(Angst)

(Self Deprecation)

(Profanity)

Katsuki Bakugou

"K-Kacchan?" The young boy rolled in bed, his floppy curls were stuck to his face in random places as he blinked his sleepy eyes at the slightly older boy. Izuku still called him that, and Katsuki figured he would have grown out of it by now. However, it was still the first name to slip his tongue when trying to get the blond's attention.

"What," Katsuki whispered into the darkened room while flipping over to his side to face the puffy-eyed boy beside him. It's been a while since the greenette had a nightmare during one of their sleepovers.

"I — I had a nightmare," Izuku whispered back while rubbing his sleep-filled eyes with the back of his fists. A pouty jut of his lip only adding to his pitiful expression that Katsuki has never been able to ignore. He moved closer to his best friend and opened his arms as an invitation. He knew that his friend would want to be held, that's just how Izuku was.

Almost immediately, Izuku dove into the blond's arms and tucked himself into his chest. The slightly older of the two instantly wrapped a protective hold around the frightened boy. Izuku rubbed his eyes again and Katsuki knew that he was fighting back tears. The boy had always been a cry-baby, but the blond didn't mind. Katsuki knew he had a powerful quirk and would be a hero one day. Then Izuku would never need to cry again because he would be protected from all the bad guys. Izuku would never need to be afraid again.

"Kacchan," Izuku mumbled with a scratchy and tired voice while Katsuki ran soothing hands over the smaller boy's back.

"What is it, nerd?" The blond mumbled back, pressing his face tenderly into Izuku's messy green curls. He smelled like strawberries.

"You're going to be the b - best hero, Kacchan. You always make the bad go away," Izuku sighed and snuggled himself closer into the older boy's body, hiding away in his protective arms. Katsuki tsked, but tightened his arms around his friend, knowing damn well that he would be the best hero one day. He had to be.

"I've told you this before, stupid." There was no hostility in his voice when he spoke. "I will always make the bad go away," The last part came out hushed. His voice faltering at the sincerity behind his statement. Katsuki always promised to take the bad away for Izuku, knowing the nerd was too weak to protect himself and would get himself hurt — or even killed someday. Izuku was quirkless, and even now at 10-years-old, he still refused to believe that he would be quirkless forever.

"Mmm — Thanks, Kacchan," Izuku mumbled and a smile played on his lips while Katsuki dropped his head on top of the messy mop of hair, enjoying the warmth of his best friend; knowing that nothing would ever take him away. He wouldn't let that happen.

Izuku's fingers gripped Katsuki closer in his sleep. Fingers dug into the flesh on his back, tighter than he'd imagined. The sharp nicks from the greenette's fingernails began burning, and the blond's eyes flashed open as the pain grew stronger, but the small boy who he'd fallen asleep next to a hundred times before was no longer in his arms. 

Instead of the boy that was previously sleeping next to him, an older, and much sicker looking version of Izuku lay in his arms. The green-haired boy's eyes were open while Katsuki lay shocked at the image before him. 

"I - Izuku?" Katsuki stuttered and slipped back, sitting up as he witnessed Izuku's body grow into adulthood in mere seconds. His limbs stretched, his hair grew longer, and his voice became deeper. Izuku slowly sat up in bed with lifeless eyes. His pale skin was sunken in under his eyes, and his once supple curls were now dry, coarse, and tangled.

Katsuki reached out and his fingers desperately clutched onto the smaller boy. He needed to know what was wrong with his best friend. Who had hurt him? The blond's fingers wrapped around Izuku's thin arms. He gasped at how frail the boy's body had become. Katsuki's eyes began to water and hot tears made their paths down his cheeks. He pulled Izuku into his chest in a desperate attempt to save the memory of soft warmth that used to be.

"What's wrong?" Katsuki demanded while shaking his head. The tears continued to fall. Izuku didn't look like Izuku anymore. His eyes no longer held the same innocence and his face was dull. His body was thin and brittle. Everything about his Izuku was gone, replaced with the beat-up and trembling adult that now lay within his arms.

"You didn't protect me, Kacchan," Izuku whispered and Katsuki swore his chest cracked open. His heart had felt as if it was ripped from his chest and thrown into a meatgrinder when Izuku pulled back and locked eyes in his direction. The greenette's eyes were blank and ghostly. Haunted orbs that had Katsuki's breath leaving his body while his hands shook in his lap.

"N - No, I did protect you. I always protected you, Izu!" Katsuki shouted and his voice broke while Izuku shook his head. A smirk pulled at the greenette's lips and Katsuki widened his eyes.

"No, you didn't, Kacchan. You couldn't protect us." Izuku whispered with no emotion other than the sickly smirk. The dimly lit room barely provided enough light to see his best friend. Only this was no longer his best friend. In adulthood, Izuku had been his lover. His mate. His Omega.

"U - Us?" Katsuki choked on broken sobs while shaking his head in confusion. The Omega guided his lover's two hands to his stomach. However, instead of the flat and smooth surface that Katsuki was used to, there was a large bump. The Alpha felt tiny flutters under the tight skin that moved and jutted out under his hands. Katsuki's eyes widened and he pulled his palms away, before he grabbed the Omega and pulled him into his chest again while shaking his head.

"You left us, Kacchan," Izuku muttered, his voice was low and sent chills throughout the blond's body. He was right. Katsuki left them. He couldn't protect his pregnant mate and now Izuku was hurt, sick, and alone. His mate was gone. Memories that were not tainted by his dream began to resurface. That was right; Izuku was taken by the League of Villains, and the boy in his arms now was only a hallucination. A dream. It didn't stop the tears from spilling down his cheeks as he held tightly onto dream Izuku.

"I - I'm sorry!" Katsuki cried while he shoved his face into Izuku's neck. He was desperate to get closer and keep him safe — bring him back, touch his skin just once more. He was a worthless Alpha and boyfriend. He allowed his pregnant mate to be taken from him. 

He allowed this to happen. 

It'l was all his fault.

"It's your fault." Izuku sneered and Katsuki flinched back, but never pulled away from his hiding place in the Omega's shoulder. Izuku was right. It was his fault. If he had just gone with Izuku that day, he could have protected his boyfriend.

"I know," Katsuki whimpered while clenching his eyes shut as Izuku chuckled bitterly. The Alpha's heart was squeezing within his chest as he clung to his mate for dear life. It was only a dream, but did Izuku really blame him for this?  He would have never let Izuku go out that day without him if the Omega had just told Katsuki that he was pregnant instead of hiding it from him.

"You didn't tell me, baby," Katsuki choked while his hands pressed back to his mate's round belly.

"You failed," Izuku hissed and his fingers slowly morphed into claws, digging into his arms while drawing blood, but Katsuki didn't let go. He wouldn't let him go; not again.

"I - I know." He choked and held his mate tighter. Izuku jerked back while baring his teeth, growling deeply at the Alpha. His eyes were blazing with anger and accusation. Worst of all, Katsuki could see the fear and pain inside of Izuku's eyes as well. He had caused that for his lover.

"You let him hurt me," Izuku spat. The Omega's eyes oozed anger and his hands move down to cup over Katsuki's hands that still held gently to Izuku's swollen belly. Only his belly no longer held the warm and fluttering bump he was previously feeling. He looked down, confused. There was blood — so much blood. His hands began to shake.

"You failed us, Kacchan, and now our baby's gone." His lover hissed. "It's your fault." Izuku gritted through clenched teeth while holding up his bloodied hands. So much blood. The greenette reached out towards the Alpha. His frail mate cupped Katsuki's strong jaw with wet and bloodied hands. Izuku gripped his face tightly while he leaned in closer. Katsuki's eyed dripped tears and the Omega pressed a soft kiss to the blond's lips.

He gasped at the taste of his own tears that soaked bitterly into the corners of his mouth. As Izuku kissed him sweetly, the Alpha hummed while his heart shattered. This was only a dream but he swore he could still taste the sweet honey aroma that always came with kissing his mate. However, it was much too soon that the Omega pulled away. Izuku's eyes hardened over once more, and dulled while remaining coated with a burning misery that stole the Alpha's breath away. He let that pain taint his Omega's once bright features. 

It was his fault.

"It's your fault," Izuku sneered once more before his ghostly figure began to dissolve, slipping through the cracks of his fingers. Katsuki nodded his head slowly and then panicked as Izuku began to vanish before his very eyes.

"N - No! Come back, I'm sorry!" He wailed out. His fingers grasped at the fading figure while they kept slipping through the ghost of a man that he had loved so dearly. 

This was his fault. 

He lost his boyfriend, his mate, and his child. 

It was his fault. It would always be his fault. 

He failed Izuku. 

He failed them both.

***

*BOOM*

The Alpha gasped and he sat up in bed. The pale moonlight shone through his dorm room curtains, an indication that it was still night time. His heart was thrumming rapidly behind his ribs as he lay in sweat-soaked sheets. His palms were warm as his quirk had almost set his sheets on fire. He quickly pulled his hands away from any flammable objects and shook his blankets while making sure nothing was sparked or burning.

"Fuck!" He growled while he runs his hands down his face. He pushed his fingers through his disheveled hair, trying to regulate his breathing. Another nightmare. Great. The Alpha rubbed his hand on the back of his neck and took some needed deep breaths. His eyes burned with unshed tears as his dream kept replaying in his mind.

It had been weeks since Izuku was taken and the dreams were only getting worse. There had been no leads that were helpful and the fact that his Omega was pregnant had the Alpha in constant distress the majority of the time. No one had been able to find where Dabi was keeping the young hero. It was almost as if they had fallen off the side of the earth. The school had been doing everything they could and pro-heroes had been working around the clock to find their location. All they were finding were cold trails.

It's like Izuku was just -

"Baku, you good, man?" Kirishima's voice startled him. The banging on his door had Katsuki squinting at the alarm clock on his dresser. It was 2:36 in the morning. Fuck. The Alpha slipped out of his tangled-up bedsheets and Katsuki sighed heavily. He walked to the door not caring that he was covered in sweat and his hair was currently fucked.

"What?" Katsuki snaped while yanking the door open. "What do you want, shitty hair?" Kirishima was standing there in his pajamas and his arms were folded over his chest in a relaxed posture. His eyes were half-lidded and sleepy. Katsuki had been shut off from the rest of his friends for weeks now. It was no wonder his redheaded friend looked a little nervous around him now. He had snapped at Kirishima too many times over the last few weeks. He didn't mean to. It's just - everything hurt; so badly.

"I heard your quirk go off, man. You good?" Kirishima had been his best friend for years. Ever since they attended the same Alpha prep school as young teens. The redheaded Alpha knew Katsuki like the back of his hand and sometimes that pissed him off more than anything. Other times it was comforting. Right now, he wasn't sure how to feel about the presence of the other man.

"I'm fine," The blond crossed his arms while he stood in his boxers alone. The breeze from the hallway cooled his overhead skin and Kirishima stood there awkwardly. His eyes searching Katsuki's face for any sign that something is wrong. Although, Katsuki held a perfect poker face.

"Oh, okay," Kirishima drew out while rubbing his bare arms as he looked down at the floor. Katsuki groaned and opened his door wider while he stepped aside, jerking his head towards to inside.

"Get the fuck inside already, shitty hair," Katsuki grunted and Kirishima beamed. A huge smile crossed his face that had Katsuki rolling his eyes. He knew Kirishima and knew that the man wouldn't leave if the redheaded Alpha even thought something was wrong with the blond. He was a good friend, although annoying sometimes.

"Thanks, man," The two Alphas entered his room and Katsuki began pulling the sheets off the bed, ignoring Kirishima's eyes that followed him around the room. He was silent and the blond tasked under his breath.

"Don't just stand there, asshole" His harsh words were cut off as he yawned. Katsuki tucked a new sheet on the bed so they didn't have to sleep on his sweat-soaked blankets. Once he fixed the blankets, he crawled back in bed and rolled his eyes as Kirishima climbed in behind him.

"Wanna talk about it?" Kirishima asked while turning onto his side to look at him. Katsuki grunted and turned on his back. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to wallow around while stuck on his petty dream when his mate was out there probably suffering worse. Izuku was probably going through much worse than stupid dreams.

Izuku had been gone for a month now and each day that passed, more of his hope for getting his boyfriend and child back alive began to fade. Katsuki turned 18 just days after Izuku went missing. He had hit the age of maturity where he could pick out, claim, and mark his fated mate. He just knew Izuku would present as his fated mate, but now that he's gone, he might never know.

Kirishima and Denki had claimed each other and mated almost immediately after finding each other, and although he was happy for his friend, he couldn't help but be jealous of them. He wanted what they had. He wanted that with Izuku. Their relationship hadn't been perfect, but they were happy.

They had been dating for several months and they had worked through so much of their difficult past. Together they had made it to a point where they felt things were finally looking up. But then they had been reckless. Having sex without protecting while Izuku was forgetting to take his birth control after the first time he was taken by the league. He didn't blame the Omega for his mistake. They both should have been more careful. However, he was pissed that Izuku hid the pregnancy from him. If Katsuki knew - He shook his head with a heavy sigh.

They had been through so much together and now Izuku was gone, alone and carrying their child. All he knew now was that Dabi had been the one to take him again. The news had caught footage of Dabi carrying the unconscious Omega out of a huge hole in the side of the shopping mall and into a van outside. Katsuki squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to think about this anymore. He didn't want to talk. It hurt.

"No, I don't want to talk about it. We can talk about it when Izuku is back and safe. Until then, I just want to focus on getting him and my child back alive." Katsuki grunted and turned over. He turned his back to the redheaded male and closed his eyes. Kirishima was silent for a while before he patted the blond Alpha on the back and exhaled deeply.

"Goodnight, Kat. Don't worry, we will find them." Katsuki clenched his eyes shut and tensed up. His heart cracked open even more as his friend attempted to comfort him. They will find him. They have to.

His mind was flooded with the dream he just had and he remembered how Izuku had blamed him for his abduction. He called him a failure. 

He was a failure. 

His dreams reminded him that he had once promised to protect the young boy all those years ago. Izuku trusted him and he let him down.

The last time Izuku was taken, only months prior to his second kidnapping, Izuku found out that Dabi planned to breed the Omega in hopes of producing a child that would be raised with a powerful quirk and then shaped into their perfect villain. He could only hope that Izuku was safe and their baby was alive. If Dabi found out -

Had Dabi noticed that Izuku was already pregnant? His gut twisted as he thought of the villain doing something to hurt his child. If Dabi knew Izuku was pregnant, he would kill their child. If Dabi already knew, would their child be gone already? If he knew, then how many times had the villainous Alpha already raped his mate? Knotted him, hurt him, and forced himself on his boyfriend over the past month? Is he carrying the monster's child by now? His heart throbbed within his chest as Izuku's chilling voice filled his jumbled mind.

"You failed us, Kacchan, and now our baby's gone. It's your fault."

"You let him hurt me."

"It's your fault."

"You left us."

"You failed."

"You didn't protect me, Kacchan,"

The words that Izuku haunted him with inside his dreams began to ring inside his mind. The soft snores of his sleeping friend behind him were the only sound in the room other than Katsuki's rapidly beating heart and shallow breathing. 

He was a failure as an Alpha. 

A failure as a boyfriend. 

A failure as a hero.

And now - a failure as a father.