Izuku Midoriya 

(Self Deprecation)

(Angst)

Reclining on the sofa, I pressed my bare feet into Shoto's side searching for some warmth. It was always cold in Canada this time of year and I hated it. The Alpha had no problems with the cold, his body was some kind of space heater or something. Me, on the other hand, I was freezing unless I had covered myself from head to toe in layers of clothes or blankets. 

"You should eat more, you're too thin. No wonder you're cold all the time," Shoto teased and I shoved my feet harder into his side in retaliation. He hissed and grabbed my ankles before yanking me towards him by my feet. I gasped and flailed my arms in shock at the fast movement but sighed in relief when the Alpha took my feet in his hands and rubbed them.

"Remind me to just shove my cold feet on you the next time I want a foot rub," I slurred as my head lulled back into the pillows on the sofa while Shoto chuckled and dug his thumbs into my heels.

"Don't get used to it," He scoffed and I felt my lips twitch. I had been living here with Shoto for a month now and things were settling nicely. For once, I found myself smiling and laughing. I slept at least a full 8 hours each night and even got a lot of work done. 

It still hurt when I thought about Katsuki. My dreams liked to taunt me with him and I briefly wondered how long it would take for me to fully heal. I knew I was going to break out bond. How long would I have to wait to ensure I wouldn't hurt myself more or even die from the separation? I didn't know but I knew I had all the time in the world. Shoto was amazing and helped me through the rough nights.

My dreams loved to conjure up memories and scenarios. Some nights my dreams were amazing -- too amazing -- and I would wake up to bunched up sheets and sticky thighs. I jerked awake each night those dreams came and quickly ran to the nearest bathroom to wash away the evidence. I never had dreams like those before. I had always spent my time wallowing in pain and fighting my nature so hard that my dreams were blank unless they were nightmares.

Now, I was doing better. But a small part of me longed for my mate. I had Shoto and even though what we had was not romantic, it felt wrong being intimate with another man. Nothing had happened between the Alpha and me, but I knew my heat would be due soon, and that brought complications that I didn't think I was willing to deal with just yet. 

I was told in school that mates would feel a betrayal in the bond when one mate was unfaithful to the other. I didn't know to what extent they meant when they said they could feel the betrayal, but just the thought alone of Katsuki knowing I was sleeping with someone else made me sick to my stomach.

I didn't want to betray him. Was it even a betrayal if Katsuki and I were never an item? I didn't think so, but the idea of him knowing brought me shame and nothing has even happened yet.

I could, however, feel my body preparing for my next heat. I was suddenly terrified at the idea of having my heat with Shoto rather than Katsuki. I thought that the Alpha could tell something was going on with me lately because I went to bed earlier and earlier each night. I took long showers, expecting my body and looking for the telltale signs of an oncoming heat. 

Were my hips sore? Were my nipples more sensitive? Was I cramping yet? I was petrified. I spent almost four years of my life enduring heats by myself with only an Alpha scenting me. I kept getting sicker and sicker the longer I denied my body what it needed. If I wanted to get better -- I knew what I was going to have to do.

"You okay over there?" Shoto asked and I flinched out of my worrying. I looked down at my feet and watched as he rubbed over them softly. They were no longer cold that's for sure. The Alpha gently pushed my feet off his lap and I sat up on the sofa beside him. The movie we had been watching was long forgotten.

"I'm fine," I sighed and leaned my head back. I would be fine. Shoto didn't believe me for one second. He shifted on the cushions and turned his body to face mine.

"Izuku, you've been living here for a month now. I know when something is bothering you," He chided and I rolled my eyes with a smirk. I didn't need him scolding me. If I didn't want to talk to him then I didn't have to. I just shut my mouth and looked up at the ceiling fan. It was getting dark outside and my stomach twisted.

"I forgot to eat dinner," I stated and Shoto sighed.

"Alright, let's got make you something," He stood up and stretched his arms above his head. I peeked over and let my eyes slip down his torso where his shirt had ridden up. My face heated and I jerk my head to the side. What the fuck?

"Yeah," I choked out and followed him to the kitchen. Why was I suddenly checking him out? I hadn't checked him out like that since high school. However, he looked much different than he did in high school. He was taller now and filled out nicely, and his abs -- What the fuck? I shook my head and bit down on my lip as I tried to force away those images. 

"We have leftover pizza?" Shoto offered while holding up the box of pizza we had for dinner last night. I nodded absently and flopped down on the barstool. I didn't care what I ate, my stomach was hurting anyway. I just needed something so I wouldn't get sick. 

Shoto hummed and popped two slices onto a plate and into the microwave. I rubbed my stomach and sighed. The Alpha walked over to me and smiled before ruffling my hair. I smiled back at him but quickly looked away as my face warmed again. 

"You're looking a little flushed," He mumbled and felt my forehead. "Are you feeling well?" He asked and I nodded. I was fine. I just needed to eat and go to bed. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I recognized these symptoms. However, I pushed them away and quickly ate my pizza and gulped down a glass of water.

Mumbling a quick 'goodnight' to my friend, I raced off to my bedroom and into the ensuite bathroom. I stripped off my clothes as the dull ache in my stomach continued to coil.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I chanted as I looked at myself in the mirror. My skin was flushed and hot to the touch and my hand quickly came up to my neck. I poked the nape of my neck and whimpered when I felt the swollen gland. This could not be happening. I just had a heat cycle last month. This was too soon. Heats only come once every three months. This wasn't right. Something was wrong. Something was wrong.

I stumbled over to the shower and flicked the water on cold. I knew how to calm myself. I did it for years. I could do it now. I knew I gave permission to Shoto a few weeks ago. I told him that he had every right to have sex with me if I went into heat. But I knew he didn't want to. He didn't want to take advantage of me like that. 

However, I knew I would panic. That's why I told him he had my permission to do whatever he needed to get me under control. I knew I would fight him. He wasn't my mate. I didn't want him how I wanted Katsuki.

My knees wobbled as I stepped into the cold spray and I pressed my hands against the cool tiles to steady me. I wanted Katsuki. I whimpered, suddenly feeling extremely frightened at my situation. I should call someone -- I could call Katsuki.

I blinked as a soft mewl parted my lips at the idea of contacting my mate. My knees knocked together as I wobbled my way to the shower door. I could contact Katsuki. He would help me, right? My body trembled as I stepped out of the cold spray and my skin was lit on fire again without the help of the cold water. I gasped and clutched at the counter of the sink, knocking off my toothbrush and toiletries. 

I looked into the mirror and whined when I saw myself. My eyes were dilated, lips plumped from biting, and my skin dripped water. Then there was -- below. I frowned as I looked down between my legs where my body was already demanding attention. I needed my mate. He helped me last time, he can help again. 

I quickly stumbled into my bedroom, tracking water across the floor as I dug through my discarded jeans in search of my cell phone. There was a quick knock on the door and I startled, dropping my phone as soon as I picked it up.

"Hey, you okay? I heard a bunch of noise," Shoto spoke and I looked around. My scent wasn't emitting just yet. I had time. He couldn't tell yet! Good. I picked up my phone and unlocked the screen.

"I'm fine," I snapped, not wanting anything to do with the Alpha outside my door. I wanted my Alpha. My Katsuki. My mate. I mewled as my body shook and I suddenly gasped as the first real wave of heat hit me.

I dropped my phone again and bent over, gripping the sheets of the mattress as the first gush of slick trickled out of me. My cock throbbed and I whined lowly, shoving my face into the mattress. No, no, no, no, no.

"Izuku," The Alpha's voice strained and I knew he could smell me now. I whimpered and slipped down to the floor as my fingers shook while I tried to unlock my phone. I needed Katsuki. The door rattled and I whined as I quickly tried to find out how to unblock a number. Why did I ever block him in the first place? I scolded myself as I struggled to figure it out.

But it was too late. My bedroom door clicked and I knew he had unlocked it. I whined again and kept searching for how to unblock but my fingers shook and trembled as I grasped my cell. Shoto came rushing over with a look of worry on his face.

"Fuck, Izuku -- "Shoto furrowed his eyebrows and held his nose, pinching at the bridge.

"K - Katsuki -- " I whined and poked at my phone screen on the blocked number and Shoto's eyes widened.

"Oh, I - Izuku -- You can't call him," Shoto explained and I whined again still poking at the number. I wanted my mate. "Come on, let's get you to bed for the night --" Shoto struggled as he desperately tried to help me to my feet without touching my anywhere but my arms and sides. I shuddered each time he grasped me, it soothed some of the burn, but it wasn't right. Why did it help if he wasn't my mate? 

I pulled away harshly with a cry of distress and tripped over my jeans on the floor. My body fell quickly and I smacked into the floor. My knees throbbed from my landing and I whined lowly before crumbling to the floor. I could see Shoto standing there looking horrified as my body shuddered and my thighs dampened with slick. Shoto's eyes widened and he covered his mouth and nose once more before slamming his eyes shut.

Images flashed back through my mind. Ones that I had long forgotten -- or so I thought.

***

"Ngaahh! P - Please, stop." I sighed when his tongue flicked the taught bud before he lowered himself down more. His hands dropped down to the waistband of my jeans as he trailed his lips and tongue down my torso. The line of spit leaving a cold tingle as it mixed with the air.

"That's a good boy." The Alpha cooed against my flushed skin. The sound of blood and static rushed my head, ringing behind my ears as my heart struggles to pump blood through my veins at the pace it was racing. But, before I could react, his hands roughly shoved me flat on my back onto the hardwood floor.

***

"A - Alpha," I whined and when I blinked open my eyes, I was on my hands and knees, crawling towards Shoto who was backed into the wall with dark eyes. 

"Fuck," He cursed when I reached him and knelt up, grabbing fistfuls of the hem of his shirt while looking up at him. Shoto grabbed at my hands and pried them away from his body as he slipped away and walked to the other side of the bed -- keeping the mattress between us both -- a barrier. I didn't like that.

"No," I whined and stood up on shaky legs. Slick trickled down my thighs and I reached back and dipped a finger between my cheeks, letting out a needy moan. I pulled my hand away and smiled.

It was coated in slick. I was being a good Omega and presenting. I held my hand out towards Shoto and smiled.

"I'm a good Omega," I keened happily and watched as Shoto slowly dropped his hand from his face. His dark eyes raked over my dripping body. His nostrils flared as he stared at my slick-coated hand.

"You smell -- oh shit," He growled and I trembled before I stumbled my way to the bed where I flopped down and twisted my way around until I was on my hands and knees. My ass was up in the air. I needed an Alpha. I smelt like Shoto anyway, so this was fine, right?

"You smell like -- like honey," He growled from across the room and I wiggled my hips and moaned. I needed to be filled. That's all I needed.

That's all that mattered. 

Once again, I never hated the fact that I was born an Omega. My sub-gender never made me feel week. However, I always hated my heats. I was mad that I lost control of my own rational thinking when my heat hit. I was angry with myself that I had to fight off my body's natural reaction each time I endured this. 

I was done with the fighting.

I was tired of struggling.

I didn't care anymore.

In my heat-hazed mind, I didn't care. Shoto had been scenting me for a month. I smelt like him now. His scent was mixed with mine all over my skin and it eased the burn just enough to hold back any real pain. I carried his scent. It helped the transition from Katsuki to Shoto -- I think.

Katsuki was still in my mind. However, I smiled and arched my back when I felt the bed dip under Shoto's weight and two large, warm hands, grip the flesh of my ass.

I was a good Omega. I was going to be a good Omega. I was tired of being bad. All I did was hurt those around me. I hurt Katsuki. I hurt Mina. I hurt Shinos. I hurt my mom. 

I - I used Katsuki. I was bad.

I wanted to be good.