[ cнapтer тнιrтy-nιne ➛ ѕтarт ]

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It really was true.

Park Jisung had been offered a ride home by an innocent student, yet minutes after the two entered the car, they passed out due to heavy presence of carbon monoxide hanging in the air. A kind old pedestrian noticed the two slumped over inside the car, and immediately called EMS. Unfortunately, it was no use. Both boys were pronounced dead when they arrived at the hospital.

In an initial craze, everyone panicked. As soon as Chenle sent that text, the Dreamies and Salami girl instantly went over to the hospital. Mark had been informed of the news and dropped his schedule, dedicating the next two weeks to being back home.

Screaming, crying, having to be held back by security. The seven teenagers were a mess. Externally and internally.

Shock was a prominent emotion, although that wasn't what any of them outwardly portrayed. The cause of death — carbon monoxide poisoning — was random and unpredictable, coming completely out of nowhere. That Jisung and the other child, named Brandon, had fallen victim to such a death was impossible to process. All the group felt numb, the news not fully setting in. They were experiencing their lives from some omniscient point of view in a dream-like trance. Except it was a nightmare.

Traces of anger rushed through their veins like bullets, firing shot after shot of rage. To any other, ignition of fury was obvious in the six boys and one girl, when in reality, the emotion was barely present, just a sliver in their inner turmoil.

Grief. Of course, with any death of a loved one comes grief. Spike after spike of piercing pain shot through them, wracking their body weak as faint prickles of tears welled up in their eyes.

A paradox had arisen.

They were feeling so many distinct things, yet unable to quite reach and grasp and explain them. They were feeling and doing so much at once yet fully numb and in plain shock. They were discovering many details and told everything that happened and been concluded, yet they knew nothing and felt confused.

Perhaps most obvious of all was that confusion. It was difficult to think that Jisung's death was their current reality, that him and Brandon both passed away.

They had just been carrying out their lives as usual, texting like the crackheads they are to each other, quoting and sending memes. Sitting or laying down comfortably, smiling or snorting or rolling their eyes at whatever stupid things sent.

Outside, the sky was still bright blue because summer days lasted well until 10pm, sun shining down on grass and concrete alike. Puffy clouds moved through the sky, the atmosphere of downtown lively.

The car seemed unsuspecting, completely ordinary. To the pedestrian, once Jisung and Brandon passed out, the situation obviously seemed concerning. But once she called 911 and stuck around until EMS had finished their questioning, she'd head home and everything would soon be a distant memory.

Citizens would have heard the ambulance blaring, maybe surprised or just annoyed at the deafening sound. Within a few minutes, the sound would be forgotten.

And at the hospital, doctors and nurses might feel somber when they had pronounced the death of two teenage boys. Sharing possibly only the slightest grief as they made the phone calls to the people listed as contacts. Yet it was common, the occurrence of death in a hospital, and the doctors would easily move past it, needing their concentration on new patients that they could actually save.

It was just another insignificant day.

So was it true? Was Jisung really dead from carbon monoxide? Were the doctors telling the truth or playing a cruel prank? Or was it just a bad dream?

Was it even possible? Was Jisung free from the torture and hell of his adoptive family? Was Jisung never able to audition for the famous agency? Was Jisung never able to live as a dancer and achieve his dreams?

Was it real? That Jisung would never experience things taken for granted? That he'd never get married? That he'd never start a family? That he'd never live a long fulfilling life with the one he loved?

Was it factual? That Jisung would never dye his hair another colour again or let his natural black grow back and return? That Jisung would never swear again, much less talk? That Jisung would never scrunch up his nose and cock his head to the side or shake it?

Was it true? Was Jisung dead? Was he gone forever? Would he never return?

Yes. It was.

Other humans were living their own lives. Maybe they felt disappointed in themselves because they were doctors who couldn't successfully complete their job. Maybe they felt annoyed and frustrated because the sound of ambulance sirens are obnoxious, and if driving in traffic they're obligated to pull over and make way for the emergency vehicle. Maybe they were euphoric, and it was the best day of their life because some beautiful, inspiring, profound event transcended upon them.

Maybe they were sad because of a negative comment received from another. Maybe they were having the time of their life getting drunk or making a fool of themselves. Maybe they were stressed and overworked, pushed to limits far beyond realistic capabilities.

There were so many other people out there in the world, living a life as real as one another's, having their own problems and stressors and peers to deal with.

But life goes on for the person.

The earth itself was carrying on as usual. A warm summer's day, courtesy of the sun shining its light on that particular part of the hemisphere that time. Slowly but surely, the earth was rotating on its axis, making its revolution around said sun.

Life goes on for the earth.

And yes, the doctors had been telling the truth when they stated Jisung had died from carbon monoxide. It was no dream, just day-to-day life.

And yes, Jisung would no longer have to endure or suffer through the pain brought on by his family. Maybe that was a good thing, but what was tragic was that Jisung would never be able to begin a career, a future, as a dancer, never be able to live out the rest of his days performing.

And yes, common universal experiences would never happen to the boy. He'd never get married, start a family, or live long with Zhong Chenle, the boy he had and always will love.

And yes, habits and casual actions would never be continued by Jisung. He'd never swear or talk like a crackhead again, nor would he do that iconic thing where he scrunches his nose cutely.

Life goes on for people and the earth, but it had stopped for Jisung.

It's fascinating to stay up at 4:20am, alone, only your mind and thoughts as company. It's fascinating to think about human beings, about our personalities and mannerisms, about what makes us us. It's fascinating to wonder about the intricacies of life, a phenomenon no one has ever been able to fully break down and examine before.

Fetus. Adolescent. Adult.

Emotions. Thoughts. Actions.

Smiles. Tears. Still.

Joy, misery, and rage. They can be so unique to each individual, yet common and universal. They're easy and simple to describe, yet at the same time, not one person can truly express them in clarity.

Life happens to everyone. In general, humans will develop and grow through physical stages, from fetus, to adolescent, to adult. Humans will usually express emotion, have thoughts, and carry out actions. Humans will smile, cry, or stay still.

Sonder — a noun. The realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.

The realization that we are all so different, have perspectives and environments so different. The realization that we are all the same, perspectives and environments so alike.

The realization that we each go through different things, and think of them differently, and react to them differently.

The realization that we all experience the same things, the same problems, the same happiness.

The realization that such things will occur at different times.

And lastly, the realization that despite it all, we are all bound to the same inevitable fate:

Death.

So,

Was it true?

That, despite everyone else living their own lives, caught up in their own head, able to move on from even the greatest disasters, seven teenagers had never felt such agony, such excruciation that wouldn't go away, not for a long time?

Yes.

Life goes on, people move on, the earth exists on.

People will be born. People will die. People will laugh. People will cry.

But for now, this felt so unnatural. That such life, people, and earth carry on.

Jisung had just died.

He was gone.

Permanently.

It really was true.

And everyone and everything else would just continue on, the grief and shock and anger would subside, things would clear up and become normal again.

That's just how life goes.

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[ cнapтer тнιrтy-nιne ➛ end ]

[a/n]: honestly though, nearly two people die each second, scarring many others for life until those people die another second. and here i am, writing trash.

also lol yeah if u came here for crack you ain't getting any for another few chaps (skip to chap 43 i guess if u want that cracc)