So, I promised tripping_on_skies that if she told us about something that I would share the story of my boyfriend and I. (Sorry this is so late love, I was actually outside my house yesterday. *le gasps*)

So like

Here it is

He used to call me Shanaynay. This shouldn't be right here but I didn't know where to put it so yeah.

So, our story actually starts long before we actually got together. (Keep in mind I don't remember a lot of this part because I have a horrible memory and have repressed a lot of things due to moving so much and trauma.) We met in 2017 I believe not long after my current boyfriend and I had broken up (it honestly might've been a bit before, I don't fuckin know.) I remember being incredibly intrigued by him. When we met, he had pneumonia and I took care of him. I don't remember much of anything of this, just sitting by him and talking to him and I think getting him water and stuff. I barely remember him coming over with some of my friends and meeting my dad and them talking and stuff. I just remember them like walking in my yard and he reminded me of how their first conversation was filled with conspiracy theories and stuff. I'm pretty sure he's the one that held me back one day when I was hell-bent on killing one of their girlfriends. (Who is now the mother of one of their children and still a lying, conniving, manipulative hoe. (She's not as bad now, but like...yeah.))

I remember asking my friend Caleb about him all the time. I would always check up on how my friend Ders (Tony) and he were doing through Caleb. When we first got together I was so shocked because the feelings had just crept up on me and that had never happened before. I never really understood that. (Like, I liked him for so long without realizing it until we met again.) After a while, I realized that I'm pretty sure I knew and would get really anxious about asking about him all the time and Caleb asked about it one day "why do you always ask about Tonto?" and I started pushing it away after that and stopped asking so much to lower suspicion. This is a big reason I don't remember most of our past.

Fast forward to late 2018. I remember being so excited because I was going to hang out with Caleb and he said Tonto (Trent) would be there. We just drove around in his truck and smoked and listened to some tunes and chilled. We both just so happened to start coming out of the woodwork and hanging out more at the same time. So, after that, we saw each other quite a bit more.

Fast forward to around Christmas. At the time, I was a caretaker for my ex-boyfriend's (Shane's) mother and lived with her family. She was doing better and her husband and my friend Isabel (who also live there) had some time off for the holidays. This meant I had a Christmas break of sorts. I decided I wanted to spend some time with my friends in Yacolt that I hadn't seen in a while so I spent a majority of that staying at Caleb's house. There were many days where Trent came over and we hung out and it was just so nice. He just filled my heart with that sappy ass warm love feeling. One day he came over and wasn't doing great (he had broken up with his girlfriend of many years a few months prior) and I gave him a hug. He told me after we got together that he was crying in his truck and then thought of how he would get to see me when he came over and immediately felt better and stopped crying.

I spent Christmas and New Year's with my family and then came back to his house after for my last remaining days. I was supposed to go back home on the third or fourth but they were planning to go see Ders and I really wanted to go. (I hadn't even gotten to talk to him in two years.) So, I messaged Marianne and she said it was alright, that apparently she was doing so well she didn't even need my help anymore. So, we went. A four-hour road trip that had my hips screaming in protest (Jimmy protested) afterward, especially since I was sat in the middle.

The trip was so much fun though. I talked to him for most of it and we listened to music and I helped him smoke while he drove (cus like, keep one hand on the wheel at all times kids.) I was just gushing like the entire time. (He also had this long hair back then that just looked so good and I loved running my hands through it (and pulling on it but that's a different story 😬.))

When we got there it was just so much fun. I got to meet my nephew and see one of my closest friends for the first time in years and it was so nice. That night we dosed (psychedelics) and it was the first time I'd done anything like that in like...over a year..maybe two idk. We had so much fun. We went for a walk and it was just beautiful and we got to watch the sunset on a hill and it was so pretty. I don't know if anyone actually knows this, but I spin a staff. Specifically a light staff. When I take psychs I love to spin staff, it grounds me and just makes me so happy. Well, my staff at the time was still stuck in California so for the millionth time I substituted with a broomstick. Tonto was really interested in it and I taught him how to do some things and he was a really fast learner and we did that together and it was amazing.

At one point, Ders and Trent left to get some things and the entire time he was gone I was just waiting for him to come back. They were gone for so long. But anyway, he got back and I just gave him this fat hug cus I missed him and Caleb and I had been dealing with listening to one of the guys talk about Trump and just a bunch of political and opinionated shit. Eventually, we left where we were and went back to Tony's apartment so Lena (his ex-fiance) could sleep and we could eventually go to bed and shit. Ders, Trent, and I decided to go on a walk together. We found this outdoor skating rink and being my not so afraid of everything, fun self (on top of my love for ice skating) on psychs, I climbed over the side and told them to come skate with me. You could see the roads, so I'd know if a cop was coming or anything. Tony was a pansy and wouldn't, but Trent did and we kind of just slid around on the ice together for a little while. (We would've for longer, but Ders straight up just kept walking so we had to follow lol.) By the time we got back, I was dying from my hips and knees being legit frozen (it was literally like -5 degrees) and was getting a migraine from it, but it was totally worth it.

https://youtu.be/sObVO-zViM0

https://youtu.be/oqOcuQfjE8w

https://youtu.be/h8N0no5Wl-0

On the trip back, I sat in the passenger seat so I wouldn't get so ow and Caleb kept trying to get in between us (there's a long story there, don't ask) but we still talked the whole way home and stuff. An amount of time later, we were hanging out with friends and ended up taking some psychs again (which is crazy because I hadn't taken multiple doses within the span of even a couple months in years.) Anyways, Caleb ended up going home cus he got all sick cus he did some coke (like a fucking dumbass. I endorse psychs NOT addictive, harmful drugs.) (Which was actually kind of nice cus he was being a Debby downer and we just wanted to have fun and spend some time together.)

Anyways, it was kind of funny because I was all worried about whether I was gonna have a bad trip or not (I like having set plans when I do these things and plans started changing after I dosed and stuff) and I ended up having the BEST time under the WORST circumstances.

So, I couldn't find a broomstick. So, Tonto and I set out to find one from someone in town to nab one from. (It's a small ass town, I knew like everyone and had done this before, I was just gonna give it back later.) It was really windy but we were having a lot of fun just walking around on our own like idiots trying to find a detachable broomstick. And then we were looking at what we thought was a light and then we realized it was blue and we were confused and it ended up being a transformer. (He's really weird with electronics. Like, he can get flashlights to work when they're dead and glitches out gas pumps and stuff so he was trying to show me and the blue light was getting brighter.) And then a transformer behind us blew up. Like, literally there were sparks and the sky lit up in all these beautiful colors and it blew like three times and every time the entire town would go black and then light back up until the last time when everything was just pitch black. We're convinced he actually made the transformer blow up because that's just too much of a coincidence and the tornado wasn't over there yet.

https://youtu.be/s9tz2gF5N-M

And it just kept getting windier and windier and it was pitch black so I grabbed Tonto and he held onto me and he was just so cute and I dragged him back to Ducky's (Declan; Caleb's half-brother and our friend) shop because I know how to get there like the back of my hand, even when I can't see. So, we get there and we can barely see (from the dry lighting) their neighbor's trash cans get thrown across their lawn. (This was actually great cus they were assholes and set up cameras to watch Ducky's house. I laughed a lot.) Turns out that there was a fucking tornado. Right outside of Ducky's house. Like, literally right in between his house and his shop. We're almost there and we hear people yelling "TONTO" and I was like "WE'RE RIGHT HERE" and it was insane and we got in the shop and Joey's (Ducky's older bro and our friend) girlfriend was freaking out because she got straight up snatched by the tornado and Joey had to hold her and pull her out of it while getting hit in the face with a fucking log.

This girl (I would say poor girl but turns out she's a bitch and there's a whole story there) was on psychs for the first time and didn't believe that any of it was real. She thought we were all fucking with her. Which, I kind of understand. It was insane. Like, Washington isn't even supposed to really get tornadoes so one in Yacolt of all places, along with the exploding transformer, the blacked-out town, and the dry lightning would definitely make for a fucked up first trip.

So, we stayed inside till the winds died down and then ran over to the house and went downstairs to smoke and meet up with everyone that had been in the house. Other than her, we all just had these giant smiles on our faces (like, I had braces back then and I cut the fuck out of my cheeks from smiling and laughing so much that night) and Trent and I had the backdoor open and were just watching outside. I couldn't stop saying 'lit.' Like, it was just so ironic to me because everything was all lit up like crazy when the transformer exploded, and then everything was pitch black but because we were high there were just all these beautiful colors in the dark night sky. This led to him giving me a pin that says 'stay lit' and it's the only pin another person has gifted me (other than my Ravenclaw pin) and I love it.

Anyways, we decided to go explore the town once we knew there was no tornado and walked around for hours with just a phone flashlight looking at all the wreckage and talking and just having a great time. We ended up finding a downed tree branch outside the library and it was just nuts.

Then, hours later we came back and found another downed tree branch outside the library. I was wigging because it was like 3x bigger and I was so confused; like did I just think it was smaller? Nope. A passing car's headlights (I think the phone had died by now or we'd just turned off the flashlight) showed the first downed branch we'd found yards in front of the one we were standing in front of. I was like "holy shit, look, it is another one."

We were literally down the street when these would've fallen. Like, if we'd been two blocks down we could've been crushed by these.

Anyways, not long after this we were both coming down and getting tired so Joey drove us to drop Trent off at home and we drove back and went to our respective houses to try and sleep. I couldn't sleep, I was so hyped up on adrenaline but I tried. Not long after, Caleb's mom drove me home.

Turns out, I wasn't the only one that couldn't sleep. Trent and I stayed up talking on messenger and it was so adorable, he found out about using stickers while we were talking and sent me a bunch.

My phone miraculously stayed alive at one percent for literal hours, it was insane. Like, I was literally powering my phone. So, I said I would go to sleep when my phone died. That didn't work. So, I kept talking to him after my phone turned back on.

And then he sent me a picture with our friend Ben.

And I wanted to hang out. So he straight up came to get me. (And he would always come to get me when I wanted to come over. Keep in mind this is like a two hour round trip in a truck that chugs gas. Being a person that always has to pay for gas with one friend and has no one else even coming to see me, this meant a lot to me.)

We were supposed to go bowling with his roommates but they left without us and we felt like staying at the house instead of going to meet them. (I know I just wanted to spend some time alone with him and I'm sure he felt the same.) But, we spent the rest of the night watching tv and playing games and shit and at some point he asked if I would mind him putting his arm around me and I said no and he did and I slowly like pulled my legs up and snuggled against him. When we went to bed, we slept in his bed together. I remember, I thought he was so confident in his immediate disrobing down to his undies and jumping in bed. (He has super bad anxiety just like me so..) I mean, I've never given af even with friends, but at that point, I thought he might have feelings for me too so I was like wow.

Anyways, we ended up not sleeping all night again and like kissed and other stuff throughout the night and morning. It was really awesome. I was super conflicted with what to do because I wanted to be alone for longer to work on myself but I really liked him. Well...we see what decision I made lol. (This was January 6th (and early 7th) and is considered our anniversary.)

Over the next few months, I was over at his house a lot. Like, I would go over for sometimes weeks at a time. I was going to move in in June, but his roommates (due to the girl's lying bullshit) were being assholes and so because of the toxicity he moved out and into his mom's house and I just moved with him. (This was at the very end of March.)

We've lived here ever since and despite our problems have been going strong for a year, four months, and eleven days. (as of 5/17/20) This is my longest and healthiest long term relationship. For a long time, I thought I was cursed and couldn't hold a relationship for longer than nine months. He proved that wrong, as he's proved lots of other things wrong. He helps me with my issues and deals with my relationship problems (due to moving I have a very hard time holding relationships longer than two years. I love the person and want to talk to the person and see them but something inside me just goes NO and it's just hard. It's something all my friends have had to deal with and many of them I don't really talk to anymore because of that. It's one of the reasons I didn't talk to Ders for two years.) We definitely get in little fights, like any normal couple, but we've never gotten in any toxic screaming matches or anything and we always talk afterward and apologize and work through the problems. We both deal with lots of mental problems but we try our best to help each other and not get angry with each other (we both have anger issues.) I sincerely want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to get married and have a house and have children and despite my issues with my emotions, I know I love him very much. Whenever we talk about our future children it's usually "our children" not "my children." We're both in it for the long haul. We're adults, we don't date just to date. We want a life together.

Anyways, for those of you that think you'll never find love or that you always find the wrong person or that you're cursed, I just hope this shows that there's always a person for you and that things on the other side are in fact greener. Since eighth grade, I have been in eleven relationships. That includes my week-long relationship, the two separate times I was with the same person, and the guy I wasn't actually in a relationship with. I've loved, I've mistaken love for in love, I've been cheated on, raped, abused, I've cheated, I've been lied to, I've lied, I've dealt with someone that is utterly emotionally unavailable, I've been driven literally crazy by those I was in love with, I've thought I was cursed, thought there was a problem with me because the only guys I was actually in love with were horrible people, I've broken up with and been broken up with (sometimes dozens of times in a single relationship,) etc. Until number 11. I'm happy. I'm in love with him. I broke the curse. We're healthy and emotionally available (despite our emotional issues.) We tell each other the truth always and would never even think of doing anything with another person. Things get better. Even if things don't work out between us, I will always hold this relationship in this standpoint. Things get better. People grow. People learn. Don't give up on love just because you think love has given up on you. Especially if you're young. I'm still young, I know. If you want to be alone, don't do it because of that, do it because you're happier alone.

Anyways, there it is. The way too long story of me and Trent because I really wanted it all written down for myself.

Love you guys. I hope you enjoy this and possibly ascertain some level of insight from this if you're currently struggling with the concept or actuality of a relationship/healthy relationship.

(I figure you might want to read this so I'm tagging you cus I can Angel_Winchester_03)

There's some pictures and videos of us in the next chapter even though I look like crap in half of them. (These are like all back from when he lived in his old apartment because we don't really take pictures of ourselves and shit.)