! BAD GIRLS ! BAD GIRLS !

( a sex and the city fic )

STUYVESANT HIGH SCHOOL
new york, new york
12pm

i had managed to get through most of the day with little incident, but once lunch rolled around i was struggling more. i didn't feel like talking to anyone, or being around anyone so i decided to just eat lunch alone in my classroom.

i was currently staring blankly at my salad, a fork full of lettuce hovering in front of my mouth, when i heard footsteps coming towards my door.

the door opened, revealing samantha, charlotte, and miranda. they were all smiling and holding lunch bags in their arms at the door.

"lunch delivery!" samantha said as she made her way into the classroom.

i looked up in surprise and a small smile finally appeared on my face. i sat the uneaten forkful of lettuce back down on the desk. "i wasn't expecting you guys." i said, trying to mask the disappointment in my voice.

"yeah, well we figured you could use some cheering up." miranda said as she took a seat in one of the desks, her lawyer briefcase hanging off of her shoulder.

"plus, we wanted an update." charlotte added as she moved over to my desk. she perched her hip on the edge and looked down at me, her eyes filling with sympathy. "how are you holding up?"

i sighed as i shrugged heavily. "i'm not great. i pretty much sobbed myself to sleep last night." i said honestly. i didn't hide the truth. they were my friends and i knew they deserved to know how i was feeling.

the girls all winced in sympathy. "no bueno, babe." samantha said bluntly. she wasn't one to sugarcoat things.

sam's bluntness made me let out a small laugh. "no definitely not. it's been..." i paused and thought back to the night before. the hurt and anger in his voice. the way his eyes just avoided mine when he spoke to me. i exhaled slowly. "it's been shitty."

"so what now?" miranda questioned as carrie walked through the door, looking slightly disheveled as she sat down.

i shrugged, "i'm not sure how much space to give him. part of me wants to call him and see him but another part wants him to reach out to me first."

"ugh, that's the worst part..." samantha commented, her legs kicking up in the desk in front of her.

miranda nodded in agreement, "the waiting game. always sucks."

"if you love someone and you break up...where does the love go?" carrie questioned.

"to their next girlfriend!" samantha said as she rolled her eyes at carrie's question. "you reach out to him. you kissed the guy, you didn't fuck him for god's sake."

"she didn't even kiss him, he kissed her!" charlotte said.

a small smiled played on my lips at their bickering, even if what they were saying hit a bit too close to home. it was nice to not think about it for a bit.

i nodded and grabbed my phone before dialing duncan's number.

i waited and listened as the phone rang, and ringed, and rang. when he didn't answer i was brought to his voicemail.

i exhaled a deep breath, feeling the disappointment seeping even deeper into my heart.

"maybe he's at work!" charlotte said with a smile. "call his job!"

"no, i don't-" i started to protest, but before i could finish charlotte jumped in.

"yes, you do!" she said as she pulled the phone from my hand and dialed before i could say another word.

"charlotte!" i exclaimed as she pushed the phone against my ear. the other girls were watching and listening intently, holding their breath as we waited for someone to pickup.

the phone rang twice and then someone picked up, a woman's voice coming through the speaker. "total health and wellness medical center. how may i help you?"

i looked at charlotte and mouthed i'm going to kill you before speaking. i took a deep breath and smiled sweetly at the women on the phone. "hi, i'm just calling to speak with doctor duncan wright, is he available?"

there was a beat of silencio from the woman on the phone before she spoke up. "yes, he is. just one moment please." she said quietly before the sound was cut off and soft lo-fi music began through the speakers.

the girls watched and waited expectantly, all of them hoping and silently praying that he would pick up. my palms grew sweaty and my heart was racing in anticipation.

the music was suddenly cut off and then- "who's calling?" the same woman asked.

i was caught off guard by the woman's question and stuttered before responding. "oh um, this is jamie boyd."

"right, please hold." the woman said and again the music filled my ear.

i sighed in frustration as the music played once again, my heart falling with the realization.

the woman spoke up once again. "he actually is not available at the moment." she said.

my heart plummeted in disappointment. i swallowed hard against the lump in my throat and tried to keep the tears at bay. "okay and can i ask when he will be available?" i asked as calmly as i could.

i waited for the woman's response, but before she could i was able to make out duncan's voice in the backround.

"no." he said firmly.

hearing his voice after what happened the night before sent a wave of pain through me.

the woman cleared her throat and spoke, "i'm not sure when he'll be available next. can i take a message?"

i sighed deeply and nodded even though she couldn't see me. "yeah, let him know that i know he's avoiding me...and that i want to talk." i said as i tried not to cry.

the woman on the other end didn't say a word. i could practically hear the awkwardness radiating from the phone. i took that as a sign to say goodbye and ended the call.

i quickly turned and threw the phone down on the desk before burying my face in my hands. i couldn't hold the tears back anymore.

"he doesn't even want to talk to me! do you know how bad that is?" i exclaimed to the girls.

"he is being a complete ass..." samatha said bluntly as she leaned back in the desk.

miranda nodded in agreement. "this is classic male avoidance."

charlotte frowned, her expression filled with worry. "but still, that doesn't help you."

"no it doesn't!" i wailed, "that almost makes it worse." i looked between the four girls with tears in my eyes. "what do i do now?"

"there's nothing you can do..." said carrie as she shook her head.

i felt my heart sink at her words. i didn't want to hear that i couldn't do anything to fix the situation. i was a fixer, a problem solver. i didn't like there not being an easy solution in sight.

the girls all looked at eachother and then at me. they were all clearly out of ideas too.

"carrie? do me a favor will ya?" i said as i looked at her.

carrie gave me an empathetic smile and nodded. "what is it?"

"aidan and duncan are good friends, will you try and ask aidan to ask duncan about me?" i asked her. i was desperate to know anything about duncan and where his head was at.

carrie smiled again. "sure, sweetie. i'll call him right after i leave."

"which you all might want to do now." i said as the classroom door opened and kids started flowing through.

the girls all stood up and grabbed their lunch bags, not wanting to be around when classes were in session.

"thanks again for lunch." i said quietly, managing a small smile.

"of course, honey. anytime." samantha replied as she placed a hand on my shoulder.

i nodded and watched as they all said their goodbyes then walked out of the room. i looked at my desk which still had my salad sitting on top of it. i felt too nauseous to eat and pushed it away.

sighing, i pasted a smile on my face.

LEVAIN BAKERY
new york, new york
4:30pm

while walking home, i stopped by my favorite local bakery. i needed something sweet to take my mind off the situation at hand. i pushed open the door and smiled at the girl behind the counter. "hi, i'd like a red velvet cupcake." i said as i started to look around the bakery.

i waited patiently for my cupcake, watching the rain come down heavily outside. it almost seemed fitting for the day i had.

my eyes then spotted a guy walking his dog across the street, struggling to keep the dog and himself dry.

i looked at the guy curiously as i studied his tall figure, sandy blonde hair, and blue raincoat. my heart skipped a beat as i realized how much he looked like duncan.

i felt the pit of my stomach twist as the guy turned a bit, revealing part of his face. he looked identical to duncan, like the spitting image.

i let my mind wander, wondering if it was actually him. would he really be out there in that rain? it's not like him to not have an umbrella.

i could feel my heart pounding in my chest as i sprinted out of the bakery, not even glancing back at the girl behind the counter.

i ignored the rain and the fact that i was soaking wet and shouted through the falling water. "duncan!? duncan!"

the rain was coming down heavily, making it hard to see but i pushed my hair from my face and squinted, trying to keep my eyes on duncan.

i watched as the tall man in the blue raincoat stopped and turned to look at me. he pushed his wet hair off of his face and my heart caught in my chest, realizing that i was right. it was duncan.

i jogged up to him, my heart pounding heavily with the effort i was exerting. i stopped in front of him, my chest heaving and my hair soaked through. duncan looked at me in complete shock, his eyes wide and his jaw slightly dropped.

"you're ignoring me!" was the first thing i said.

duncan's shocked look was quickly replaced with a more hardened one. he looked at me for a few beats almost as if he was trying to figure out what to say.

"you shouldn't be out here." he said quietly, looking up at the sky which was pouring.

"i don't care about that!" i said as i threw my hands up. "i don't care that it's raining or that i'm soaking wet. i care that you've been avoiding me and ignoring me." my voice was shaky with emotion. "and i care about you and jesus duncan, i miss you already!"

duncan's eyes softened slightly at my words and he looked down for a moment. when he looked up at me again his gaze was filled with pain. "i don't know what to say." he replied honestly as he adjusted his grip on the leash that was attached to his dog.

"say anything, god damn it!" i pleaded as i looked up at him.

"i don't know!" he exclaimed as he ran a hand through his wet hair, sending water drops flying. "i don't know what you expect me to say, jamie!"

"anything!" i shouted back, my voice breaking with emotion. "i expect you to say literally anything. i expect you to tell me if you never want to see me again. i expect you to tell me that you hate me and that you're done!"

duncan winced at my words, pain flashing through his eyes. "i could never hate you, jamie!"

"then what the hell is going on!" i cried out as i threw my hands up in frustration. "why won't you return my calls, why are you avoiding me! i can barely stand it, duncan!"

"i'm trying to do the right thing!" he retorted, his voice rising to match mine. "i'm trying to do what's best for me! and right now that's having a break. a break from you, from your complicated and delusional ex!"

i felt the words like a punch to the gut. i stood in silence for a moment, my heart breaking at his revelation. "a break?" i repeated as tears formed in my eyes.

duncan nodded and looked down at the ground, avoiding my gaze. "yeah...i need a break." his voice no longer sounded strong or angry, just tired and broken.

"how long will this break last?" i asked.

he didn't respond for a few moments and i wasn't sure he was even going to answer my question. he took a deep breath and finally raised his head to look at me. i could see the pain in his eyes.

"i don't know when." he said, his voice soft and resigned.

the words felt like a dagger plunged into my heart. i took a shaky breath, the tears streaming down my face and mixing with the raindrops.

"you don't know when you'll talk to me again?" i repeated, needing to be sure i heard him right.

duncan nodded, his expression still pained. "yeah, i don't know." he adjusted his hold on the leash again and took a step back. "i just need to sort out my head. figure out what's best for me."

my heart shattered, the realization setting in that he was serious. i knew i probably looked pathetic, standing infront of him soaking wet and crying. but i couldn't hold it in anymore, the tears just kept falling. "so you want me to just wait around? without knowing what's happening or for how long?" i asked, my voice breaking with each word.

he shook his head, "i wouldn't bother waiting." he said.

his words stung like a million tiny needles pricking my heart. i stood there, rain pouring down and tears streaming down my face.

not saying another word, i turned and walked away.

i didn't look back, not even as i heard him call out my name. i felt defeated, shattered into a million pieces. the man i love just told me to stop waiting around for him to decide he wanted to be with me again.

i had never felt such immense pain before.

i walked through the rain, not bothering to shield myself from it. at this point i was completely drenched and numb from the physical and emotional pain.

i was headed one place, someplace i needed to go to give someone a piece of my mind.

NATHANIEL'S PENTHOUSE
new york, new york
5:45pm

i was absolutely freezing and soaked through to the core, but the adrenaline was pumping through me and pushed me forward.

i arrived at nathaniel's penthouse and punched in the code that allowed guests access without needing him to buzz them in. of course he hadn't changed it after two years. i stepped into the elevator and went up to the penthouse floor.

the elevator dinged as it reached the top floor and the doors slid open. i stepped out and walked down the hall to his apartment.

i took a deep breath as i raised my hand and knocked loudly on the door.

i pounded on the door again and waited for him to answer. i was freezing, soaking wet, and filled with anger. the more i waited, the more irritated i got.

i knew he had to be home and i knew he was able to hear me banging on the door. yet he was taking his sweet time answering it.

i rolled my eyes as i heard footsteps coming towards the door. finally he was going to open it. after a moment the door swung open and there he was, standing in all his arrogant and pompous glory.

"ah, i was wondering who was banging on my door." he said in his cocky, british accent. he leaned against the door frame and smirked at me. "why are you standing there all wet like that?"

i gave him a scathing look before shoving past him into his foyer. "i need to talk to you. now." i said, my voice hard.

he shut the door and leaned against it, watching me stalk into his apartment. "you're dripping on my floors." he replied in a chastising tone.

"that is the last thing i care about! you ruined my relationship." i exclaimed.

nathaniel rolled his eyes as he pushed off the door, straightening up. "really? i ruined your relationship? how'd i do that?" he asked, completely nonchalant as always.

i spun back around so fast i could've got whip lash. "you kissed me and duncan ended things because of it!" i snapped at him, my hands on my hips.

he shook his head and walked to his bathroom, "why would you tell him?" he called out from his restroom.

"because i'm not manipulative and selfish like you!" i yelled back at him.

he reappeared in the doorway of the bathroom, a towel in his hand, "well that's not very nice." he replied, sauntering towards me.

i stepped back, not wanting him to invade my space. "nice? you want me to be nice to you?" i shot back, crossing my arms over my chest.

he closed the distance between us and leaned forward, getting within inches of my face. he smirked and reached up, wiping a lock of wet hair off my forehead.

"you shouldn't scowl so much, lines will start appearing on your face." he mused as he moved his hand to my cheek. i froze, his touch causing my body to react. i hated that after all this time a part of me still desired his touch.

i hated how close we were, how his proximity to me always caused my body to feel like it was on fire.

he slowly traced the towel down my face, drying off the droplets of water that remained there. he moved down to my neck, his touch soft and gentle.

despite my anger and irritation, i felt my body relax and lean into his touch. it was infuriating. this man had hurt me so badly and here i was, craving his touch.

he then moved down to my arms, slowly rubbing the towel over them. as he got lower to my wrists his grip got a little tighter. he looked up at me, his brown eyes filled with something i was refusing to admit.

"you shouldn't be wearing wet clothes, you'll catch a cold." he said as he pushed the towel down my arms, drying each hand.

i knew i needed to stop him, but i was having a hard time getting myself to do anything. i was drawn to him, his touch was addicting. i cursed myself in my head.

he then moved the towel to my torso, slowly moving it back and forth across my chest.

before i even had a chance to stop myself i leaned up and crashed my lips into his. i don't know if it was him, the accent, the fact that i missed duncan or them all, but i was suddenly overwhelmed with need.

he stiffened in surprise for a moment before his arms wrapped around me, pulling me tight against him.

he kissed me back feverously, his tongue immediately slipping into my mouth. his hands moved down to my hips, grabbing me firmly and lifting me up. i instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist as he gripped my thighs.

he then backed me up against the wall, pressing his body against mine. i could feel his hardness through his trousers and it sent electricity through my body. he nipped at my bottom lip and pulled back slightly so he could look at me.

"i should remind you that i can't be blamed for you making the first move." he said breathlessly.

i rolled my eyes at his arrogance and pushed my fingers through his hair. i tugged at the locks, causing him to gasp.

"shut up and keep kissing me." i said before pulling his head to mine again.

10pm

it was well into the night. i slowly slipped out of his bed, making sure not to wake him up. i grabbed one of his shirts from the floor and quietly padded over to his closet.

the room was dark, the only light coming from the street lamp outside. i flipped on the light in the closet and rifled through his clothes looking for something i could wear.

i found a pair of loose sweatpants and a grey hoodie and quickly put them on. i looked down at the outfit and smirked, the clothes were absolutely enormous on me. i looked like i was wearing a bag.

i turned and turned off the light, carefully making my way through the dark bedroom so i wouldn't wake nathaniel up.

once on the other side of the bed i paused and looked at nathaniel. he was lying on his stomach, the sheets pooled at his waist. he was fast asleep.

i couldn't help but roll my eyes as i thought about how peaceful he looked. i hated myself for how my heart still fluttered when i looked at him asleep.

i was about to turn away when i heard nathaniel suddenly stirring. he groaned and rolled over, opening his eyes. he blinked a few times, trying to focus as he rubbed a hand over his face.

"what are you doing?" he mumbled groggily.

i paused, debating on just bolting to the living room. instead i let out a sigh and walked closer to the bed.

nathan lifted his head and looked at me, his gaze slowly taking in what i was wearing. "are those my clothes?" he asked, still sounding tired but slightly amused.

"mine are still wet." i said as i bit my bottom lip.

he pushed himself up into a sitting position, propping himself up with his elbows. he ran a hand through his disheveled hair before raising an eyebrow at me. "did you have to pick something three sizes too big?"

i glanced down at the clothes i was wearing and rolled my eyes. "the only clothes of yours i could find were ones that i could swim in." i replied sarcastically.

he chuckled softly and i watched as his eyes slowly traveled over me, drinking in the sight of my body in his clothing. a small smirk appeared on his face and he spoke again. "you look good in my clothes. i like it."

"look, i gotta go." i said, changing the subject. "what we did...it doesn't need to be brought up ever again."

his smirk dropped and he sat up more fully in bed, looking more alert. "now wait a minute." he said, his tone annoyed. "you come over here, you initiate what we just did, and now you're trying to run away?"

i folded my arms across my chest and looked at him defiantly. "i came here to talk to you about what you did." i said. "you know, you kissing me and ruining my relationship?"

he scoffed and got out of bed, only in boxers, making his way over to me. "i think you forgot about the part where you kissed me back."

"oh shut up." i snapped, rolling my eyes. his proximity was making it difficult to hold up my mask of anger and annoyance. i could feel my body reacting again, his half naked state making it hard to focus.

"and also you fucking me just then? yeah, you can throw that relationship of yours out the window." he said with a laugh.

"you're impossible." i said, closing my eyes in frustration. i knew he was going to make this difficult, he always did. "i don't know why i even expected you to respond to this situation like a sane, level-headed human being."

he took a step closer to me so we were almost touching. he reached out and gently placed his hands on my hips, his thumbs rubbing over them. "i never claimed to be sane or level-headed." he replied, his voice dropping to a huskier tone.

"you're right. i was wrong to think you had matured even a little bit." i said as i grabbed my wet clothes and walked out the door.

he let out an exasperated sigh and followed me into the living room. "would you hold on a minute? you're being ridiculous." he shouted after me.

i ignored him and hurried into the foyer, my clothes clutched against my chest. i turned to look at him with a cold stare.

"i'm being ridiculous?" i asked, my voice incredulous. "no, you know what's ridiculous? you acting like what we did isn't big deal. you always do this nathaniel. you always act like every time you pull a stunt like this it's not worth taking seriously."

his jaw ticked as he strode towards me, irritation seeping through.

"you act like what happened was all my fault, like you didn't play a part in it. and then you come back here, you kiss me-" he stopped and let out a frustrated sigh. "i can tell that you're upset about duncan and what happened but take some goddamn responsibility for your actions."

i froze at his words, my stomach doing a flip. he was right, i was upset about what happened. i was devastated. but at that moment the pain i was feeling wasn't for what i lost with duncan. it was for the fact i wasn't over the man that was standing in front of me.

"i don't want to talk about this anymore." i said quietly, my eyes dropping to the floor. "goodbye, nathan."

he didn't say anything for a minute, just stared at me with a unreadable look on his face. he was debating on what to do and i knew he could see the conflict and pain in my eyes.

finally he spoke again, his tone low and almost pleading. "don't leave, not like this."

"i have to." i said before walking out.

i closed the door behind me and leaned my back against it before letting out a shaky breath. i was seconds away from bursting into tears. i was seconds away from walking back in there and throwing myself into his arms.

but i didn't, mainly because my pride wouldn't let me. i was already embarrassed that i let something like that happen on one of the worst nights of my life, i wasn't going to dig the hole any deeper.

~~

a/n

thoughts?

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