Izuku Midoriya 

(Angst)

(Self Deprecation)

"Alright, Mr. Midoriya you may redress now," The doctor smiled at me and patted my knee while covering my lower half with the thin hospital gown. I smiled back weakly and sat upright, clutching the fabric over my hips while the doctor took both my skin cell swabs and blood tests back to the lab for testing.

Shoto was waiting out in the lobby while I took care of this. It wasn't as if I was nervous bout him seeing me naked -- that had already happened. It was the principle of the situation. This was personal in ways that didn't involve Shoto. Or maybe it does, considering we had sex. Either way, I wanted to be alone for the exam. He could come back in after I got the results though. 

I stepped down from the cot and grabbed my clothes from the counter. The exam consisted of an external physical followed by an internal physical. They swabbed my reproductive cells and then drew four vials of blood for testing. With how advanced medical practices are, the test results should be back soon. Now I just have to wait, and that is the hard part.

I tugged my boxers and jeans back on before slipping into my shoes. I take a seat and wait; that was all I could do. I haven't been to see a doctor in years. The closest thing I had was the university nurse who warned me constantly about this specific thing. The only issue back then was that I didn't care about what I did to my body. Now, I was scared. Maybe because I was older now and my biology was telling me that I needed to be having children.

I stood up and walked over to the full-length mirror. The walls were a light pink and posters were plastered around the walls. 

Do you think you may be pregnant? Ask us about free pregnancy testing! 

Are you or a loved one in need of baby supplies? Call this number!

I lifted my shirt and glared at my flat stomach. It would probably always be that way and I needed to come to terms with my future. The room here was an Omega's dream -- baby pink and full of maternity images. Photos of pregnant Omegas were everywhere along with an abundance of facts and statistics that reminded me of what I ought to be experiencing around this time in my life. It pained me being here in a way that I hadn't expected.

Seeing all the My body was calling out for my mate and I hated it. I hated that just being in this office had me jittery and thinking about things that I had long forgotten. I never cared about having kids -- It wasn't for me and dreaming would not help my situation. It wasn't as if I could handle raising a child now. I was still young.

I knew the results of the tests before the doctor had to tell me. My hand absentmindedly played at my exposed stomach before I let the fabric fall in place. I turned away from the mirror and went back to perch on the edge of the medical exam cot while I wait for my results.

I knew I wasn't pregnant though. Though the doctor made it clear that she would test for that as well just in case. But I knew I wasn't. I was an Omega and it was an Omegan thing I guess. We knew when we were pregnant almost automatically and our Alphas knew as well. Shoto said I wasn't pregnant and I didn't feel it, so it wasn't there.

The doctor knocked and cracked the door open to announce her presence before walking in and I stiffened up while straightening my back.

"Alright, Mr. Midoriya I have your results back. Let me pull up your chart," She sat down at the desk in the room and opened her laptop. I nervously played with the hem of my shirt while I waited. She smiled and turned to face me once everything was pulled up.

"Would you like your friend to come in now?" She asked and I remember telling her that Shoto could join me for the results so I nodded.

"Yeah," I hummed and she smiled.

"Well, good. Because he is right outside the door. Such a worrywart that one is," She giggled and went to open the door. " Come right on in and take a seat, Mr. Todoroki." She ushered him to an empty chair in the room and the Alpha glanced at me. I knew he was checking to see if I was okay, so I smiled softly at him and his lips ticked upwards while he sat.

"Okay, first thing's first. You aren't pregnant," She spoke while looking at the laptop then back to me with a smile.

"I know," I mumbled and Shoto smirked. The doctor chuckled.

"Yes, I would assume you would be the first to know but it is always good to check with a doctor," She smiled and I hummed but looked back at my lap where my hands rubbed together nervously.

"What about everything else?" Shoto asked and I looked up at him. He just shrugged at me but I knew he was only worried for me. He had been almost as nervous as I had been. I looked at the doctor who inhaled deeply and sat her laptop in her lap while turning to face me.

"Well, I am sorry to inform you that the test results did not look good. Your body is not producing the right hormones to allow your eggs to fertilize. Your womb is -- umm -- quite damaged and the cell sample we took showed low cell division, meaning your body isn't going to support a fetus. I'm sorry but from the look of things I would say that you would have an extremely difficult time getting pregnant and if you do conceive it would be highly likely for you to spontaneously abort."

"Miscarriage?" I whispered while looking down at my hands. I wasn't surprised by the results of the test. After all, I did this to myself. I knew the consequences, but I had no choice. What's done has been done.

"Yes, Sir. If you were to conceive, your body -- your womb -- would not be suitable for the fetus to attach to. You would likey miscarry early on. I'm extremely sorry, Izuku," I could hear her sorrow for me. An Omega that cannot reproduce. The one thing that Omegas are praised for in society, and I can't do it. Figures.

"It's fine. I knew this all already. Thank you for your time." I stood up and grabbed my coat before walking to the door. Shoto and the doctor both watched me as I moved. "Shoto, let's go," I yanked the door open and left. I needed some air.

"Hey, wait up," The alpha came jogging down the hall after me. However, when he caught up to me he stayed silent and just walked with me. He carried a stack of printed out papers that I assumed to be my results and possible services. But I didn't care. I was fine; I knew what to expect. Then why did my stomach roll with the thought of never having my own children?

I didn't want children right now, or ever. I might have wanted them with my soul mate, but that was a lost cause now. Without my mate, I would not want children. So, this was fine. It should be fine, but my head spun and my palms became slick with sweat. I rubbed them on my jeans while exiting the building with Shoto following behind quietly.

I stopped when I reached the parking lot and I stood there. My heart was pounding and my stomach churned with unease. This was okay; It should be okay. While standing there in the cold I could feel the alpha beside me. His warmth was there but I never felt so repulsed by his scent than I did right then. 

I felt my mouth water as my stomach flipped and before I could think to move, my body bent forward as I emptied my stomach onto the pavement. I heaved and choked as tears brimmed my eyes.

"S - Shit," I coughed and groaned when Shoto rubbed my back and asked me if I was okay. I shook him off and stood back up while wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. I didn't spare him another glace and I walked off towards the car. I wanted to go lie down. I wanted out of the cold. The Alpha's scent followed me and I frowned while my empty stomach clenched. I felt the need to heave once more but nothing would come out. I didn't want to be here.

I didn't want him. I wanted something much sweeter. I always would.

***

"Come on, Izuku. It's been over a week. I can't let you just lie in bed any longer," Shoto flicked on my lights and went to open the windows to let the cold air in, knowing that would wake me up.

"Don't open the fucking windows today!" I cursed and rolled over, shoving my face into the pillows.

"I have to. It is the only thing that gets you up these days," He sighed and opened one of them. I shivered as a burst of cold air entered my room.

"Dammit!" I hissed and pulled the covers over my head but they were ripped away quickly. I growled and sat up, shooting the Alpha a glare that he returned with narrowed eyes.

"I get it, Izuku. You're depressed and going through a lot but what kind of friend would I be if I let you starve and lie in bed all day?" He argued and I grumbled.

"A good friend," I adamantly said. however, Shoto growled and I flinched at the deep sound that had the hairs on my neck standing on end and my neck tilting from his frustration.

"No, that would make me a BAD friend, Izuku. You haven't showered in days and you barely eat unless I am forcing food down your throat. Now, do not argue with me and get your ass out of bed and into the shower. Or do I need to shower with you just to make sure you actually do it?" He said with a cocky tilt of his head, yet his eyes were narrowed and firm.

"I want you to leave me alone," I whined and shoved my face in the pillows again. I didn't care about anything. I didn't need to shower or eat. If I was asleep I didn't feel hungry or dirty.

"Remember what you told me when you came here?" Shoto ground through clenched teeth and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"What?" I sent a fake smile in his direction and he growled.

"You said I could do whatever I had to in order to make sure you were doing better. We sat at the table with your friend Mina and Shinso and you told me that I could do what was necessary to keep you on track. I have been letting you do what you wanted because I knew you are hurting right now, Izu. I really do! But I refuse to let you lie there and waste away. If you refuse to take care of yourself then so be it," He sighed heavily and I sat up with a glare.

"Why don't you just let me die already? I mean come on, just go away already and --"

"Be quiet," Shoto spat and my body froze up at the Alpha command. His voice had and pheromones had my spine tingling as my mouth shut. I wanted to scream at him for doing this but somewhere inside I knew he was scared and hurting for me.

"Get out of bed and go into the bathroom, now." He commanded and my neck tilted in submission. I hated baring my neck like that but my body moved on its own in response to the Alpha who had me under his spell. I slipped out of bed in my boxers and walked to the bathroom with Shoto following me with a slight frown on his face.

"Take your clothes off and stay put," He ordered and I did as he told me to. I pushed my boxers down and stood there while the Alpha turned his back to me and turned on the shower. He waited until the water warmed before turning back to me with a wary expression. I knew he didn't like Alpha commanding me. But I knew that he knew if he released the command I would fight this. I had no will to continue. So this would have to do.

"Get in the shower," He sighed and I moved. Stepping into the tub, Shoto gripped my arm and helped me inside without slipping. I stood under the spray while the Alpha had me wash myself a few times. He didn't watch me. He only looked every once in a while to make sure I was doing okay. 

After he deemed me clean enough, Shoto had me get out and dry off. He kept me under his command for a while, making me eat some food and drink a glass of water. He had me walk around some to keep my body moving. I wanted to cry and scream at him for this, but I knew he was trying his best to keep me alive. I just didn't want to be alive anymore.

It wasn't one thing or another that made me feel this way. It was a collection of things that lasted what felt like a lifetime. I knew, somehow I knew, that my body and brain had been altered from the trauma and medication I had pumped myself full of over the years. Shoto tried explaining it to me once we returned from seeing the doctor. But I didn't pay attention.

He told me that I was suffering because of the imbalance in my life, hormones, and cycles. The stress on my body plus the chemicals were messing with my brain and body. My heat cycles were coming irregularly and Shoto had to sedate my urges more than once. Although we tried to avoid sex, we both knew that he had to knot me at least once every heat cycle to keep my hormones in check. 

Only now Shoto had purchased knot condoms, even though I knew I wouldn't get pregnant. I had been knotted twice without protection and never once got knocked up. It wasn't going to happen. Still, the Alpha was careful when he did enter me. I knew that he didn't particularly love having sex with me, but he was an Alpha by nature and when I went into heat, his biology took over.

Afterward, he would hold me and feed me, making sure I was rested and hydrated. Then when my cycle passed, we would go about our life without mentioning it. It was awkward t first, but it became a new norm between us. He was my friend -- and that's how he would stay. We both knew that, even if the sex put quite a struggle between us somedays, it had to be done. But Shoto was selfless. He gave up a lot just to take care of me while I struggled through my depressive episodes. He held me when I cried and laughed with me on good days.

As the months passed I began having more good days than bad. My health was improving and I was gaining weight back. My body figure was filling out and I felt better. For the longest time I thought myself to be selfish, but the longer I spent with Shoto, and the longer he spent helping me recover, the more he drilled it into my head that I was NOT selfish. I have never been selfish.

I had been surviving.