Izuku Midoriya

(Angst)

Katsuki kissed me.

I kept running even as he yelled after me, I didn't want to turn back and see the disappointment. I was repulsed with how that simple kiss threw my whole world on its head and shredded every ounce of self-control I had.

I had dreamed of the day when my mate would kiss me, and it was nothing like that. I wasn't expecting it, we had been arguing and I was upset. My mate had practically told me he had been messing around with Denki over the years. He didn't outright say it, but the way his face clouded over when I asked, spoke all the things he wasn't going to.

It had hurt, and then his lips came crashing down on mine, stealing my breath away and forcing my whole body through a system reboot. His hands didn't push me away when I clung to him; Katsuki didn't seem repulsed when I kissed him back.

He pulled me closer and kissed me deeper, keeping up with the way my inexperienced lips brushed over his mouth. A hunger that I had never felt before washed over me as we kissed and I was losing control. I wanted him. Goddammit, I wanted him so badly. How could I have been so reckless? I should have pulled away sooner.

When Katsuki groaned into my mouth, coaxing a small and needy whine from my lungs, I broke free. Things were going too far -- too fast -- and if I didn't stop when I had, who knows what I would have done. The last time I lost control with my mate, I did something I wholeheartedly regretted.

I couldn't afford to lose control with him -- not ever again.

My feet pound along the pavement as I sought out the familiar white house a few blocks away from Katsuki's home. The one place where I could be myself without judgment. Yet, I haven't been there in four years. I hadn't even told my mother about coming back here with Katsuki. I was so used to being on my own that I had forgotten my own mother.

Tears blur my vision as I keep running, burning off the energy and adrenaline that pulsed my veins. My body was on fire, nothing like the terrible heat that would come to me every 6 months, this heat was sizzling and pleasurable along my skin and pooling in my stomach, a constant reminder of the way Katsuki's hands grabbed at my face as he pulled me closer -- kissing me deeper.

A shiver raked through my body as I stumbled along the pavement, barely catching my footing and avoiding faceplanting on the sidewalk. Panting, I dashed at my eyes to clear my vision from tears. I start to recognize where I was as my gaze fell onto the familiar white house and the navy blue door of my childhood home.

My breathing, still ragged, began to even out as I gulped in the air to soothe my burning lungs. I haven't ran like that in forever. Being weakened by the absence of my mate as well as those damn heat-aids, I never got back into my active life. I used to love hiking and swimming, now I couldn't run a few blocks without feeling as if my body would give out on me.

Making my way up to the house, I knocked on the door while my breathing started to even out and my lungs stopped burning. The familiar scent of my mother was all around the property, filling my body with a calmness that I needed right now.

When I was about to knock again, I hear the click of my mother's high heels and the jiggle of the door handle. Her heart was going wild in her chest and I know she could tell it was me. I haven't seen her in six months.

Last Christmas, when I was really sick, she spent Christmas up there with our family friends, the same place I had been staying over breaks since I couldn't come home. It was lovely to see her, but I was so depressed and sick that I barely spent any time with her other than meals.

The door swung open and my mother dove into my arms. Her sweet floral perfume swaddled me as her natural scent brought me the familiar comfort I so desperately craved right now.

"Izuku!" She started as her thin arms wrapped around my neck. My own were clutching around her waist. "What are you doing here?" She sobbed as my eyes filled with tears and spilt down my cheeks. I pressed my face into her hair and squeezed her tighter.

"Mom," I sighed and breathed deeply, filling my lungs with her scent. She pulled back and gently tugged me inside, shutting the front door and pulling me back into her arms. A smile formed on my lips as I rubbed her back soothingly.

"I'm sorry," I whispererd and shook my head. I should have told her I was coming back for a while. I should have made more of an effort to speak with her over the years.

"Oh honey, you don't need to apologize." She cooed and stroked my hair for a moment while I basked in the comfort of her arms before I pulled back and sighed.

"I should have called..." I mumbled as she shushed me with a shake of her head.

"No, no, it's fine, son. I'm so glad you're back." She patted my shoulder and pulled me off to the living room where we take a seat. She looked at me, questions swarming behind her eyes. It was clear that she wanted to know what's going on.

"I guess we need to catch up..." I started warily as she grasped my hands in hers and rubbed her fingers over my knuckles to soothe me. Not saying a word, she waited for me to continue.

I told her everything. I told her about Katsuki finding out we were mates and how he almost rejected me. She tensed up when I told her how I had almost died, anger and sadness rolling off her in waves as I tell her how angry Katsuki was. I tell her about the progress we have made, and how he was giving me a month to change his mind about our mating before he decided to reject me or not.

I told her about today and about the trip to the lake, and how Katsuki was showing me attention and had even flirted with me. I smiled through that -- a faint blush coated my cheeks but I knew my mom wouldn't judge me.

I grew grim when I explained how Denki had been taunting me over the past few days. My emotions were rising as I explained to her how the other Omega had been hanging all over Kat and rubbing it in my face. My mom scoffed and showed her disapproval of his actions. Yet she stayed silent for the most part, just letting me talk and get everything out.

My voice dropped as I recounted the kiss -- telling her how it had confused me and scared me half to death when Katsuki pulled me closer instead of pushing me away. More importantly, he kissed me. I didn't initiate it. My cheeks flushed as my mother smiled at me, brushing her fingers over my hands that clung to her smaller fingers.

"Why did you run away?" She asked softly after I finished catching her up on everything. I shrugged my shoulders and sighed.

"I was losing control, mom. He makes me feel... vulnerable." I whispererd, my body warming up with thoughts of my mate. "I lost control with him once, I can't do it again, mom. I can't -- lose him." I groaned and my eyes filled with pain as memories of that night filled my mind.

"Honey, that was a long time ago..." She cooed gently and squeezed my hand as if to remind me that I was here now, and not back there -- in that kitchen -- with that man and Katsuki.

"I know that. I know." I sighed and pulled my hand away so I could run them on my legs anxiously. "It's just that I have spent so long avoiding any feelings towards Katsuki that were anything more than friendly, and now..." Sighing again, I clenched my fists in the swim bottoms I still had on. "He's kissing me and I am thrown back there." I ground my teeth in frustration.

"You're afraid you will do something he won't like." She spoke in understanding. Her tone wasn't one of questioning. She knew how I felt about everything.

I took advantage of Katsuki when he was so young -- I scared him. Now, I could barely touch him without disgusting myself that I enjoyed his touch. I enjoyed his kiss --even if it was brought on from high emotions.

Katsuki didn't want to kiss me, I know that. He was avoiding a tough question I had asked him.

"I think he's messing around with him," I whispererd, feeling the pain rip through my chest as my mother pulled me into her arms as the tears broke free once again.

***

She gave me a ride back to Katsuki's house, dropping me off pretty late in the evening. The sun had set but some lights were still on in the house. I checked my phone, wanting to see some kind of notification that would tell me that Katsuki had tried to contact me -- that he cared where I was. But there was nothing there.

"Relax, Izuku. He probably doesn't even have your number." I mumbled to myself as I walked up to the front door and knocked three times. Stepping back and waiting, I carded my hand through the clumps of curls at the back of my next. After a few moments, the door was pulled open and I stood face to face with Masaru Bakugou. His arms crossed over a robe told me that he must have been in bed.

"Don't just stand there, get inside." He grumbled and stepped aside, giving me room to slip inside as I shoved my hands into my pockets to avoid picking my fingers. We both stood there quietly as Masaru glared at me. His eyes were curious and cold -- probably wondering why I was gone. It must have been rude of me to miss dinner.

"I'm sorry for coming back so late, I went to see my mother," I explained but he justs shook his head and turned to leave.

"Katsuki isn't here, he went to stay with a friend for the night. He will probably be back sometime tomorrow." Masaru informed as he walked off towards the stairs

Going to flick off the kitchen lights, I stood still, my mind racing. Katsuki was staying with a friend and hasn't even contacted me since I left hours ago? The discomfort in my chest had me rubbing over my sternum as a dull pain began to throb in my head.

"Um... If you don't mind, do you know who he's staying with?" I asked deafly as my chest tightened with worry. Today had been too much -- first the fight, then the kiss, and then my running away. I really just wanted to talk to Katsuki -- to apologize for running off and to take my mother's advice. I wanted to explain that it wasn't the kiss that bothered me, it was that I have been afraid of the things I could do to him if I lost control again.

Now, Katsuki wasn't home and didn't come looking for me. It only deepened my conclusions that my mate did not care.

The kiss was a mistake. Masaru turned over his shoulder and looked at me quietly, his eyes flashing with a bit of sympathy before he put up his walls, hiding that sliver of emotion.

"He's staying with Denki Kaminari." He answered will the the one thing I had been fearing before flicking the light off and walking back up to his room. He left me frozen as that discomfort swarmed my body.

My chest tightened as his words sank in. My mate had kissed me and then went to spend the night with the one person that I had been telling him was making me uncomfortable since I got here. The feeling of rejection slammed full force, knocking the breath out of me as my eyes stung with unshed tears.

Katsuki never told me if he had anything going on with Denki over the years or even now. Instead, he had dodged the question, distracting me with his lips as he stole my first kiss.

Now, he was off with another guy doing Goddess-knows-what. I was barely aware as my feet carried me to my bedroom. I tried to stay calm, knowing that I would feel the betrayal in our bond if he slept with someone else.

However, that wouldn't stop them from messing around. I wouldn't be able to feel the kisses, touches, or loving words they could be sharing. I would only feel if they slept with each other.

"Goddess, please..." Groaning, I flopped into the bed and kicked off my shoes, pulling off my shirt and staying in my swim shorts before pulling the duvet over my body and staring at the ceiling.

"Relax... There is no need to get all worked up." I mumbled to myself and rubbed over my chest as the pain refused let up.

"Please, Katsuki -- Don't do this to me."