I don't usually talk about the past. I don't like to. But I'll say this: Jungkook was always the fast one. Precocious, they called him. Which makes me the slow one. And it's fine, really. I get it. The whole 'someone has to walk for others to run' concept. I just don't understand why the goddess believed I'd be right for this task.

Anyway, the day Jungkook turned, I was thrilled, but for very selfish reasons. Somewhere inside, I thought I'd be next. His shift happening so early could only mean mine was surely coming up soon. After all, I couldn't be that slow.

Boy, was I wrong. Not only did my wolf not manifest, Mum started taking me to some care facility for monthly shots. I had no idea what they were and the only reason she'd given me for them was 'health issues.' It's hard to look back and not wish for things to have been different. For someone to have been there, to stand up for me. But who? It was just the three of us. We had no choice but to trust one another. We were all we had.

I was nine when this blind faith in my mother was challenged. Jungkook was now old enough to be schooled and she insisted he shifts back and follow in my footsteps. I got angry. Did she really wish for him to struggle like I did?

"He needs to get an education," was all she kept arguing when I tried telling her that no, he did not. "This is not who we are any more," was another claim of hers that made very little sense to me because it implied we had been different at some point. I had once asked her about our true identity, and she just instructed me to behave like everyone else so as not to bring attention to myself. Worst advice ever because despite my best efforts, I could not help but think that FREAK was written on my forehead, given the looks I got every time I set foot on school grounds.

However, this had confirmed two things: 1. we were not, in fact, like everyone else. 2. somewhere out there, another existence was possible. Couldn't we just go back to this "life we had left behind" like she called it? Why couldn't she see that whatever plans she had for our family weren't working out for us? We were denied a voice in the choices she had made in our stead and if Jungkook's shift was his path to freedom, I certainly wasn't going to take it away from him.

Speaking of freedom, I couldn't help but notice how quickly Jungkook took a liking to it. I still remember that time he returned covered in dirt and dry leaves. I had to make sure he was clean before Mum got home or else, I feared she'd lock him up inside all day long. His daily expeditions did make me fret over his safety at first, yet the fact that he always made it back unscathed allowed me to believe that perhaps, he was better equipped to confront the world than I was.

I tried focusing on my own competence to avoid silly 'paper cuts' because I could tell, he was also worried about me.

Even though he couldn't follow me beyond the school gates, he made sure to show off his fangs to the classmates who'd been mean. I had wondered how he was able to sniff them out among the crowd of pupils passing by. It wasn't until much later that I realised maliciousness left an awful stench in its wake.

By the time I reached middle school, the bullying turned a lot more physical and I was somewhat grateful for those hours of combat training mum had insisted I took.

Only in high school did things calm down a bit. I still got the occasional weird stares, but I was used to them by then. Most of the time, no one paid attention to the loner in the back, too stressed out about the looming suneung.

The respite was welcome.

Not because it allowed me to focus on getting my grades up, but because it meant I only had two years to go before I got out of there. Leave home. That's all I could think of. I'd take Jungkook with me, of course, and we'd travel a bit. Head south. See how long we could last on my saved-up allowances.

No one was going to make me stray from the path I had visualised for me and my brother. A path to emancipation. A path to freedom at last.

And when I say no one, that includes Kim Taehyung.

I'm still unsure why he insisted on making friends with me. Today, I admit that I am grateful he did because I did not make it easy for him. But at the time, his motivations were most unclear. For some reason, I believed I did not deserve friendship. I had never made a single friend throughout my years in school and even though it sometimes felt like I was missing out, I had made peace with the fact that all I had was my brother, and all he had was me. We were enough for each other.

Or so I thought.

-

Soooo... I'm back after many weeks (months?) and no one to blame but myself and my tendency to postpone things indefinitely. I do hope you enjoyed this update, however short.

More coming... some time in the future! (Hopefully soon but by now, you must know how unreliable I am.)

-

If you think I deserve it, a vote and comment would be nice.

-

Also, I know wattpad is not the place to discuss politics, but if you are trying to make sense of what's presently going on in Gaza, there's a video I'd like to share with you. It highlights the geopolitical stakes behind these atrocious events and allows us to look beyond the religious and/or moral agendas put forth by most media outlets.

Unfortunately, I cannot share the link here as the creator has been demonetized on YT and is now using another platform.

If you reach out to me, however, I'll gladly send you the link in DM.