Katsuki Bakugou

(Angst)

(Self Deprecation)

Izuku wasn't lying when he said that he threw up everything he ate.

The first time it happened was right after I had made him eat that sandwich. That night he jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, waking me up from my spot on the sofa. When I reached the bathroom he was already crouched over and ridding his stomach of everything he had ingested.

He started crying again right after and begging me not to leave him for a second time. I had told him to stop talking and I put him back to bed, making sure to watch him eat a few crackers just to make sure he had something in his stomach.

I didn't want to think about what I was doing here, I needed time to cool off and figure out what was wrong with Izuku so we can break this bond that's only been ruining our lives over the past 4 years.

Izuku may not see it as a burden, but I do. I had a good life back at home with my friends, who have all been worried about me since I left. I didn't know what to tell them, so I just said it was personal.

My parents would not spill my business to them -- at least I hope they wouldn't. The last thing I need is for my best friends to know that I found my mate. I know they will be excited, however, they would surely be skeptical to find out who I am mated to.

Over the years I had opened up to my friends about Izuku. I never told them about everything that happened between us, but I told them how much it hurt when he left. I told them enough. I bitched about him a lot at one point in my life. I didn't know why he had left me like that, and that was what made me so angry.

Now everything seemed fucked up beyond repair.

The only good thing was that Izuku had stopped vomiting all the time. He was able to keep some food down which seemed to surprise him greatly after 2 days passed with no incidents.

We both had not spoken to each other much over the past 3 days. Izuku seemed to be keeping his distance from me. Although, I catch him watching me sometimes. His curious eyes would follow me around when I was walking through the house.

At first, I would snap my teeth at him and glare -- I didn't want him looking at me like that. However, I gave up when I realized that seeing me was probably somewhat comforting to him. There was nothing perverted by the way he watched me.

His eyes held nothing but curiosity, so I stopped scolding him over it. I ordered a pizza for dinner and Izuku has been nibbling on one slice for a while now, making me look over at him more than once. It wasn't just the lack of eating that caught my attention this time.

I found myself looking at him, really looking at him, and taking in his appearance. The sight of him only brought me weird fluttering sensations inside my stomach that I absolutely hated. Yet, I couldn't look away from him.

His skin was getting some color back to it and I began to realize the cause of his sudden recovery. It was me, and although I hated the fact that my being close to him was making him better, it also made it clear that his being closer to me was speeding up his recovery. That was a good thing, kind of. The better he got, the closer I was to breaking the bond that's tying me to him.

As I watched him, I noticed more things about him that caused that stupid nagging in my midsection to start acting up. His curls were freshly cleaned and styled -- his better health seemed to make him feel good enough to fix his hair for once.

His eyes, although they hold a certain sadness to them, they were still that sharp shade of viridian. They were still big and round on his face. His eyes almost boasted with pride, showing off like crown jewels on his alabaster skin.

Shaking my head I ripped my eyes away from his face, not liking the sappy thoughts that were spilling into my brain because of him.

However, Izuku noticed my starting and for the first time in days, he spoke up. His voice was soft from lack of use over the days, but it seemed to freeze up my whole body. I had to force myself back from letting my canines drop as his voice sent shivers down my spine. I quickly cursed the damn mate pull that had my body on edge around him.

"What are y-you staring at?" His voice was hushed, a certain fear laced in his tone making me search his eyes for the source of fear. Only to find him looking at me warily. My insides twisted when I realized I was the source of his fear, or rather, he was afraid of what I could do to him.

He didn't want me to break this bond, I know that. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to care that much about what he wanted at this point. The more I looked at him, and the more time I spent around him, whether it be the mate pull or my weakness, I had found myself trying to be nicer to him today. I knew that he understood that I planned to break our bond and I knew it hurt him. I couldn't help but pity him for once.

"You're not eating much." I pointed out while glancing at him again, letting my eyes flick to the nibbled-on slice of pizza in his hand. His own eyes followed mine down to his hand and then he looked back to me with a shrug.

I waited for him to speak again, and it had my body rolling in agitation. I couldn't deny that I liked the sound of his voice and wanted to hear it again. It was a dangerous game I was playing by letting myself keep noticing these things about Izuku.

Dropping another slice on his plate, I pointed to it and huffed.

"Eat." When he didn't make any move to continue eating I turned back around and looked at him, slightly annoyed that he wasn't listening to me when it's his health at risk. The whole atmosphere had been tensed since I got here. Yet, it seemed to only double after Izuku snapped at me the first night I got here.

"Why do you care so much if I eat or not?" Izuku's voice sent pleasure shocks down to my core, his words barely registered as my mind yipped with delight. Only after his words register did I huff and sit back against the sofa. I turned my body to look at him. He was tense and his eyes shone with confusion and emotions that I didn't recognize off the bat.

"You need to get better." Izuku huffed at my response and his little eye roll caught my attention. A growl slipped past my lips and make him stiffen and glare at me.

"Yeah, so as soon as I get better you can break our bond." He spat harshly and I tensed up and growled lowly in aggravation. His attitude only sparking my alpha tendencies to dominate. The fact that he is an omega snapping at me has me on edge.

"Yes, I would like for you not to die because of it." I hissed through clenched teeth and turned away, grabbing my trash and taking it to the kitchen. I didn't realize he had been following me until I heard his bare feet padding across the tile flooring of the kitchen.

"Why do you care if I die or not? Huh?" His eyes flashed with anger as his chest rumbled with annoyance, resembling a growl but sounding weak coming from an Omega. I scoffed and crossed my arms over my chest after tossing away my trash.

I didn't know why I cared so damn much if he died or not. It wouldn't be my fault or anything. There were no legal repercussions that I could be charged with for breaking the mate bond with him. People died from it all the time if they weren't in full health when it happened.

Nonetheless, the idea of him dying because of something I did just -- didn't sit well with me.

"I don't know why I care when you are acting like such a brat. I should just break it now!" Growling my words through my teeth I instantly regretted them when pain flashed across his face, contorting his features and making me even more uncomfortable with the sudden pain I felt from his discomfort. He took a step back only to shoot me a glare, his face hardening to cover up his emotions.

"You should! I don't care if you h-hate me so much, I don't care... I don't care..." He went to leave the room but for some reason, my body refused to just let him go how I wanted him to. I wanted him to go away. I swear I did. So, why did my body burn when he said those words and turned to leave? I didn't like seeing him hurt no matter how badly I wanted him to feel the pain I had felt because of him.

When he turned to stomp off, my body moved forward and I ended up with my arms wrapped around him, holding him still and shuddering as his warmth seemed to seep into my pores.

His weak body thrashed in my hold and I wished I could let go. I wished my body would listen to me. I did not like touching him. It made me forget why I was ever mad at him. The sparks that popped along my skin when we touched. It softened my angry shell and I hated it.

However, my arms only tightened around him, firmly holding his back to my chest as I kept his arms pinned under mine so he couldn't hit me. That doesn't mean that the Omega didn't try. He tried to hit me.

"G-Get off me!" He sobbed, making me stiffen and instinctively nuzzle my face into his hair. I could smell his tears and felt them drip onto my arms as I held him to me. I wanted to be left alone, but I couldn't let him go. I couldn't help but flare with anger at his proclamation.

"Don't say shit like that. Ever. Again!" I managed to spit out as I clutched him tighter. His smaller frame was shaking in my arms and I relaxed my grip to try not to hurt him, knowing how weak he is right now.

"Why?! Get off me! You should break the bond already and leave! Who cares what happens to me, right? I am nobody, just some monster, right?" His sudden laughter had me stiffening and dropping my arms from around him in shock. He whirled around and jabbed a finger in my direction, taking me off guard. The emotions on his face didn't match the fear and depression radiating off his shaking frame.

I couldn't help but wince at the dark and heavy scents rolling off him that made me almost whimper from his distress.

"I don't want to be someone you hate anymore! I don't think there is anything I can say to make it up to you. I spent the past 4 years hating myself, Kat! I hate myself! I hate that you hate me so much! I want to die if you hate me, so just let me die already, do it!"

Stepping back, my back hit the counter while Izuku stalked forward. The tears were rolling down his face, mixed with his twisted grin that had me widening my eyes. This was not Izuku -- It seemed he died a long time ago and this -- person -- was what was left of the broken bits of his old self.

"Do it! Break it already!" His voice only rose more and more as he spoke and stalked closer. His heart thumped wildly in his chest and had me worried for him even more, only to curse myself for my conflicted feelings.

I should be pissed right now, we both should be arguing with each other and venting out our anger. However, I was standing dumbfounded by this new side of Izuku that had me wracked with nerves and unease. The Alpha in me cursed at me and begged me to comfort him and calm my mate down.

"Fuck you, I said do it!" He screamed, his hands slamming into my chest as he sobbed, letting his head fall forward and sink to my chest. His body seemed to give up the fight as our bodies collided.

In a swift movement, I wrapped him in my arms again and pulled him closer to me. His voice broke as his sobs grew louder. His tears wet my shirt as I waited for my brain to catch up with what was happening.

"Stop... talking..." I managed to say for maybe the hundredth time over these last five days. Bringing my hand up, I cupped the back of his head and held his face to my chest as his whole body shivered and quaked as he cried.

"K-Kat..." He whimpered into my shirt, stuttering as his fingers came up to grip into the fabric and held himself tighter to me. I couldn't ignore how my heart stopped momentarily before starting up again. His proximity brought me comfort, yet, I could not focus on that with all the emotions rolling off the Omega in my arms.

Izuku was seriously not okay. The more I had been with him over these past days the more I could see that we both have changed, and not for the better. Izuku could barely hold himself together and I was holding onto so much anger that I thought I had gotten rid of in middle school.

"You're not going to die. I don't hate you... So... stop talking like that." My voice was hushed as I raked my fingers softly through the back of his head, pulling his curls loose and trying to soothe his sobbing.

"I'm s-so sorry... I h-hate myself for h-hurting you... I j-just wanted a chance to m-make it up to you." His voice broke with small hiccups and whimpers as he spoke. It only had me pulling him tighter against my chest. Sighing, I breathed out and tried to clear my head.

"There seems to be a lot that we need to talk about..." I say lowly when his sobs die down and he stands limply in my arms, neither of us being able to move away and despite how much I want to let him out of my grasp, my body won't let me.

So, I hold him and knit my eyebrows together in confusion, blaming the damn mate pull once again as my body relaxed against my will, holding Izuku protectively in my arms.

Izuku may hate himself for what he did, but he doesn't need to. I don't hate him at all, I had been so mad at him but I don't hate him. He hurt me when he left, I had never had friends before him. I let him in my life and opened up to him, and he left me, that's what hurt the most.

I was scared when everything happened that night. I was scared that Izuku was hurt, then I was scared that he'd hurt me. Yeah, he grabbed my dick, but that didn't wound me as much as it did when he disappeared from my life like he never existed.

Neither of us has been thinking rationally lately, our emotions running high from the moment I showed up. Now, I understand that the only way for Izuku to get better is if we talk this out and settle on a decision because it affects us both.

I don't think that I want to keep our bond or anything or claim him as a mate, but I want him to understand my reasoning and for him to be healthy again. I won't reject him while he is like this.

"T-Talk?" His broken voice had my heart squeezing in my chest, my arms mimicking my heart as they tightened around his thin waist.

Goddess, help me.

"Shh, let's get you to bed. We can talk later." I tried to pull away but his fists clung desperately to my shirt making my arms break out in gooseflesh and my eyes squeeze shut.

"D-Don't leave me..." Sighing, I nodded my head, knowing that whatever has damaged Izuku so much has something to do with me. That bit of knowledge alone had guilt washing over me as the barely conscious Omega gripped to me with white knuckles.

"Shh, okay -- okay, I've got you."

I didn't know why I said that, but I let my instincts take over as my body bent over to scoop Izuku up into my arms. He automatically nuzzled into my chest and his body fell limp. My breath hitched in my throat as his scent glands were being presented near my face. I carefully move him to his bed and set him down, ignoring my own body's protest as I let him out of my arms.

I did not go to the sofa that night.

Instead, I pulled a blanket around my body as I sat curled up on the loveseat in Izuku's bedroom. My eyes focused on the sleeping Omega for as long as I could before sleep took over.

That night my dreams were filled with hot summer days when things were simpler; back then Izuku and I had nothing but adoration for each other.

However, when morning comes I am brought back to the reality that things will never be like that again. We have both changed and our lives will never mesh together so perfectly as they did when we were children.

I told myself this, but the moment I woke up to see Izuku watching me with curious and gentle eyes, my body shivered and my heart shuddered in my chest; his eyes alone were breaking down bits of the wall that I had spent four years building up around my heart.