Ayesha's POV

Mama wants me to get married soon. I can never blame her. Like me, she may also have some dreams about me. Like every other mother she also want to see me having my own family. Especially in the absence of my father it's her duty to make my future safe. Being a doctor I am sure that my future will be safe and bright. But that's not a mother's heart expects. No mother can smile in just that satisfaction.

But when would she start understanding my dreams? When would she see the doctor in me rather than the normal girl I am?

Can I convince her anytime?

She wont let me speak first. Even if I could, she will come with all the examples of the girls who had to suffer only because they chose to live alone.

And then she will start emotionally blackmailing me.

And I will let myself fall in her trap when she starts talking about my Baba.

Why are you even going to convince her when you already know the result?

Nooo.
Not this time, Ayesha.

You have a big dream waiting for you.
You need to wait patiently for that.
You need to work hard.
You need to be brave.
You need to be courageous enough to face your mother.

And that's the problem.

"Wake up girl. You are neither in your bed nor it's your sleeping time." Someone whispered into my ears making me shiver.

"Zain....you again...."I was really shocked seeing him suddenly.

"Hahaha...what are you dreaming about? When will you stop this thinking thinking....and thinking? This is the cause of your most of the problems."he said.

"May be. But action before thinking is foolishness. I dont fit myself into that category."I replied.

"And that's why you always seems to be depressed. Look how cool I am. "He said making fun of me.

"And that's why everyone saying that you are not serious. You are childish."This time anger hit me.

"And what about you? Over serious ah?"he again started.

"None of your business. You go and pack your bags. Your mom is so eager to reach her home back."I said without thinking.

I didnt want to tell that. But it's the truth. Asiya aunty is so restless after Zahra Aapa's marriage is done. She wants to go back London as soon as possible.

"And that's what you were thinking about?"he asked doubtfully.

"Why should I think about you? I was thinking about my own future. Dont I have right for that?"

"Why are you shouting? See. We are friends. Okay."

And that's when I realized that my voice was very loud.

"I was not shouting.  Actually.....actually I need to see my mama now. Let's talk later."

I didn't even wait for his reply. Because I am in so hurry to convince my mother.

I rushed towards mama's room. For my luck she was standing there searching for something in the wardrobe.

Shit....I forgot all those lines that I was practicing to convince mama.

This Zain......

"What happened my little angel?"she asked with so much of love.

"Nothing...I want to talk to you."I said.

"You can talk to me anytime. Why are you running for that? You are still behaving like a kid my child."she pinched my nose.

Wow great. Here she thinks that I am still a kid. Also she wants this kid to get married soon.

"Mama, I dont want a marriage now. Please dont talk to anyone else about my marriage like you sent Shams to me."I told the matter straightforward.

She had a shocking face. Then she smiled slowly.

"I know you may be afraid about going away from me. You may dont want to settle into another family whom you dont know anything about. But you are worrying unnecessarily Ayesha."she made me sit on the bed.

"Mama, first of all I want to prove myself as a good doctor. These are not my concern and I am not at all worrying about it. Because I didn't even think about marriage till now. When I start thinking about it, I may worry like you. But not now."

"Ayesha, listen to me for once."she slowly patted my back and sat next to me. She started caressing my hairs.

"See you are already a doctor. Noone is here to take that away from you. But there are so many things in life that should be happened at the right time. It's a process."she stopped seeing me jumping up from the bed angrily.

"Ayesha...."

"Please mama. I was always your puppet. But not this time. Actually I didn't have a stand infront of you till now. Or what I can say instead? I always agreed to you suppressing all my protests towards myself. I agreed everything according to your wish.  Because I didn't have the audacity to oppose you. But this is about my life and I cant keep quiet this time."

"You changed a lot. From where did you get this courage?"she asked calmly which surprised me actually. May be silence before a storm.

"See dear. I am your mother and I have some duties to be done for you. What if suddenly I leave one day just like your father? "

"Mama. Stop. Please dont hurt me like this "I begged joining my hands.

"I need to think about every possibility. Because I dont want my daughter to suffer just like I did. For me, your grandparents were there to help me. But you are so innocent and sensitive Ayesha. I am more worried because of all these. If you are safe and secure that means I can sleep peacefully."she too begged.

"Mama, I will get a job soon. I can stand on my own legs. I dont need to depend on others. Even if noone is there to help us, we can live. Please dont worry thinking about unnecessary."I tried my best.

"See Zehra is now married. Shahina is already married.  Soon the others too will get married. I want my daughter also having a married life."

This Indian Families....Shit...!!!

"Mama, dont compare me with others. I am neither jobless nor dependent on family like them. Please do understand " It was getting on my nerves.

"I didn't mean that. "She stated.

"Then what's all this? You were not desperate to get me married before. You wanted me to be independent and self confident. Now what happened that suddenly changed your mind?"I was confused.

"You dont need to sacrifice any of your dreams if you get the right man in your life. You can still be independent and do your job. In fact he will support you to achieve all this. You will be having a supporting pillar beside you throughout your life. That's what a woman needs most in her life."she said stopping all my thoughts.

"I didn't get you. Did you already find someone?"I was anxious feeling the way she talks.

"Hey, dont worry you already know him. "She said making my eyes wide open.

What the hell?

I was right.

She have someone in her mind.

Now doing all this drama to get him accepted by me.

"He was your classmate. Our distant cousin too. His name is Azhar. Dont you remember him?"

I was shocked.

Azhar!!!!

How did he come into my mama's mind?

"During Zehra's marriage, he saw you and impressed with you. He send his parents for a proposal. Your Bapuji asked me to decide."she stopped seeing me getting angry.

"Mama, are you talking about my life? If then please be patient to listen me. I am not marrying any Azhar now. Who the hell is he to decide my marriage?"

"Ayesha. There are a lot of benefits if you marry him. His family is already established and have an hospital at town. You can work there and achieve all your dreams. "She said trying to convince me.

"Can a mother only think about benefits while getting her daughter married?" I asked.

She is totally silent now.

"Do you atleast know what my dreams are? Did you ever try to find it? Can you understand me? No...the answer is a big No..You cant and you wont....."I shouted.

"Ayesha, dont speak rubbish. I lived only for you. Dont forget that. I want this marriage to happen because it's good for you. You can work in your husband's hospital and also you wont go far away from me. I can see you whenever I wants. Not only me, every mother's heart wishes for that."

"You are still thinking for you only. Not me. Not me Mama. I accept your love for me. But that love made you selfish also. I hate that part of my mama. I had always sacrificed my wishes for your happiness. Because I loved you selflessly. But you cant do that for me."

With that I rushed out of the room leaving behind a shocked mama.

I felt weak. I felt dejected. I felt alone.

I hate myself for making my mother sad.

Forgive me Baba.

But this time, I cant suppress my feelings.

I am a human too.

I can't live rest of my life cursing my mother.

For shattering my dreams, for shattering me itself.

I love you mama.
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