Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep I can't sleep, I can't think
I just think about the things you do
I'm just too lost in you

When Hayashi turned off the light, a pleasant silence settled over the room. Weak moonlight shimmered through the gaps in the curtains, casting soft patterns on the walls. I turned onto my side, away from Kiko, who was lying right next to me. Hayashi, on the other hand, had claimed the other double bed all for herself. I listened to her calm, even breathing and couldn't help but admire her ability to fall asleep so quickly and easily.

Despite my exhaustion, despite my fatigue, I was as wired as if I had downed liters of coffee. Every fiber of my body was tense, my mind unable to find peace. The images of the day still chased through my head-the game, the deep abyss, the death screams of my fellow players, the suffocating feeling of fear. But no matter how much all of that had shaken me, my thoughts still kept drifting back to one person: Chishiya.

Chishiya, whose cool, analytical gaze always seemed to pierce right through me, who seemed to walk through life utterly fearless. It was as if nothing in the world could truly unsettle him. Not even the prospect of falling from 439 feet seemed to have fazed him in the slightest. And when I had suggested taking a different approach, he had surprisingly agreed without hesitation.

The fact that he had actually taken my idea seriously and even considered it good had sent my heart into an unintentional frenzy. It was as if he had full confidence in my theory. No fear, no doubt showed on his face. That unshakable calm he always radiated sometimes unsettled me.

How could someone remain so unaffected? Where did he get that unwavering self-assurance? Or was it all just a facade?

A part of me wanted to believe that. That beneath his rough shell of sarcasm and indifference, there was still a real person with emotions, with fears and doubts, just like the rest of us. Shortly after Chishiya had collapsed from exhaustion on the rooftop, it felt like, for a fleeting moment, I had caught a glimpse of something underneath. As if he had accidentally allowed me to see a tiny sliver of the real Chishiya. Whether intentional or not, I had the distinct feeling that this game had brought us closer.

I rolled onto my back, staring into the darkness. It wasn't the first time I'd wondered what exactly fascinated me about him. Was it his aloofness that intrigued me? Or was it the way he sometimes looked at me-like I was a puzzle he wanted to solve?

No matter how hard I tried, my thoughts kept returning to him. And yet, I knew he wasn't what I was looking for. Chishiya wasn't gentle, like Makoto. He was unpredictable, a lone wolf, and seemingly manipulative. He couldn't be trusted... right? And yet, every time I was near him, my heart pounded faster.

It was ridiculous. In this world, where every day brought a new threat, where everything could end at any moment, I shouldn't let myself get distracted by something so trivial. But I couldn't help it. There was something about him that I couldn't shake, something I couldn't quite name, something that kept me awake at night. Maybe it was exactly that elusiveness that drew me in. Or maybe it was just my curiosity, my desire to find out if there was truly something hidden beneath that cold exterior, something he had so carefully kept concealed.

"Can't sleep either?" a soft whisper reached me.

I turned to the side and met Kiko's eyes. In the darkness, I could only make out the outline of her face, but I could feel her watching me closely.

"Not really," I murmured. "Too many thoughts."

"Same here. The game was... it was terrible. So many lost their lives. I just wish it would all finally stop."

Her voice trembled at the end, almost like a whimper. I moved a little closer, thinking of something comforting to say, but there was probably nothing that could make our situation any easier.

"You're right. Sometimes it feels completely hopeless. I'm scared too, scared of what's still to come... but you know what? As long as we're here, as long as we keep fighting, we have a chance to make it through. We have to keep going, for all the ones who didn't make it. So that their deaths won't be in vain."

I saw Kiko nod slightly, her body relaxing a little. Maybe she didn't need comfort-maybe she just needed to know she wasn't alone.

"You and your partner... Chishiya," she said his name carefully, as if aware that it was a sensitive subject for me. "You worked well together."

It wasn't a question, just a statement. But her words caught me off guard.

Just hearing his name made my pulse skyrocket.

"I guess we did."

"Are you close?"

Close? Could anyone even be close to someone like him?

"I don't know. We haven't known each other that long," I answered truthfully.

"It just seemed like you were a well-coordinated team. Like you trusted each other."

Her words were hesitant, almost whispered.

"Well, we didn't really have much of a choice."

"It's just... I know Chishiya, kind of. He doesn't seem like someone who trusts others easily. That's why it surprised me."

I let out a soft chuckle.

"Yeah, it surprised me too. But he probably just acted strategically. I don't know..."

"Do you like him?"

That direct question from someone like Kiko was not something I had expected. Normally, I never had to think long about questions like these. You either liked someone, or you didn't. And normally, my heart had only one clear answer. But still, I hesitated.

"I... um... I don't know."

"Of course, you do. Even a blind person could see it."

Kiko and I froze as Hayashi's voice cut through the room.

"Hayashi," Kiko whispered, startled.

"What? Did you really think I could sleep through your whispering?" she replied, unimpressed.

I bit my lip, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks.

Had I really been that obvious? Were my feelings for Chishiya so easy to read?

"Sorry," Kiko murmured.

But Hayashi ignored her.

"You know, Izumi, I haven't known you for long, but it's been long enough to notice the way you look at Chishiya. Every time he's not looking, your eyes are on him. Your face gives it all away, and the way you stumble over your words whenever he's brought up... you don't need to be a great judge of character to see it."

"I'm not... Y-you have no idea," I stammered, my hands clenching into fists.

She let out a disdainful snort.

"Is it because he saved your life?" she mocked. "If you think Chishiya does things out of kindness, you don't know him very well. I'd be careful if I were you. Chishiya is cold and calculating. He never does anything without a reason, without gaining something from it. If you think he's close to you, it's only because you're just another pawn on his chessboard."

A sharp pain twisted in my stomach. I could feel the anger rising inside me. Was Hayashi trying to provoke me, or was she actually warning me? But the tone in her voice was neither friendly nor particularly concerned.

"That's rich coming from someone who follows Niragi around like a lost puppy," I shot back bitterly.

She laughed, but there was no humor in it.

"You think Chishiya is better? They're more alike than you think. Chishiya may be more subtle, yes, but he cares just as little about people as Niragi does."

The fury inside me flared. How dare she compare Chishiya to Niragi? That was absurd. Niragi was cruel, sadistic, he took pleasure in tormenting others.

Chishiya was nothing like him.

"You can't be serious. Those two have nothing in common," I said through gritted teeth. "Niragi is a monster. He enjoys tormenting people. Chishiya, on the other hand... yes, he might seem cold and calculating, but he doesn't go around shooting people for fun."

"Maybe not so obviously," Hayashi said calmly, as if she were explaining a simple fact. "But he manipulates people, pits them against each other." She paused briefly before adding, "Or do you really think he saved you out of kindness? I've seen him stand by and watch people die without lifting a finger. So tell me-do you still believe he's so different from Niragi?"

Her words echoed in my mind for a long moment. A memory surfaced, the moment when that military guy had nearly killed me. Yes, I owed Chishiya my life, but he hadn't even flinched when he condemned that man to death. And yet, I didn't want to believe that Hayashi was right. I refused to believe he would just stand by while someone died. After all, he was becoming a doctor.

"Maybe we should get some sleep," Kiko said hesitantly before I could respond. "We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

At that moment, I was really grateful for the change of topic because I had little desire to continue this pointless conversation with Hayashi.

"Right. Good night," I muttered and turned onto my side, away from the others.

Kiko was the only one to respond, and shortly afterward, silence returned to the room-but this time, it felt heavy and oppressive. Hayashi's words about Chishiya wouldn't leave my mind.

Why had she even inserted herself into our conversation? And why did she care about my feelings for him? Despite all my efforts to push the thoughts away, her claim wouldn't let go of me.

Was she really right? Or was I just seeing something in Chishiya that wasn't really there?

♡

Bright sunlight yanked me out of sleep the next morning. With a groan, I raised my hand to shield my face from the glaring light.

"Get up, we're leaving soon," came a sharp voice.

Blinking, I opened my eyes and found Hayashi's cool expression staring down at me. I groaned and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm awake..."

"Come on, get moving," she pressed, and without warning, she ripped the blanket off me.

"Hey, are you insane?" I protested, but she only shook her head, unimpressed.

"If you take any longer, we'll never get back to the Beach."

I sighed in annoyance, rolling my eyes as I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed.

While I was still sluggishly trying to pull myself together, Kiko was already up and full of energy. With a bright smile, she neatly shook out her blanket, looking as if she had just sprung out of bed fresh and well-rested-completely unlike me, who felt as if I'd been run over by a truck.

"Why are you making your bed? We're never coming back here anyway," Hayashi remarked, frowning.

She was already sitting on one of the chairs, fully dressed and ready to leave, watching us with the sharp scrutiny of a prison warden. I couldn't wait to finally be rid of her-her presence was making me increasingly nervous. That intimidating aura was probably a requirement for joining the Beach's military unit.

Kiko just shrugged.

"Out of habit."

After I had managed to make myself somewhat presentable, we left the hotel room together. My eyes wandered almost involuntarily to the door across the hallway.

"We're heading out first," Kiko said quickly when she noticed my glance. "You can go get Chishiya."

Hayashi made a face and looked like she wanted to object, but Kiko had already walked ahead. Clearly irritated, Hayashi followed after her.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. With little success. My heartbeat was once again so fast that I could hardly ignore it. Hesitantly, I turned to his door and raised my hand. I knocked twice in quick succession.

"Chishiya?"

My throat was so dry that my voice almost failed at the end. I waited, listening. When I heard nothing, I knocked again, this time harder.

"Are you in there?"

Still no answer. Growing a little worried, I pressed my ear against the door. But not a single sound came from inside.

"Hey, are you in there? Chishiya?" I tried again, starting to feel a little ridiculous.

Why wasn't he answering? Was he ignoring me on purpose, or had he already left without telling us?

Should I just go in and check?

But something held me back. Sighing, I let my hand drop from the door and chewed uncertainly on my lower lip. I was a little worried, but maybe he really had already left. Without us. I wouldn't put it past him.

Just as I was about to knock one last time, a loud clearing of a throat suddenly sounded behind me.

"Do you think the door will surrender if you just knock long enough?"

I whirled around, nearly bumping into the doorframe in the process.

Chishiya was leaning casually against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, looking at me with his usual amused smirk.

"Chishiya?" I blurted out. "Where did you come from?"

My voice was a little higher than I had intended, and I felt heat rise to my cheeks.

"I went for a walk. The hallway is long," he said, making a sweeping gesture toward the corridor. "And why are you loitering in front of my door?"

"How long have you been standing there?" I ignored his question.

"Hmm, a while."

His arrogant grin threw me off for a moment. I could feel my face getting even warmer, but I quickly tried to cover it up by crossing my arms.

"And you didn't think it was necessary to say something sooner?" I huffed.

He pushed himself off the wall, casually sliding his hands into his pockets as he took a few steps toward me.

"Why? Your conversation with the door was quite entertaining, and I was curious how long you'd keep knocking before giving up. But I have to say, your perseverance impressed me. It almost seemed a little desperate, like you were actually worried about me."

I lifted my chin defiantly.

"Keep dreaming. I just wanted to make sure you hadn't overslept."

"How considerate of you."

I rolled my eyes.

"I was about to just barge in and drag you out of bed myself."

He raised his eyebrows, another playful grin spreading across his face.

"Oh really? I'm sure that would have been quite the experience."

I felt my heart race, but I refused to let his mocking tone fluster me. I looked him straight in the eyes and crossed my arms even tighter.

"Don't flatter yourself, Chishiya. I would've done it out of pure obligation, nothing more."

He chuckled softly and stepped aside to let me pass.

"Selfless as always," he said with a smirk. "Shall we go, or do you have other duties to attend to?"

I scoffed and glared at him. It was obvious how much he enjoyed provoking me. And even if I didn't want to admit it, I enjoyed our little back-and-forth just as much.

But Hayashi's words from the night before still lingered in my mind. Her ridiculous claim that Chishiya was just as ruthless as Niragi.

"Not until you stop grinning so smugly," I shot back.

"Why? Do you have something against my smile?" he asked, feigning innocence.

"It irritates me. It makes it look like you know more than the rest of the world. You're... like the Cheshire Cat. You just appear out of nowhere, smile smugly, and then vanish again, as if everything is just a game for your own amusement."

"The Cheshire Cat, huh?" He tilted his head slightly, as if he were genuinely contemplating my comparison. "A fitting nickname. I'll take that as a compliment."

"Of course you will..."

I sighed quietly and turned to leave. Chishiya strolled after me with an infuriating, almost leisurely calm.

♡

"You two sure took your time," Hayashi greeted us sharply when we arrived in the lobby.

Her sharp gaze flickered between us like a blade, scanning for any subtle clues, as if she were searching for something hidden between us.

"Izumi had a very intense conversation with my door. I didn't want to interrupt," Chishiya replied dryly.

My eyes widened in disbelief, and I felt my face flush instantly. I turned to glare at him, utterly appalled.

"Hey, that's not true! I only knocked because I thought you were in there," I protested, my voice an octave higher than usual.

"Like I said, very intense," he countered smoothly, his amusement barely concealed.

I puffed out my cheeks in frustration, but that only seemed to make him even more entertained.

Hayashi rolled her eyes, visibly unimpressed.

"Are you two done, or do you need a few more minutes to argue about this?" she asked, glancing between us with barely concealed annoyance. "Kiko and I decided to grab some extra supplies for the trip back before we leave. Are you coming?"

She looked at us expectantly.

"Go ahead without me," Chishiya said unexpectedly. "I'll be searching the doctor's offices for useful medicine in the meantime."

Hayashi gave a curt nod and turned to Kiko, who also nodded in agreement.

"Fine, then. We'll meet at the main entrance in half an hour. That should be enough time."

Chishiya was already turning away. Hayashi and Kiko headed in the opposite direction. I hesitated on the spot, glancing between them as they left and Chishiya's retreating back. The thought of searching for supplies with Hayashi and Kiko didn't sound appealing-especially since I had no desire to endure more of Hayashi's criticisms and sharp remarks.

But that wasn't the only reason.

Hayashi turned back to me.

"Are you coming or not?" she asked impatiently.

"I... I'll go with Chishiya to gather medicine," I decided finally. "After all, I work in the infirmary too."

"That won't be necessary," Chishiya's cool voice came from behind me. "I can handle it alone."

"But..." I looked at him, almost pleadingly. "Maybe I can be useful. Two pairs of eyes are better than one, right?"

He raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Izumi, you have no knowledge of medicine. What exactly do you plan to do? Read the labels for me?"

There he was again-detached, sarcastic, keeping me at arm's length. But I wasn't going to let him brush me off so easily.

"Then I'll help you carry them. Besides, it's much safer to go in pairs," I argued.

My gaze flickered back to Hayashi, who simply shook her head in exasperation.

"Do whatever you want... We're heading out."

She turned away indifferently. Kiko, however, lingered for a moment and gave me a small, encouraging smile before following Hayashi.

Chishiya sighed heavily as I flashed him a sheepish grin. Without another word, he turned his back to me and started walking down the corridor. I hesitated only briefly before quickening my pace to catch up with him.

"You're really persistent, you know that?"

His voice was cool, but there was something in it-resignation, as if he had already accepted that I wasn't going to leave.

Yet when I glanced at him from the side, I noticed something-a fleeting smile, just a tiny, almost imperceptible curve of his lips.

Maybe he wasn't as unreachable as he wanted everyone to believe.