Jungkook's perspective

Now I found myself walking back and forth in an empty corridor of a hospital, eyes filled with constant tears and heart with constant fear.

I finally shifted my body on the bench besides Jimin who instantly rubbed my shaking back when I broke down in tears and then my eyes caught father running to our side with an astonished expression worn on his face.

And it didn't take him even a minute to read our faces to learn the situation. Yoongi quickly helped the father sitting who was now panicking, making my pain go worse.

He sat down, holding his shaking knees and the way tears scrolled down his wrinkled cheeks gave me a sense of pity but at the moment I wasn't even able to hold myself.

My eyes squeezed to slide down the salty tears out of them. His scene continuously played inside my head, breaking my inner self more and more.

His fragile frame collapsed in my arms and I held onto it as if I would lose my everything if I let him go. 

The last thing he uttered was my name when his eyes closed and my heart skipped a beat. It was another experience of a nightmare that I never wanted to witness.

I blamed my mouth to utter those words because every time it was me and my words only to have him in my arms this way and now I was drowning in a deep lament that all I wished was to turn back time again.

🌸🌸🌸

I rested my head against the wall, my tears went dry and sniffles started fading away. The moment seemed endless with the agitation fighting against my will but I had to stay still for him.

"Jungkook…" Jimin whispered softly, kneeling in front of me to peak to check my face when I hung my head low.

He passed me a water bottle but I needed nothing but assurity about him and suddenly I saw a ray of hope. 

The doctor stepped out, removing his glasses as his coat hung on his forearm when his eyes landed on us. 

I quickly stood up, facing him with glistening eyes and he patted my shoulder.

"I-is he okay? Doctor? Is he alright? Tell me, is he okay?" I repeated as I wandered my eyes on his expressions but he just sighed, adding to my anxiety and I gulped.

"After checking the reports and after examining him, it's so obvious that He is suffering from epilepsy."

"E-epilepsy?" And I held the wall for support as if I would end on the floor the next second.

"Please don't worry." He whispered and I just took a deep breath.

"Will he be alright? Will he be okay?" I continuously asked and Jimin rubbed my back, asking questions on my behalf instead now.

"Epilepsy isn't dangerous, right doctor?" Jimin asked to which the doctor nodded and I finally sighed.

"Epilepsy is seizure disorder, there could be many causes including trauma or depression. All I have to say is that he needs proper care and therapy. Just don't worry. He'll be fine." The doctor informed with an assuring smile, giving me life back again but was it enough to know?

"Trauma? Depression?" I whispered under my breath and a voice called from behind.

And now I discovered something more heartbreaking, shaking my world again.

"It's all my fault." I turned to face father now who's eyes were glistening with tears and my heart dangerously throbbed inside.

"My child… he was suppressing his emotions and now they are suppressing him, it is all my fault. Only mine." The way he cried, blaming himself broke everyone's heart.

I walked to him now, kneeling in front of where he sat. I needed to know many things which Taehyung could never answer, he always kept his true feelings to himself and always left me with nothing.

I had questions, a lot of them which kept my inner thoughts unstable and now after what happened with him had me sinking deep in curiosity. I always wanted him to utter something more than just 'I'm fine'. 

No, we always just can't be fine. Being sad, heartbroken, anxious, angry and curious, they all are part of us. They are our emotions and only ours to keep. We feel them and if we will bury them somewhere in ourselves then no one could ever know. We have the ability to express them because nature made us this way and if we choose to suppress them, we face outcomes. 

And this is what he had been doing all this time, suppressing his emotions somewhere in him and now I needed to fix this.

"Father, tell me… please." I pleaded and he patted my shoulder.

"Jungkook, I wish I could fix it back then when I first witnessed it."

And my eyes widened after what he began telling me. I cried with mixed feelings. Didn't know what to feel but all I had was pain in a tremendous amount.

"He truly loves you." And I closed my eyes. My lip whimpered when I started sobbing roughly. 

I finally heard what I was dying to hear but what broke me more was that his love was just way too pure and way too beyond than anyone could ever express in words which I realised later.

"He was suffering, he was helpless and so he chose to leave your side. He thought I never knew but I knew everything. It was my fault to bring him in such a great responsibility without even his consent. Now he had to suppress his emotions because of who he was. He was drowning in regret for a fault he never did. I saw in his eyes, he loves you so much."

His confession gave me all the answers to my questions. The curiosity, the agitation, it was all replaced by only pain now. 

I realised how much of a fool I was and how much of a selfless person he was. He always cared and I just wanted to turn back the time to fix it all again but I just couldn't.

I broke down again, his voice was colliding in my head. His glistening eyes, his endearing smile, his life changing lessons, they all were a part of me now. He was an angel, someone more than I could ever deserve.

“How can you be so good Tae?”

“Everyone is good dear, it's just you who finds the goodness in them.”

"No, I couldn't see your goodness. I am a fool."

I sobbed harder, fighting my old self for being so dumb but it was far gone but future was in my hands and I had to manipulate it for us.

“Never lose your hope Jungkook. The day we lose them, we are half dead.”

As he said that we are alive when our hopes are alive and the day we kill our hopes, we are half dead inside but he had killed half of himself because of something I pulled him into. 

I was half dead before I met him. The way I stumbled upon him out of blue, I had no clue but he became my hope and gave me life back again. He became the reason to live when I considered no reason as a motive of living but he became mine and now he killed half of himself because of me. 

He didn't even need to give his love to me because it was already delivered to me in many forms that even if he would just stay in front, I would catch his empathy, his encouragement, his kindness and his love. 

His letters always accompanied me when I felt alone, his sweater always sent me warmth when I felt cold, his lessons always led me ahead to the success, only him, only he could do this.

Not just care or therapy, I was ready to give him the world but I was upset for what he experienced. He was the purest soul to ever exist and what he faced was not what he deserved and I was mad at God for his injustice and I stood up before anyone could call up and resist me.

The dusk approached but it didn't bother me and I made my way to church now because I was not afraid of anything anymore. I was young and naïve. If my love was sin then why only he was being suffered.

He said we are children of God but why we were being hurt this way?

I couldn't walk back in past but I could walk to the place which could bring me in the past, the church.

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My hope 02Chibi inspired me to write this. The words she says, I just can't even express.

Next chapter will connect the very first chapter to it now.

Hope you guys enjoyed.