ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴs ᴏғ sᴇʟғ ʜᴀʀᴍ
______________________________________

None of the teens knew how long it had been since they got to the island. Many days had passed and there hadn't been a sign of anyone coming to get them. As far as Estrella was concerned, she was fine. She had no desire to go back to OBX seeing as there was nothing left for her. Her family was right on the island with her.

They had tried their best to make the most out of the situation they were in. JJ had just finished making their Poguelandia sign with the help of Estrella and climbed up to tie it onto a tree.

Estrella smiled wide as JJ finished tying the string onto the branch. The girl claps before throwing her hands up, "You did it, Jay! Poguelandia!"

JJ cheers before climbing down. As he lands, he steps back towards Estrella to look up at the sign. Estrella lets out a sigh, "It's perfect."

•••

"Rescue?" JJ chuckles, "From what? From... from paradise? I'm not going back. Ever." He shrugs as Estrella smiles softly, "I mean, look around. We got everything we need. Right here."

"Just like we talked about." Estrella nods

"Exactly." JJ mumbles as he looks down at her, "How's yours looking? You ready to provide for the family?"

Estrella holds up her stick with the dagger attached to it. Her brows furrowing at how bad hers looked compared to JJ's, "Yeah."

"Let's go kill something."

Estrella grimaces as they stand, "You don't have to say it like that."

"Yeah. That's exactly what we're gonna do."

"It sounds so barbaric, like..."

"Well, that's the circle of life, Star. Unless you want to eat coconuts forever."

Estrella laughs, "After the past month, I think I'm good on coconuts."

______________________________________

Charlotte and Kie sat beside each other as they weaved plants together to try and make tiny pillows for everyone. Kie looks up as Charlotte chuckles. The blonde holding up what was supposed to be a pillow, "This isn't gonna be comfortable for anyone."

"It's leaves and twigs. It wasn't gonna be comfortable anyway." She laughs as Charlotte tosses it aside to start another. Kie's laughter dies down as she looks back down at her work, "So, are you enjoying Pogue life?"

Charlotte shrugs, "As much as I miss showers and my bed, I'm enjoying Poguelandia."

Kie smiles with a nod, "That's good. I'm glad you like it."

Charlotte looks up catching Kie's eyes on her. She can feel her face becoming warm causing her to look down again.

______________________________________

Estrella and JJ walked into the water with their sticks in hand.

"You ready?" JJ asks

"Yeah."

"All right. Today's the day." He says as he looks down in the water, "All right, remember, watch your shadow. They see that, they're gone."

"All right."

"All right, here we go. Just like we practiced, all right?" JJ says softly. Estrella nods as she tucks her hair behind her ear. JJ smiles lightly with a nod, "All right."

As soon as he turns back to the water, his eyes widen, "Hey. Hey, Star. Star, Star, Star. Star, it's a skate. It's a skate right there. You see him?"

"All right. It's all me." Estrella says tightening her grip on her stick

"He sees me! He's coming over by you." JJ calls out, "He's coming towards you."

"Yeah, it's me." Estrella breathes

"Star, this is it. This is the time."

Estrella groans, "I can't. I really can't."

"Star, yes you can. Come on." He tries, but Estrella steps back. He looks down and stabs down at where the fish was, but misses, "Dang it. I missed it. Where is it? I missed it."

Estrella looks down into the water and catches the fish swimming away from JJ. Before her mind could tell her otherwise, she stabbed her stick down. JJ looks over as she grunts. She twists the stick before lifting it up. Her eyes widening at the fish on the end.

"Oh my God." Estrella squeals, "I did it."

"You did it!" JJ laughs as she hugs him, "We're having skate tonight."

Estrella laughs as she pulls away, "Oh shit."

JJ reaches over and pulls the fish off of the stick, "Full Pogue!"

The two cheer as he holds it up above them. Estrella looks to JJ, "Yes!"

"That's food in our bellies right there."

______________________________________

"Wow." Pope mutters. The teens were now gathered around playing truth or dare

"John B, your turn. Truth or dare?" Sarah asks

"All right, all right. Truth."

"Truth?" Sarah repeats taking the makeshift hat off and passing it to John B

"Truth!" He says putting the hat on

"This is exciting." Cleo mumbles

"If you could do it all again... " Sarah starts, "what would you do different?"

John B brows raise as JJ turns to them, "Uh, get the gold out before Ward did."

"Maybe hide the cross a little better." Pope adds

"Not yell "murderer" at Ward, maybe." Kie shrugs

"Uh, steal a couple bottles of rum before we jumped off the boat?" John B says

"Yeah, why didn't you do that, actually?" JJ asks

"Maybe 'cause I was in a fight to the death?"

"I would look both ways before crossing the street." Cleo says looking to John B. Sarah, Kie, and Estrella laugh as he looks down.

"Yeah, my bad. My bad."

"Your turn, chief." Cleo nods

"All right, Kie, truth or dare?" John B asks placing the hat on her head

"Truth." She mutters rolling her eyes playfully

"All right. Um, if you could go home to your parents' house on Figure Eight this instant..."

"Mmm." Sarah mutters

"...would you do it?"

The group goes silent as they look to her. Her eyes wander over to Charlotte, "No chance."

"Seconded." Sarah points as Charlotte smiles

"No chance." John B says

JJ lifts his coconut, "Hear! Hear! To no chance!"

"The shower's tempting though." Kie says

"Ooh, I could use a fat shower right now." John B agrees

"Estrella, truth or dare?" Kie says passing the hat to Pope who places it on the girls head

"Truth." Estrella sighs

"Ooh, she picks truth." John B says

Kie nods to herself, "What's something you have never told us?"

"Ooh." Sarah mutters

"That's a good one." Pope says as Estrella looks off in thought

A few seconds later, she shakes her head, "The only thing I can think of is extremely depressing and dark."

"Well, we're stuck on an island together." Kie says, "That alone is extremely depressing and dark. At this point, we should be able to handle it."

"We're family." John B encourages

Estrella looks to him before her eyes fall on the others. Each of them holding an encouraging look in their eyes. Her eyes finally land on JJ. He nods to her before taking a sip from his coconut.

Estrella lets out a sigh as she looks down at the sand, "Okay, um, something I haven't told you." She mumbles, "You guys saved my life."

The teens look around at each other in confusion. All of them curious, but too nervous to ask what she meant. Pope looks to JJ who stares back at him. His brows draw inward silently asking JJ if he knew what she meant. JJ simply nods towards her.

Kie catches on and clears her throat, "What do you mean?"

Estrella knew she could brush it off and tell Kie that that wasn't the question that was asked, but John B mentioning they were family confirmed for her that she couldn't just leave them with that, "Um, when John B and Sarah were dead," She says making quotations with her fingers, "I just found out about the bet and I felt alone. So, I started hurting myself."

Pope could feel his heart stop at Estrella's confession. His eyes never leave the side of her face even when he could see the others in his peripheral looking around at each other.

"It got so bad one night, that I almost went overboard. But Pope called me to plan the tree memorial for you guys. So, in a dark and twisted way, your guys' death saved me."

Estrella finally looks up and she immediately regrets it. She felt like she was being stabbed a million times over at the looks on her friend's faces. She knew she would have to tell them eventually. They had been through a lot together and she wouldn't have been able to keep that secret forever. But their reactions was the main reason why she was so hesitant too.

"Just like I thought. Mood killer." She says taking the hat off of her head, "JJ."

The blonde looks over at her as she tosses the hat to him. He grabs it and places it on his head, "Truth or dare?"

"I mean, do you even need to ask?" He chuckles

She turns toward the cliff to the right of them before turning back to JJ with a smile, "Big jump. Nobody's done it yet." She says. The teens turn toward where she was pointing. She then raises her brows to JJ, "Dare."

•••

The teens stand near the cliff as they wait for JJ to appear at the top.

"There he is." John B says as he steps up

"There he goes." Pope says. They immediately cheer as he turns to them, "Send it!"

"He's not gonna do it! He's not gonna do it!" Cleo yells

"Oh, I won't, huh?" JJ yells back

"No way." John B chuckles

Estrella turns to Pope, "He's gonna do it."

"It's highly dangerous, uh, zero reward? Yeah, he's doing it." He nods

JJ screams causing the others to cheer for him. Sarah cups her hands around her mouth, "Do it! Do it!"

The teens watch as JJ takes a few steps back. Seconds later, he runs and flips off of the cliff. The teens yell out as he lands in the water. Pope and John B are the first to run to the water before the girls follow them.

JJ comes up and swims to shore. As he stands and walks over to them, Pope and John B run over and pull him into a hug. When they pull away and walk further onto the shore, Estrella gives him a high five.

"I can't believe you actually did it." She chuckles

"I actually thought I was gonna die." He says holding her hand for a few seconds before letting go

"You looked like you were gonna die." Pope jokes, "I thought you were gonna die."

______________________________________

After dinner, Estrella found herself sitting out by the water. The fire was still going from dinner, but was slowly going out. Estrella looks to her left as someone plops down beside her.

John B sighs as he places his arms on his knees before turning to Estrella, "Hey."

"Hey." She says, "You alright?"

"Yeah." He mumbles, "You okay?"

Estrella shrugs, "For being on a deserted island, I'd say I'm pretty okay."

John B chuckles with a slight shake of his head. A silence falls over them as Estrella turns back to the water. John B studies her side profile before looking down at the sand, "I'm sorry."

Estrella turns to him, but he keeps his eyes on the sand, "What?"

"I'm sorry." He says looking up. Estrella's brows draw inward, "I never apologized for the bet. With everything going on, I never got the chance to. I would've done it a long time ago had I known what had happened."

"The bet wasn't the only reason I did what I did." She says shaking her head, "It was just everything all at once. The bet, losing you guys, and with my mom on me 24/7, it became overwhelming. And I thought I was alone in all of it since Pope and Kie were trying to move forward. I wasn't talking to Jay either, so it was just a lot." She says, "But I don't blame you guys."

"I still feel fucking horrible about it." He says, "Even before today, I was trying to find a way to bring it up to you."

"Thank God for Kie then, right?" Estrella smiles. John B chuckles as she looks away, "I forgive you, John B. Like you said, we're family."

John B smiles with a nod. The two look over as steps are heard behind them. Pope stops slowly as he looks between them. John B stands up, "Gonna head to sleep. Night guys."

"Night, John B." Estrella says

"Night." Pope says as John B walks off. Pope takes a seat beside Estrella as she turns back to the water, "You okay?"

Estrella chuckles, "I've been asked that twice in less than ten minutes."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. Kind of set myself up for that." She says. Pope nods as he looks away. Estrella takes note of his nervousness. She sighs as he starts wringing his hands together, "What's wrong, Pope?"

He turns to her, "What?"

"Something's wrong." She says, "Whatever you wanna ask, just ask."

A moment of silence falls over them as Pope takes the time to think over his words. Estrella's eyes stay on him as he takes a deep breath, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want you to worry about me."

"I was already worried about you, Estrella."

"Exactly."

"I could've helped you." He says, "You should never feel lonely."

Estrella sighs, "I'm sorry, Pope."

"See? That's the problem. You have nothing to be sorry for." He says, "You were going through all of that by yourself."

"We were all going through something, Pope." She shrugs, "We were all handling it differently."

"But I could've been there for you." He says, "You're my best friend. You're like my sister, Estrella. To know that you were going through that by yourself when I was right there hurts me because you've always been there for me and I should've been there."

"It's not your fault." She says, "You didn't know."

"Did anyone know?" He asks carefully

"I told JJ when we were going to Charleston." She says, "Only because he noticed the bandages on my wrist." Estrella looks up as she hears Pope let out a shaky sigh. She turns to get a better look at his face, "Pope." When Pope turns to her, the fire behind them illuminates his face. Her face drops as his eyes become glossy, "Oh no, Pope."

"I'm so sorry." He says

"No, Pope. Listen to me." She says cupping his face, "You were the one that saved me. You. Your call is what made me stop. If it weren't for you, it would've been so much worse. You saved me, Pope."

"I should've been there."

"You were. Even if you didn't know it." She says, "Please don't cry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

As Pope sniffles, Estrella scoots closer and wraps her arms around his shoulders. Pope's head falls to her shoulders as he wraps his arms around her stomach. Estrella's head falls on top of his as she sighs, "I'm sorry. I promise I won't do it again."

Instead of answering, Pope's grip tightens on her middle. Estrella's hand rubs his shoulder as she continues to not only comfort him, but herself.

______________________________________