CHARLES LECLERC'S POV

PRIVATE CHAT

olivia

charles
hello olivia
i know i should not be texting you
i just wanted to know if tessa was doing okay

olivia
you know i cant answer that charles
i cant tell you anything about her

charles
yes... i know
sorry 

olivia
its alright
feeling a little sentimental?

charles
yes
its officially been a year since pierre accidently called theresa

olivia
i know

charles
just... keep her safe?

olivia
i will

⇥  DRIVERS ⇤

[carlos, lando, pierre, max, oscar and charles]

pierre
so...
its officialy been a year since we met tessa
online of course

max
yes....
how are we all feeling?

charles
can we not talk about this please

carlos
we just want to see how youre doing
we're worried

charles
i am fine

pierre
really? because your most listened to album this month is tessa's new one

charles
shut up pierre

lando
...you wanna talk about her album?

charles
no

oscar
well that sucks because we do

lando
yeah, she was our friend too

charles
ive told you it was a mutual break up

peirre
mate... have you listened to hostage?

charles
it was for the best

carlos
for who? you two or the media?

charles
i was ruining her career. i had to do something

lando
so you broke up with her

charles
i had to!
they were ruining her because of me
i wasnt going to make her choose between me and her work

oscar
she would have chosen you, you know

charlesi dont care
she doesnt deserve to have to choose
she loves her job and i wont be the end of that
stop blaming me please

max
we're not charles
we understand why you did it
it was unfair for you too to stay in that relationship when it was making you feel like shit

charles
tessa never made me feel like shit

max
thats not what i meant
the media was dragging you both down
you shouldnt have to live with that guilt to be in a relationship
its not fair
you did what was best for the both of you overall even though it meant getting rid of what you loved most

charles
yes
i killed my darlings

oscar
...
at least this means she understands why you did it?

charles
maybe

lando
i miss her

max
me too

carlos
we all miss her

charles
i am sorry i ruined the chance of friendship with her for you guys

oscar
dont be
you guys loved each other
that sort of love doesnt come around often

pierre
look at oscar being philosophical

oscar
okay shut up

lando
no oscar it was cute
i didnt know you were so sentimental

oscar
im turning my phone off now

carlos
its okay to be sensitive oscar

oscar
goodbye idiots 

Charles turned is phone off, rubbing his face tiredly. He missed Tessa. A lot. He'd never missed someone like this before. He'd had break ups sure, and he'd missed them, but not like this. Not this big or strong. Not this overwhelming.

He loved Tessa. He loved her with his whole heart. Even now they were apart his love stayed. Charles was grateful for it, because he would rather love Theresa and hurt than feel nothing when he though about her. She was too important not to feel anything about.

With their break up the media had lessened their assault on Theresa. Sure, there was the stray article here and there speculating, but after they broke up, and the release of Tessa's new album, people had finally started to realise the rumours were fake, and that they were the reason Charles and Tessa ended.

Sometimes Charles hated his fans for it. That made him feel guilty, because he prided himself on his fans and he usually cared about them. After losing Tessa though, he needed someone to blame. Sometimes it was his fans, sometimes the media, sometimes even Tessa. Mostly himself. 

He wondered if Tessa hated him now. He hoped not, but if she did he was grateful she still felt something for him. He was terrified for the day when Theresa would move on from him, when she would look back at him and not feel everything he seemed to be feeling at the moment, because he knew he would never be able to let her go. She was his everything and she always would be, even when she belonged to someone else.

Charles sighed and went on his phone, scrolling through the songs until he found Theresa's new album. Sometimes he listened to her old one, reminded himself she did love him. Mostly he listened to this one though, because it hurt more, and he felt he deserved it.

All along it was a fever

A cold sweat, hot headed believer

Charles thought about Theresa, wondering what she was doing now. She didn't post on social media much anymore, which Charles was sad about. It was one less piece of her he could have. One less way he could see her. From having everything to going to scrambling for small pieces of her. How things had changed.

Makes me feel like I can't live without you

It takes me all the way

He missed her. Desperately and pathetically and always, he missed her. Nothing seemed to fill the whole she left in him. Sometimes he wished he never left. Sometimes he wished he'd left sooner, before he'd fallen in love with her so deeply. Always, he missed her.

I want you to stay....

a/n:

okay just a quick yap from me about kill your darlings bc its actually so dgshjakijuyegdhs

so 'kill your darlings' is a phrase used in literature that means to get rid of some part of your story- characters, plot, scenes- that while you may love, you need to eliminate for the sake of your overall story

so like.... theresa naming her album that is like saying her and charles needed to get rid of each other, no matter how deeply the loved each other, for the overall health of both their lives, and that while they loved each other so much, they needed to let go if they wanted to continue to florish in their careers 

anyway i just rlly liked that part soz for the yapping

hope you enjoyed the chapter <3