Izuku Midoriya

(Angst)

"Shit, we forgot it was today!"

Mina growled from outside my bedroom door where undoubtedly, the female Alpha had picked up on my scent.

Over the past two years, I had been taking heat suppressants almost daily. The doctors didn't recommend it, but my therapist authorized it because of my mental state. Almost every time my heat would come around, I would fall into a depressive episode. These pills weren't dangerous when taken rarely or for emergencies only, but I had been on them for almost two years.

I hated myself desperately when my heat came and I would wind up hurting myself unintentionally before my therapist gave me the prescription for the suppressants. Along with the prescription she gave a heavy warning that if I remained on them for too long that I could become infertile.

However, the idea of my reproductive system becoming fried from the chemicals I was ingesting daily didn't make me upset at all. My mother would kill me for being reckless with my system like this while I was still so young.

I was a 20-year-old Omega and in the prime of my life. Statistically, I should be having children within the next five years. But I couldn't even think about that for too long without getting sick to my stomach.

Although I have accepted Katsuki as my mate and frequently enjoyed the thoughts of our reunion, the subject of mating and kids made me uncomfortable. Katsuki's 17th birthday wasa nearing, and although he had been growing up, I couldn't get the image of the child-Katsuki out of my mind.

Will he ever feel like an adult to me? Or will I always feel sick to my stomach when I look at my mate? When I thought about how our mating relationship has started, I began to realize that it would be a miracle if Katsuki ever developed romantic feelings towards me.

I have had two years to come to terms with our mating. He most likely held nothing but animosity towards me. I knew for a fact that he hadn't been told about our mating. While standing in the center of my room, I listened to Mina and Uraraka whisper outside of my door. My heat should have been starting today. They knew the plan, and they were late.

I only had my heats once every six months now that I have been on these pills. This was only the 3rd heat cycle I've had since starting my suppressants. When I realized that I would have my heats once every 6 months, I knew that I needed to come up with a game plan in order to protect my mental health. My depression always got worse after my heat until I could recover. I seemed to just decline in every way after my heats.

I could hear Mina and Uraraka outside my door discussing how they needed to be strong for me, and fresh tears began to roll down my face. It always happened but I could never stop myself from getting upset.

I was prepared, I knew that it would be happening today just like it did every 6 months. We discussed this, after all. I had needed help with this. When this time came around I demanded that Mina remove all the collected pieces of clothing that belonged to Katsuki from my room.

I had no Alpha to take care of me during this time. Even most unmated Omegas had a pack they belonged to where there at least one unmated Alpha could use their scent and pheromones to alleviate some of the pain.

However, I had a mate out there. I had to endure the pain. It has been that way for a few years now and never gets easier. I have always refused to build my nest with his scent even though I wanted to so desperately. But I wouldn't allow myself to. It was for my own sanity.

Only this time, Mina must have forgotten what today was and I had already begun building my nest absentmindedly. I tried to fight it once I realized that one corner of my dorm room had a pile of pillows, blankets, and a few of Katsuki's shirts. Now, I was still standing in the center of my room and was clutching a hoodie that had been sent last week. 

It had the freshest scent of my mate; my Omegan nature wanted to keep this one close by. When my door opened, I saw Mina and Uraraka standing there with a look of sadness and sympathy on the shorter Omega's face while I noticed Mina's eyes zoned in on my nest in the corner.

A territorial hiss left my lips as I rush over to protect my space. Standing in front of my half-completed nest, my eyes flickered over towards Mina whose face was twisted with sadness.

"I'm sorry I didn't remember, sweetheart." The Alpha spoke calmly towards me as if not to frighten me - or piss me off. I had not been fully overtaken by my heat and I knew that I had messed up by building my nest with Katsuki's scent. It would break me down to see my friends tear my nest apart now.

However, I knew what was coming. So, I stepped aside and gritted my teeth together. Every fiber of my being screamed at me to protect my nest from the other Alpha. Mina was only trying to help, but at the moment, I hated her. I hated that she so easily tore my nest apart. I hated that they had to take my mate's scent away from me. I hated myself for being weak. I hated everything. I was still clutching Katsuki's hoodie to my chest and my body clung to the faint scent to my mate.

"J-Just do it already... then get out..." I hissed through clenched teeth I looked away as Uraraka came up and hugged me. They didn't take my hostility personally; they knew what this was doing to me.

The moment I felt Mina disappearing to my nest behind me and I hear fabric moving around, I begin wailing into the Uraraka's shoulder. The whole process lasted about 5 minutes and when Mina had an armful of shirts and hoodies she quickly took them from my room and stuffed them into a cardboard box that would be sitting in her closet until my heat ended.

The hoodie in my arms had become covered in my salty tears and Uraraka never left my side. The Omega's presence during my vulnerability helped me relax, she understood what a nest meant to an Omega.

"I'm so sorry, Izuku... We should have remembered before you got this far into your nesting... I am so sorry..." The brunette whispered and stroked my hair, but I couldn't respond.

Everything hurt, and as I looked back over to my disheveled nest, I whimpered and choked back a broken sob.

It was ruined. My nest was ruined.

Mina came back inside and walked over to me, and although I loved her dearly, I tensed up when feeling the Alpha approached. I had always wondered why she was able to be around me during my heats. She should be going crazy at my heavy scent being released.

"Izuku, let me have that hoodie and we will leave you alone..." Her tone was hushed, and I knew she was asking me rather than demanding. She was giving me a choice so I could keep a fragment of my pride.

If I refused, she would just Alpha command me to hand over the fabric.

I still couldn't hold back the hiss of protest that left my lips, making the female Alpha narrow her eyes at my displayed anger. But she sighed in understanding. She was an Alpha and knew how much an Alpha's scent during an Omega's heat meant to us. Over the past two years, it had become almost impossible for me to find my release during my heats when Katsuki's scent was removed. But that was the point.

I hated having sexual desires towards him so I punished myself by keeping it away and denying my release. I was thankful that Mina gave me a moment to inhale his scent a few times before I reluctantly handed over the hoodie as a pathetic whine slipped my lips.

Mina grabbed Uraraka's hand and quickly drug her out of my room before she shuts the door behind them. Right before they escaped, they pressed the lock system that alerted the school that I was in heat.

The scent lock system activated so people couldn't smell me all over the school. It gave me security and peace of mind for this period of time.

Crumbling to the floor when my door slammed shut, I looked around the room that felt much colder and empty now that my Alpha's scent had been removed. I avoided my nest, as looking at it would just hurt too much right now.

I had never been able to make a nest with Katsuki's stuff before, this being the first time I had gotten that far into nesting before being interrupted.

It felt almost natural that my Alpha's scent would be in my nest. My alpha should be in my nest, but now he was gone, and my nest was ruined.

Knowing that I told Mina to do this for me, I tried not to be mad at her, but it hurt so much to have his scent forcefully removed from my room in my most vulnerable time. However, if his scent was around me, I wouldn't have been able to stop my lustful thoughts towards Katsuki.

Although I have failed at keeping myself from masturbating during my heat cycles, I have managed to keep the images of Katsuki fucking me and marking me to a minimum. It was a challenge to do so. Everything in my nature cried out for my mate. Pathetic chirps and calls for Katsuki filled my dorm room until my heat subsided. I was alone. It had been over two years since eI had seen him or heard his voice. I was falling apart and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I crawled over to my disheveled nest and tried straightening it out with no motivation to do so. It felt beyond repair now with his clothes missing. With tears staining my cheeks I managed to fix it up enough to keep me comfortable and I crawled inside the platform of pillows and blankets.

Curling up into a tight ball I let loose a fit of sobs that wracked my body until they eventually knocked me out and into an uneasy sleep as I awaited the torture of another wave of heat to hit.

***

When my heat was finally over, the first thing I did was tear out of my nest before running to the bathroom and dropping to my knees in front of the toilet. I vomited as I was hit with the feeling of disgust and guilt. The same guilt that would eat at me every time I finished my heat. I was left covered in sweat, slick, and sometimes cum if I had been able to.

I then took a long hot shower where I tried to clean the essence off my body -- as I did every 6 months -- wishing that my life was different and that I didn't have to continue this painful existence any longer.

Standing in the shower, I let the steam and water clean all the shame and guilt of my body. When I can't possibly stand in the water any longer, I walked back into my dorm room and looked around as a knocking sounded at my door.

Right in time, Mina.

"Izuku honey, I am sitting the box outside your door." Of course, Mina and Uraraka would know that I had finished yet another cycle of my heat. They always seemed to know and brought my box back just in time for me to comfort myself with my mate's scent.

Before Mina could finish walking away, I yanked my door open completely naked and grabbed the box of Katsuki's clothes, dragging them in my room. Slamming the door shut I locked it before yanking out the hoodie that was folded neatly on the top of the pile.

I shook it out and pulled it over my head while finding myself purring deep in my chest as my mate's scent surrounded me, easing my guilt.

The hoodie fell mid-thigh and covered me enough to feel comfortable only wearing this with no boxers. Shuffling over to my bed I crawled under the covers and closed my eyes as I rest my exhausted body.

Every six months this happened and I wondered if I would ever be able to come off these pills and have a normal healthy heat cycle with my mate.

Although Katsuki was a little over a year away from turning 18, I had no idea how he thought of me after our last interaction.

I wondered what he looked like now.

In my head, I only saw a child, and part of me wondered if I only could see him now, maybe my mental health wouldn't be so shit. Maybe if I could see that he no longer looked like that helpless child that I had attacked. I know that the main source of my troubles was traced back to the fact that I had touched him inappropriately during that awful night.

On top of the fact that I had just discovered he is my mate, I had just been sexually assaulted and almost forced to mate with some Alpha while my real mate was in the same house.

My therapist tried to explain it was a fucked-up situation and my body was in a state of shock. On top of the fact that I had just found my mate, I did something stupid that I barely had any bodily function over. She said it wasn't my fault, but who else could I blame?

It made me feel like an uncontrollable monster.

She said my troubles also stemmed from the fact that he was so much younger than me, making every thought of him come out with me seeing him as a child when in reality, he was almost an adult Alpha male now.

When I was not in heat, I liked to think about Katsuki a lot. It soothed my troubled mind when I daydream about a happy life that we could have together. I liked to imagine him coming to find me and wanting me in his life again.

I liked to think about what he looked like now and if he still had that unruly blond hair and ruby red eyes that managed to take my breath away, even when just imagining them.

My body craved to be near my mate, and although I had accepted my situation, most of the time when my heats come around, I all but rejected him just to end the suffering of lusting after someone who I hurt. Someone I couldn't have. Kstuki wasn't mine yet and I had no inkling of a clue that he would ever accept me.

My therapist said it was my body protecting itself when I started refusing to accept that Katsuki was my mate. Even if it was only when my heats would come around.

She said that I haven't forgiven myself for doing what I did and that it traumatized me to the point where I believed that thinking sexual things about my mate during that time of the year was wrong. It had me shutting down and rejecting the very thing that got me in trouble in the first place.

She said it is not healthy, but I couldn't help it. However, I was getting better than I had been. I don't hate my life as much and I can think about Katsuki as my mate without making myself sick.

I daydreamed about what our lives would be like together. My mind often times conjured up happy stories of how he would wrap me in his arms and tell me he would never leave me and that he forgives me for the things I had done.

It eased my own self-loathing when I imagined that Katsuki would forgive me, as I have yet to forgive myself. I have accepted him as my mate but pushed him out of my mind during my heats. I wonder if he would be upset with me for doing that -- if his Alpha side would feel rejected by my subtle rejections to our mate bond when I would go into heat?

Part of me wondered if he would even care about me at all after being away for 4 years. But I tried to stay positive. My Omegan side was preening for him to come and rescue me from this nightmare. I just want to see him again and to know that he is close by, yet my mind screams at me that I will only hurt him again and that he will hate me, that was if he didn't hate me already.

My body felt weak and tired all the time, and the faint scents on the clothes sent to me every month or so had me accustomed to not knowing what my mate's fresh scent is like. I was never around him during his maturity and I was sure his scent would be stronger in adulthood. 

My body craved to be scented by him, to beg him to take away the aching that lives on my skin every day I am away from him. But it would take more than our reunion for him to want to take care of me as an Alpha should.

It always hurt, it wasn't natural to go unscented by a mate for so long, and I knew that this next year would be the worst of them as I waited for Katsuki's 18th birthday to roll around.

Until then, I would have to live with what I've got -- a box of clothes and the stale scent of my Alpha's pheromones.