Thursday, heavy and wan, all whitened by the moon.

"You had to be the one to let me down,
to color me blue" - gone, Rosé

Jaemin

Smashing of glass was heard, followed by silent screams.

Blurred visions of students frantically trying to get help soon came into view.

Confused, he looked down, and darkness engulfed him once again.

1,2,3 seconds passed

Every second that passed, he felt as if time was running out.

The hourglass's life was coming to an end, waiting to be renewed.

His heart rate raced against time, breathing uncontrollably intensified.

Gravity was so powerful that it seemed to be pulling him into earth.

His entire world swirled, vision blurry, breathing halted.

The next thing he knew, light blared ruthlessly into his sore eyes, urging it open.

He felt himself stumbling to keep his balance, head throbbing incessantly.

Slowly but surely, everything started to clear up and make sense.

Like the grey clouds clearing up after a thunderstorm...

But in this case, there wasn't a rainbow.

The atmosphere immediately tensed as he took a step foward.

"Doctors please do something! I beg you.. she's the only one I have left" the tricenarian sobbed out painfully.

His eyes widened.

"No.. bring me back! Get me out of here! No.."
He scrunched his hair, veins in his body throbbing

He knew where he was.

He needs to get out of here.

Like a being suffocated inside a lift, he was trapped with nowhere else to go.

Gasping with tears, he banged everywhere, desperate to get out.

Just then, a heart beeping was heard..

"Running low on oxygen! Call for backup now!"
One of the doctors yelled, hands fumbling, trying his utter best to save the dying girl.

An alarm sounded, piercing through the unsettling hospital.
Within seconds, the ward was packed to the brim.

No one knew what to do, how to help. A mother praying to god, begging him to spare her daughter.

The doctors and nurses' efforts seems to be futile as
the beeping only got louder and more vicious.

The pale girl's body lay lifelessly on the hospital bed, eyes shut tightly, seemingly in a never-ending slumber.

The sinister smirk on the lips she once had, now turned into a shivering shade of blue.

Her once porcelain face became a tone of red.

"Perform CPR now! Patient is not responding!"

The electric shock and panting radiated throughout the ward.

The smell of medical equipment and medicine long gone, only a stench of sweat lingered in the air.

"Patient is failing!"

After many tries of reviving the unconscious girl, she still was in her peaceful rest.

"We lost the patient sir"

Jolting up, Jaemin instantly looked around his surroundings. Eyes squinted at the intensity of the light, adjusting to the sudden brightness.

The smell of sweat still lingered but only this time, it came from him, not the doctors.

Jaemin shook his head, relenting in the throbbing sensation that never left his head.

'It was just a dream' he tells himself every so often.

But the nightmares effortlessly find their way back into his half-conscious mind.

It wasn't the first time this happened, but each time it occurred, Jaemin felt as if he was reliving his past again.

Every time it happened, it felt as if he was experiencing it the first time.

Every detail was so precise in his dream. The smell, every corner, the atmosphere, the sounds, all was present in his vivid memory.

Some nights, he would be shaken awake by the scene or perhaps there were some other times were he cried due to the overwhelming of emotions.

The worst thing was, the scene of the girl being resuscitated alive never left his mind.

He was reminded of her every second and time of the day, often being so affected by it that he could barely fall asleep.

Can he really unsee it? Can he move on and live his life peacefully?

He tried not to overthink it. It was in fact not his fault after all. Despite that, he couldn't help but feel sorry and remorseful for what had happened.

After a period of time, it doesn't seem like he could.
He couldn't forget and forgive himself for letting this happen.

That is why he studied so hard. It was a way of relieving his stress, getting out all his anger on the practice papers.

The guilt of knowing someone's passed on because of you, is something mortifying.

Someone who is unable to come back, someone you aren't able to say sorry to.

Even since that incident, Jaemin always lived thinking that the girl had died, the end.

Only if he had stayed longer he would have known that the patient was still alive, and is still breathing till this day...

These past few days have been a rough one for Jaemin.

He didn't want all these unfortunate incidents to come ever so quickly in such a short period of time.

First, Ji Geon, now JinRin?

Guilty of his past and future.

He didn't want to lie to JinRin. Lying was basically damaging his pride. Just like breaking the brother code.

But.. what if JinRin hates him, because of his past?

What if she leaves him after he told her the truth?

These thoughts ran through his mind, never sparing him a second thought, before blurting out an inconsiderate response.

Jaemin didn't understand the term 'playboy' well enough for him to use it. But since everyone keeps on calling him that, he just assumed he was one of those kinds of boys.

But isn't a playboy supposed to be confident, ignorant and relaxed most of the time.

The thing is, Jaemin hides his flaws exceptionally well. His mental breakdown usually ends up with him looking dull, and girls screaming over his new look.

His anxiety? He ends up staying in the library past school hours, studying till his mind could not take it any more.

At the end of the day, no one could read his mind. People think it's all unicorns and rainbows.
Instead, it was a dumpster filled with regrets of the past, him trying his best to move on.

The only good thing was JinRin. She was in his heart most of the time as he thought he stood the chance.

Right now though... he had no idea anymore.