Ayesha’s PoV

Why should I have to go through this always?

Do my mother actually cares for me? Or Not?

Why she is behaving like I have no right on deciding something big about my life? That too my marriage.

Why its everything difficult for me?

I am still angry on my mama. But a part of me still goes with her. Because I love her.

Did I hurt her today?

Is she gonna stop talking with me ?

For what?

Because I said I cant marry now.

I was very excited when I finally finished my course. That too being as University topper. I was also happy because of the fact that I made my mama proud. I was happy that I can practice under one of the best doctor here in this city. And then I can slowly work on my dream. If I start saving my salaries for a few years, I can set up my own clinic along with the help of a small loan from any of the banks. If I ask Bapuji, he will surely help me. But it’s my wish to start my long awaited clinic with my own money. Not everyone will understand the pleasure behind this.

But then this marriage topic came out from nowhere. For me, my dream is more important than settling into someone’s wife as his Biwi (Wife). Sharing his name. Losing my identity. Changing my own personality to fit into his family’s expectation.

May be mama is right. If I get the right person in my life, I may not have to sacrifice my dreams. May be he will support me. The person who marries me. But can I find someone like him anywhere? Will this Azhar be like that? He already decided on appointing me as a doctor in his hospital even before I accept him. May be he is not. Mama decided on his behalf.

What would I do if mama forces me to get married with Azhar?

I barely knows him.

Most importantly he don’t know anything about me. He don’t know the fact that being the person I am he can’t adjust with me. Or may be it’s the other way around.

Whatever it is, I should do something to get rid of his proposal.

Who would help me?

Shamz? Not him. Bapuji? Yes he would surely understand me.

I walked towards Bapuji’s room and saw him talking with Maaji about his day. I love this side of him very much. Eventhough his wife don’t remember anything, he used to spend time with her.

“Shall I come Bapuji?”I asked when his eyes fell on an hesitating me.

“You are always welcome beti.”he was happy.

I slowly entered inside and took a seat beside Maaji who was laying down on bed with her eyes fixed on the ceiling.

“So when will you go to Bangalore? To collect your certificates.”he asked me.

“It would take time Bapuji. I don’t know. They will inform me once they are available.”I replied trying to hide how much tensed I am.

“What’s bothering you my dear?”he asked realizing the state I am going through.

I looked at him with a sad face.

“Mama wants me to get married. With an Azhar.”

“I know. She told me. It’s me who told her to speak with you before taking a decision. Because it’s not my place to decide something most important about your life.”

“She is forcing me for this marriage”I wanted to cry aloud. But I controlled myself.

“We cant really blame her. This Azhar, you may know him. He was here during Zahra’s marriage. He liked you a lot. Seeing you. His family came with a proposal.”

“But Bapuji. Its about my life.”

“I know Ayezha. But Meharban. You know a mom’s heart. She was on cloud nine hearing about this. She claims that you wont get such a good family if we let it go.”

“Bapuji, are you saying me that I should agree with her. For this marriage?” I was shocked.

“I didn’t. Actually I have no right. But your mother has.”

It shook me really hard. I am at the wrong place. For seeking help.

“What about my career? I don’t want to be just a doctor. There is more than that.” I stated.

He smiled.

“Marriage is not an end of anything. Definitely not your career.” He was calm. But I was not.

“My baba wanted me to achieve a lot. Before getting married. No one would understand that. No one will understand me.”I paused when my voice deceived me.

He became silent and placed his right hand on my shoulder. Then slowly caressed there.

“I too want you to be independent before committing into a relationship. I know you are too younger for a marriage.”he spoke making me relax a bit.

“You may understand. But mama wont.”

“She too knows that. Actually she understands what you are. But she is just pretending to be unaware about it. For your sake, Ayesha.”he made me shock.

“What? She is not thinking about me Bapuji. Only about her. She is eager to get rid of my responsibilities. So that she don’t need to be tensed for me anymore.”

“Shut up Ayesha. This is not the way you are supposed to be talking about your mother. You won’t understand how much she worried for you. This is not to get rid of you. Understand that.”

For 5 long minutes we both didn’t talk. This is the first time he is talking loud with me. Also its the first time I am talking against him. A tensed atmosphere prevailed around us.

“Ayesha. Just listen to me. I think it’s time you should know something that your mother don’t want you to know. Because I cant force you for a marriage against your wish. Its completely unethical.  Also you shouldn’t speak to your mother like this. Anymore. For that you need to know.”His words made me wonder.

“About what?”

“About your mother’s health”he exploded a bomb infront of me.

I was numb for the next few minutes.

“What are you speaking about?”I was sweating badly.

“Leave that. I shouldn’t have started that topic. Its my promise towards your mama.”he was not ready to talk about it.

“But I want to know. Bapuji. Please.”I was curious and anxious. “I can’t be in peace till you say that. Tell me my mama is alright?”
He didn’t answer which made my heart beat faster.

“Please Bapuji. Why are you quiet now? I want answers. Please.”Tears already started flowing down my cheeks.

He closed his eyes before talking.

"Ayesha, nothing to worry about. It's just that.. she is really tensed about you."

I am sure that he is hiding something from me.

"Bapuji. Please. Why did you say that its about my mother's health? Tell me Bapuji. Otherwise I will ask her directly."

"No. You shouldn't. All she wants is your peace. She doesn't even want you to know about this in the first place. But my tongue slipped accidentally. Unfortunately. "

"Fortunately Bapuji. Its Allah's wish that I should know about my mama. After my baba's death, if it was not me then who would take care of my mama? Dont forget that I am a doctor too."I spoke more like a whisper.

"I will tell. But be calm. Dont be tensed hearing this. You are a doctor and you should have the mental strength to handle anything."he caressed my hairs.

Finally he is convinced.

I closed my eyes.

I am gonna hear something that is gonna break me.

Allah, help me to endure anything. Give me the strength to handle this.

"Beti. One year ago your mama had a chest pain. You were at hostel that time."he paused.

"What are you telling?"I was shocked and shouted.

He didnt speak anything.

"Then?"I asked.

"Doctor declared that it was a minor attack."

I lost all my strength hearing him.

"My mama. She...noone informed me about it."I cried.

"I tried to. But your mama stopped me. She didn't want you to get worried in the middle of your studies. You know what. She loves you a lot beti."

Yes, I know that.

After all I am my mama's daughter.

"Doctor informed that she had an heart attack may be because of tensions. Mainly about you. He advised me to keep her away from things that worries her. That's why I asked you to think from her side. She cant be stressed. It will affect her health severely."

I sat on the floor crying. He tried his best ways to console me. But all went in vain.

I was a bad daughter.

I didnt try to understand my own mother who only lived for me. All these years.

Whenever she shouts at me, I behave mad with her. I didnt realize her concern for me. Atleast acted like unaware about that. I took her for granted.

I was there not with her whenever she needed me. She was all alone in the hospital bed.

Allah. Please forgive me. It was a big mistake.

"Bapuji, I...."I tried to talk but he didnt let me continue.

"Ayesha. Beti, Understand first that you are not at all at fault. It was not your mistake. Your mother worries a lot. She was like that after your father's death. Be with her. That's all she want. And dont do anything that makes her stress. I know I much you love her and also you can't live without her."he adviced me.

I wiped my tears.

"Don't take any decision in hurry. Think about it. May be this is the best for you. I know you are not ready for this. But this is not just for your mother only. For you also. Sometimes you need someone by your side. As a support. Calm down and think well."

I didnt look at his face. I slowly got up from the floor and started walking outside the room. With an heavy heart.

Life was always a test for me. And for me, my mother is my life.
.
.
.

Here is the next chapter. This time an emotional one. Hope you would like this.