https://youtu.be/cn1ueNgsEuI

That Old Feeling- Frank Sinatra

When Taehyung had gotten a call from a foreign number, he had picked it up in the middle of a meeting. Namjoon had informed him about the facility where he traced Jungkook's last presence a month ago.

Taehyung was on the next flight out to the south of Poland.

He had been aware that he had packed in haste, but on landing there and after checking into a hotel — he wanted to change into something presentable — he'd learned early enough that he had only thrown a shirt, underwear, and two odd pairs of shoes in his suitcase.

He didn't care to search for any big brands and asked at the hotel reception about the nearest clothing stores. There was one not far from the hotel where the town car had driven him.

Luckil,y he had found multiple luxury brands from where he bought eight pairs of different outfits and paid for them before requesting the store manager to get the seven outfits delivered to the hotel later.

Picking a lightweight jacket, dark blue jeans, and a blue sweatshirt, he drove the rental car to the address he had acquired and was ready to finally see Jungkook. He looked at the big square multi-story building in front of him, his heart unbelievably fast and his thoughts all jumbled. "Hey," Namjoon's voice startled him, making his heart beat even faster.

Namjoon stepped closer to him and tipped his chin. "Got all the documents?"

"I have them," Taehyung didn't want to talk to anyone but Jungkook. Speaking felt like running fast on a steep rock. "But are you sure about this?" He cocked a brow, looking at the building.

"One month ago, yes. My source is foolproof. But I can't say if he's still there."

"One month is nothing in the grand scheme of years," Taehyung mumbled, rubbing his sweaty palms together. "I am going in."

Namjoon jumped up and sat on the bonnet of Taehyung's ride, indicating that he would wait outside.

Taehyung looked up at the sky. "Please let him be in there." Coveting a miracle, he prayed, knowing that Almighty hadn't been merciful to him more often than not.

On the reception, he found the most incorrigible set of rules to be followed, which included turning off his phone to showing his ID at least five times to different people.

When he managed to reach an inside office, a woman looked up at him from the other side of the room, which was divided by a glass and metal channel in the middle, and jutted towards the chair.

"Good morning," Taehyung sat down, keeping his voice pleasant.

"Purpose of visit?" The old woman asked, typing on the computer.

"I am here to see a friend."

"Name?"

"Jeon Jungkook."

She typed in the system and then rolled her eyes. "Your name."

"Kim Taehyung." He spelled it out for her.

"I am sorry, but you aren't the registered visitor," she leaned back on her chair. "If you need to see someone, you need to provide a letter of authorization from the existing registered visitor. I can't allow you to see anyone."

"Listen," Taehyung shifted in his chair, his fist tightening. "I know the rules, but I only need to talk for a moment. If you can't let me in, surely you can call him out. I'll say my goodbye soon."

"You can't meet Jeon Jungkook. That's the rule," the woman straightened her spine and put her thick glasses down, finality in her action.

"Please," Taehyung took another route to convince the old lady as desperation won over. Pride would take him nowhere. He regretted not thinking anything through before he decided to hop on that plane. He couldn't even blame himself. He waited for this moment for six years. "I found out that he's here after much difficulty, and I have traveled across the continent just to talk to him once."

"I understand, sir," the woman's sound came out more pitiful than irritable. "But I am only an employee following the rules. Please understand that my hands are tied. You can't convince me otherwise."

"I'll do a favor for you in exchange. Anything you need." Taehyung offered hastily.

The woman sighed. "Jeon Jungkook isn't here anymore." She said after considering for a moment.

"What do you mean?"

"He was here, but he left a few weeks ago. I can't give you any more information than that, but I am sorry to say that your trip was in vain."

"Are you sure he left? I- I mean... Wow," Taehyung wiped his mouth with his fingers, the wires twirling inside his head to guess where the younger could've gone. "But he has been here for the last six years?"

"Sir, if you please excuse me, I have my tea break." She grabbed her glasses and put them on.

Taehyung watched as she got up slowly and scurried out the back door.

**

Foregoing the car from home, Jungkook called a cab to go to the final interview round discussion, followed by a tour of the art gallery. It was only a formality at this point. In his first round, Hyun-Sik had told him that he was as good as hired.

When he broke the news that he'd gotten a job as an artist after that call from Hyun-Sik, his mother was happier than him, but the wave of worry plunged her soon enough after remembering that he would move out of their house once he had the job.

No one, including himself, expected that he'd be working within a month and a few days of being back home. But maybe God was now with Jungkook.

In terms of health, he was feeling much better physically, but his mental state wasn't exactly far from the past. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't get rid of memories and voices that were as clear as the morning to him.

Every time he closed his eyes, he traveled back to a different memory of the man that brought a smile to his face until he realized his reality, which then was too late as he'd remember the obnoxious smell of the disinfectant from the vinyl hospital floor, the unending pain as the contents of his stomach were expelled out, the bitterness at the back of his air pipe, the faint beeps from the ICU, and face of his father covered in tears as he screamed at the hospital staff.

If reality was cruel, his dreams were even more villainous.

The memory of the university dance audition struck him last night, specifically how Jimin was judging people's dancing skills, how he almost caved from giving auditions, and how Jimin selected him and congratulated him afterward, even taking him to dinner. He could almost feel the same nervousness he felt standing in the queue outside the auditorium that day.

Thankfully enough, his thoughts ceased when the cab pulled over in front of the familiar building. "How much do I pay you?" He asked, reaching for his wallet from his back pocket and thinking that he'd soon stop using his father's money.

Paying the cabbie, he lurked towards the escalator, finding the surroundings all too friendlier. On his way to the cabin, although he was afraid to jinx it, he called Minsoo to thank her for helping him out.

The same young man from two days ago greeted him. "Please wait for a few minutes. I'll be right back."

Jungkook nodded with a polite smile, his inked arm trembling in nervousness. As he waited inside the bright cabin, different from the other day, he took in the details of the office. There were paintings all around, yet they didn't overcrowd the ambiance.

All of the paintings had similar aesthetics and techniques, so Jungkook assumed they were done by the same artist. Walking up to the wall after putting his portfolio bag on the table, he was admiring a painting closely when he heard a sound, and his neck craned to peer back.

The office boy had entered with a tray in his hand, carrying water bottles.

Jungkook returned to the middle of the room and picked up one bottle. "Thank you," he said, smiling at the boy who looked comfortable and confident with his work. Jungkook was so smitten by the young boy's stance that he missed the sound of the door as someone else entered.

"Good morning."

The voice alarmed Jungkook, and the bottle dropped from his hand.

No.

It can't be.

He dipped toward the ground, face between his knees as he hid in the guise of picking up the bottle. He didn't want to lift his head because he recognized that voice.

It had changed slightly, getting more mature, but he couldn't mistake it. There was a recipe for disaster waiting to happen in a matter of nanoseconds.

His heart thudded in agony.

The footsteps sounded closer.

And closer.

And more.

And then Jimin dropped to his haunches in front of the man in a white suit to help him.

They grabbed the bottle at the same time and Jimin chuckled softly, his gaze trailing up to meet Jungkook's eyes at the same time.

Chills ran down Jimin's spine as their gazes locked after six years. Air sucked out of the room, and the voices hung still.

It was a few Mississippis as they sat frozen before Jimin mumbled Jungkook's name mechanically, giving incentive to the younger to pull his hand back like he was burned.

Jungkook stood up, looking around frantically and catching sight of the office boy leaving the room.

In a blinding panic, his hand went for his bag, wanting to pull it towards him so he could turn around and run.

Jimin stayed stunned on the ground, just staring up at the beautiful man in front of him. Whenever he thought of Jungkook, in his imagination over the years, Jungkook was always the boy he had last seen at the university. Although he knew that he must've grown, he couldn't have fathomed what was standing in front of him. Tall and muscular, which reminded Jimin of the six-foot-four man he'd met a few months ago.

Jungkook, in his grey sui,t was instilling colors in his bleary eyes.

The portfolio was cluttered after falling on the table, preventing Jungkook from seeing straight. A zillion thoughts crossed his mind in a matter of moments as he wildly tried to stuff everything back inside his bag.

He wanted to jump on the man and never let go. He wanted to storm out at the same time and hide. He wanted to never get out of bed.

When he had always daydreamed in his mind on those sleepless nights to smile at Jimin and ask if he was happy if he ever was to meet him again, all he wanted then was to break down.

He was seeing Jimin in probably his natural hair color for the first time, and with god as his witness, his heart was resuscitating while dying at the same time. Jimin was a cool remedy for his chronic gushes and a burning eye sore, but never once in his daydreams did he consider he'd look at Jimin and feel like what he was feeling, which threw him off balance.

His chest was hot. His lungs were shrinking, his gaze was unfocused, and his eyes were burning. Reality was different from dreams, and Jungkook's feelings in both dimensions were not the same for the man. He was realizing that.

Jimin managed to stand up in shock, frozen.

When Jungkook contrived to put everything back in his bag, he chanced one more glance at the older male and noticed a sparkling wedding ring on his finger.

All the affection and dreams were shattered once again as he was reminded of his past one more time so cruelly that he felt his choppy breath knock him off physically.

He could see a glimpse into his future. Yes. He wouldn't be able to live again.

He was hardly breathing as he was.

He wanted to die again.

He desperately needed to end himself.

The pain. It was too much. The wounds that never fully healed, cut open again.

The grim reality made him wonder if it was even slightly hard for Jimin all those years.

It was just a normal day in Jimin's life, dressing up, showing up to work, interviewing, and making decisions that changed people's lives, all the while, when people suffered because of him. He suffered because of him.

Jungkook never blamed Jimin once in six years and before, knowing that it was entirely his decision to end his own life, but right now, he couldn't help but wonder if Jimin had made love to his wife before coming to work this morning, whether he had any kid,s and if he played with them. He had made it so easy for Jimin by removing himself from his life. Jimin must've been happy transacting that opportunity, and Jungkook wanted to blame him for something, anything. It wasn't fair. No.

Fuck, it wasn't fair.

He didn't know from where the liquid fire was doused in his veins, but he wanted to punch Jimin until he bled. He wanted to grab his collar and drive his head through the wall.

And just like that, like last time, he didn't want to erase himself to give the same ease to this beautiful man standing before him. He wanted the man he loved with his entirety to suffer because of him, too.

If he couldn't get love out of Jimin for him, he wanted to dig the pain out of him, too. At least, Jimin would give him something that way.

And then Jungkook feigned tranquility. "Good morning," he took a silent deep breath and flashed a tentative smile while pocketing his right arm in his trousers. He extended his shaky left hand towards Jimin. "I am Jeon Jungkook. Pleased to meet you."

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25 Dec, 2024