This is less of a songfic and just more of displaying a song that relates to Shota and how he feels. Like I said, Part Two: Reflection would come soon enough! Anyways, this is a pretty short chapter, but still gives you enough feels.

Aizawa lay on his bed in his room, turning and twisting underneath the covers of his blanket. He was restless, plagued with the thoughts of Y/N and their memories together. The feelings and sorrow settled in and burrowed a den in his heart, his heart now home to the guiltiness and grief that harbored over him, depriving him of any happiness he was formerly having. He clenched the pillow above his face as his hair clung to his face because of his wet, hot, searing tears that managed to escape that night. He closed his eyes as his memory burned through the wall of refusal of trying to remember it again, making his heart beat painfully each time. Each and every thump meant one more second of living, and he wasn’t sure if that was what he wanted anymore. 

After meeting her in his special place, he couldn’t help but replay the scene over and over again. It sent a lump in his throat that was far too dense and large to swallow, and his heart ached at the thought of it again. He was numb with the feeling of loneliness for the first time, because he no longer had the h/l h/c haired girl beside him, her absence and lack of presence around him was suffocating to bear through, because it meant that the person he cared for most was gone. She was forever gone, and he knew it, it was evident she wasn’t going to come back to his arms again. He was never gonna enjoy her laughter, smile, or the banter, and he knew he was going to miss the fluttering his heart did or the feeling of being flustered and teased. He already felt a part of himself fading, because he had given everything and every part of himself to her. Now that she’s gone, she’s also taken the pieces of his heart along with her, burying them underground. 

He was utterly distraught. Distraught was just a filler word, more like an understatement to better phrase it. He was fucking broken to say the least. This emptiness he felt in his heart, and the absence of the familiar girl next to him was gone. His everything, his world, his dreams and hopes and everything that came with it, that had left when she decided to leave. 

He had so many plans. He had so many plans for the two of them in the future, but those plans had crumbled away when he saw her there at the hill. His breath was taken away as all he could do was stare and gasp out in horror and shock, with the only question that he had now was “why?” His eyes were bulged out in absolute horror as he embraced her body tightly, yelling at her- no, begging for her- to not leave him, to allow him to say sorry, and to allow him to say his confession. But her cold eyes simply stared at him, and there wasn’t an answer back, as he tried to clung to her the best he could. 

He was already too late to have convinced her, and he realized then that she had left him before the moment he even arrived at the place. All he could do was gaze at her, as the sinking burden of his feelings had told him that she was gone, never able to come back, and for a second, all the things he missed was the things were all the reasons he had fallen in love with. When he saw her face, his life would lit up like a bright light, and her positivity and her liveliness had altered his life. She had forced down all of his guarded walls around his heart, and soon, he managed to have squeezed herself, attaching herself to his beating organ. He carried her around like she was an essential part to him, a part he needed to live with. 

When Y/N was around, everything was instantly different around him. He was granted the happiness and the love he couldn’t have been gifted with before. He was given the feeling of worthiness and confidence, he received a warmth and affection he didn’t know existed until those walls around his heart were torn and stripped apart from her. When he had first felt that warmth, he kept it inside of him ever since, an eternal flame setted by Y/N herself, and the warmth was the most welcoming and accepting thing he had felt. It was her warmth that was softhearted and compassionate, that was why always, the ghosts of her touch lingered on his skin and mind; the flame would always be within him. 

But after that day, she had extinguished that fire inside of him, and now he was left cold without anything to keep him warm. He was left empty as well, and that fiery joy he kept inside of him vanished from him, all other emotions deprived as all he could do was blankly stare at the times they were together, well aware that those kinds of memories would never be remade again. 

That was what had hurt him the most, the pain in his chest constricted and increased the intensity, as more tears brimmed at his eyes. He cried out hoarsely into his pillow as his agony-filled sobs were absorbed in the fabrics of his pillow. He screamed in anguish, unable to contain his signs of despair, embracing the pillow tightly as a remembrance of his former friend as if he was afraid to lose her, despite the fact he already did. Whimpers escaped his quivering lips as he shook violently from the raw emotions, as more slurred and incomprehensible begging and sobbing fell on death ears. 

All he wanted was her to come back. 

He gripped the fabrics of his shirt tightly as his tears were moisturizing the surface of his clothes, ignoring the ugly crying as his nose began to run. A breathy sigh was coaxed out of his mouth as his tantrum of screaming and crying was silencing down, all of his movements were kept to a minimum as only a small stream of tears streaked across his tear-stained cheeks. His eyes became red from all of the wailing, and they began to strain, but he ignored the pain as he stared at the ceiling, calming down enough for him to just lay still with his thoughts surrounding him. 

His chest heaved as the final hiccups and sobs fled from his throat, his throat dry now. He gulped down another lump, before turning to his side, allowing another shaky breath to flee from his mouth. 

Play the song now. I don’t want to disturb the lyrics by writing his thoughts, because it’s much more effective if you think about the lyrics yourself and think about how he feels rather than reading how he feels. 

“If you see the boy I used to be
Can you tell him that I'd like to find him.
And if you see the shell that’s left of me,
Could you spare him a little kindness? 
‘Cause I’ve been high, and I’ve been low
I’ve spent a thousand nights alone
Tryna’ hold on tight
And feelings come and they won’t go
Please someone won’t someone take me home, 
Before I lose my mind?

Am I broken?
Am I flawed?
Do I deserve a shred of worth
Or am I just another fake, fucked up lost cause?
And am I human
Or am I something else?
‘Cause I’m so scared
There’s no one there
To save me from the nightmare I call myself.

I’ve tried everything and anything
But nothing seems to work quite like it should
Between the madness and the apathy
Seems there’s nothing left inside of that’s good. 

‘Cause I’ve been high and I’ve been low
I’ve spent a thousand nights alone
Tryna’ hold on tight
And feelings come and they won’t go
Please won’t someone take me home
Before I lose my mind

Am I broken? 
Am I flawed? 
Do I deserve a shred of worth
Or am I just a fake, fucked up lost cause? 
And am I human? 
Or am I something else?
‘Cause I’m so scared
There’s no one there
To save me from the nightmare that I call myself.”

*insert humming*

“Am I broken? 
Am I flawed?
Do I deserve a shred of worth
Or am I just a fake, fucked up lost cause? 
And am I human? 
Or am I something else? 
‘Cause I’m so scared
There’s no one there
To save me from the nightmare that I call myself.” 

Gosh damn… that song really hurts when you put it into context with this story… by the way, if you haven’t noticed already, this was when Aizawa was a teen, a day after their last meeting.