chapter 12:

wanting an 'us'

third person
the young witch sat at the peak of the council's hideaway. she teleported herself there maybe an hour ago, to just clear her head and heart.

everything was happening too fast for her. she was nearly murdered by a whisp, found out her and her mother's true identity, blew up her house, travelled to the underworld to protect an important piece of regalia -- to nearly be killed by her mother's killer (and crush's ex) and watch her sister get kidnapped. then after that she nearly flood out an entire base while trying hover on rock, got put in the naughty corner, then got naughty said corner with her crush that apparently (but hasn't explicitly stated that he) likes her back. and now she has less than a month to prepare for the ultimate war that could possibly wipe her both her worlds clean of this earth

hs: wait, do i like namjoon???

yes. that was the only question that she could formulate after all of that.

they say when you reach 21, that's when shit gets wild. after her mother's death, and her 'dad' leaving, she thought she was ready. well she was ready actually; ready to be a human 21 year old. a heroine? not so much. she would kill to just be take the molly and have the hangovers and the student debt instead.

hs: mom, god. why couldn't you just tell me that this was what was waiting for me age 21.

quiet tears stained her cheeks as she gazed up at the stars. one thing change she has gotten used, is how beautiful the sky is in the underworld. she loved to look outside the telescope at night to catch a glimpse of the frequent star showers. looking up at them with your own eyes was much more soothing than she could ever fathom.

lost in the moment, she didn't notice a magic message that had formed on her forearm. she felt a tingling sensation that drew her out of her deep contemplation.

"meet me in the dorm. i haven't seen you in a bit, and i really think we need to talk. - joonie"

"magic marker? god. he knows this shit is hard to wash off," the witch sighed.

it's basically how witches and non witches can communicate with each other if they are in same realm. usually namjoon just used it to message her when she took long in their shared bathroom.

hs: what would we need to talk about? .....

...

...

...

hs: oh right, i made out with him.

big yikes, she thought.

not that this kiss was not a 'big yikes'. she would do it again and again, if life was so gracious enough to give her the opportunity. it's just that with all that's going on, the last thing she wanted to do was sort out her messy, tangled up affections and somehow come up with a coherent conclusion then sum it all up to him. but she couldn't keep the man waiting. so she pulled her wand out of her messy bun and casted the teleportation spell.

"lacunae magicae" she repeatedly said.

(where my CAOS stans at lmfao)

in a matter of seconds, her surroundings changed, as she was face to face-

well, more like face to gloriously chiseled six-pack-

with the man on her mind, namjoon.

both of them flew back and shrieked at each other's sudden company

nj: fuck, you could have told me, you were teleporting.

hs: well since you used the marker, i assumed you knew i was somewhere slightly out of reach. and since you knew i would surely see your message, one could also assume that you would be fully clothed.

"i didn't think you would actually come..." he said as he turned his back to her to pull on his navy blue sweater carefully over his head.

well i'm glad came,,, look at you looking like total boyfriend material, hae seul thought as she slightly checked him out all google eyed; from his faded purple locks to his fitting black distressed jeans

(some shit like this shsjsjs)

"well, i'm standing right in front of you,, aren't i?" she replied as she stared up at him.

"i don't know. sometimes you look so ethereal, i can't tell if i'm dreaming or not."

dead silence.

"i'm so sorry uh," a flustered namjoon started, "i don't know where that came-"

hs: don't uh.. be sorry. thanks for the compliment.

nj: of course,, let's sit

hae seul followed obediently and quietly took a seat on her side of the room while he did the same but on his side.

hs: am i allowed to ask why you want to talk?

nj: that's the reason.

hs: am i allowed to be confused by that statement? what do you mean, namjoon?

namjoon got back up in a haste and ran a hand down his face.

nj: why wouldn't i want to talk to you, seul? you're my roommate. my mentee. a friend and.... i don't know what that other relationship is yet. just as everything is falling into place,, you've become distant. i want to talk about us.

us. the plural objective pronoun that has been hanging over her head for sometime now. she and namjoon could be an us. she and namjoon should be an us,, right?

deep down. she wanted him. she wanted to wake up to his smile every morning and run her hand thru that mullet that does him so good. the smell of the smeraldos outside the training facility and butterfly kisses, cheeky comments and some more after-training stargazing. she wanted namjoon to replace the home that she destroyed (metaphorically and literally). perhaps her budding feelings are a little fast paced,, but then again what isn't fast paced in this crazy thing called her 21st year of life.

hs: us?

nj: we kissed, hae seul. we could both feel the sparks,, i think literally. i've always felt the tension between us,, but i couldn't accept my reason to act upon it just yet. but now, i do. now it's the only thing that fills my mind.

namjoon knelt in front of her bed and caressed her cheek,, searching in the whirlpools that were her eyes for an omen, a telltale sign that she felt the same.

but there wasn't.

hae seul didn't allow for it to show. do you want to know what namjoon saw?

nothing.

as if his confession sucked the entire being out of her.

nj: seullie?

she tore his hand off her face, but still holding it gently in hers.

hs: don't call me that. that nickname isn't for you.

nj: what did i say wrong-

hs: do you want to know who it's for? ain yeon. she was captured. she was help captive for two weeks. she escaped. she's been on the run for 3 days, in unfamiliar territory. in the underworld.

nj: you know how sorry i am about that-

"NO!" she screamed. her bent up energy sent namjoon sliding back to his side of the room. she had no intentions of hurting him, right? where did he go wrong?

it is safe to say that he was in shock, like the rest of us; but also steering towards that feeling of being disappointed in himself. an emotion that is making its first reappearance since haeji's death and since jade.

"you aren't allowed to speak," she spat out as her hazel irises turned crystal blue.

hs: how selfish can you fucking be. my sister could be fucking dead. deino could be fucking dead. the clock is ticking until we engage in a war that could leave everyone in this building fucking dead. but i'm supposed to be taking time out to be infatuated with you. sort out my feelings for you so we can live in some sort of bubble while the rest of this world -- the world that was yours first -- burns to nothing. that's what you are expecting me to do. my mother was not a prick,, so i know she hasn't influenced this in any way.

while trying to pick back up the pieces of his heart and mind,, namjoon courageously took a step closer to the witch.

nj: haeji taught me to never ignore your heart.

hs: and her heart was cut out by the woman you gave yours to. the same woman who wants me dead. dead dead dead. that's the only thing you've been seeing when listening to the heart of yours, aren't i right?

hae seul took a step closer. and namjoon took a step back.

namjoon wanted to be stepping forward when it came to hae seul. but this wasn't her to him. all he could see was jadesilea.

the only thing that flood his mind was the memories of them. the memories he still likes replaying in his head, the ones he locked away with a key. he watched them slowly turn into the ones he wants to see burn in hellfire. the day of the mission, the night of the argument. the day she was exiled, the night that he couldn't save haeji. day and nights and emotions from his not-so-distant past,, all in the girl that made him want to learn to love again.

hs: my life has turned upside down, inside out and everything else in between. i'm slowly losing everything and you're trying to numb this uncurable ache with what? a fling?

"a fling," namjoon scoffed.

nj: ... i thought i meant more than that. i thought ... i was included in your everything... you haven't lost me yet. even after stomping all over my heart like you just did now-

"you haven't lost me yet... harriet." a single tear rolls off his face.

her eyes lose the blue tint,, and her ears finally start to hear what she is saying. but she's at the point of no return.

"there isn't to be an us, kim namjoon. normal people with normal lives get to have an 'us'... people who are in love with each other..."

"so you don't love me."

lie.

i want to love you, kim namjoon. i want this to be just about you and me, until the end of time, haeseul thought.

" ... they should be an us. there is just needs to be you. and there is just needs to be me. and you and me have to think about the witch council. the broken wands. jadesilea. my sister. the war. the witch race. the human race-"

nj: i get it.

hs: i need you to be my mentor, kim namjoon. and i need to be your student. not harriet.

hae seul started to tear up herself.

namjoon was still unresponsive so she took this as her opportunity to close out this chapter in their story. if he opened his mouth again, she would never be leaving.

she walked backwards towards the door frame,, a doorframe that she won't be walking back into anytime soon.

hs: i'll schedule our session and let you know. goodbye.

backs were turned, tears were let go, souls were broken two times over.

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