And without her smell the air was pale, ordinary and with her fragrance he felt like he breathed after so long. Hey y'all, yes i decided to update bec i finally managed some time out of this weird schedule highschool has put me through :) anyway, don't forget to vote if you haven't yet and feedbacks are always appreciated ❤️ don't be a stranger to me and stick around to stay updated about the diff ways life decides to fúck me up w :)xoxo

~

when we collide
24| rose and lavender

"Can you atleast groan if you're alive?" Crystal tries after having to be staring at Zayn leaning on the steering wheel for fifteen minutes straight without any movement. Is that humanely possible?

Obviously getting no reply.

"What an amazing change of scenery."
"Crystal, we're at my workplace."
"I was being sarcastic."

Sighing, Zayn gets up slowly, taking his own time to take in the dreading surroundings.
"Why are we here? What happened now?"

"The fact that I'm making you sit here and watch my downfall is beyond me." he confesses, brushing a hand through his hair as he glances at the building.
"Abano, that ceramic bítch, he's saying that I stole his painting."

Crystal stares monotonously at him because one, why did no one actually like working in his office two, why was everyone behind him, ready to pick a fight and three, what the fúck?

"Which painting?"
"The one I made as my entry for the Mid Art Gala." Crystal gasps in response, hands flying to her mouth as she tries taking in the dreading information.

"Impossible, how'd he get your piece?"

Zayn pinches his nose, trying to collect himself. "Lara," he sees the plan of 'collecting himself' flushing down the drain already, "She said she had mentioned about my passcode and painting to him, way back in time."

"So. . . He just went in, stole your painting from the locker room and now he's saying you stole his painting which is actually yours that he stole from you but he's saying it's his when it's actually yours and not his?" Zayn feels forced to massage his temple when everything Crystal says moves beyond his intellect capacity.

"I've no idea what's going on up there," he whispers. "Not sure if I want to go and check."
He exits the car, shutting the car's door behind him and sighing.

"You sigh a lot." Crystal ponders loudly. "It's better than slicing myself with a butcher knife, isn't it?" he walks to the door, rather slowly that Crystal stares at him for a pretty good second.

"Are you going to limp faster?"
He turns to glance her way and rolls his eyes entering through the entry door with Crystal catching up with him just in time.

He checks the reception to see Lacy not sitting there which initially he finds absurd but then remembers it's Christmas.
A day he was supposed to be at peace.

Well, maybe not.

He presses for the third floor and the elevator ascends, increasing his anxiety. "It'll be fine." Crystal motivates him but he doesn't miss the 'I hope' she mumbles lowly. Entering his cabin he sees Jason and Abano in the middle of the room talking to each other.

He could see the crowd peeping in the cabin from outside but he was too furious to think rational anymore. "Oh, Zayn," Abano announces. "Look who we have."
Eyes divert to him and he doesn't miss the glare Jason passes him.

"Yeah, keep introducing me. That's all you can do." he fires back making Abano stare back even furiously. "Zayn, you might want to shut up right now."

Jason walks further holding a huge canvas in his hand. "You want to explain this?" he hisses, turning the canvas to reveal Zayn's piece but- holy shít

"What the héll that's my piece." he complains when he notices the small signature saying Abano in the corner. "The signature says otherwise."

"Anyone can do that! If I go sign a Claude Monet masterpiece over his signature, does that make it mine?!" his face scrunches into a frown as he stares at Jason trying to defend himself.

"It's the same colour with the same dryness, Zayn." Jason says, "Do you have any evidence or someone who can vouch in for you to say that you made this?"
Zayn passes Jason a blank face pondering internally about the bullshít that was coming out of his mouth.

"What is this? The Sherlock Holmes series? Are you going to say 'see you in court' next?"
Jason rolls his eyes, passing the painting to Abano. Zayn eyes it carefully, every movement they did to his piece.

It was his hardwork.

"The only thing I won't ever adorn in this organisation is plagiarism and infringement of copyright." he hisses. "I didn't expect this from you, Zayn."
"How can you trust him and not me? What reason is there?" he complains, glancing around to see everyone eyeing him including Crystal.

She stares at him softly, almost like she's scared for the future's outcome and that somehow was enough to break his confidence by a notch. "Everyone is vouching in for Mr. Abano." he formally replies. "They say they saw him make it." he almost does a take two turning back to match eyes with everyone but everyone tries avoiding it.

"Watson, where's he?" he asks, hesitantly. "He told us he has no idea when you made this, you might have but he's not sure." Abano answers Zayn, passing him a crooked smile that it almost encourages Zayn to swipe his nails on his face but he retrains himself.

Darn, he actually didn't have Watson around whilst he made it.

"So? That's it? So you're going to call it his now because he has a signature which he can easily make and people he can easily buy?" Zayn rants, throwing up his hands in exasperation. "He can remake it, can you?"

"I made it without visualisation, it was free hand and took me weeks-"
"He can make it again." Jason repeates, sternly.

"Are you for real?!" he yells, officially losing his temper. "What do you mean? That painting is mine! It's my hardwork! You can't take it away from me!" banging the table he closes his eyes staring down at the area he banged.

Lara enters the cabin timidly, her sight flying everywhere, eyeing the situation. Her eyes move to Zayn's helplessly drooped shoulders and a wave of guilt passes her. Zayn turns slowly to notice Lara and a smile appears on his face. "Lara, you know I made this right?" he enthusiastically asks, walking towards her and grabbing her shoulders. A smile so relieved that Lara feels herself breaking.

"Tell them the truth." he demands, his eyes staring and moving between hers. She looks down, staring at her heels and biting her lower lip. "Lara? Please." he says, the smile faltering from his face but a glint of hope still present.

"I don't know." she whispers, timidly. "You might want to stay away from my woman." Abano calls out, making Zayn turn and narrow his eyes. "Ex-woman you mean?"

"Well, considering your ex-woman is here to support you too," Abano shrugs before continuing, "You shouldn't say anything to me."

"Lara, please. I'm begging you. I'll forgive you for everything you did. Please don't take this away from me." Zayn whispers, his voice cracking a little.

"You owe him this." Crystal adds, making her turn her face and back away a little. Zayn eyes her angrily, almost reliving a heartbreak he's lived once. "I-" he stops, looking down at his shoes. Everything slows around him as he stares at them. He could feel his insides crunch in pain and his mind balling around frantically. He lost again.

He lost again against him.

He could no more bare it.

"I remember Zayn making it." he turns to see Margaret voice in and his insides almost flip. "He made most of it in here and locked it inside the room." she whispers. "It's a dark blue sky as far as I remember and I haven't even seen the painting in Mr. Abano's hands, Mr. Malder."

Crystal smiles at her.
"No one asked your opinion, Margaret." Abano hisses at her.
"No one asked yours too, you abdominal goblin looking âss." Crystal fires back.

Abano glares at her.
"Shut up you-"
"Be polite to her, Abano." Jason interrupts him making Crystal roll her eyes. "Impossible to beleive that such an illiterate twat could ever be relatively polite."

Zayn clutches her wrist making Crystal stop her word battle almost immediately. He eyes Jason next. "So? Now what? You wanted someone to vouch in." he sarcastically fires at him.
Jason stares at the painting, that was a beautiful galaxy with mirrors and a huge moon. The meaning was beyond his understanding but it was beautiful nonetheless that he almost regrets what he says next.

"We'll have to destroy it."
Zayn eyes him down opening his mouth to protest but nothing coherent comes out. "That's what the rule says. Since none of you both are the proven owner we'll have to destroy it."

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" he yells at him, making Jason stare at him with wide eyes. "THAT'S MY PIECE YOU-"
"Well, if the protocol says that," Abano sighs sadly. "I accept the protocol." Zayn almost lunges at him but Lara grabs his shoulder pulling him back.

"Zayn, we don't adhere aggressive behaviour here. That's the decision and you cannot change it." he pulls his arm from her grasp, glaring at her and then walking closer to Jason. "You can't do this to me."
"Protocol is protocol."

"But you love me! You know that's my art style, you know everything." he yells. "Zayn, please move." he pleads, taking the canvas from Abano and passing it to Jules who walks out of the room.

"The maximum I can do for you is I can give you time to remake-" Zayn sprints behind Jules, the flock of people following him. He sees Jules put the canvas in the shredder that they had in their storehouse and in a second that he takes to blink, the canvas turns to ruins.

He stares at the shreds, not acknowledging the presence of people behind him that were staring at his back.

But something in him broke.

His feelings were a wreck, a catastrophe going inside him and subsidising his being into numbness. He's been trying to drag himself for way too long, trying to mitigate and not let the sadness engulf him until he drowns.

But today, something just broke.

He was trying way too hard to stay afloat and survive through the high and low waves crashing towards him where he felt his breaths slow, the water of numbess filling his lungs but he never stopped trying to stay afloat. He felt like a piece of garbage that was tossed around.

From his parents to Crystal's parents, from Lara to Crystal to Lara to Crystal again, Margaret to no one to Margaret picking him again whilst Jason tossed him picked him too, according to his benefits.

Tossing him like the piece of trash in the ocean that no one cared about, it just moved and floated on it's own. No value, no control at that. No lifeguard, no soulmate, no gaurdian to help him out. Barely the ocean that tossed it on a bank to give it some rest until they rip it back into the water and drown it.

Today, he might have drowned.

He lost this battle.

He turns around slowly staring numbly at Jason that a pang of guilt washes him. "I want to resign." his voice barely audible.
"Pardon?" Jason asks, his eyes widening. "I want to voluntarily leave this job." he says again, his face staring emotionlessly at him.

"You cannot do that, Zayn."
"I'm doing exactly what I said."
"No, we'll lose the tenor for the Mid Art Gala, if you're not present there." and he almost feels his dad's words flying around in his mind but he smiles. They walk all over you after the gain.

"You know what?" he passes him a small smile, almost all his colleagues that were working today, lining around and staring at the scene. "Right now I feel like crying until my eyes burn and cursing until I lose my voice for this place that was a dream for me. But you know what?"

He almost chuckles, "It's not even worth it." he passes the lot and walks to Crystal who's staring at him, a pang of shock visible on her face. "Let's go, Crys." he turns back to glance at Margaret who stares at him with the same look. Passing her a smile, he walks to the exit, pulling Crystal with him.

They near his car and he slows down, turning to Crystal and passing her a smile. She tries smiling back but turns around when she sees him roll his eyes.

She stares at Lara, standing timidly almost scared to step closer. "Zayn, I-"

"You're a little selfish don't you think?" Crystal voices in, narrowing her eyes at her as she stands right in front of him while he faces the car.

Lara tries saying something but nothing comes out except a sigh.
"You know you have no intentions of being the woman he wants and yet you refuse to let him go." she rants, crossing her arms to look stronger.

Lara brushes her hair back, taking a deep breath in.
"I love him, I can't help it. I can't help that I'm stuck in a place from where I can't help-"
"You love him?" Crystal whispers asks, hearing Zayn take in cracked up breathes.

Lara nods slowly, biting her lower lip to stop it from shaking.
"Then let him go." she stares at Crystal taking a step closer.

"Back away Lara. Don't walk in any closer. I swear I'll rip you to shreds." she whispers making her stop instantly. "I'm done, done with you playing him. You're not coming any closer. It's fine if I'm not with him but I'm not letting you be with him. Go away before I throw my shoe at you, you've tested my patience for far too long now."

Lara tries replying but when Zayn doesn't turn around to show any support she sighs, staring down at her feet covered in expensive heels that hide the bruises inside she looks up and barely smiles at Crystal before walking back in the building.

Crystal waits until she enters the the main gate and then turns to see Zayn leaning with the car.
"How are you?" she asks, hesitantly. Zayn turns towards her, a smile playing on his lips.
"I'm fine, yeah." he yawns a little. "Could you like drive around till this place is just a nightmare?"

Crystal grins at him. "Did you just quote me?" and a sad smile almost immediately washes his face. "Didn't want to say something original when I got backstabbed for the billionth time."

༻❁༺

"Are you alright?" Crystal hesitantly breathes. Zayn sighs in response, his head leaning on the steering wheel while his hands grasp it. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just need to breathe a little."

"You are breathing."
"Not literally, Crys." he replies. "I just feel so lost right now."
"Are you sure about the resignation?" she asks, her eyes covered with the haze of sympathy and genuine care.

"When am I sure about anything?" he mumbles. "I've no idea what's going on y'know?"
"You can talk to me." she whispers, trying to reassure him.
"You're leaving soon." he whispers back, "I don't want to depend on you."

She looks down at her hands while they toy with each other in nervousness. Her mind in a complete frenzy as she tries to think about the various ways in which she could reassure him. Nothing was working till now.

She tried playing loud music, did a car karaoke with the radio (all by herself because Zayn wouldn't join. . . which was awkward) coughed and sneezed five times to grab his attention, rolled the car windows down so that the cold wind would annoy him but ended up closing them before she died of hypothermia herself. They drived around for so long, even went to the barren land Zayn took them once but came back right after because he wasn't feeling it. She even got him his favourite grande iced caramel macchiato, double expresso, half the ice, extra caramel and cinnamon on top. He hardly took two sips.

She feels helpless as of now.

"You're fine, right?" she tries again even if she was doubtful he'll open up to her right now. She could only imagine what was going through his head. Is he crying? Is he about to crash the car? You never know with Zayn.

"I think it will snow today or tomorrow." and there he goes. Speaking random shít to cover his emotions, she has realised by now that it was his defence mechanism, well, not anymore.

Not until the last four days.

"Are you okay, Zayn?" she tries yet again but only receives a sigh as an answer. "Yes, a one hundred percent fine."
"No you're not." she shoots back.
"I am fine, really."

"You're not."
"I said I'm fin-"
"No," she interrupts again. "You're not at all."

"You're going to make my mood shít literally if you continue-"
"You." she bangs the dashboard. "Are." she bangs it again, as if making a tune out of it.
"Not." this time Zayn sits up, massaging his head with his fingers.

"I'll give you one more chance," she utters after some seconds pass. "Are you okay? You're not hurt right?"

"No no no, not at all. I'm fine. Totally fine. Not at all hurt, no way, no." he barely glances at her but turns when he sees the stern look on her face.
"Are you sure? Because you're repeating your own words, you look pale, tired and almost like you're ready to topple." a dry chuckle escapes Zayn's mouth.

"You're not going to be there to catch me anyway so?" he turns this time, staring with the same amount of sterness in his eyes that Crystal shifts her gaze staring at his house.

Which could've been theirs.

They had parked outside Zayn's house fifteen minutes back but when he limply stayed in the same position for ten minutes, Crystal had to break the silence.

"That's okay too," she says slowly. "At least we tried. At least we won't regret thinking about what could've been." and then she grins weakly at him.

It almost makes him skip a beat.

"And anyway, the journey is more important and adventurous than the destination." Zayn grins lightly, leaning back in the driver's seat.

"What are you going to do now?" he shrugs lightly. "I'd have told him to go to hell but then I remembered I work there. Maybe dad's right, this place is really a héllhole." he says, throwing the papers he found in his car cabinet in the back seat. "Can't you make a new painting?"

"It's not easy, it took me weeks to make that, I had put in all my feelings in that, whatever I feel. It's impossible." he reasons.
"Can't you paint it again?"

"I don't remember it. It wasn't a visualisation, nor was it abstract art or uncommisioned ar-"
"Wait hold up," she interrupts him, her eyes widening at the big terms Zayn threw her way. "Summarising, you can't make it again." Zayn shakes his head at that.

"Why don't you try something new?" Zayn rolls his eyes in annoyance. He knows she's trying to help him but he's just so beyond pissed with people trying to coincide with him when he doesn't even try to be parallel to them.

"I told you, Art and Music-"
"-Are created only when you're in pain." She completes. "I know, but at least try to find the motivation?"

"Motivation?" that almost makes him laugh. "I've lost my job maybe, I'll lose you for sure, I've lost my parents for sure, and in a month or too I'll lose this house too when I'll be bankrupt and I've lost my friends, I've lost Margaret, I've lost-"

"Margaret?" Crystal asks.
"Crys, please. My-my mind's a mess, just please leave me alone." he utters.

"You can sell the bakery," she suggests. "After I go back." That makes him look up and bite his lower lip as he passes her a sad smile.

It almost crushes her heart.

"You really think I'll do that? Crush your dream because mine is in danger? I know how it feels when someone tries to crush your dreams or be an obstacle," he mumbles. "You don't want to feel that, I'll never do that to you."

Her heart was definitely crushed now.

"You know what?" that makes him look up in confusion as he raises his eyebrows, encouraging her to continue. "You do need a change." she whispers.
"What about we go to that dinner thing they planned for us?" Zayn stares at her in scepticism.

"We barely managed to mitigate out of that hell hole and you want us to go right back there?"
"Zayn, we'll just go have dinner and come back, we're not going to the hotel. All I'm saying is you'll get a change," she shrugs, "Doesn't hurt to eat some luxury food in good clothes when your mood is off." she shrugs, passing him a small grin.

"What will we tell our parents?" he asks doubtfully, frowing at Crystal. "That. . . it didn't work. Obviously," she says slowly. "We can live these four days to the fullest." shrugging, she hesitantly keeps a hand on his shoulder.

Passing a smile and nodding simultaneously at her, Zayn ponders about it. A dinner won't hurt him that much? Obviously.
He definitely needs a change at that.

"Cool. Let's go."

Opening the door after Zayn parked the car, they enter the house, Crystal closing the door behind them.

"You're home, Zayn?"
"No, one foot is still out, mum." he sarcastically claps back. "Talk like that again and the second one will be out too." he rolls his eyes, removing his shoes when he hears Crystal lock the door. "Where were you guys?"

"Some work." Crystal answers for him for which he internally thanks her. "Where? Zayn?"
"Mum, I'm twenty five. It's not necessary for me to tell you everything?" he replies frustratedly making Trisha eye him angrily, "You might turn sixty but you'll still stay a kid for me, Zayn."

Rolling his eyes he starts walking upstairs. "Zayn, I'm talking to you-"
"Mum, cut me a slack for fúcks sake. I'm done, can you give me a break and not always bombard me with questions? it's annoying!" he shouts, making Trisha almost take a step back.

Yaser enters the hall making Zayn roll his eyes yet again.
"You don't talk to your mother like that." he demands.
"I don't have time for this." he sees Trisha shuffle in to the living room, Crystal following her leaving the pair alone.

"What happened? You look pale."
"Doesn't concern you."

"You're my son, it does." Zayn almost laughs at that. "Yeah, part time father you mean?" Yaser smiles at Zayn, swallowing the lump in his throat.
"It's funny." he says, making Zayn frown. "What exactly is funny to you as of now?"

"You screaming at your parents because you failed in life and have no where to put that anger to." Zayn narrows his eyes at him, crossing his arms to look more collected.

"How are you so sure that I failed?" he tries challenging.
"That's the same face you came to me with when you were on the roads."

Zayn gulps. On the road. He didn't need a reminder of those days, he couldn't live them again at any cost. His trance breaks when he hears Yaser clap to catch his attention.

"Failure is just a day job, Zayn. It'll pass. One day we'll not be on this earth anymore and that's how it'll always stay." Yaser ends, staring so strongly that Zayn almost feels that his gaze might be touching his soul.

"You need any help?" he asks again, tilting his head slightly. "No, I'm good on my own." Zayn replies as he takes a deep breath in and turns to continue his way up.

"That's why I never helped you." Yaser utters, making Zayn stop in his step and turn slowly. He raises a brow in a questionning mark. "Glad to see that you're not dependent on your father anymore." he smiles and walks into the livingroom leaving a stunned Zayn standing on the stairs.

༻❁༺

Zayn stares at the sky which was tinting into soft hues of orange with huge clouds scattering it, the blank canvas in front of him taunting him. He must have been sitting in front of it for the whole day's span and if the blank canvas wasn't enough the only thing left to conclude that he couldn't make anything or paint for shít was for god to reincarnate from the dead and tell him.

Crystal had showed up to his cave (that he had locked from the inside) twice, asking if he wanted food or was alright in general but he just sent her away, he was in no mood to talk to anyone. Ever again.

He tried everything, charcoal painting, led pencils, pencils, even crayons for fúcks sake but he just couldn't make anything and to say that Zayn is frustrated is an understandment.

Giving up he plays around with the charcoal, drawing a simple sketch of a forest, light peeping from between the trees and so small that you could easily tell how far away it was.

He looked outside to see the sky was a ridiculously dark shade of blue filled with clouds and even a blind man could tell by the waves of the wind hitting pass him that it is going to snow.

Sitting in the balcony wasn't a rational decision.

"Zayn?" he hears Crystal's voice as she knocks on the door for the thirdth time in the day that he almost feels his conscience telling him to súck it up and open the door. He moves his canvas inside the room with all his art supplies, sliding the balcony door shut.

"Margaret is calling for the fifth time, Zayn. I can't say that you're still sleeping." she replies, knocking on the door. "Just say that, she'll believe it." he answers, falling on his bed and closing his eyes to take a much needed breath.

"Zayn, you can't stay in there for so long," she knocks hardly on the door that for a second Zayn almost feels that she'll break the door. "Zayn, come out!"
He sighs, taking the pillow and covering his ears with them.

She knocks again, irritating Zayn way more than it initially did. "Should I just go to the dinner with Matt?" Zayn could easily detect the challenging tone in her voice. He stands up from his bed and walks to the door, standing right in front of the closed door. "Why are you asking, you did it a lot before and never asked me."

He sees a small note pass from the space between the door and the floor. Crystal stares at the note from her side, confused whether Zayn saw it or it missed his sight but then the note is snatched inside making her smile.

Zayn fumbles with the note and a smile forms on his lips when he reads it through.

Z, are u yogurt bec i want to spoon u :P

He shakes his head slowly, staring at the closed door, a smile still playing on his lips as he jogs to his art supplies he threw in the corner and picks up a pencil to scrape a note below it.

calling the police cos u stole my heart u thief hehe

He eyes the 'hehe' weirdly because was that really needed? Shrugging he walks to the door sliding the note from the space and waiting. He sees the note pass from there and a smile forms on his lips again but when he realises how stupid he looks staring at the door smiling at nothing he tries stopping it.

He stares at the space anxiously, waiting for something to pass and he's almost sure that Crystal went away when a new, small pink coloured note passes from the space. He picks it up and opens it, smelling it to see that it was smelling just like the perfume she wears.

you're hella cute
you're hella fine
will u like to be
my date for tonight?

He covers his mouth with his hand when the stupid smile won't go away from his lips.
Rolling his eyes playfully he opens the door to see Crystal standing behind, thrown off guard when the door flies open staring back at Zayn, wearing a beautiful red jumpsuit that really fits her well.

A smile forms on her lips when she makes eye contact and Zayn notices the rep lipstick she's wearing. Well. "About time." she says, laughing a little and passing him his phone. "Go get ready and we'll go eat some good food!" she giggles, making Zayn shake his head and smile at her.

"I-"
"No, nothing. Get ready!" she interrupts, pushing him inside and walking to his wardrobe, completely hoarding it.
"Uh- you know I've to clean that right?" he asks, doubtfully. A pang of sarcasm playing in it even though a smile plays on his lips.

"See that flying out of the window?" Crystal asks, making Zayn glance at the window to see the dark sky staring right back at him. "What?"
"The fúcks I give." she takes out a suit packed in a cover and throws it on Zayn's bed.

"Go change." she demands, smiling widely at him and making it even difficult for Zayn to not focus on her red coated lips. "Isn't this a little over dressing?" he asks, making her shrug. "Change."

"The only thing I'm changing is you, you annoying piece of shít." a smile forms on Crystal's lips as the insult leaves Zayn's lips.
"You won't trade me for the world, who are you lying to?"

He sneaks the note in the pants' pocket. It might be difficult for Zayn, but that was true "Won't ever."

༻❁༺

"Why is this restaurant practically in Atlantic?" Crystal asks when she stares at the GPS still showing half an hour to drive when they've been driving for forty minutes already.

"I've no idea." It was nine by the clock and the weather was scarily chilly and jittering. Crystal rubs her hands to create friction and her eyes pass to Zayn who stares at the road, his brows furrowed in concentration.

"Hold up here." Zayn says, pulling over the car and turning the engine off. "Where-"
"Hold on." he says, slamming the car shut and rushing across the road to the petrol station. Sighing, Crystal leans back, pulling her jacket from the backseat and draping it over her like a blanket. Looking good in London came with a hefty price.

She plays with her fingers apparently having no source of entertainment since Zayn suggested her to leave her phone at home since they were out for a bare two hours at that. The door opens and she gasps but a sigh of relief escapes her mouth when she notices Zayn enter.

"What? You thought someone's kidnapping you?" he jokes, a cigarette dangling from his lips that makes Crystal roll her eyes.
"You literally wasted two minutes of my life to go buy something that's bringing you closer to death? Proud is an understandment."

"The jumpsuit looks good
you." he compliments, closing the door behind him, starting the engine and pulling away, obviously missing the crimson on Crystal's cheeks.

"Jeez, my hands feel frosted." he says whilst the cigarette hangs lowly between his lips.

Crystal moves her hand above Zayn's that was busy changing the gear and wrapping her fingers around it. Zayn glances down, his eyes flying up to catch sight with Crystal almost immediately. "What are you doing?"

"Uh- defrosting them?" Zayn stares blankly at her making Crystal melt inside with embarrassment but then a small smile plays on his lips as he locks his fingers with hers and it was the first time they ever intertwined their fingers that Crystal is forced to look out of the window to hide the crimson on her cheeks.

Zayn bites his tongue slowly, spitting out the cigarette. Crystal turns eyeing Zayn oddly. "What was that?" Zayn swallows the lump in his throat. How was he supposed to explain that he didn't want to leave her hand and it was sort of difficult for him to smoke.

He won't tell her obviously.

"Didn't feel like doing it right now." Zayn feels her eyes digging holes in his face, he feels her staring from his peripheral.
"What?"

"How long have you been smoking?" she asks slowly, her free hand knotting her jumpsuit in nervousness. "Quite long."
"How long?"
"Isn't that a song by Charlie Puth?"

"Zayn."
He sighs, freeing his hand and placing both hands on the steering wheel. Crystal feels the coldness in her hands and the emptiness between her fingers but all she possibly could do was slide away the feeling.

Like always.

"Long, but got into a habit since five months I guess," he mumbles, taking a sharp right and glancing at the GPS.
"Five months straight."

Crystal look down at her jumpsuit, the red of it making her feel a little better. Even though she hates red. It was her least favourite colour. But Zayn liked it.

On her.

"Why do you do it? Please don't give a poetic tumblr aesthetic answer." she demands as her eyes fly around Zayn's face taking in his peripheral. His hair was growing long and he didn't look like he was cutting it any time soon.

Not like she minds.

"That's the worst part of something that's self destructive, Crys." he mumbles, passing a street and entering a more lively area giving her a vague idea that they were close to their destination.

"Self destruction is so intimate, you're so close to whatever your addiction is; drugs, alcohol, smoking, that it's almost impossible to leave it. Leaving your bad habit is like killing a part of yourself," he answers, passing a brief glance at her and then turning.

"A part of you that taught you to survive." he coughs a little, sniffing right after it that Crystal almost finds herself staring at her bad habit.

"Why, you're judging me?" Zayn laughs a little, making Crystal smile awkwardly and shake her head as she turns to look straight.

'You're close to your addiction'
She stares at Zayn as he glances at her again, giving her a small smile and waiting for her answer sitting shoulder distance apart from her that she realises he's so close.

'Leaving it is almost impossible'
She moves her hand and clutches Zayn's hand on the steering wheel pulling it down again and intertwining her fingers with his'. She doesn't miss the confusion that strikes his face but his thumb starts drawing circles on the back of her hand that's it's almost impossible to leave his hand.

'Leaving it is like killing a part of you that taught you to survive'
"No, I'm not judging you or leaving you for this. You might have smoked for five or six months straight or been partying everyday, made out with six strangers and probably waking up the next day around four a.m. hating every part of your being," she presses on his hand as he parks in a street, a little away from the restaurant.

"You might smoke till you feel your lungs give out. You're never a bad person to use different ways to kill your sadness, rather than yourself. You're a human and you survive whichever way you feel is the best." she smiles.

Zayn feels his heart beating slightly faster than before because all way long people ranted about his smoking asking him to stop, bickering and bickering till he wanted to slice his own ears with a butcher knife but Crystal, Crystal was different.

She made him see a new version of him everyday.

"How are you feeling right now?" she asks again, but Zayn was never changing his answer.
"I'm fine," even if he was far from it. "I mean on somedays you just need to rely on yourself you know? Just try to move on or move away from things that are hurting you. Soak in the good things because it helps you feel better. Sometimes that's enough." he places his free hand on their intertwined hands and smiles. "Right now, you in a red dress holding my hand is enough for me."

Smiling at Crystal he checks around to see a car drive away and he starts the car again to park. "Can we take a round before we go in?" he hears her ask and all he does is smile, changing the gear and picking up pace.

Crystal plays with the AUX, switching to their jam that just as the music starts, Zayn starts humming.

"You're living by the mad DJ skill tag I see." chuckling, Crystal opens the window and the chilly London air slaps her right on the face but the feel of it hits her hard making her smile.

But to Zayn, it hits even harder.

Right as the wind flows through the sky her scent floods him. For a long while, as long as he possibly could he holds his breath, keeping her there within his veins, just because he was unable to keep her in his life.

The strong smell of rose and the sweet smell of her lavender shampoo hit him like a dream he gets when he's sleeping through an old photo book, hearing a song your parents listen to before you even knew how to walk, comfortable, familiar, and then all at once frightening because it used to be yours and you'll give anything to have it back.

But even more, when the meaning of the song hits you even harder right at the bottom of your heart.

"No matter how hard you try, you just can't get away from some people. Right, Zayn?" she asks out of the blue as she pulls her jacket cum blanket more tightly around her shoulders, closing the window. The wind fades and Zayn lets himself breathe again just as Crystal increases the volume, Elvis' voice entering Zayn's ears even clearer.

The air untouched by her skin, pale, ordinary, quiet air.
"People like them don't just disappear, no matter how hard you try, you know?"

And he knew,
Of course Zayn knew.
Because he took a deep breath after so long, how could he not know.

_________

How's the new cover everyone? Wasted two hours of my life in which i could've done something way more productive but well 🐸🍵

Though,

LOOK. AT. MY. OTP.
THEYRE SO BEAUTIFUL AND HEAVENLY AND SJSKSJJS

Thoughts on the chapter? What do you think will happen?

Next chapter is sorta cute i guess idk hah. We'll have to see when my lifeless áss decides to write :)

Are you liking the story so fast? Is it too fast paced or slow paced or wtvr? Thoughts?

I'll see y'all in the next update, love to all the people who take their time and comment and vote, it means the world to me. Even a single comment makes me feel like people actually like what i write.

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