[mystery gang]

Yoongi:
y stop at capitalism
destroy everything
i meant to send that to namjoon

Handsome_face:
i just spat out my coffee laughing
is this wut u 2 normally discuss in ur private chats

Joonie:
nah our private chats usually consist of him venting about a certain someone

Yoongi:
I do not vent about jimin

Joonie:
excuse me while I go screenshot every single one of our text convos

Yoongi:
or u could not do that

Joonie:
see

Taetae:
lmao dw Yoongi Jimin vents about u too

Yoongi:
he does

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
Tae be quiet

Taetae:
like this one time he just sent me "gosh Yoongi is so freaking sexy and so am I we're the ultimate power couple,,"

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
I HAVE NEVER SENT THAT U LITERALLY MADE THAT TF UP TAE

Taetae:
did I tho

YourHobi:
LMAO

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
yES U DID

Taetae:
yeah I did
I didn't make this up tho
[image sent]

*

*

[Yoongi and Namjoon private chat]

Yoongi:
me?
I'm fine thanks for asking

Joonie:
yoongs we're in the same room
I can see u

Yoongi:
shut up we have a rule when ur chilling at my dorm no words can come out of ur big mouth

Joonie:
I didn't say anything

*

*

[mystery gang]

Handsome_face:
ooooooohhhh

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
TAE WTF

Chocochip_kookie:
ya boi exposed u

Taetae:
das me
ya boi

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
DONT BE PROUD OF URSELF
Y WOULD U DO THAT

Taetae:
it had to be done

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
No Tae
no it didn't
u literally could have not done that
and everyone would still be fine

Taetae:
no,, cuz Yoongi wouldn't now possess this information

YourHobi:
yes and how does meow meow feel about this ?

Handsome_face:
lmfao meow meow?

YourHobi:
what, Namjoon said he was part cat

Handsome_face:
tru

Yoongi:

Joonie:
u guys he's so red rn lmao
I would take a pic but I'm legit scared he'd break my phone

Yoongi:
no

Joonie:
u won't try to break it?

Yoongi:
no I definitely would break it
I meant I'm not red

Joonie:
yoongs pls y must u lie all the time

Yoongi:
I'm not lying

Joonie:
aaand another lie
ur full of those arent u

Yoongi:
and ur full of garbage
walnut

Handsome_face:
lmfao u guys r like a bickering married couple

YourHobi:
jin u 2 r dating tho

Handsome_face:
it's ok ive accepted yoongi as my man's side chick

Yoongi:
im a man, thank u

Chocochip_kookie:
yes and im sure jimin's thankful for that

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
im unfriending u

Chocochip_kookie:
blame urself jimmie u created this gc

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
well how about i create another one
the only difference is everyone except u and tae are invited

Taetae:
whaaat cmon jiminie

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
dont play dumb u know what u did

Taetae:
i didnt do anything wrong,,
u expressed smth u luv bout yo man and i shared it w/ frendz including yo man
dont know y u gotta make such a big deal outta it
smh

Chocochip_kookie:
smh

Handsome_face:
smh

Joonie:
smh

YourHobi:
smh

Yugibear:
smh

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
not u too, yugyeom

Yugibear:
sry i just follow hobi

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
umm if hobi jumped off a bridge would u do it 2

YourHobi:
wow what a mom thing to say
guys jimin's our mom now

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
hobi what even

Taetae:
mom can i go with jungkook to see a movie??

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
absolutely not ur grounded

Taetae:
NO FAIR
IM GOING ANYWAY

Yoongi:
can we agree that ur not my mom
cuz that would be weird

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
yes of course ur excluded

Chocochip_kookie:
yoongis our dad

Taetae:
DAD MOM'S BEING A FREAKING JERK

Yoongi:
dont talk about jimin like that

Handsome_face:
mom when r u gonna go out and buy us more cheetos

Yugibear:
omf yess i love cheetos :D

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
i'll buy them for yugyeom and yugyeom only since he's the only one who hasn't gotten on my nerves

Joonie:
hey what did i do??

Yoongi:
ur grounded for an eternity and a half just for existing

Joonie:
wtf dad

Yoongi:
ew gross dont call me dad

Joonie:
dad
i love u dad

Yoongi:
remove urself from the chat

Joonie:
so dad what do u and mom do when us kids are at schooajkglaj67ral
OW HE JUST KICKED MY HEAD

Yoongi:
we both work u ignorant brat

Chocochip_kookie:
lies
i caught them canoodling once

Taetae:
GROSS
wait what does canoodling mean

Chocochip_kookie:
ok just imagine mom's lips and dad's lips
and no space being between them

Taetae:
EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW

Chocochip_kookie:
yeahh and like on top of that they're also cuddling

Taetae:
IM YEETING MYSELF OUTTA THE FAMILY

Handsome_face:
y'all are so extra it's not gross, it just means they love each other

Taetae:
EASY 4 U TO SAY UR THE OLDEST SO ITS NOT GROSS TO U
I BET U ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND U GUYS DO THE SAME GROSS THINGS

Joonie:
uh
@Yoongi @Blue_ribbon_mochi
permission to be disowned so im not ur son anymore and i can date jin

Yoongi:
i disowned u a long time ago

Joonie:
...awesome thanks dad
oh sorry
sir

Taetae:
can i also be disowned?? i wanna date kookie,,

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
didnt u already yeet urself outta the family

Taetae:
oh thats right,,
yayyy

Yugibear:
uhm

Yoongi:
disowned

Yugibear:
:D
HOBI WE CAN BET 2GETHER NOW
*BE

YourHobi:
yes let us bet together
i bet on mom and dad making out the second we all leave to go on our separate dates

Yoongi:
i bet on our last three remaining sons mysteriously dying b4 the day is done

Joonie:
savage
wait no dont kill jin

Yugibear:
NO PLS DONT HURT HOBI

Taetae:
IF U WANT TO KILL KOOKIE YOULL HAVE TO GET THRU ME FIRST

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
yoongi how about we just disown everyone
no children, no problem

Yoongi:
agreed

Joonie:
u guys just want more time to urselves for smooch sessiosag84t9htue
WTF STOP KICKING MY HEAD

Yoongi:
sry i cant hear u over the sound of u not being my son anymore

Joonie:
if i have a bruise im suing