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..........M.E.R.I.D.I.A.N......L.I.G.H.T.S..........

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We sat at the bleachers overlooking the ice rink. The electricity was down and the sun was setting leaving behind a shadowed stadium. The rink was chilly, mist hovered a few inches above the ground. I belatedly wondered how the rink continued to function without an electric cooling function.

"I thought about you."

My attention was snagged when his grip tightened momentarily.

"I was terrified. Beyond terrified." He leaned against me. Laying his head to rest on my shoulder. I leaned against him in return. "When everything was falling apart... I thought about many things... in the end, I thought about you."

It was silent for several moments, his breath grew ragged. But I was here for him. Always.

His hand now held mine in a vice grip. My free hand touched his head that was resting on my shoulder and caressed his hair back from covering his face. It calmed him as I continued to touch him.

"Yuzu."

I didn't expect a reply. I simply reached into my jacket to hand over the round object. Yuzuru straightened slightly as he received the medal.

"Gold."

"I won. I did my best."

"I didn't know. I'm sorry, I..."

"I understand, Yuzuru. Given the circumstances, it's not much compared to-"

"No, Era. You won." Yuzuru determinedly gazed in my eyes. "I'm happy for you. I really am."

I guiltily avoided him but Yuzuru would not have that. "Era." He held my cheeks between his warm hands, forcing me to look at him.

"I just..." I didn't know why tears were stinging my eyes red. I came here with the intention of seeing him, comforting him, but now it was the other way around. Tears ran down my cheeks. Shame overcame me. "I feel so guilty."

"No, no, Era." He shook his head, thumbs wipings my tears. "Never be guilty of success." He kissed my tears away. My chest tightened when I felt him kiss the edge of my lips again.

Conflict reigned within me and Yuzuru noticed that. He stilled his movements, wipings my cheeks gently once more and then helped me wear the medal around my neck. I gave him a slight smile which he also returned.

I clutched the medal in my hands. "You know, I did my best. Really did my best. I like to win, that never changed, but what really drove my resolve was the thought of you. I felt so helpless when I couldn't do anything... the only thing I'm good at is skating. This win, this medal... this is for you, Yuzuru Hanyu."

Upon hearing that, he gave me a warm smile. "Thank you."

"Erana." He encased my hands clutching the medal with his warm ones. "I like you. Really, really, like you."

My breath stilted and my heart hammered loudly in my chest. I wasn't given time to respond.

"Obviously, I like you as a friend. What I meant... I like you as a person, a friend... a girl, a woman. I know that you don't feel the same as me. But hell," he said, further shocking me because that's the closest I heard Yuzuru curse. "If I learned anything from this tragedy, it was that life could go on a hundred years or it could end in a split-second."

Yuzuru heaved a deep breath, calming himself as he went on, "I wasn't lying when I said I thought about you. I did, constantly. The one thing I regret the most was not telling you honestly how I felt. I don't want to feel this regret anymore, Era."

"I like you," he continued.

I was beyond speechless. I tried to say something but nothing came out.

"You don't have to accept me. In no way am I forcing you into anything. I, I just can't continue on without telling you how I really feel... knowing that it could be over in a blink."

This Yuzuru in front of me was the most serious version of him that I had ever seen. It was also the most fragile Yuzuru judging from the slight trembling of his hands. I wouldn't have known if I hadn't felt it.

I desperately wanted to return his feelings. It would be easier for both of us if I did. Who cared about age differences? Who cared about controversies? Really, who the hell cared?

It was the uncertainty that held me back.

As much as I liked him. I didn't feel that kind of emotional depth that he needed. It would be unfair to Yuzuru if I went to him half-heartedly. That's not how relationships worked. It would be like lying both to him and to myself.

I decided, sincerity clear within my voice, "I won't lie, Yuzuru."

This was for the best.

He tried but he couldn't keep the disappointment from his face. His struggle was so evident that it was painful to look at. My heart ached for him, for us. As much as I want to be there for him and give him my all...

I'm not ready...

I didn't want to go into a relationship with someone just to back out in the middle of it. It was embarrassing to say.

It scares me.

Yuzuru hugged me close. I stiffened for a moment before I gradually relaxed. He nodded understandingly. His aura changed and it felt like a heavy weight was lifted from his shoulders. He whispered, "I understand. I told you... I know already, don't feel bad." He leaned his head on the nook of my shoulder, resting his tired body against mine.

I didn't know how much time had passed. The sun had completely set and the moon had yet to shine through. We were left in nothing but darkness and the coldness that emitted from the rink wrapped around us. Yet, I felt a comfortable warmth between us.

"Just so you know..." I gently caressed his hair and brought him closer. "If I ever wanted to fall for someone, that deep kind... I hope, in the end, it would be with you."

*****

Life in the Philippines continued on. I finished my first year in university without a hitch and, 'lo and behold, I took driving lessons. Dad said that I needed to learn how to drive to make it easier once I return back to Canada. It was nerve-wracking at first, especially with the out-of-whack road system here in the Philippines but I got the hang of it in the end.

My already numerous endorsements tripled in number. Gigantic corporations eagerly wanted me to be their celebrity endorser and ambassador. From various well-known sportswear and athletic equipment to huge fast-food chains and food products, down to the formidable fashion industry that I fortunately already delved in starting a few years back.

Eric Lito, my capable and sleek manager, deftly managed my sponsors and guided me every step of the way. I was portrayed in reputable magazines, attended high profile endorsements, and showed up in a number of television commercials.

Why all the hype? What made the name Elana Ferrer become a firmer household name than it already was?

The cause of it was the piece of gold that I earned in the Figure Skating World Championships a couple of months back. My win in Worlds was the first ever in the entire Southeast Asian region.

This particular win didn't cause a ripple. No, it sent an intense electric shock in the entire figure skating community.

I may be the golden pelican that the ISU set up to cover Kim Yuna's absence and Asada Mao's slump this season. To them, a girl from a tiny almost non-existent Federation was meant to be a temporary face to keep the drama going.

But heck, even they - the ISU executives and the judges - not to mention fans and antis alike were stunned by my stellar performance in Worlds.

The immense pressure and infamy that I faced from everyone nearly crippled my self-esteem and broke me down. In the end, I didn't cave.

I bested the top figure skaters in the world. From Kim Yuna, who came back for the final showdown this season, to Asada Mao, who put up a strong fight, and finally Ando Miki, who was a formidable skater in her own right. I was able to break through and take that gold firmly in my grasps.

The difficulties that had to be overcome were overcome. The tall hurdles that had to be leaped over were leaped over. My determination - my resolve - to win was all because of Yuzuru Hanyu.

I didn't lie when I told him that I did my absolute best because I want to dedicate my performances to him. It was the only thing I could do for him in this difficult time.

The following months, Yuzuru participated in ice shows as much as he could.  His homerink was destroyed during the tragedy that's why it's the only thing he could do. If there was an ice show somewhere in Japan, he would be there. His resolve and desperation to train were seen by everyone around him.

His confession whirled in my mind. We acted as we normally did except that something shifted between us. It wasn't too obvious, his ways were more subtle, minuscule I would say.

For the most part, aside from a few lingering touches, things remained the same. I think it was because I chose not to see the signs in the past that's why when I noticed the way he usually acted around me... well, let's just say I got the message now.

He was doing it all these years. I was just too blinded and ignorant, maybe even in major denial, to see it. From the lingering touch, the teasing smile, down to the way he looked at me. My mind and heart were going haywire.

There were times I almost regretted turning him down.

I slapped my cheeks in an attempt to get my mind out of this gutter called romance.

Whenever I visited Japan, I helped around as much as I could in the Hanyu household. I didn't dare stay for a prolonged time, that's why when they genuinely offered to let me stay for a few nights, I kindly declined. I knew that they were in the process of recovery and I didn't want to bother them.

It didn't help that Saya kept shooting me these suspicious looks. I think she knew something was up between me and her brother.

Of course, I didn't forget to hang out with my favorite smol bean. The earthquake didn't affect Nagoya the same extent that Sendai was affected but I think Shoma was terrified the day it happened. It was, after all, a national calamity.

Shoma was in a bit of a slump this season. He tried his best to get out of it and I was there to help him whenever I could. With his rink out of commission, Yuzuru went to Nagoya whenever I stayed there and together we trained at the sports complex along with Shoma.

*****

By the time I went back to Canada, I was greeted by the sight of a new rinkmate. The Spanish kind.

I recognized the guy. He was a charming one if I do say so, always making the ladies laugh and giggle.

Of course, Elana Ferrer was not one to giggle.

Anyways, I remember participating in a number of competitions with him but we never got the chance to chat. Most likely it was due to my innately introverted nature. The complete opposite of this seemingly extroverted Spaniard.

From what Coach Brian said, the Spaniard was only here for a short time while he tried to settle his coaching situation.

I hummed and tilted my head at the dude wearing the bright yellow parka. He was sipping a cup of coffee, lounging on the bench at the side of the rink. For the life of me, I couldn't remember his name.

"He's kinda cute."

"Totally, look at those muscles."

Muscles? What muscles? I blinked at the giggling girls skating by then curiously studied the guy. He's kinda gangly to me.

True, his physique was taller, broader and, yes, admittedly more muscular than Yuzuru's...

Hm, if I find him gangly then logically speaking... Yuzuru is even more gangly?

I didn't find Yuzuru gangly though. After all, I did see him shirtless several times.

That middle-aged teenager had zero shame going shirtless in front of me. It usually happened after skating practices where Yuzuru would change his sweaty black Under Armour into a clean shirt. There were separate locker rooms between genders but Yuzuru had no qualms whatsoever if we're the only ones in the room.

From those brief moments, I discovered that Yuzuru had legit abs, zero to no fat, all rigid lean muscles. It wasn't like those gigantic gym guys who had bursting six to eight packs with deep outlines. Yuzuru's more on the lean side. Though I do suspect that Yuzuru will gain a six pack in the future because to be fair, Yuzuru's just fifteen at the moment. His body was in the middle of development.

Wait, why the hell am I thinking about muscles?

Perplexed yet again by my own weirdness, I groaned loudly. I had no time for these thoughts. I needed to focus on building a new choreography for the upcoming season.

I slapped my cheeks, vehemently shook muscle man out of my head, and continued skating around the rink intending to mind my own business and finally get some shit done.

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..........M.E.R.I.D.I.A.N......L.I.G.H.T.S..........

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(OMG! I didn't notice that time flew by so fast. I thought I updated this novel just a few days ago...)

(I'm very surprised to see that it's already been two weeks.)