but what do you do when nothing means everything? when you lose someone to nothing. It's a shame. Before you continue, pls do press the star button and vote. Also, if possible do let me know what you feel about the chapter in the  comment section, I'll always encourage y'all to comment and share your feedback bec that's what motivates me to write so even if you're a ghost reader, drop in some feedback let's interact! ❤️❤️

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when we collide
26| nothing means everything

“I'm exhausted.”  Crystal mumbles as they stand at the spot they'd parked their car at.
The area is covered in a huge blanket of white and she couldn't stop shivering. Zayn glances at her, shivering a little himself as he dusts off the snow from his shoulder.

“The hotel they were talking about must be around here.”  he replies, staring at his hands, his nails blue due to the cold surrounding him. “I feel like I'm in titanic.”  he mumbles. “Is this how Jack felt?”  they walk straight, taking a right and coming on a main street. He sees Crystal shake her head. “Jack gave up his life for Rose.”

“I can too,”  he answers with a small shrug of his shoulders, “If I find my Rose.” Crystal chuckles, confusing him obviously. “Your Rose is going to be one héll of a strong woman if she manages to stick with your sleepy and forever hungry áss.” 

“I'll give her a thousand reasons to stay.”  he points at the vague image of the hotel board and feels his feet take a sigh of relief.
“I hope you do.”  Crystal replies.

“What about your Jack?”  Zayn asks, looking down at his wet socks. His feet were frozen. Literally frozen.
“My Jack is probably dead.”

“But the thing is all Jacks will die for you when things are bad, it's inevitable. Find a Jack that'll live for you in your baddest state.”  Zayn feels her eyes on the side of his face, running around his face trying to interpret his words.

“You act like you know everything.”  but he did. Zayn so did. He knew her favourite book and her coffee order was on his tongue. The way her fingers danced on her thighs when she's in thought or when she bites her lip in nervousness. The way red would make her glow or how sinful red lipstick looked on her lips. How almost every night that they spent together not once did he feel tempted to touch her but all he did was count the freckles on her cheek that were faint but prominent when you're up close. How he wanted to tell her so badly that she was his little escape and he was dreading, so dreading the day she'll go away because he knows he'll be alone. No one will try to break into his walls like she did.

Yet, all he does is smile at her as they run under the shed structure of the hotel. She was his little world yet he wasn't a part of it and it was only him who was to blame.

“Is this the one?”  Crystal asks, breaking him out of his trance.
“I reckon.”  they walk inside the hotel, feeling a little better in the warmth of the atmosphere. The receptionist looks up when they stand by the desk obviously a little blown away.

“Sir, we're fully booked.”
Everything Zayn wants is somehow booked, stolen, or a bitch. “We do have a reservation.”

“Can I have your good name?”
“Zayn,”  he replies. “Zayn Malik.”
Crystal coughs a little looking up at Zayn with a playful glint in her eyes. “Can you not quote it in the James Bond voice.”  she whispers, making him smile.

“Oh yes, we do. I reckoned you guys wouldn't show up. Are you guys okay though?”  she asks.
“Yes, but I'd like to fill in for– an almost robbery? If you could let the police know?”

Her eyes widen almost immediately. “Are you guys okay?”  both of them nod. “He's a little hurt.”  Crystal says, gently brushing her finger over the small gash on Zayn's neck that was almost dried with clotted blood. “Oh Jesus, I'll do just that. First aid is in your room. I'll tell room service to send you some robes. I'm sorry for what happened.”  Zayn nods curtly at her sincerity.

“Could you possibly lend me a charger, if someone if carrying it. I really need one.”  she nods at him, opening her desk and passing him the charger. “You can have mine for the time being, though my battery is about to die so I'll have it back soon.”

“No worries, thank you so much.”  Zayn answers, asking for the direction while he picks the keys from the desk and smiles at her. They take the lift and find their way into the room. Crystal slamming it close behind her and sighing before tumbling on the ground and laying on the carpet.

“The bed is literally two micrometer away, Crys.”  she sighs, looking up to see Zayn press his feet with his thumb and hissing. Standing up, she walks to the washroom when she notices Zayn frowning in pain as he takes out his socks. She looks around for something and then finds a small tub in the corner.

The room service guy walks behind her, swapping the towel with a new one, putting some hygiene products and necessities before walking away, probably too done with his job to show any acknowledgement. She fills the tub with hot water and then cold water to mix it up before taking it out to see Zayn limping to the corner and plugging the phone charger.

“Zayn, come here.”  he turns around eyeing the tub and frowning at her. Limping back he sits on the bed just as Crystal puts the tub down. She touches his feet almost hissing when they're undeniably cold and blue.

“Put them in.”  she instructs. Grabbing the first aid from where the girl had instructed she pushes Zayn's head a little up, standing between his legs with his feet in the water tub.

“This? It's just a gash, I've had worse from Martha's old kitten. I'll take you home safe even if it's the last thing—”
“Still. Even if a wound is small it hurts as much as a big one.”  she mumbles, cleaning the dried blood on the wound. It isn't as big as Crystal anticipated but seeing the dried blood troubled her stomach nevertheless.

“Crys?”  she hears Zayn whisper as she continues to dab the wet cotton on it. “Yeah?”  she mumbles, too focused on the task she's doing. “You're too close.”
“Is it uncomfortable?”  she asks, shifting her eyes slyly to the left to make contact with him, barely an inch away.

“No,”  he whispers, “It feels way to comfortable.”  she bites her lower lip slowly, breaking the eye contact and turning to the wound. “Bare with it.”
“Can you bare with me?”

Crystal sighs, placing the bandage on the wound and standing straight. “What's up with you, Zayn? You've been acting weird.”  she asks.
Shaking his head he sighs. “Sorry if I intruded in your space.”

“Zayn.”  she whispers, gaining his attention. “You know I'll just ask you once and not twice or thrice like I used to?” Zayn smiles, barely nodding and looking up. “It's nothing, don't worry.”  he gets up slowly, checking his coat pockets to find a packet of cigarette but finds none to his displeasure.

He searches his pants then looks around the room. “Where's the cig?”  he turns to notice Crystal picking up the cigarettes from the sideboard. He smiles at her, leaning his hand in her way but she narrows her eyes in response.

“Crys?”  he voices, asking for the cigarettes in her hands. “No, Zayn. What's wrong?”

“You literally just said you won't ask me again.”  he taunts, tilting his head to the right. “Y-yeah, so this is the last time. What's wrong?”  she asks, walking a little closer. “Nothing,”  he replies, monotonously. “Give it now.”

“I don't know, Zayn. Call it plan B, hell even plan Z but we're sitting and you're talking and we're going to keep this away for today.”  she replies, trying to smile at him even when he passes her a neutral face.

“Crystal, thank you for your misplaced concern but I have zero energy to waste arguing with you,”  he mumbles, “Give them. The last thing you do is annoy a smoker who wants to smoke.”

“Zayn.”  she whispers, trying to encourage him. “Crystal, last warning.”  he hisses.
“You're the last person that scares me.”  she says, crunching the packet in her hand. “You don't give a dàmn, aren't you leaving? Go do it.”

“Frankly speaking, I do give a dámn.”  she replies, crunching the packet even harder that Zayn starts glaring at her. “You make me want things I can't have.” he mumbles, walking closer to her.
Crystal takes in a deep breath.
He tries taking the packet out of her hand but she backs off.

“Stop saying you're okay when you're not.”  she replies. Zayn closes his eyes, trying to hold himself together and no matter how much the veins in his neck gave her a fright of her life she stays her stand. “Crys.”  he hisses again.

“Zayn, all I'm asking is for you to not bottle it in. Talk to me and then take—”
“GIVE THEM!”  he shouts, lunging at her to take the pack, Crystal tries pushing him, keeping a tight grasp on the packet and not letting it go, Zayn pulls her on the bed, crossing over her and trying to pull the pack.

“Zayn, you're heavy.”  she complains, trying to wither apart. “Zayn, GET UP!”  she shouts, feeling a slight pain in her abdomen. “Just give the bloody—”
“GET UP!”  she screams, pushing him away. He jerks a little falling on the pile of two robes the man left for them. Crystal tries catching her breath and sits up.
“Are you insane?!”  she shouts. “You're trembling, you look pale and literally like you're about to fall apart and you're saying you're okay thinking I'll believe it?”  she says, slamming the packet down on the floor.

“Take the dàmn packet, breath whatever amount of cancer you want but talk to me, Zayn! What's wrong with you? You've been acting so weird.”  she shouts, a frustrated edge to her voice.

Zayn picks up the packet from the floor and walks to washroom with the robe in his hand, slamming the door close. Crystal stares at the door for a good five minutes and then sighs. She picks up the robe and takes of her drenched jumpsuit quickly changing into the robe and turning the heater high.

She lies down on the left side knowing Zayn prefers the right but later shifts to the right in annoyance but almost immediately turns back to left, a sigh escaping her mouth as she switches off the lamp.

About fifteen minutes later, when she's sat comfortably on the bed the door opens and Zayn comes out glancing at her for a second and then walking to the other side laying down.

Crystal leans her head with the wall, closing her eyes momentarily. “Crys?”
“No, Zayn.”
“Can—”

“I don't want to hear anything Zayn. I'm exhausted.”
“Can I lay my head on your lap?” she opens her eyes to glance at the back of his head. “Zayn.”

“I know, I shouldn't enter the vicious cycle—”
“No that's not what—”
“Please, Crys. I just want to be close to someone for a little bit.”

Crystal doesn't answer. Her mind totally liberated with the dilemma and conflict of what Zayn was or is thinking. She swallows the lump in her throat and brushes his hair with her hand. Taking it as a sign of approval he shifts his head on her lap without making eye contact.

She plays with Zayn's hair gently brushing his hair, his breathing slow and his eyes pressed closed that she feels he's asleep.

“I'm sorry if I'm clingy.”
“You're not. If you don't want to talk about what's bothering you it's okay but don't lie saying it's nothing.”  she brushes her hand on his cheek slowly, his stubble tickling her hand stealthily.

“I just want everything to stop.”  he says barely over a whisper. He straightens his position, now facing up towards her face as he lays comfortably in her laps.
“You're crying.”  she mumbles, brushing away the tears that move down his waterline to cascade slowly down his cheeks.

“No I'm not,”  his voice cracks, “May-maybe yes but—”  he takes in a deep breath. “I feel like such a loser, Crystal. I don't have a job, I haven't even told my parents yet and everything is just a complete mess and— I-I, you know what I mean?”  he asks.

“How many times have I told you this, Zayn? You're not a loser. You made my days here some of the best I've had, you made feel alive when I felt nothing but dead inside. You gave me a reason to look forward to every day, even if it was short lived.”  She confesses, slowly leaning till their noses touch and she feels his breath her mouth.

“What did I tell you?”  she asks.
“That I'm the most amazing galaxy.”  he whispers slowly.
“And?”  she presses, feeling the hair on the back of her neck rising when Zayn lifts his head a little to brush his nose against hers. “I don't remember.”

“Zayn.”
“That you'll love to search every part of it.”  Zayn feels her hand on his chest as she lightly places them there to give him comfort.
“You'll be okay.”  she motivates, leaning back against the wall. Zayn opens his eyes slowly staring at the ceiling.

He places his hand on Crystal's that she placed on his chest.
“Please don't leave me, Crys.”
“Zayn, please don't.”

“I can't imagine a life now that I'm used to you.”  he whispers. “Don't you feel anything for me?”  he questions. “I don't.” 
Zayn sighs a little, the answer obviously hurting him. Why was he even asking this? Yes, he was in the middle of his breakdown crisis right now and Crystal's so close and so soft, what could he do?

“You feel nothing?”
“Not anymore.”  she whispers, looking at the side table refusing to look at him. “Y-you don't?”
She removes her hands from his chest and clutches her hair back.

A silence falls and Crystal gulps, the lump forming in her throat. “Letting you go was the hardest thing I've ever done,”  she hears him say. “I couldn't keep you with me just because I was lonely or alone Crys. I couldn't do that to you. I'm not selfish.”

“Zayn, end this conversation.”
“But you said no lies.”  he mumbles back. “What did I lie about?”   she asks.
“That you don't like me.”
“I don't, not anymore Zayn.”

Zayn sits up almost immediately, scaring Crystal as she gasps in respond. He turns a little, sitting on his knees in Japanese style. “What's up with you?”
Zayn leans forward, pulling Crystal down by her knees and placing his hands on either side of her on the bed. “Zayn!”

“You don't?”  he asks slowly, leaning closer to her. She starts sweating and something tells her it's not the heater. Crystal takes a deep breath, holding herself because she wasn't giving in so easily. What was going on with Zayn anyway?

“Zayn, move.”  she says, her breath coming out uneven.
“Do you want me to?”
“Zayn, enough of this.”  she whispers, hesitantly opening her eyes to see Zayn's eyes boring in hers. Oh no.

“Crystal?”  he breathes, his nose brushing against hers slowly. “Please don't leave.”  Crystal turns her face to a side, taking a deep breath in as she presses her teeth together to stop the nerves in her.

“Zayn, move.”  she whispers, her voice coming out edgy. Zayn stares at her face for a while but when he doesn't see a flick of warmth he backs off. That's all the time Crystal needed as she immediately dives in the sheets, and lays down to face the opposite side.

“Crys, I'm sorry—”
“No, Zayn.”  she whispers, closing her eyes when she feels them glistening. “Sometimes we're friends, sometimes we're more and sometimes you treat me like a complete stranger. When I try to mend into your life you push me away, get angry that I'm forcing myself in your life and when I don't, you try and pull me back,”  her voice cracks as she cuddles her body, holding her knees to find closure.

“One minute you're talking to me like I'm so special to you and the next you're acting like I'm a burden.”  she whispers, her voice barely over a notch. Zayn sits beside her with his hands resting limply on his laps as he stares at her back.

“One day you act like I'm your favourite story and on others you go reread the old ones.”  he knew kissing Lara was the biggest mistake he ever committed. Not only did he disrespect Crystal, he disrespected himself. Even if Crystal was equally siding to Matt, she didn't give him that power on her. Zayn looks down at his hand as he bites the corner of his bottom lip.

“Don't fúck with my feelings if you're unsure about yours, Zayn.”  he lies down, turning to the opposite side as he stares at the door. This is what he always wanted. Why was he doing this? Just under the heat of the moment, he couldn't possibly hurt her because he was feeling alone.

All she's done is cry ever since he's been slapped forced into her life. Maybe that's the hurricane that stays against the horizon, it came without warning and boy, did it destroy them.

“I'm sorry, you're right.”  he replies, pursing his lips together. “I'm screwed and dumb, you don't have to deal with me.”  Crystal purses her lips to hold in the cry that forces itself to escape.

This. This is what struck her the most. How could she leave him when she knew what he's dealing with even if leaving is the correct option? The only thing that can keep her sane.

“I don't deserve you, you're right. You should leave Crystal.”  he whispers lowly. “Zayn, stop.”
“You're right. You're too amazing to be a part of my life and it's true, I'm not just throwing a pity party here, love.”

“You should really leave.”  they lay in bed, dying in their miseries, yet somehow together even if they couldn't share it with one another. Maybe Zayn was her soulmate, just too vivid to be true. “I can't.”  she whispers, as the tears slide down her nose, falling on the pillow.

“But you have to,”  he replies, forcefully trying to hide the crack in his voice. “You just have to.”  Crystal tries to even her breaths as she turns her head slightly, the flock of black hair in her sight.

“How can I ever love you when I can't give a dámn about my ownself?”  he asks. She turns finally, lying down on her back and staring at the ceiling to stop her tears vainly.

“Zayn–”  she tries to speak, but his name feels too bittersweet on her tongue to say it with ease.
“As much as I want this forcefullness to end I'm scared whatever we had has already ended but– I. . . No matter how much you've hurt me you still care about me like no one has. You took me out of the shallows and taught me to love myself. You're–”  she quivers “You're way important for me to just leave.”

“I don't know what to feel or what to do but all I care about, as of right now, is what decision will focus on my well being in the long run but—” she looks straight, shaking her head to collect herself as the tears fall. “I can't lose you. . . I can't leave you alone like this.”

He rolls slowly and cautiously, the wetness of hazel meeting the falling tears of brown as they make eye contact. Hesitantly placing his hand on her face, he sighs afterwards. His hand placed ever so softly that Crystal feels how fragile he's assuming she is currently.

Which isn't wrong.

She lets her eyes drift from his hazel eyes to the small smile she's sure she sees on his face. “I want you to remember me with only one and one thing if we get apart.”

“W-what?”
“I want you to live your life and make it as beautiful as you are.”  and Crystal feels it. She feels it ever so slowly rising within her heart. A very chaotic feeling she feels too scared to name.

“As for me,”  he smiles. “I might be partially-voluntarily jobless, excessively unstable and ridiculously alone,”  he smiles. “I think I'll live with it.”  he brings his hand back.

“I'll tell my decision and you tell yours.”  he whispers. Crystal takes a sharp breath when Zayn moves closer to her. “But for now, even if we're too deep in the deadliest ocean, breathing new ways to hurt each other instead of oxygen and choking in this water knowing it's the end line for what our hearts can take,”  and just then his forehead ever so slowly touches Crystal's. “Please stay with me for a while.”  he breathes slowly, brushing his thumb on her cheek to clear the rolling tears.

“Even if it's so wrong, I know. We'll just act like we know how to swim,”  he whispers.

“Even when I only act because I can't swim anyway.”  Crystal gives out a breathy laugh. “Just lay with me yeah? We got a whole life now to act like strangers, why tonight?”

Crystal purses her lips slowly, opening her eyes slowly and staring at Zayn's face, his cheeks slightly wet. “Zayn?”
He opens his eyes, smiling slowly as he places his arm on her waist. “You're not going to kiss me right?”

And Zayn chuckles, that's all he could do anyway because he so wishes he could. “Not even hugging you.”  she smiles, passing her arms around his neck and crossing them as he ever so slowly pulls her closer.

“Sing me a song.”  she whispers, placing her head on his chest, her hair hitting moving to wobble in Zayn's face but he doesn't quite mind the feeling.

“This is your chance before I die.”  she giggles.

Zayn starts singing 'their' song looking down at Crystal to see a small smile on her face.

“What are you thinking?”  she asks. “Nothing.”  he answers knowing that's probably the biggest lie he's ever said.
“Come on, tell me.”  she encourages, but all Zayn does is hum the lyrics sung by Elvis, trying to put her to sleep with a lullaby of their own.

If he started explaining 'nothing' to her, they'd probably be on their death bed where he takes his last breath, dying with the incomplete explanation of 'nothing'. He kisses her hair pulling her close, knowing she'll vanish, acting like he's shaken and flabbergasted by her presence. Moderately true, but not completely. 'Nothing' was the fright in him he had ever since the day Crystal sat with him on their roof, ever since the day she made his house a home. Ever since she didn't flush the toilet so he doesn't wake up.

The fright that forced his guard up. Everything that was special to him or mattered to him was somehow always taken away from him. The 'nothing' hid how afraid he was because even if he wasn't in love he could fall for her, anytime.

Any second. Just a flick and he'd be down falling straight on the concrete. Someone genuinely caring for him? Making food for him? Loving him and supporting him for who he is? That's so new for Zayn that he fears it'll end soon and she'll be tired just like everyone was of him.

He wanted it to stay like this for longer as he passes his fingers through her hair and his other hand traces the skin on her waist. It dawns on him like a crash that the only hurdle that supported his fear was his ownself.

He never let her in.

But, when he wanted to, she closed off her door. Maybe Crystal was right when she said timing matters. They were indeed like thunder and lightning. Their timing was so visibly off.

It súcks, because Crystal was sleeping in his arms and all he wanted to say was except all the false statements he gave, 'nothing' meant everything. 'Nothing' meant so much more.

But he doesn't say anything as he kisses her eyelids slowly, for the last time maybe as he stops humming the song. Maybe that's why this was his favourite song, it wasn't because Elvis gave it his' angelic voice but because it reminded him of Crystal Hogward, a girl who was so much more than 'nothing'.

And it súcks, because just like the song reminds him of her, just as he stops and ends the song, the ending reminds him of her too.

He lost her to nothing.

_______

hi guys, I CANT BELEIVE WWC IS ABOUT TO REACH 10K?!? MY DUMB BOOK IS ABOUT TO REACH 10K IM-

thank youu so much to everyone who's constantly supported me in the comments, private messages. You mean the world to me and y'all know who you guys are❤️

Theories on this chapter?

Who's side are you on? Do you think Zayn's just in the heat of the moment or he feels something for Crystal?

Do you support Crystal's cold shoulder?

Do youu love me? (well, who can't love a bad bítch like me😎) ok that's me being dumb.

I kinda like this chapter the most idk? What's your call.

Drop in what you think will happen next?

Thank you for sticking with me, i hope we stick together till the end❤️ all the love xoxo