And sometimes we're just scared, scared of someone we love leaving us. So we do what we feel is right, we leave them before they leave us. So wattpad decided to act like a bítch (typical :)) and i had to rewrite the whole chapter because it vanished :)) your gurl is pissed. worked my árse off to rewrite because im super lazy so y'all babies better spam with comments and theories and how much u love me ya.
from here, chapters will be emotionally draining, you just have to bear with it bec... Well you can't do anything lmao. Love y'all '♡

~

when we collide
27| truth and cowards

“Why are you on the floor?” Zayn asks, as he leans down the bed to stare down at Crystal who looks pale enough to prove that she saw a ghost.

“Uh– good question.”  she mumbles as she grazes her index finger on lips. She might have an answer to that question which takes her back to her position on the bed where she didn't even minutely move because Zayn was sleeping on her arm.

God did he look so beautiful. Crystal remembered smiling as she leaned to kiss his cheek but the man had to move his face. Next she knew, her lips grazed his' as she lightly, unintentionally, pecked them.

Somewhere in the middle of losing her shít and muffling her screams she toppled down, obviously waking up Zayn. He's such a light sleeper it's beyond Crystal's intellect. The rest was history.

“Are you okay?”  he asks in concern, oblivious to the internal screams Crystal is muffling.
“Well my eyebrows don't hurt so I guess yes.”  shaking his head, he passes her a hand helping her up to stabilise her balance.

“Shouldn't we call someone?”
“I called dad around four, he said Doniya will come to get us.”  Zayn answers, streching a little.

“My throat doesn't feel well.”  Crystal confesses, sitting on the bed and holding her neck with her right hand. Her eyes turn to slits as she coughs, trying to clear her throat. “Take some cough syrup when we reach home.”

“Uh- Zayn?”
“Yeah?”  Crystal gulps. “Did you feel something, when you were sleeping?”  Zayn frowns, raising his left brow. “No?”  Crystal tries smiling. If a light sleeper like Zayn didn't feel that then maybe god is really on her side.

“Are you feeling okay now?”  Zayn sighs, pressing his hands on his eyes and rubbing the sleep off them. “Stop asking me that Crystal.”

Crystal stares at him as he sits on the bed with his hands clutching his head and pressing lightly.

“Zayn—”
“No Crystal, I refuse to depend on you. Why don't you understand that? You're leaving anyway.”

Crystal sighs, seeing him stretch and pick his phone up. “But we're bestfriends Zayn.”  she sees him smile.

Turning around he brushes his hair lightly before saying, “You have to be real blind to think we're bestfriends anymore, Crystal.”

༻❁༺

New Year, it strikes almost so fast that Crystal had to take a take two at the calendar even though she spent her day with her family and Zayn's family. It seems almost unreal to her. Two months of catastrophe in London, so much happened that she could barely recall anything.

Sadly their families were leaving tomorrow. With her. No matter how much she wanted to stay she couldn't. It was all so haphazard when her father had asked her three days back after she'd returned from the hotel with Zayn. She said no, she remembers her father passing her a small smile and nodding.

But when her father told her that Zayn said he wanted to give it another try, she was blown away, obviously. Maybe the right decision was to go back, at least that's what she liked to believe.

She puts the fondant on the last cake she's baking in this bakery. An inevitable sigh escapes her mouth as she starts with the piping and thinks, that's all she's been doing lately since Zayn's been keeping his distance.

That's what she wanted obviously. Obviously.

“Is this the one you asked?” Adam enters the kitchen, passing Crystal the box to pack the cake. She glances at it and barely nods.
Adam seats himself slowly in front of her noticing her moody persona.

“Something is troubling you.”  he mentions, stretching a little. “Matt is still upset isn't he?”  she asks slowly, piping the layers.
“I mean you dropping a sudden bomb of leaving, what did you expect?”  he asks, looking around the place. “How did Zen manage to get this place?”

She huffs. “For the love of god it's Zayn.”  Adam chuckles slowly. “So it didn't work between y'all?” he asks curiously, eyeing Crystal's face that twitches a little but she sighs. “You know Adam,” she whispers, placing the cake in the box and closing it, sealing it with tape before walking to the other side and falling beside him. “I'm stuck between giving too much to people because I'm in this deadly habit of creating meaningless relationships or giving them nothing because I'm scared they'll leave.”

“But what you and Zayn have isn't meaningless.”  he answers, glancing at her and then taking out his phone to check the time.
“I have to pick up Claire from her workplace, message me when you leave,”  he smiles moving to embrace her which she returns, keeping a distance between his shirt and her fondant covered hands.

“And stay in touch, Hogward.”
“Can't trade a friend like you, Adam.”

༻❁༺

“Zayn?”  Zayn stops clearing the snow off the road, dropping the shovel down and stretching to turn and look at his father.

“Can I help you?”
“Oh yes, I was craving some coffee today. Could we go to my favourite place?”

Zayn shrugs. “Sure, you can take my car.”  picking up the shovel he continues with his work. “I was asking you to come with me.”  Zayn frowns, turning back to pass a confused look to his father.

“Is this a date?”
“Looking at your experience, I won't really consider a date with you.”  Zayn rolls his eyes, leaning against the shovel.  “Where do you want to go?”

“Colbary.”
“That's literally the other side.”
“I'm very well aware, Zayn.”

Zayn frowns, glancing at the road covered in snow and looking up. “You really think it's a good idea?”
“Uh- no?”

“Thank god, dad. I'd be worried if you said yes.”  he opens the main gate and throws the shovel on the ground, closing the door behind him. “What do I get out of this?”

“Absolutely nothing, just drive.”
“Did you adopt me, dad?”  Zayn sighs. Fastening their seat belts, Zayn starts driving, keeping the speed slow due to the slippery roads.

“Zayn, can you stop driving like we're in a bullock cart?”
“What word of 'I dont want to die' don't you understand?”

Yaser raises his brows. “None.”
A silence welcomes the atmosphere and right before Zayn makes a right turn, Yaser breaks the silence.
“So, what all can you cook?”

Zayn licks his lower lip awkwardly. “I can uh- boil eggs?”
Yaser blinks his eyes rapidly, raising his eyebrow. “A toast?”
“I. . . burn it.”  he mumbles.

“You can't make a toast?!”  he yells, making him sigh. “Please stop the car, I can only keep myself sane and you're not helping it.”  Yaser whispers, making Zayn scoff at the comment.

“At least you know you're a psychic old man.”  he comments.
“What did you just call me?”
“You clearly heard me, dad.”
“And you don't want to risk it by saying it again, young man.”

Zayn increases the speed, slamming his foot on the accelerater. “Slow down.”
Zayn parks in front of the coffee shop and opens his door, slamming it shut.

“The Malik family tree must be a cactus.”  he mumbles, making Yaser eye him weirdly as they enter the shop, the bell ringing as they enter to find the shop moderately empty.

“What?”
“Since all of you are pricks.”  they order two frappuccinos and Zayn slides out his wallet but Yaser pays off before him.

“I can pay for myself.”  he mumbles. Searching for the exact change to pass him.
“When you don't have a job?” Zayn chokes on his saliva, stopping his excavation in his wallet to eye down Yaser.

“W-what?”
“You should really remove me from your emergency contact.”  he takes the tray of drinks and finds an empty booth. “Dad, it's nothing like that. I'm just not going to work lately so they might have assumed.”

Yaser nods slowly, sipping from his styrofoam cup.
“Well, I think your work place is around here? Isn't it.”  uhm, no.
“Y-yeah.”  he tries smiling.

“Show me around since you've always complained.”  how about no. “I-I—”
“Let's go.”  he smiles at Zayn, standing up with the styrofoam cup in his hands as he nods to the exit. “But dad—”

“Silence you uneducated peanut, show me the way now.”

༻❁༺

“Is my cabin even empty?”  Zayn asks Margaret as they limp behind Yaser who looks around the place. “I've no idea how you manage to get yourself in these situations every time.”  Margaret confesses.

They walk further into the hallway. Watson passes the hallway but his eyes land on Zayn and a smile etches his face.

“Mr. Malik you're back?”  Zayn's eyes widen and he places his index finger on his lips indicating him to shush down.
“I—”  he stares confusedly at him but Margaret pulls him with her.

“Weird people you're working with.”  Zayn rolls his eyes at that as he opens his cabin to see almost everything the same. Yaser looks around the room, nodding slowly. He points to the painting storage room and Zayn sighs, searching for the keys in the drawer and passing it to him.

Margaret and Watson enter the cabin and stand behind Zayn staring at Yaser entering the closet. “Where's Jason?”
“In his cabin, he's trying to get hold of you.”  Zayn sighs, shrugging his shoulders.

“I think you should talk to him, Mr. Malik.”  Watson suggests hesitantly, “We really want you here.”  he admits. Zayn sees his father carrying a canvas outside and raising his brow at him.
“What?”

He turns the canvas to reveal the quick painting he had done of Crystal. He chokes, literally chokes on his own saliva.
“I— dad- this—”
“The gradient could be better in the corners.”  Yaser mumbles, brushing his finger on the corner making Zayn frown.

“Strokes can be light too.”  he mumbles, keeping the canvas down with the table and covering it. “I'm sure Crystal would love to see this.”

How, HOW did his father know all that?  Zayn gulps. “Dad—”
The door to the cabin opens and it makes everyone turn around to stare right at Lara who looks like a deer caught in light. She makes contact with Zayn but it breaks when her eyes shift to make contact with Yaser's. She gulps.

“Dad, please try to be nice.”
“Trust me when I say I gave that a thought,”  he narrows his eyes at her. “Not possible for me.”
“Uh– hello, Yaser.”  Lara mumbles, looking behind when Margaret and Watson brush past her to escape.

Lara licks her bottom lip slowly. “N-not all discussions have to be arguments, right?”

“True, sweetheart.”  Yaser replies, side glancing at Zayn.
“But I can easily let you know how wrong and imbecile you were in four languages, maybe more.”  he smiles. “That counts for something?”

“Yaser, I can—”
“I forgive you, Lara.”  he answers, making her quiet. Zayn stares at his father questionably.

“I forgive you for hurting my son and everything bad you did.”  he completes, passing her a smile that she feels like vomiting her guts out. Why is he smiling? Why has he forgiven her so easily? It annoyed her conscience.

“I just wished you would have made sure about your step before you left him, because now you might meet him everyday, but one good snowy morning you might meet him somewhere with a glow on his face and a happy marriage, a place you could've been at filled with someone more deserving.”  he smiles, “Knowing him, he'd have forgiven you as well. He'll probably ask you expectantly, hoping for your sake that you found happiness before he asks you 'what did you trade him for?'”

Yaser glances at Zayn, to see him staring at Lara who almost looks like she's about to cry her guts out. “And you'll be speechless because all you traded my son's beautiful love for was a half-full life.”

“I might forgive you, but sweetheart, can you forgive yourself?”

༻❁༺

Obviously, Zayn lost track of time. After the little wisdom that Yaser slapped on Lara's face, she just rushed right out of the door that she entered from and Yaser left too, saying he'll walk around for a bit.

Meanwhile, Zayn had a chat with Jason who tried to help him understand the situation.

“It was better for us to destroy that painting rather than have you plagiarism guilty.”  he had said. Zayn had sighed, lightly nodding when Jason made him realise how he traded everything he built in the heat of the moment.

He literally made Abano triumph. He's dumb.

After Jason gave him the time span till the last day the first thing Zayn did was take a deep breath. He practically had a month to make something before the Gala. He had to find inspiration till then.

And after all, life isn't always rainbows, sometimes it's darkness and storms and rain but beyond the horizon is the sunny morning.

He collects all his files looking around to see the office completely empty. Picking up his new laptop he sighs, locking the door to his cabin behind him and walking out of the building to march off to his car.

“Mr. Malik!”  he turns swiftly, noticing a junior jogging behind him with a huge Cheshire cat smile on his face. “Yes?”
“Uh- are you leaving?”
Zayn smiles slowly, “Haven't made my mind.”

“I made this canvas for my internship, if-if you're free could you possibly review it?”  he asks timidly making Zayn smile. He reminisces his days, when he was almost ready to complete his internship canvas, practically homeless.

“Sure, Abel.”  smiling he gestures to the building. They walk into the building, Zayn following Abel as the enter the workplace behind the official office. “Any tips you'd want to give?”

Zayn chuckles a little as he stands in the middle of the room glancing at the various canvas aligned haphazardly with their nametag. “Yes, just do you. Don't think if it looks beautiful or not.”
“How did your internship go?”  he asks, placing his canvas in front of Zayn. “Miserable man. I was rejected twice.”  Abel peeps from behind the canvas, startled at the words that left his mouth.

He removes the cloth and Zayn is exposed to a painting of a girl, her hair flying everywhere as she stares at the sea. “This is beautiful.”  he compliments, touching the paint to feel the texture. “You can better the gradient here.”  he helps Abel with some tips, almost laughing when he sees him take notes. He even corrects one portion in the corner. “Do you think I'll be picked?”

“If you deserve it, then hell yeah.”  Abel passes a smile, nodding at Zayn. He exits the room not before saying a bye and slapping Zayn with realisation. How could he possibly leave? Leave behind everything? Is that even possible?

He feels his phone ringing making Zayn scramble back to his cabin, placing the files back on the desk and taking in a deep breath before picking up.

“Hello?”
“Uh- Zayn. Where is my brown shawl?”  Crystal asks, softly.
“It's in my closet.”  he answers, hesitant to ask the inevitable question. “Uh- Crys?”
“Yeah?”

“Why are you finding it?”
There's a long pause on the line that Zayn almost feels she hung up. “I'm packing, Zayn.”

Zayn bites his lower lip slowly.
“Oh.”  he whispers not really being able to converse with her.
“Uhm– Crys?”

“I'm listening.”
“Can you leave your shawl here?”  he whisper-asks, his eyes flying in all directions of the room. “Yeah I can do that.”

There's a prolonged silence again, seeing to the fact that they were having a conversation after days. “You're really going to leave without asking me the question you're dying to ask?”

He hears Crystal breath slowly. “The answer doesn't matter anymore, Zayn.”  and with that he hears the line cut. Zayn keeps his phone lingering near his ear for a good minute before bringing it down, feeling exhausted. He stares at the blank canvases lined by the wall and tries to forget the hellholé he was currently going through before sliding his phone in his pocket.

Maybe he'd come up with something to make? Maybe it's God's way of saying that it wasn't his best canvas.

Maybe it's God's way of telling him that he's a dumb man?

Zayn slides his phone out, opening Jason's chat box and messaging a quick 'I'm in'

He checks in to see Doniya's message and he almost feels himself stop breathing.

From Doniya
sent 7:37 p.m.
everyone's leaving tomorrow, crystal too. :(

He sighs, looking around the room and then replying to the text but almost in the middle of typing he stops, his ears opening like a rabbit when he hears a scream. A pain scrunched one at that.

He turns slowly, staring at the door of his cabin with hesitancy.  Walking slowly to the door, he peeks outside to see an empty hall and small cabins. Did he make it up?

Shrugging his shoulders he walks back, locking the painting room and collecting some files from the stack, his mind still utterly confused. He throws the files down and exits his room, slowly walking to the end of the hall to Abano's cabin.

“You're just an asshole!” he hears Lara scream. With a frown etched on his face he slowly opens the door ajar to peep in.
“I'm not here to listen bullshít coming out of your mouth!” Abano screams back, slamming a glass on the floor shattering it into pieces.

“Exactly, so get out. I'm done with your shit!”  she screams back, her hand on her cheek with the tears flowing down slowly. Zayn adjusts his posture and continues to stare at the scene. Abano glares at her, walking closer to clutch her by her hair and she hisses. “You're no one to tell me when I need you and when I don't.”

She pushes him slowly and sobs, making a bun. She didn't like the feeling of her hair cascading down because that just gave Abano something to hurt her. Abano lifts his coffee in agitation, splashing it on her face. The hot liquid hits her face making her scream in pain as she sits on the floor trying to clear it off.

Zayn bangs the door open, making Abano's head turn and for Lara to squint her eyes through the pain. “You disgusting excuse of a man.”  Zayn growls, sprinting in his direction and banging his head on the wall.

“Zayn, s-stop.”  Lara mumbles, trying to look through the pain but her eyes close on instance, having a mind of their own. “You disgrace.”  he screams, slapping him right across his cheek.

Abano slaps back Zayn, pushing him away to pick up the canvas and throw it in his direction. It hits his shoulder making him hiss a little. He throws a punch right on his jaw making Abano groan. “Do you realise how it feels?”  he slaps him across his cheek and pushes him on the floor. Brushing his hands across his cheek to clear his face off any traces of tears he helps Lara up who feels her skin burning, still not able to see clearly. He closes the door from outside, locking him inside.

“Zayn, no.”  she whispers. “No? I'm calling the cops and till then he stays here.”

“Don't please.”  she answers, trying to find his shoulder and putting her hand on it, she tries to open her eyes. “Lord, how can someone do that.”  he holds her face up slowly, trying to open her eyes with his fingers and blowing slowly.

“It hurts.”  she whispers, sniffing a little. “I'll make it stop.”  he replies, blowing slowly in the other one. “Come on, let's get out of here.”

“Please don't call the cops.”  she pleads, holding Zayn's arm to walk in the right direction. Zayn walks to the lift but stops, turning to the stairs instead and continuing. “Lara, why?”
“Please.”

“You don't have to be scared.”
“Please, Zayn.”  she pleads, starting to cry again making him sigh. He helps her in his car and walks to his side, taking out his bottle and walking back to her side. “Wash your face, love.”
She splashes water on her face, hissing in pain and choking, tears falling down unstoppably. Zayn takes a deep breath, trying to hold his composure when he feels his eyes wetting. “You'll be okay.” he whispers, leaning against the open door of the car.

“I'm far from okay.”  she mumbles back. “I hate everything, Zayn. I want to die.”  she cries, trying to hold her breath but something in Zayn cracks. He feels it within him as he watches the girl he loved with his everything, treated her like a queen crying due to the pain of burns on her face and the helplessness in her heart.

“Hey, it'll be okay.”  he whispers, pulling her out of the car and embracing her. She cries in his arms, sobbing like there's no tomorrow and that's when Zayn feels the tears he tried to stop flow down his cheek. He takes a deep breath in, brushing a hand through her hair and pulling away.

“I want to cry. I want to fúcking cry so much.”  she chokes in his chest, the sobs muffled in his embrace. “Then cry, I'm listening love.”  he whispers, his voice cracking ever so slowly.

“I want to scream on the top of my lungs and I want him to see how he's destroyed me completely and I—”  she chokes. “I'm so tired, Zee.”

“I thought I could deal with it but he's so disgusting. I shouldn't have messed the line between adjusting and hurting yourself. E-even Crystal told me that, even when Abano hurt her and—”

“What?”   he stops, pulling her away. “What do you mean by Crystal?”  Lara sniffs. “I-I—”

Zayn brushes a hand through his hair, closing his eyes. The broken zipper. He so remembers the tension in her eyes, her uneven breath and literally sprinting across corridor. How could she not tell him? Didn't she trust him?

Zayn punches the car, making Lara jump back as he tries controlling his breath, closing his eyes as the tears move down. It was this undeniable pang of pain in his chest. Feeling heavy, his breaths coming out uneasy. You try ignoring it but it just becomes more noticeable and the more you notice it, more your eyes sting. All you wonder is why can't you ever protect anyone you love?

But well, when you can't protect yourself, how can you protect someone else? All this while he thought that he hates any emotion but maybe he was just confusing emotions with pain.

༻❁༺

“Zayn isn't home yet?”  Trisha asks, as they sit by the dining table. Crystal looks up slowly, her eyes wandering to the clock to stealthily check the time.

9:30 p.m.

“Where's he? Weren't you with him Yaser?”  Trisha asks. Crystal eats her food awkwardly not really wanting to know where he was but she couldn't help but think if he was okay or no.

Crystal stares at Trisha and Yaser sat across her sharing scared glances with each other making her look down at her plate, suddenly losing her appetite.
She was glad that her parents and Jack were off to meet some family relative before they leave tomorrow.

Half an hour later, she clears up the table with Trisha and carries the garbage bag to throw it in the rack outside. She opens the main door slowly closing it behind her but almost screaming when she sees someone sitting on the steps.

“Zayn?”  she whispers, staring at him as his jacket lays discarded at the side, the infamous cancer dangling by his mouth as he stares at the sky. She sits on her knees to get a closer look but then she smells it.

“Zayn, are you drunk?”
“No, just tipsy.”
“You're drunk, Zayn.”
“Just tipsy.”  she sighs, glancing at his nails that are almost blue.

“How long have you been sitting here?”  she whisper-yells, scared that his parents might hear her. Catching Zayn smoking was the last thing she wanted to happen.

“I think since seven, after I dropped Lara.”  he laughs. “No one is safe Crystal. Everyone is hurt.”  she stares at him in fear.

“Why do you smoke so much, it's unhealthy Zayn.”
He smiles and Crystal almost expects a tumblr-ish answer justifying smoking.
“Sometimes you have to kill a little part of yourself to still feel alive.”  she rolls her eyes at that.
“Really? So what part are you killing today?”
“Fear.”
“From what?”
He looks up. “You, jaan.”

Crystal gulps. Jaan.
“Stay here.”

Sprinting to the road she throws the bag in the garbage bin and sprints back right before closing the door. “Zayn? What happened?”  she asks, slowly.
He glances up at her, his eyes drooping due to exhaustion and even though a smile played on his lips Crystal notices the panic in his eyes.

“You're joking.”  he mumbles.
“What?”
“This goodbye is just a joke right?”  he asks again. Crystal pierces her lips together, sighing in sadness. Even though his eyes screamed there was so much more going through his exasperated head Crystal looked down, her eyes unable to bear the pain in his eyes.

“What if I said it's the truth and not a joke? That I mean it.”
Zayn smiles, puffing out the smoke and stretching his legs on the pavement, the cigarette dangling loosely between his fingers. “Come in Zayn, it's too cold.”

“I think I'll sit here, I like it here.”  he answers, visibly shivering. “Zayn, I'm not going to wait by the doorstep anymore.”  Crystal answers. “Not even Elvis can make me sit through a rainstorm for anyone, ever again.”

Zayn smiles again, glancing up at her. “It's okay, Crystal, I'll sit long enough for the both of us.”  he stubs the cigarette under his foot. “Alone.”

“What is wrong with you, Zayn?” Crystal cries in agitation. “Did something happen?”
“You don't trust me, Crystal. You don't. So I'm not telling you.”

Crystal glares at Zayn, sighing before continuing. “Why?”
“Because you're lying that you want to leave.”  obviously she's lying. “I'm not.”

Zayn almost chuckles, agitating her more. “You don't want to watch me leave so you're leaving me.” obviously he was right. She couldn't bear the thought of him walking out of her life again. He was confused, so confused.

Boy, was he right. So she did what was right. She enters the house and slams the door behind her taking a deep breath.
Yes she's a coward, yes she'll leave him before he could.

___________

Theories?

Do you think whatever zayn saw will affect him hard or he'll forget it in some days?

Theories on Lara's side

Do you like Adam? (adam is matt's friend in case y'all forgot the mickey minnie pickup line lmao)

I'm cringing so hard at this chapter bec i had to rewrite and well it's total crap sjsksj ;-;

What do you think will happen next? Crystal leaves?

Thank you for the love and support, iloveyouguys❤️

CHARACTER QUESTIONS (incase any¿) inline here :*