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..........M.E.R.I.D.I.A.N......L.I.G.H.T.S..........

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Meryl and I were casually chatting mundane topics just to pass the time in this banquet party. Like the gala exhibition, it was my first time attending a banquet. Generally, only senior competitions have banquets to boast of.

My first senior competition was the Nebelhorn Trophy, which didn't have a banquet when I took part in it, and the next senior competition I attended was the Vancouver Olympics... Vancouver did have a banquet. It was more of a general banquet between the medalists, the top skaters, and the media... I wasn't too comfortable attending it, so I didn't.

It slipped my mind that seniors have banquets, that's why here I was, wearing a simple blue dress as compared to the other exquisite and eye-catching dresses that the other women were wearing. Meryl herself wore a very stunning grey flowy dress with small crystals embedded in it. 

"So, you don't think of Charlie, you know, in that way?" I hesitantly asked, broaching the topic. When I first saw Meryl in the hall, thoughts of Skater A and Skater B that I accidentally saw yesterday night immediately resurfaced. I tried to keep it in but the curiosity got the better of me.

"Yeah," Meryl immediately answered, certainty clear in her voice, "Charlie? Please! I mean, we've grown up together so I think of him as more of a... brother-figure? Something like that."

"Oh." I nodded, lost in thought.

I always thought Charlie and Meryl had a thing together. It dawned on me that the 'thing' between them originated from the shipping that their fans did. I felt incredibly silly because I believed the very rumors that I detested.

"You understand, right? I heard you're in the same relationship with Hanyu."

"Let me guess... Ashley."

Meryl chuckled. "Yes, and no. We may look numerous in the outside world, but figure skaters are actually fewer and interconnected when it comes down to it. News travels fast."

"You mean gossip travels fast."

"That too." Meryl sipped her cocktail drink amusedly.

I swirled my own drink, watching as the aesthetic blue, orange, and red colors of my cocktail mixed together in a tantalizing pattern. If that statement was thrown at me before today, I would've immediately agreed. However, now that I seriously thought about it... I felt that it was wrong.

I did not view Yuzuru as a brother-figure.

That thought alone, viewing Yuzuru as my brother, strongly repelled me.

I hummed in reply to Meryl, not knowing what else to say. I didn't know when my feelings towards Yuzuru began to change. In the past, he was like Shoma to me, an annoyingly cute brother that I loved very much. However, now that I didn't think of him as a brother... what was he to me?

He was closer to me than a friend. The best friend theme was long taken by him also.

I didn't know what his current status was from my personal perspective. Out of all the guys I've known, barring family, Yuzuru was the one who I felt closest to. He was more than a simple friend, so much more. I was quite afraid to think deeply into it. This particular territory was getting dangerous by the second.

I guess that was why I didn't answer his calls for several hours. Meryl and I were actually quite early in the banquet. Only a few other skaters were seen around the hall, the rest were the event organizers, some executive staff, and a bunch of media personnel.

I didn't know why she's here already, nor did I ask. As for me, I wanted some alone time for a moment or two. Or, let's say, half a day.

As I've said before, it totally slipped my mind that seniors have banquets and after parties for the athletes. I had to scurry my ass off to the nearest mall just to purchase a new dress. New messages left unanswered and calls were missed. I opted to not answer Yuzuru for now.

More skaters began to filter in the banquet hall, my heart jumped a little every time a black-haired male would walk in. Anxiety began to build up within me. It came to a point that I was blatantly checking out the doors without an ounce of subtlety. "Waiting for someone?" Meryl asked.

I gave a weak grin. "Something like that." My heart pounded rapidly when I saw his fellow Japanese skaters filtering in the room, there's no doubt in my mind that Yuzuru was sure to follow in any time now. Frozen at the edge of my seat, I began to worry about the little details, like how I should face him, what I would say, or how I should act around him.

Quickly excusing myself from a curious Meryl, I drained my cocktail in one shot, wiped my mouth, then strode away from the double doors. I changed direction and went to the ladies room. These confusing feelings whirling in my chest, as well as the dizziness that accompanied it by draining that alcohol in one shot... I didn't like it one bit.

I gripped the edge of the sink trying to get my thoughts to calm down. This nervousness that I felt astounded me. Why would I feel nervous around Yuzuru?

The sound of a flush sounded and one of the cubicles opened. Out came Skater B, of all people. We were both in a standstill as we gazed at each other through the reflection of the huge widespread mirror. She broke the pause first by politely smiling then washing her hands under the faucet.

"Congratulations on the win," Tanith said, she flicked her hands to rid of excess water and dried it off.

"Thanks..."

She didn't mind the awkward silence that fell on us. Instead, she leaned comfortably with her lower back against the sink. It seemed that she was waiting for me to say something... I didn't even know what she wanted me to say?!

I cleared my throat. "Um, about that thing yesterday..." I bit my lip. "It was an accident. I didn't mean to barge in on you guys."

A flicker of uncertainty flashed on Tanith. Her mask broke. "We know. It's our fault for losing ourselves in the moment. Not even locking the door? We're lucky that it wasn't the staff, or worse, the media, that opened that door."

Now, it seemed that our situation was reversed. I reassured her, "I won't say anything."

Tanith looked at me for a while, measuring my words. She gave a grateful smile. "Thank you. We weren't exactly hiding our relationship, but we don't exactly broadcast it either." Despite saying that, a hint of uncertainty lingered in her.

"Why?" I blurted out.

We were both surprised. I didn't mean to say it. It just came out.

"Why...?"

My face flushed bashfully. I nervously waved my hand at her. "No... I... well..." I changed my mind. I already said it, so why not go on ahead? "I meant... why do you look so sad?"

"Sad..." Tanith was confused before comprehension dawned on her. "Oh..."

"If, if you don't want to, I mean," I stuttered, mentally kicking myself for creating another awkward situation, "you don't have to answer. My mouth's running off again."

I was cut off by Tanith's soft laughter. I calmed down upon seeing her serene expression. "I was just a bit surprised at your question. Sad... yes, I guess I'm a little bit sad... in a way." A heavy sigh escaped her. "Charlie and I... we love each other very much..."

If what I witnessed a night ago could be counted as evidence, then yes, I knew of it first-hand. Tanith wryly continued, "I've met other people... but Charlie... out of all them, it had to be him."

This was where I got confused. What's wrong with Charlie? Tanith remained silent, leaning back on the sink, lost in thought. A moment had gone by before I said, "If anything, you look cute together."

Tanith's eyes widened a little. A slight smile gradually found its way onto her lips. "Thanks... not everyone seems to think so, but I'm glad that someone else does. Some said that our relationship was unnatural."

I was outrageously stunned. "What? Who would even say that?"

Tanith shrugged. "Who else?"

That when the realization came rushing down. The fans.

I knew fans could be vicious. Charlie was in an ice dance team with Meryl. Ice dance teams? They were favorite shipping targets of fans. "If it's about Charlie and Meryl..."

Tanith shook her head before I could continue. "It's not that. I know they have this sibling bond with them... it's more on my side..."

The doors opened and a few women walked in, effectively breaking the moment. My confusion didn't go away due to Tanith's vague answers. Nevertheless, I knew this conversation was over for the moment. We smiled one last time and went our separate ways.

Glancing around the hall again, I noticed that the majority of the skaters were now present donning gorgeous dresses and attractively fitting suits. I opted not to linger for long so I went towards the nearby garden balcony.

I shivered when a cold breeze passed by. Rubbing my arms with my hands in an attempt to warm my body up, I regretted not buying that cream-colored shawl back in that clothing store. I was in such a hurry that I only bought this sleeveless blue dress that reached just above my knees and a pair of beige heels.

Internally debating whether to head back inside, I glanced at the glass doors and incidentally saw Yuzuru standing inside the hall. It was my first time seeing him in such neat attire. Usually, he preferred wearing shirts and sweatpants.

I gasped loudly when he glanced in my general direction. Quickly stepping back, my vision of him was covered by a large plant. I didn't dare peek over the edge to check if he did indeed saw me... for the record, I didn't even know why I felt the need to hide from him. Biting my lip with downcast worried eyes, I took another step back and walked away, opting to venture deeper into the beautiful landscape garden that this balcony had to offer. My thoughts occasionally went back to my conversation with Tanith earlier.

I didn't know how long I walked around this garden. When I came to, my feet were starting to ache slightly and I was shivering like crazy. I sat down on a stone bench, rubbed my hands together and blew warm air on it. Suddenly, everything went dark. Dark because my head was covered by a thick layer of cloth.

"Mm!" It took a couple of swipes before I got this huge cloth off of my head. Clutching the cloth, the first thing I noticed was that said cloth was a dark-colored suit jacket, and the second thing I noticed was that the very guy I was hiding from was sitting beside me on the bench, leaning his elbows casually on his knees and looking over the empty space before us.

I blushed and clutched on the suit jacket. I shivered when another breeze passed by. Fiddling with it for a little while, I decided to wear it over my shoulders when Yuzuru remained silent. He continued to silently stare in nothingness even when his hair was slightly ruffled sideways by the wind.

The accompanying warmth of the suit jacket was very helpful in blocking off the cold. I was worried that Yuzuru would get chilly but he seemed outwardly fine with his white long-sleeved dress shirt.

I tried to say something for a few times. All attempts failed when nothing came to mind. I did feel guilty that I was caught in the act of hiding from him.

Is he mad?

I thought worriedly, glancing at his still form.

"Is there something bothering you?" he asked, straightening his body and leaning back on the stone bench. My face felt hot as I clutched the edge of my dress nervously. "You know you can tell me. Whatever it is... you don't have to hide it from me."

He finally glanced down at me. I blinked and averted my gaze. "It's-"

"Don't say it's nothing because it's obviously something." I could feel his intense gaze directed at me. I didn't have the guts to look back at him. "You're avoiding me again. Did I do something?"

"No! That's not-!" I was startled and I finally glanced up at him with widened eyes. My face burned again and I fidgeted in my seat. A warm and large hand covered my own, holding firmly in a steadfast manner. I didn't attempt to slip my hand from his. I knew it would be futile.

"Want to talk about it?" Yuzuru asked.

I paused and shook my head slightly. I may be in bad terms with the other party but I wasn't the type to backtalk and smear their image in front of their friend. Yuzuru tried to sense out the situation to see what was bothering me. In the end, he let it go and respected my decision.

"I tried to look for you earlier," Yuzuru said. I was a bit embarrassed upon hearing that. "I think I mapped out the entirety of this hotel and the surrounding vicinity. I tried the lobby, that very expensive spa on the ground floor, the buffet - I know you love to hang out there -, and nearby stores outside. I even asked your coach, to no avail. Imagine my surprise when I saw you peeking over that huge bush."

"... You're very persistent, aren't you?" I was rightfully stunned.

"When I want something, I strive my hardest to get it." He smirked mischievously. Blinking a few times, I began to admire his unwavering determination.

"I'm... I'm just being silly again." A helpless smile was seen. "You know how I am. The girl who always makes something out of nothing." I ducked my head self-depreciatingly, absentmindedly grazing the ground lightly with my heels.

Yuzuru had an unfathomable expression on. He squeezed my hand gently and quirked his lips. "That's not necessarily a bad thing. Imagine how boring the world would be without the excitement your creative mind comes up with."

"I seriously don't know if you're genuinely complimenting me or just plain dissing me."

"Take it however you like." Yuzuru played with my fingers with his own. "You know that I never lied to you, you utterly beautiful woman."

"Careful, Casanova," I jokingly whispered, conspiratorily, "I think my heart's gonna fall."

Silent laughter pervaded the night. Yuzuru amusedly shook his head and leaned his side comfortably against me. We relaxed and gazed at the full moon surrounded by a sea of stars up above the sky. With my free hand, I touched his collar, my index finger tracing the edges of it down to his deep blue tie.

"You should wear suits more often."

"Hm, not really my thing," Yuzuru replied, stretching his arm and observing the neat sleeve of his dress shirt, "but if it helps you genuinely fall for me, I can set aside a few suits for special occasions." He winked roguishly.

I rolled my eyes at his blatant - and thoroughly unguided - flirting.

"I really hope you don't turn into a ladies man in the future." Another breeze blew by, causing his hair to ruffle even more. His mussed up style gave him an attractive boy-next-door feel. "Don't make girls cry now."

He raised his brows at my words, thoroughly amused. Yuzuru interlocked his fingers with mine, our palms touching together added more warmth. "I only do this to the girl that I like. You don't have to worry about anything."

My heart thumped loudly.

I heard it loud and clear. His repeated insinuations, starting from the airport in Sendai, perhaps even way back when leading up to now... I knew.

Deep within me, I knew he felt differently.

It was then that I realized what Tanith was talking about earlier. It was the one thing that she didn't have any control over. The one thing I didn't have control over.

The major aspect that divided Yuzuru and I was our age gap. Three years may be nothing in the eyes of others. However, those three long years was a huge gap if seen in the view of teenagers.

Fifteen versus Eighteen?

Yuzuru was only a minor.

I couldn't do it. I wouldn't allow myself to go along with it. What Yuzuru was feeling now... there was a huge possibility that it would pass in a few months or so. It was possible that it was just a passing fancy because we were so close to each other.

Nevertheless, I couldn't deny that he was attractive. Very much so.

Yuzuru's face was now sharp and angular. Those previously plump cheeks that signify youth gradually disappeared over time to form what he was now. Now that I allowed myself to properly observe him with the eyes of a woman, I confess that Yuzuru was the most attractive guy that I ever saw. I couldn't believe I was saying this... he truly had the face of an idol. 

Everything about him was fatally attractive. Especially those eyes, those phoenix eyes that could express a wide variety of emotions from happiness, amusement, annoyance, sadness, and - sometimes - lethalness.

What I liked about him most, however, was how I felt so at ease and so... myself, when I was around him. I never felt this way around any other person before.

Catching my wayward thoughts, I bit my lip when I realized that I was dangerously forming a little bit of crush on a guy three years younger than me.

Lord, help me.

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..........M.E.R.I.D.I.A.N......L.I.G.H.T.S..........

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(I sincerely hope you played the song I linked above while reading this chapter. I wrote this chapter while listening to that song, lmao!)

(If you liked this chapter, please leave a vote and/or a comment, thank you!~)