he loves me, he loves me not.
Thank you for the amazing support y'all, it means the world to me! You guys are so amazing it's beyond me tbh. ❤️ Don't forget to tap the star icon and comment. All the love x

~

when we collide
14| clearing ashes

“It's work, Zayn. Everything related to it should be confidential.”  Margaret says right after Zayn calls her.

“Yeah, so for the confidentiality of work, I don't know what the heck I'm doing.”  he says, trying to pack in everything he possibly sees around him. The morning, as usual, was blue.

Zayn refuses to function on three hours of sleep but not like he has any option.

“Can I ask them to raincheck this presentation because I think I've got a problem in my eye.”  he mumbles, balancing the phone between his shoulder and ear as he struggles to wear his socks.

“Didn't you have 20/20 vision?”
“Yes, but I simply don't see myself working today.”

Zayn feels Margaret rolling her eyes but he hisses when he misbalances and falls on the floor. “What sorta earthquake has hit your house? Also, if you don't reach in an hour, I definitely see you getting fired.”

Zayn jogs to his room, to take out the suit jacket and tie. He tiptoes when he sees a passed out Crystal on the bed. She definitely needed the sleep. Zayn smiles to himself when he looks at her. She was one hell of a motivation.

Probably if God had somehow came down on earth to motivate Zayn to make the presentation he'd have gone to sleep, but just some profanities and three million world wars with her and now he has the presentation in hand.

He remembers the door swinging open and Crystal coming in with a huge smile, her hair up in a bun, cute pj's on, five packets of doritos, two glasses of wine and two laptops balanced between her arms somehow.

“Uh?. . .”  he remembers staring at her as if she grew two heads.
“Help me, idiot!” he recalls her demanding and him quickly sprinting and grabbing the tray from her hands to see her visibly relaxes.

“What's this all for?” he had asked, dumbfoundedly.
“We're going to make your presentation.”
“I'll not be able to.” he remembers how he stopped himself from throwing the plate on her.

“I said we'll do it.”  he recalls her smiling as she retrieved her laptop from her bag and placed it on the bed with another laptop.

“Where did you get that from?”
“Martha.”  he also remembers how he had stared at her for ten minutes because who goes to someone's house at such ungodly hour?
'I'll stay with the laptop for the whole night for you'  well she definitely meant it.

“Wait I'm not getting this? Why are you helping me?” he had asked her.
“Because. . .”  he remembers how she made this weird thoughtful face and moments later giggled, “because why the hell not!”

Zayn was thankful. Immensely thankful.

“Earth to Zayn?” he breaks off from his trance and glances at the watch noticing that he had been staring at her for ten minutes. Wow.

“Yeah-yeah, I'm trying to mitigate through life, hold on,”
He rushes downstairs not before draping the duvet over Crystal and tucking her in and after million calculations made in his head he kneels down to kiss her gently on her cheek.

They are soft, holyshít.

“Zayn? Mr. Jason has arrived get your âss here.”  Zayn rushes downstairs. Waving at Carolina he rushes out of the house. “Jesus why is this guy always early, like yeah you're punctual but honestly get a life? Tell him to go use that money to go have a trip in Malibu or something.” Zayn rants, hearing Margaret laugh gently.

He connects his Bluetooth ear device and exits his driveway.
“Honestly all Jason wants to do is leave early.”  Margaret says, chipping the nail polish and then widening her eyes because she just applied it today.

“And make us work late.” Zayn adds, taking a sharp right and stopping on the signal.
“The man should literally get a tattoo on his head saying 'y'all work late because you don't have kids but I do' seriously.”  Zayn chuckles obnoxiously and shakes his head.

“By the way, are you going to come today?”  he hears her ask and his breath gets stuck in his throat. How did he forget this.

“I don't have time. Crystal is really doubting me and I don't want to raise them.”  he replies, biting his lip because he had to sort this mess.
“I was thinking you'll come. I really wanted you to.”  he hears Margaret say sadly and he sighs.

“I'll just come with a lie, I'll see. J-just don't tell Crystal, yeah?”
“Obviously Zayn, that's what it's all about.”  Margaret chuckles.

He stops the car at the venue of the tenor and his eyes pop out of socket because the place is huge. Not the 'we're a rich company' huge but a 'hah look we've so much money you'll never reach this level' huge.

Entering the building he looks around for any signs of where to head to.
“Hey?”  walking to the reception, he asks.
“How can I help you?” The girl sitting at the reception replies.

“Where is the presentation being held? For Lynn corporates?” She clicks closes her pen. “Just down the hall sir.” She even passes a smile making him smile back. “Very well then, thank you.”

Walking down the hall, Zayn eases when he sees only seven people by the door. This should be easy hah.

But he almost chokes when he notices a panel of thirty people, and right behind their sitting chairs lined up with different companies and what hits his anxiety the most is the fact that the presentation gets executed right in the front of the room with everyone inside.

“Zayn, you good to go?”   he hears Margaret's voice as she rushes to his side. “Why the héll are there so many people?” he whispers.

“Thirty-two companies, I know. This is insane.”  she says, her voice slightly shaking with fear.
“My entire life can be summed up as 'wow it didn't go as planned' because my self confidence just flew out of the window.”

“There's no windows here, Zayn.”  rolling his eyes, he stares at Margaret flatly. “Well sweetheart you've got no brains too, I'm adjusting. You should try too.”  he whispers, passing a sarcastic smile and walking further in.

“You didn't say that when you came to me a week back.”   passing a glare he continues walking and immediately stopping when he spots his boss, Jason. More like he spots him.

“Zayn!?” he appears, disregarding the group of officials he was talking to.
“Good morning, sir.”
“I really thought you wont make it here.” Jason's voice has a different enthusiasm today that makes Zayn rethink the fact that was he really going to come empty handed had Crystal not helped him?

Very well then.

“Just take the laptop in, and set up everything. Make the final changes too! Now, go! go!”  nodding his head he jogs further and gets seated on one of the seats behind the panel.

The panel being seated near a long wooden table set up with couches, Typical much?

“We're number three.”  Jason says, as he sits in one of the seats numbered three, sitting beside Zayn.

“You think we'll make it?” he hears his boss ask. For Zayn, it'll be a miracle if a presentation made throughout the night makes it to the Mid Art Gala.

But he won't tell his boss that. He mumbles back a 'I hope so' and puts his charger ready skimming through the presentation.

He notices Abano and Lara sitting few chairs away and he beleives it's about time he walks and tells them who's the boss.

“Any problem?”
“No sir, we're on.”

“And up next, signed number three, Artsy Enterprises?” Zayn freaks out.
“Yeah.” he walks out of his chair, walking to the very front, connecting his laptop to the projector turning to face the audience and then turning back immediately to lose his shít again. He glances back while starting the first slide and the panel stares right back at him with neutral faces.

How can someone look so emotionless. He gulps lightly when one of them clicks open and closes his pen rapidly, the hall in complete silence waiting for Zayn's next move.

Next move: slam your laptop on your head. Okay no, Breathe in, breathe out. You can do this. Nothing to worry.

“Good morning, gentlemen. My name is Zayn Malik, and I'm from Artsy Enterprises as you heard. Within these forty five minutes, hopefully less,” he pauses for second and when the panel shows no change in their faces and expression Zayn accepts that his confidence just flied out of the room.

Coughing lightly, he continues. “I'll explain you everything about our artists and what all paintings made by them are in demand that can cost you a whole lot of profit.”

“Check out this one.” he starts the presentation and is almost ready to start about the tenor when he notices the panel staring at the slide weirdly. He hesitantly glances back and notices how the slide only has the serial number 'one' on it.

“Uhm. . . Check out this one?”  he tries cracking a pun and glancing back at the panel. They chuckle lightly, shaking their heads and Zayn's tries swallowing his heart back.

Passing a hesitant smile, he moves to the next slide and continues talking about how doing interns with their artists could earn them profit. Some people nod at him in intervals, and some stare at their papers.

Ending his presentation, he smiles lightly and starts walking to his seat to sit down comfortably, but stops midway when he stands behind Lara.

“How does it feel being a loser again?”  he whispers in her ear to which she turns around and glares. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“True, if you'd have known you won't be sitting there with that pathetic smile, sweetcheeks.” he whispers, taking a seat beside her and staring at the tenor the next company was presenting.

“I'm still a post over you, Zayn. So I've obviously got a better taste than you.” she hisses turning to look at the presentation even though she could give two shíts.

“True babe, you got better taste than me, look at who you were dating and who I was dating.”  turning around to glare at Zayn, she watches him as he walks backwards passing her a smile.

“Young man, that was héll of hard work.” Zayn internally laughs as he takes a seat beside Jason, but passes a grateful smile nevertheless. If he gets this tenor he gets his promotion.

He couldn't be happier.

Zayn sips slowly on the tea he was provided by the organisers as he stares at the card all the representatives were provided.
'Either you win or you learn'

Well if they think that this one sentence could somehow up Zayn's confidence and the embarrassment he felt when Abano turned around to smirk at him, then they're obviously wrong.

After three week of hardwork, then emotional trauma, then another night's hardwork.
He still didn't win.

His eyes narrow on the lad wrapped in a crisp suit and gelled hair being congratulated by people and organisers for winning. He stares at his face noticing the amount of oiliness his face carries.

He definitely slips down his pillow in the middle of the night.

Zayn feels a tap on his shoulder and looks up to Jason smiling, his eyes sympathic.

Zayn visibly sighs. “I'm so sorry sir, I disappointed you. I-I'm sorry-”   and Zayn takes a take two when he hears his boss burst out laughing.

“Sir? I-what?”
“Its alright, Zayn. I saw your hard work. Well I know we didn't get it, so no promotion, deep apologies.”  Zayn sighs again and nods. “I liked your idea though. Presented very well and—”

“Mr.Malik?” A woman squeaks making both Jason and Zayn turn around and glance at her.

“It is.”
“These are your artists?”  he sees down to see his snapshots while giving the presentation printed on an A4 sized sheet, slightly zoomed on the paintings.

Isn't it obvious? also man I look like a snack.

“Yes, it is.”  she nods lightly, turning around to walk a little further and whisper something in a man's ear. He walks towards the lot with a small smile possessing on his face.

“Hello gentlemen, I'm Mark Johnson, the main organiser of the Mid Art Gala. My secretary was seated in there and she told me about your presentation. Well I love the idea and the paintings, she clicked pictures, and she told me yours wasn't selected?”

“Uh. . .”
“Would you like to be the opening paintings of the gala, your paintings will be shown for a span of two hours and profit share will be 70-40.”

Without glancing at a mirror Zayn could say his mouth hangs wide open. Did that guy really offer them two hours at the mid art gala with sixty percent profit for the company. He had to be loaded.

“Deal?”
“Deal.” Jason says boldly even though Zayn was well aware he's losing his shít inside because after seven years Artsy Enterprises will have a hello with the Met Art Gala.

“Please join us at our table, we'll grab a look at the paper work too.” He smiles, guiding the lot the way. “Very well young man.  Congratulations Zayn, You'll be added to the board of directors. Tell a friend, young man.”

After the third fail attempt of trying to get in contact with Zayn, Crystal hangs up and sits down comfortably. All she wanted was to know how did he do, did everything go right.
Why does he have a phone again?

She relaxed on the couch and closed her eyes momentarily, breathing in slowly but when the ringing of phone happens she shots up and picks the phone but much to her displeasure, the caller ID shows Matt.

“Hey?”  she tries to hide the irritation in her voice.
“Uh, hey I was wondering if you're free?”  she furrows her brows in confusion.
“What's up?”

“So I've two passes of this shít áss carnival happening on the outskirts and I was—”
“Matt seriously, I'm in no mood. If possible I'd sleep.”  she mumbles, sighing lightly.
Right now Crystal feels all her motivation of ever talking to a human again diminishing into thin air.

“Please Crystal, I don't want to go alone, I've got my friend's kid with me and he's so annoying god help me—”  she hears him bickering as his voice distances.
“You're good with children—”

“Jesus Matt, alright. Where's the carnival I'll—”
“No worries, you can open the door.”  her eyes widen three times as she sprints to the door and opens it to see Matt staring at her, a cheesy smile on his face as he waves.

“Hello?”
“Wow, you're fúcking annoying.”
Matt smiles lightly, passing her the pass and nodding his head to the exit. “At least let me change.”

He nods, smiling triumphantly as Crystal jogs up the stairs and then enters her room, but when she realises some of her clothes are still in Zayn's room she jogs back in searching for something to wear. She turns the knob but it doesn't budge. After numerous tries she realises it's locked.
Staring weirdly at the door she backs slowly.

What the héll?

She stalls back to her room in humiliation. Just because she tried turning the photos doesn't mean Zayn can lock her out like that. What does he have inside that he needs to hide it.

Rolling her eyes she tries finding some thing in her room, that's when her eyes catch a paper in the stupid cardboard box. She's almost about to walk towards it when she hears Matt's voice.

Throwing on whatever she gets she rushes down after clutching on her mittens. “Where's the kid?”
“Right here.”  Matt replies, smiling cunningly when Crystal closes the door but stops midway to stare at him.

“What? I can be stubborn like a kid.”  shaking her head she glances at her hand clutching the key. Should she lock it or should she go in and sleep.
“Crisi, come on. We're just hanging out.”  yeah, hanging out. Last time she was hanging out she almost got married.

“I don't —”
“Let's go before your husband comes, I don't want his hulk àss going apeshít on me.”  Crystal turns her face to hide her smile and turns around.

“Whatever, I've to come back soon so I can probably spare you two hours.”  Matt runs to the main door and does a back flip much to Crystal's displeasure. That's what he did in highschool, but she couldn't hide the smile nevertheless.

Shaking her head, she leads the way. This is gonna be one hell of a day. They take the bus which drives them to the place Matt talks about. Crystal notices how the carnival looks packed from the outside but then she realises it's almost Christmas in two weeks.

“What do you wanna do, first?”
Turning her face to different directions she shrugs her shoulders. “The band playing over there maybe?”

“Girl has taste.”  Matt says, passing one of his famous smiles which makes Crystal's stomach turns wildly. Grasping her wrist he sprints to the band but to Crystal's displeasure.

“What's with you guys not realising that we don't have as tall legs as you all do.” Crystal whines but her face lits up with a smile when she stares at the band playing some country music.

“What's with you always whining?”  Matt counters, smiling at her, the concert lights illuminating all the right places of his face.

The song descends to a slower beat as she finishes the taco she was engrossed in and the feel of it all makes Crystal warm. She feels comfortable.

“Do you regret it?”  she looks at Matt from the corner of her eyes, now with a semi-finished taco and hope in his eyes.
“What?”  she notices how his nose is slightly red as he shivers visibly due to the cold air.

“I don't know? What we had?”
inhaling lightly, she notices how everyone starts standing up and walking away as the band packs.

Matt's cheek flood red when she remains quiet for what seems like eternity to him. He opens his mouth to tell her to forget what he asked when she replies, “Just because we didn't work out and you were a dumb piece of shít doesn't mean you weren't the best thing that ever happened to me.”  she says, smiling lightly as she moves forward to take Matt's half eaten taco and bite it, a playful smile on her lips when she notices his eyes glistening.

He smiles back. “You too.”

“It's been long since I've felt this way.”  Crystal mumbles as they strole down the pathway together. She glances at her pink mittens that Matt wears because he was too cold.

He looks cute in them, she might give him those.

“Like what?”
“Happy, excited to be alive?” she smiles as she takes two long strides and tries jumping. Matt smiles at her and stares at the ground. She looks so beautiful today even when she's got no makeup on, her hair was a mess on her head caged under his beanie.

“You look really good.”  he says, making Crystal turn, he doesn't miss the pink that creeps to her cheeks but he's not taking chances so he believes it's just the cold. “Thank you?”

He laughs lightly and grasps Crystal's hand pulling her in to sway around making her chuckle lightly as he holds her waist and they sway slowly in the empty pathway.

He feels her hand gliding up to clutch his shoulder as she fills the gap of his neck and shoulder by putting her face.

They stare at each other for what seems like a minute and then Matt pulls her closer slowly. When Crystal stays intact at her place, visibly gulping Matt breathes out.

“I missed you.”  he whispers, trying to hold their gaze but Crystal stares at his boots.
“If you said you missed me like I said I did, can we do all this again?”  he asks, making Crystal look up at him, a lock of her blonde hair falling slowly on her face.

“We'll relearn each other's name, we can fix one spot that we'll call ours, we can have rooftop dates again and you can push me down and I'll get angry like before.”  he whispers, as his forehead touches hers lightly. Crystal's eyes almost close instantly as a respond to his touch.

She feels his breath lightly brushing her face and the gears in her mind turning ridiculously fast but when she feels his lips lightly brush hers it's as if there's nothing more than to feel how they are. Do they taste, feel the same? But then as if a memory washes her away like wind on stormy night, she stops.

“When did you start smoking?” Zayn gives out a breathy laugh and finally looks up at Crystal with a challenging face.
“The day I realised it's not smoking that's the bad habit,” he takes in the intoxicating puff and blows it out, staring at nothing. “It's people.”

Crystal opens her eyes and notices how Matt's eyes are closed, lips so close if she moves a notch they'll touch.
It's people.

She distances back, making Matt open his eyes and sigh. He brushes a hand through his hair and glances at her. “I'm sorry—”

“You're good at it Matt.”
His brows furrow together in confusion as he presses his lips together. “What?”
“Making people feel they're more important to you than what they actually are.”  she breathes, staring at him with a scarily calm face.

“Isn't everyone like that Crystal?” a breathy laugh escapes his lips as he shakes his head. “Maybe you'll never believe me but I'm here for a long time, eh?” he extracts a packet of cigarettes and takes out one putting it between his lips and going to fish out his lighter from him pocket.

“Cigarettes aren't a bad habit. It's people.”  Crystal whispers, making Matt look at her and smile. He takes out the cigarette dangling between his lips.

“You can't compare people to cigarettes, Crystal,”  he whispers.
“You don't destroy people, don't use them for your own fun or use them as a substitute to forget something or someone.”

Taking a puff he stares at Crystal knowing how the gears in her head are turning wildly.
“You don't throw people when you're done, Crisi.”

It fit well in her mind. Was she Zayn's cigarette? To forget a pain? Matt takes out the mittens he took from her and passes them to her with a smile.

“Don't let anyone do that to you again.”  Crystal glances down when he clutches her hands not missing the sterness in his voice.

“What?”
“Take away your happiness without you trying to fight for it. Don't be his cigarette, don't let him kill your soul.”  and the way the words fly out of his mouth, piercing through her ears with his eyes staring in hers in such a way that she could tell it in a cakewalk that he had broken a lot of hearts and lot of people might have broken his.

Because when you break hearts, people return with more hatred and more stronger to break you as well, that's how humans survive. Sadism.

And also, because with eyes like those, you knew he had killed a lot of souls. Including hers and she was scared she was doing it all over again.

It was twelve fifteen and the night was starting to take a toll on her. Crystal had all the door closed in fright. She felt weird, scared, alone.

Closing the door to her bedroom she steeped down to the floor as silent tears flow down her cheeks. A nightmare and then being alone in a humongous house wasn't her cup of tea. She had given up on calling Zayn after he didn't pick up for the thirtieth time. Her eyes glance at her phone ringing and she moves to pick it up in a lightbolt.

Dad calling

Picking it up almost immediately she tries holding in her cracking voice. “Dad?”

“Hey sweetheart, how are you?” she hears him whisper even though they could talk normally but something in the way he says it makes her feel better.
“I'm good. I-I was missing you.”

She hears her father chuckling lightly. “Me too, sweetcheeks. It's no fun when I've got no one on my side to bicker with your mum.”  she closes her eyes, tears silently flowing down.

“Ah, just give me a second I'll call back. Tell Zayn a hello.”  and before she can reply the phone hangs up making her sigh. Her eyes turn to catch the box again.

She curiously walks to it, noticing ashes spread over and a note just within it. She dusts it lightly, confusion rising to her face as she feels the tears drying on her cheeks. Going down the note she stares at the ashes and a sob escapes her mouth.

She stares at the note accusingly and rips it apart into pieces. Somewhere she believes it's true, maybe he's trying but somewhere way behind her mind, like light breeze she hears her mind whisper to her if he'd really care, he'd show it.

Crystal lies down on her bed trying to sleep with an ache in her heart. sob after sob she feels herself choking on air as the tears move down. She tries biting down on her lips to hold in but they move down nevertheless making her tries go in vain. It hurts, he hurts, everything hurts.

She stares at the ceiling with an empty feeling in her heart and then gets up to find a piece of paper somewhere. Cutting a small piece from the corner of a stray notebook, she writes. Finishing her note she clears her face off the tears and puts the pieces of Zayn's note back in the box with hers.

it's alright zayn, imagine me smiling when i write this because i don't think i should expect anything. saving me was never your job anyway.

the dried ashes of the future you wanted dusting away the reality. just cleaned it away. it's all clearer now. isn't it?

________________

Hey, love for all the support x
Thank you so much you guys are rly so amazing. ♡♡✧✧

Thoughts on chapter?

What do you think will happen?

What's up with Zaynn?

Character questions (inline here x)

I'll do the character questions of last chapter with the ones i get in this in the next chapter.

Love you all. And also,
Zayn malik singing allah duhai is my kink ok bye