dear yoongi,

it'd kill me inside if i didn't tell you what happened, so i'll try to do that without staining the paper with my tears again.

i got a phone for my birthday, yoongi. but that hardly means anything now.

i can't call you. and you don't use social media or anything like that so i don't have any way to contact you with it.

my parents thought it would make me happy, but it honestly felt like they were just handing me an empty shell.

i must have done something terrible to you in another life, yoongi. maybe that's why i've been pulled away from you, and why no matter how hard i try i can't reach you.

as for why i kissed tae, i don't even want to say it, i feel so terrible and furious with myself...

i was so torn about the phone situation, and a lot of other things i just vented to tae, blamed him for i don't even know what reason, and i ended up screaming 'why can't you be yoongi??' at him.

and he told me to pretend that he was. so i did. but the thing is i don't think he was expecting i'd do that. he looked shocked, and a bit sad, especially when i told him to leave, but i couldn't face him at the time so i just needed him to go...

i apologized to him by now, and he insisted it was okay, that he understand it was because i was in emotional pain...and i'm just frustrated how a person could be so understanding.

you and tae have a lot in common.

i hope you'll still let me introduce you two some day.

miss you so bad, yoongi.

love,
jimin