.

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..........M.E.R.I.D.I.A.N......L.I.G.H.T.S..........

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.

"So," Shoma prolonged the word whilst narrowing his eyes. A dripping chocolate Popsicle on his hand, courtesy of Yuzuru, "how long do you plan to stay in Nagoya?"

"Ah, this kid." I pinched his cheeks causing Shoma to whine in protest and tilt his head back. I scolded him, "At least say thank you first."

"Thanks," Shoma grumbled, rubbing his abused cheeks.

It's already been two days since our confrontation back at the Nagoya Sports Center. Yuzuru decided to get back to my good graces by treating me to what I love most.

Food.

Good strategy.

Earlier this morning, Yuzuru decided to drop by at the sports center. It might be due to the fact that I barely reply to his texts. After all, I wasn't that comfortable with him during recent times. I may not hate him but that didn't mean that I could go back to being what we were in the past.

Some part of me wanted to forgive and forget while the other part of me couldn't let it go. It was the first time that I had a major conflict with someone that it felt very emotionally taxing. I guess I was afraid to get hurt again.

Basically, I get uncomfortable whenever I was alone with him.

When lunchtime came around, Yuzuru decided to ask me out. I reluctantly agreed because I didn't pack my lunch this morning. I was thankful that Shoma decided to tag along, with Aiko's permission of course. We were actually back at the sports center, enjoying the popsicles that Yuzuru bought for us.

I ruffled Shoma's hair affectionately at the sound of his cheekiness. I glanced at Yuzuru for his reaction.

Yuzuru had this patient smile on him.

These two brats were actually starting to get along. Yes, they did banter every now and then, but they were not truly insulting or malicious. Yuzuru was especially exerting an effort to make friends with Shoma, even though Shoma baited him whenever he got the chance.

Shoma's normally such a sweet boy. It's just he's quite protective when it came to me, and vice versa.

For some reason, Shoma knew about the feud between Yuzuru and me.

I didn't divulge that we were in one but every time Yuzuru was mentioned in the last couple of months I would divert the conversation to a different topic. For such a small child, Shoma was pretty perceptive on the going on around him.

"I'm on break. Maybe next week." Yuzuru shrugged. He gave a closed grin at Shoma, before darting his gaze at my direction. I quickly averted my eyes, still highly uncomfortable.

Shoma sat between us on the bench. He gave this other guy an appraising gaze while finishing off the popsicle with one big bite.

"Ah!" Shoma clutched his head, grimacing.

"Aish, brain freeze?" I shook my head exasperatedly at this smol bean. "Why do you have to chomp it down in one go? Really." Sighing, I gently rubbed his head.

Shoma pouted, his eyes tearing a little. I softly chuckled at this adorable little guy. I leaned and kissed the top of his head.

"Shoma-kun!" Coach Higuchi called out as she waved him over. She was already on the rink along with the other coaches on duty as they guided their students.

Coach Omura was currently handling some of her other students at the moment. My personal session with her for today ended just before lunchtime. I could still go to her for some pointers but I'm not her main focus at this hour.

The boy quickly put on his skates and threw the popsicle stick on a nearby trash can before trotting off towards the rink. Of course, all after he threw a warning stare at the guy beside me.

Silence descended on the bench area.

"So, how-" Yuzuru started.

"I should go," I abruptly cut him off, giving an awkward smile as I started on putting on my skates. "Practice." I cleared my throat as my throat clumped. It tends to do that whenever I get nervous.

Yuzuru seemed to waver. He clearly wanted to talk to me but he nodded in the end.

Tightening my laces, I walked over the rink and got on ice without a backward glance.

I glided around the ice as I tried to clear my head of unnecessary thoughts. The cool chill that descended around the rink helped in the process.

At my peripheral vision, I could see that Yuzuru stood on the rink-side, watching me skate. I tried to avoid going near the area he was in as I focused on my practice.

I started with my steps and spins, which I could already do fluidly, I just needed to master it to add more gracefulness in it. The scores in figure skating are mainly divided into two general categories. There's the Technical Score and then there's the Program Component Score.

In layman's terms, the Program Component Score - or PCS - was where the flow of art and choreography came in. Some skaters tend to focus more on the Technical aspect and just outright disregard the Component aspect since the Technicals were easier to achieve. But in my opinion, both aspects should be balanced.

Figure skating was one of the most difficult sports in the world.

The sport not only required athletes to achieve near impossible steps, spins, and jumps up to the limits of the human body, but also to add gracefulness and fluidity while doing those said steps, spins, and jumps.

Crazy, right?

But that's what made figure skating such an interesting sport.

I once again tried out my triple Axel. This jump was just so difficult for me to do. Sure, I could land it, but I look like a duck while doing so.

Swoosh!

The ice rose as I tried to stable my landing, in the end, I had to put a hand on the ice to prevent myself from falling.

Frustratedly shaking my head, I circled again before doing the Axel.

I slipped and slid down the ice, my black training gear now had white marks as small speckles of ice clung to it.

Groaning, I pushed my arms before getting up my feet. I brushed off the ice from my body. I turned around starting to glide again before I stopped on my tracks.

My heart squeezed at the sight of Yuzuru and Kanako laughing at the rinkside. They seemed to have been talking to each other for a while now as they joked around with each other, completely oblivious on the happenings around them.

That strange heavy feeling came at me in full force.

Confused at my emotions, I bit my lip and clutched at my chest. I rapidly shook my head as I tried to dispel this strange feeling. I glided away from that direction, refusing to land my gaze on them even for a second.

I had a hint that what I was feeling was possessiveness.

I was the type of person who preferred a close-knit group. My friends may be very few at the moment, but I treasure each and every one of them. That was why I was so hurt about the whole mess with Yuzuru.

But now, seeing one of my once close friend being so happy with another person... it made me feel heavy.

I was wretched and disgusted at myself for thinking like this.

Yuzuru was his own person. I didn't own him. I couldn't dictate him. I most certainly didn't want to force him.

I know it's wrong, but my thoughts just ran wild.

I bit my lip and silently laughed at myself in pity. I was doing the same exact thing that Yuzuru confessed to having done so. And yet, here I was, indirectly condemning him and awkwardly acting whenever he tried to talk to me.

I'm such a hypocrite.

Huffing sarcastically, I circled around the ice rapidly, hoping as hell to take my negative thoughts somewhere else other than self-derision and blame.

Someone matched my pace beside me.

"Ah!" I exclaimed, halting in surprise. "Wha... What are you doing here?"

Yuzuru smiled sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck as he averted his eyes.

"I was watching you earlier, and... Well, I thought you might need some help..." He then glanced at me, uncertainty clear in his eyes.

"Where did you get your skates." I looked down at his feet as I avoided his gaze.

"I borrowed it." He gave a slight grin, scuffing the ice slightly with his skates. He looked so proud of himself for this that I couldn't help the slight breath of amusement that escaped me. I quickly stifled it but he, unfortunately, heard it judging from the way he brightly beamed down at me. I felt heat crept up my cheeks as he did so.

"Yuzu-kun!" A girl glided towards us as she called over.

It was Kanako.

"How is it?" Kanako asked him, smiling cheerfully. She was indicating to his skates.

"It's great, thanks." Yuzuru returned her smile, nodding at her.

"Just tell me if you feel it's too tight," Kanako continued, her full attention was on Yuzuru. It made me feel like a discarded side dish as they talked, but hey, that's just me. "I could ask the other guys if you're not comfortable with it."

"No, it's ok. There's no need." Yuzuru waved his hand politely.

I was seriously debating whether I should just sneak off because I didn't want to interrupt the moment these two were clearly having when Yuzuru turned his attention to me.

"Era..." Yuzuru began but then stopped again as he looked at the both of us. "You know each other, right?"

Kanako and I both looked at one another.

As I had said before, we were generally polite. But, we're not that close.

At most, we were passing acquaintances.

Even though we were in the same club for years, both Kanako and I kept on missing each other. It's understandable since I was frequently in the Philippines and just visit Japan once or twice a month. On the other hand, Kanako was a full-time student in Japan, so her practice time in the sports center was mostly in the late afternoon.

In times where we have the same practice times, she would stick with her own circle of friends, like other normal people did to be honest. Not everyone was like Shoma and Aiko who would make the time and the effort to get to know a foreign girl who only visited at random occasions.

To be fair, I myself didn't seek out other people and actively made friends with them. In the past, my time in Japan was very limited aside from the summer break and winter break so I just thoroughly focused on my practice to make the most of my time in this country.

"I know of her." I nodded hesitantly, giving Kanako a shy smile, which she returned.

"Hi!" Kanako greeted cheerfully. Her curious eyes directed at me. "I'm Kanako."

"Hello. I'm Elana," I greeted politely in return.

"I know Kanako since we were kids," Yuzuru piped up from the side. His gaze was still on me as I looked at him.

What's he explaining to me for?

"Yeah, Mushroom Boy," teased Kanako, playfully poking his side. Yuzuru scowled at the nickname, which just made Kanako laugh out loud.

I smiled awkwardly between the two. They were obviously good friends.

I felt my mood plummet at this.

My god. Get yourself together. Don't be like this to Yuzuru.

I guiltily berated myself.

What is up with me?

Yuzuru didn't deserve this. Heck, Kanako didn't deserve this.

"I should, I should get going," I fumbled, cracking a smile at them. Before I hastily turned and glided away.

I was only halfway down the rink when I was stopped yet again.

"Era." Yuzuru held my hand. His warm touch halted me on my tracks.

"Yes?" I asked, slowly slipping my hand out of his grasp. On the side of my vision, I noticed that Kanako was still staring at us from the distance.

"Um, I told you before," Yuzuru ducked his head as he mumbled, "I was watching you earlier... and I thought you might need some help with that Axel. I can help you if you like?" He added hopefully as he stared at me again.

"What... What about Kanako-san?" I winced, biting my lip as I let that question slip out. I really wanted to kick myself.

"Kanako." Yuzuru raised his brows in confusion. "What about her?"

"I mean... since you're only in Nagoya for a few more days... don't you want to spend more time with her?" I rapidly searched my mind for excuses. Damn my mouth.

"Nah, it's fine." Yuzuru shook his head, before shrugging. "So, about that Axel?"

I didn't know why, but my mood lifted up as soon as he said that. I controlled my thoughts once again as he asked me.

Yuzuru has a beautiful triple Axel. He could do it so effortlessly and in such a difficult entry that it was borderline insane.

"Ok." I nodded as I glanced up at him. This kid became taller than me in such a short amount of time.

"Great!" He beamed so brightly that it felt like I was the one who was doing him a huge favor.

"So, how do you do this?" This time, I initiated the conversation. His eyes lightened up as I did.

"It goes like, Shoosh~!" Yuzuru waved his hands forward as he tried to explain the feeling.

"Shoosh~?" I giggled at his comical description. He was so silly at times.

Yuzuru grinned widely.

In a couple hours, he diligently focused on me as I did my Axel again and again. Yuzuru was surprisingly a very good mentor as he pointed out the flaws in my posture and the instability of my axis.

He was more of a practical teacher. His descriptions were a bit lacking so he just showed me how to do the jump properly.

He didn't seem to tire as he showed me multiple times the correct triple Axel jump. I couldn't help but gasp in amazement as he flew to the air and landed the jump with such swiftness and precision.

In the end, as compared to my previous attempts, I could now belt out a triple Axel and land it successfully in 2 out 3 attempts. I felt that my jump had become more stable. I still needed to work on my fluidity though. That couldn't be achieved overnight so I had to practice this consecutively in a few weeks time.

"Thank you, Yuzuru." I gratefully smiled up at him. "For helping me."

"I will always help." He held my hand hesitantly once again. Sensing that I didn't refuse him, he smiled softly at me. "All you have to do is ask."

*****

September 25, 2009

https://youtu.be/TJgO1O_jd5g

(SP - Nathan Lanier's Time)

I moved like a stringed doll handled by an invisible puppeteer.

My limbs fluidly waved through the air in yearning and revolt. The serpentine step sequence was done in such a fluid manner whilst I did the steps in precision.

Triple Axel.

I glided in passionate and forceful movements as if these invisible strings that held me back was severed one at a time.

Entering a combination spin, I started a camel spin with a difficult entry, turning into a donut spin with an arm aloft making it a difficult variation, down to a cannonball spin, then a tuck-In spin with my arms exquisitely pointing downwards. With swift movements, I rapidly switched to a layback spin with my arms beyond my body as I gracefully arched my back before ending the combination with a beautifully executed catch-foot layback spin.

The program entered the second half. The song was halfway through.

I danced enchantingly around the ice akin to a few invisible strings left attached to my doll-like body. My movements became more fervent as I fought for control against the puppeteer.

Triple flip, triple toe combination.

In perfect synchrony with the music, I did forward crossovers, choctaws, and forward counters as I readied my body.

Triple loop in a Tano Variation.

In the eyes of the people, I had flown above the ice as I had finally freed myself from the invisible machinations of the puppeteer. My arms moved in freedom and liberation in artistic manners as I swirled around the ice, successfully entering my choreographic sequence.

I entered my final combination spin with a flying camel spin, turning into a broken-leg spin with an arm aloft, then into a pancake spin. Without dropping speed, I fluidly shifted into a Beillmann spin, before I finally did a corkscrew spin that rapidly spun a few times before stopping abruptly.

I did my final pose just as the music ended.

And was then met with thunderous applause.

...

"Elana Ferrer from the Philippines has earned in the short program, 61.46 points which is the new seasons best and a personal best. She is currently in 1st place."

...

*****

"Yes, Ma," I said, rubbing a towel on my wet hair. "Yup, I already ate."

I placed the towel on the table before I let my bathrobe fall on the floor. I was naked as the day I was born. But it's alright, I was alone in my hotel room. Either way, I was not comfortable without my clothes on since this wasn't my home.

"Uh-huh. I love you too," I replied on my phone distractedly. I opened the closet and took some clothes out of my bag. "Yep, Dad called multiple times. As well as Kuya Gab and Kuya Matt." I chuckled as I wore my clothes.

"Ok." I combed my wet hair, being careful of the tangles. "Ok, good night. I love you."

I finally hung up my phone.

Tiredly, I flopped down the bed, eager to get some sleep. I took the remote control from the table and opened the TV.

Absentmindedly flipping through the channels, I just settled on a documentary about animals like that Timon guy from Lion King. I didn't know what kind of animal it was and I didn't really have any interest to find out as I muted the TV.

It became a habit of mine to turn on the TV and mute it whenever I was alone in a foreign place. That way, it's not as lonely as it seemed.

I was just positioning myself to sleep when my phone notified.

I heard that you're in 1st, gz! :D

My fingers hesitated as I saw that it was from Yuzuru.

Thanks. How'd you know that?

I didn't know if the Nebelhorn Trophy was broadcasted around the world. I guess it was since it's an Olympic qualifier. Nonetheless, the only ones that I told were Shoma, Aiko, Coach Omura, and of course, my family.

It took a few moments before another notification came in.

... Shoma told me.

My hand halted as I read the message.

Shoma?

I typed in a smiley emoticon before I erased it. I hesitated before typing in another message.

You're really getting along with him. I'm glad.

I didn't ask an open-ended question. It would be hard to continue our conversation. It felt awkward anyway so I just laid my phone beside me on the bed.

Even though we were more comfortable with each other now compared to a few months ago... I just couldn't let my guard down completely around him. I guess some part of me was still afraid. It's frustrating since I myself wanted to be close to Yuzuru again.

But whenever I did try, I always back off like a coward.

I just couldn't shake it off.

It didn't take a while before my phone notified again.

How are you?

Yuzuru wanted to continue the conversation. Like the other times, he was the one who always initiated it.

I hesitated again before typing in my reply.

I'm a little tired. Still have to do Free tomorrow.

I groaned immediately as the text was sent. My reply was a little cold.

Ok. Hope you have a nice rest.

Half an hour have passed as I tossed and turned around the bed, trying to get myself to sleep. I moaned as guilt gnawed at me.

I grabbed my phone again from the bedside table.

Yuzuru. Thank you.

I didn't know whether I was thanking him for helping me with my triple Axel. Or if I was thanking him for being so patient with me these past few months.

Maybe it's a mixture of both.

It seemed that Yuzuru got it though, judging from the next message I received.

You're welcome. I'm always here for you. I hope everything goes well tomorrow. I know you can do it. Good night. :)

A soft smile spread across my lips as I read the message. My heart finally calmed down and my guilt abated.

Good night.

*****

September 26, 2009

https://youtu.be/F1ctv7Thtw4

(FS - Itzhak Perlman's Por una Cabeza)

With fiery and fervent movements, I glided on the ice as a woman passionately in love. My hand reached forwards attempting to caress her imaginary lover.

Triple loop.

Triple toe, double flip combination.

I swirled around the ice with my body flowing exquisitely in both temptation and innocent seduction. There was no vulgarity found in the movement, just pure utter romance.

Triple flip.

I entered a death drop flying spin combination, starting off with a camel spin, before doing a sit spin with arm variation wherein my arms stretched elegantly on the back clasping each other whilst facing the ice, then gradually turning into a pancake spin. My body straightened as I finished the combination with a Beillmann spin.

I proceeded with my choreographic sequence in an impassioned dance. The people were bewitched as raw allurement radiated off my body. My blades skidded in precision and swiftness that speckles of ice rose to create a captivating scene.

Triple Salchow, double Lutz combination.

Triple Axel.

The crowd burst in excitement as I landed the jumps successfully.

My mind receded, letting my body take over as it fluidly swayed and moved precisely as to the numerous times I danced this program.

The climax had began prompting me to do my final combination spin, starting off with a camel spin with a difficult entry, turning into a catch-camel spin, then flying into the air doing a flying sit spin that turned into a cannonball spin, a broken-leg spin with a twist variation, then fluidly switching into a layback spin with a leg variation. Lastly, I reached out my arm to do a catch-foot layback spin.

Gradually, the music began to slow down as did my spins. I spun slowly and elegantly as I straightened my position before doing my final pose with one hand on top of my heart and the other reaching out to my imaginary lover just as the music stopped.

The whole stadium palpitated with excitement and burst into cheers. Plastic flowers and plushies rained down the rink as a sign of adoration from the audience.

Even though my body was trembling in severe exhaustion and sweat continued to block my vision, I smiled so widely as exhilaration ran through my body.

I bowed down to each side of the audience which prompted them into cheers and each time I was met with applause louder than the last as if they were competing on who can applaud the loudest.

Panting in exhaustion, I nearly stumbled on my feet on my trek towards the rinkside where I could already see Coach Edmund jumping up and down in excitement. I laughed tiredly at his antics.

"Elana! Marvelous!" Coach Edmund engulfed me in one his infamous bear hugs. "Just! Wow!" He was so stunned and overcome with emotion that he couldn't form a proper sentence.

As usual, I was practically dead on my feet so he supported me towards the Kiss & Cry. We sat down heavily on the couch. Immediately, I snatched my towel and vigorously wiped my sweat away. It was starting to burn my eyes a bit.

Coach Edmund handed over my tumbler which I then drained in one go. The cool water sliding down my throat was so relaxing.

"The scores please."

I clutched Coach Edmund's hand and he did so in return.

At this point, we were in a mix of nervousness and excitement. Not because of the chance of failure, but because we were in a state of anticipation to see just how high my scores were.

It's not overconfidence. It's just the cold, hard fact.

I skated clean in both the short and the free. I was also in 1st place in the short. Most of all, I was Last to Skate.

That's why we already knew the scores of the other competitors.

"Elana Ferrer from the Philippines has earned in the free skate, 115.62 points which is the new seasons best and a personal best. Her total competition score is 177.08 points. She is currently in 1st place."

My eyes widened and my body jolted in surprise as I broke my personal best. I joined my coach and the crowd as I also yelled out excitedly.

"Weh?!" I yelled out in elation and disbelief. I stared at the monitor again and yes, it was indeed 177.08 points. I shivered at my own score.

"Yes!" Coach Edmund pumped both his arms in the air before hugging my shoulders with one arm. "Ang galing mo! Good job!" ("You're awesome! Good Job!")

*****

I was still in a sort of daze as I stood on the podium with a shiny gold medal around my neck and a large bouquet of flowers in my arms.

The flags of the medalists rose in the air.

The Philippine national anthem began.

Unconsciously, my palm laid over on top of my heart as I gazed up towards my country's flag. I couldn't utter the words to the song as my throat clogged up and my eyes reddened. I had an enormous feeling that if I opened my mouth right at this moment, I would've bawled out just to vent the excess emotion that was building inside of me.

So, I stared, deeply into the Philippine flag, waiting for the anthem to end.

*****

"First of all, congratulations on winning the competition. Now, I would like to ask, how does it feel to win your first International senior title, The Nebelhorn Trophy, in the first season that you became senior?"

"It feels so awesome," I gushed out loud as I was still in disbelief. The reporters and the cameramen all laughed at my honest expression. Flashes of light rang out as the cameramen tried to capture my grinning face.

"I mean, wow! As a junior who just turned senior, I personally know that there is a huge gap between me and the other skaters. That's why I tried my hardest to improve a few months before the competition as I know that there are many talented skaters here."

"This win has made you eligible to participate in the upcoming 2010 Vancouver Olympics. How do you feel about this? And do you think you can attain victory at the Olympics?"

"The Olympics is my goal. That's why I am very happy that I was able to win in this competition. As for attaining victory in the Olympics, I honestly don't know." I smiled sheepishly, prompting another round of flashes.

"As I have said, I just turned senior. There are many things that um... I need to improve on. And I know that I'm also lacking in some aspects of my skills." I tried to answer that best as I could as my mind whirled around.

"I would do my best to improve my skills before then. I hope that I can perform a clean short and free in the upcoming Olympics."

"I heard that aside from the Philippines, you were also training in Japan. What is the state of the figure skating society in the Philippines? Does anything hinder your growth there that you chose to practice in Japan? And an Olympic favorite, Mao Asada, is also from Japan. I heard that you were in the same club as her before she switched her training venue. Have you met her in the past? What are your thoughts on her?"

"Yes, I do train in both the Philippines and Japan." I cleared my throat as I tried to think of how to answer this difficult question.

"I wouldn't particularly say hinder, but training in the Philippines is a little hard for me since now we only have two rinks. Sometimes, it gets overcrowded with skaters that I couldn't practice properly. In Japan, the club that I'm in has its own personal rink. That's why I opted to also train in Japan so that I could practice properly."

"As for Asada Mao. I actually haven't met her yet. Even though we were in the same club in the past, we haven't met once. We have different schedules so I think that's why we kept on missing each other." I laughed as I remembered Shoma going on and on about his Mao-nee.

"I think Asada Mao is a very talented skater. I love her skating style. And I heard many good things about her around the club. So, hopefully, we would be able to meet and be good friends in the future."

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..........M.E.R.I.D.I.A.N......L.I.G.H.T.S..........

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(*'▽｀*)