me the pack of cigarettes. i placed the pack in my pocket, as i noticed holden's eyes go the box.

"don't fight the question, what are you up to here?" i asked, pressing my finger on his chest.

holden couldn't help but chuckle, at the fact that i had just pressed my finger against his chest. he smirked as he looked down at me.

"the rangers have a game against the sharks tomorrow night." he answered.

i nodded before my gaze dropped to his basket. it was filled with a single bud light beer, a pack of gum, and gummy bears. he was always into gummy bears. "interesting contraction." i told him.

"what? a man can't like gummy bears?" he jokingly quipped, causing me to scoff as i stood next to him while he checked out.

"not when you're thirty-nine and the head coach of an nhl hockey team. no, you can't." i retorted.

holden laughed as he grabbed his things off the desk, and looked down at me. he raised an eyebrow as he put the gum in his mouth.

"so, you're not going to ask about the one beer?" he questioned with a smirk.

i rolled my eyes before i looked back at him. "what about the one, singular, beer?" i questioned, mocking his words.

"you're no fun." he stated as we walked out of the store.

"and you're a pain in the ass." i retorted, as we stood on the side of the busy street.

"hey! where are you going, james?" he questioned, using that one nickname that i hated oh so much. but suddenly it felt good hearing it.

"to the beach." i responded as i started walking.

holden quickly sped up to me with his long strides, "in jeans?" he inquired.

"i can't have a seat on the sand in jeans?" i questioned with a raised eyebrow, turning my head to face him.

he just looked down at me, "i didn't realize you were just going to the beach to sit on the sand and think about life." he analyzed.

"how about you join me? i have the cigarettes and you have the beer." i pointed out.

he studied me for a moment, and i saw the gears turning in his head. i knew he was thinking, debating whether he should or not, but in the end, i knew holden.

"yeah, sure. why the hell not?" he said, as we crossed the street.

when we made it to the beach, i made my way to my favorite little spot on the sand.

"why am i not surprised." holden chuckled as i took a seat on the sand.

"what?" i questioned, feigning ignorance.

he shook his head as he sat down, pulling the beer and gum from his bag then handing me an unopened beer.

"that you came to this spot. god, i remember coming here in high school." he stated as he looked out towards the ocean, throwing a piece of gum back.

i nodded as i opened his beer and took a small sip. we sat in a comfortable silence for a moment before holden spoke.

"so you've been dating anyone new, or..." he inquired, though i didn't need him to finish the question for me to know where he was going.

"nope, not dating anyone. i have yet to find a decent guy." i sarcastically answered. "how about you, how's the single dad life treating you?"

he chuckled before giving a sarcastic smile, "great. women are just lining up to be a stepmom. what a dream that is." he sarcastically retorted.

as soon as i handed him his beer, he then took a hefty gulp from his beer.

"i'm sorry. for giving luca that peanut butter cookie." i said sincerely. "i didn't realize that he was allergic, i've apologized before and i'll keep apologizing."

holden immediately shook his head, "i shouldn't be mad at you. you didn't know." he said as he looked over at me.

i chuckled dryly, "but you're still mad?"

"hell no!" he said quickly. "in fact, don't even think about it. i was wrong to be so upset."

i could see the sincerity in his face. he wasn't lying, that much was for sure.

"then why'd you ghost me?" i inquired.

holden's face instantly showed a look of regret. he looked down at the sand, and let out a breath before looking back at me. "i was stupid, jamie. i reacted badly, and i shouldn't have just cut contact."

i took another swig of my beer before i leaned back. i couldn't deny it, it hurt when holden just cut me off like that. "yeah, you were stupid." i agreed. "it hurt. i didn't know what i did wrong. i blamed myself, you know?"

holden let out a breath as he ran a hand through his hair. "i know, and i am sorry. i didn't mean to make you feel like it was your fault." he responded.

"i should've talked to you but.." he trailed off, clearly unsure of what to say.

i chuckled, "what holden, you lost your silver tongue? the guy who could talk to any girl into his bed at any point, speechless?" i teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"i'm just happy we're talking now, that's all." he said as he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear.

holden looked down at me as his hand played with a piece of my hair.

"you're the only person who can make me speechless." he stated in a low voice, causing butterflies to grow in my stomach.

i could feel the tension between us, the same kind of tension that made our friendship so intense, as i locked eyes with holden.

"shut up." i said before reaching up and pulling his face down to mine, smashing my lips over his.

holden immediately melted at my touch, and his hands snaked down to my waist as he pulled me towards him. our lips moved together like a practiced routine. his tongue soon slipped into my mouth, and the taste of beer and gummy worms was intoxicating.

i let out a small moan against his lips, as his hand snaked up the back of my shirt. holden's touch was like a fire, his hands burned my skin and i felt every nerve in my body come alive.

"i missed you, jamie." he moaned out.

i pulled away from him with a gasp of air, "i missed you so much..." i admitted.

i knew i had missed holden, more than words could describe. but i never realized just how much i did until now.

housekeeping notes !

woah woah woah...thoughts? happy tears? sad tears?