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ɪᴛ ᴛᴏᴏᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴡᴇᴇᴋꜱ

ᴛᴏ ɢᴏ ᴏꜰꜰ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴀᴛᴇ ʜɪᴍ

ɢᴜᴇꜱꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴄʜᴇᴀᴛ

ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ᴀ ᴛʀᴀɪᴛᴏʀ

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Yup, I'm back to the ol' dusty castle. I got up from my bed on Monday morning a little earlier than usual due to a nightmare between me and Potter. You know what it is. I still haven't recovered from that day. I still haven't seen her face since that day. When I was leaving on Christmas afternoon she went out before I even woke up so yeah.

I didn't see her in the Hogwarts express. I tried avoiding looking for her in the great hall during the feast so basically it's still fresh.

I saw the whole dorm quite lively, Lorcan and Val scribbling their homework by copying and pasting Hugo's, Jared's and my homework. They always do this and once they got caught for copying completely off Jared so now they copy paste one paragraph from each one of our homework so it looks a bit different.

Hugo was searching for his socks everywhere and Jared had just come back from his bath and he was drying his hair as he smiled and greeted me, "Good morning baby, why did you wake up early? You usually wake up 20 minutes before school".

"Don't call me kid, don't call me baby look at the godforsaken mess that you've made me" I sang giggling as I got off my bed and dived into my trunk for my robes. "I'M SO SCREWED " Val moaned. "Bro what do even do during the holidays?" Hugo asked. "I enjoy it unlike you'' Val said. Oh gosh I guess it was not bad enough that his handwriting was bad and now he's rushing through. I don't even think I can decode that.

I took a nice warm bath and came back all dressed. Val and Lorcan were still writing. Hugo was drowning himself in perfume. OH THAT'S SO STRONG I CAN'T BREATHE. Jared was at the corner of the dorm suffering from his allergy to strong smells, he was in the verge of passing out.

"HUGO IT'S NOT WATER, IT'S A FREAKING PERFUME" Lorcan screamed, moving away from him.

"I'm going to wait in the common room"I said and Jared ran out the dorm muttering "I think I'm going to puke".

"SCAMANDER" Novah called out coming into the dorm. I pushed him out and closed the door. I would faint if I stood in there for another minute due to that intoxicating air.

"Yes?" I asked him. He showed me the Witch Weekly and on the front cover of the paper it was a picture of me and Rose. DUDE I THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF THE SITUATION. WHAT THE HELL?

I grabbed the paper and ran down the stairs to the common. "You're the weirdo dating Rose Weasley right?" A guy asked me laughing. "He looks pretty handsome in real life too" a girl whispered to a friend. OH GOSH GIVE ME A BREAK IT'S JUST THE MORNING. I saw Rose. I could kill her right now. I went close to her and grabbed her collar, she grabbed mine back. "BITCH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE TAKING CARE OF IT" we screamed at each other .

"DUDE YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA TAKE CARE OF IT" I screamed at her face. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GAVE ME THAT DISAPPROVING NASTY LOOK" she screamed back. "WHY DO YOU WEASLEY'S ALWAYS GET ON MY NERVES '' I said angrily leaving her collar.

"Look, it was a misunderstanding" Rose said calmly. "Oh my god they're fighting" some girls said giggling. I turned back and gave them the, 'Go away or I'll become a murderer' look.

"Scamander you're capable of love?" Said a voice as she touched my shoulders. My eyes widened and my heartbeat went rampage. Goosebumps. Lily stood beside me. I froze up into an ice statue. "HEY DEAF PERSON, I'M ASKING YOU"  Lily screamed into my ear. I moved away from her and asked her, "Are you crazy? No, you were there right? Why did you even get this doubt" I said, looking away from her. I can't bring myself to look at her in any way, not after what happened.

"I already told you a hundred times" she said and she turned my head to face her. "Don't act like you have a crush on me" she said. MY HEART! SHE'S KILLING ME. I pushed her hand away. "Stop, getting close to me. I don't like you being all over me, right now I just don't want to be shipped with an old lady" I said. Oh shit that sounded so weird. 

"OLD LADY?" Rose asked to get worked up. "SHUT UP" I snapped at her. "Uhhh, you're so emotional. The amount of times this happened to me is uncountable, just be happy you got a good picture of you" Lily said nonchalantly looking at the paper.

"The paper keeps getting more unhinged" Jared said, taking the paper from Lily and reading it as the rest of my roomies peaked into it.

"Rose, Hunter is calling you. He's outside" her friend told her and Rose rushed out. "Have fun today's gonna be hell of a day" Lily said smiling as she tapped my hand and walked away. I turned back and saw her walk away with her red hair moving like ocean waves. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? URGH.

I turned to my roomies and said, "This never happened, let's just go to the great hall" I said and walked out. I saw Rose talking to Hunter in the verge of tears whereas Hunter was just sassily listening to it without any interest.

"LYSANDER SCAMANDER!" Scorpius screamed across the corridor. BEING CALLED OUT IN PUBLIC? HOW EMBARRASSING I HAVEN'T FELT MORE EMBARRASSED IN AGES. THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR THE INTROVERTED ME.

He walked towards me. HE'S GONNA KILL ME.

"I could kiss you, you're freaking mastermind" Scorpius said, smiling. What the AVOCADO FRICK JUST HAPPENED? "Don't go saying that around then they're gonna make a news about us being a thing and a whole love triangle shit" I said calming him down. "Hunter's and Rose's castle is crumbling, it time for me to take the last brick out" Scorpius said .

Oh wow. I killed myself to help him.

"Whatever, good for you I guess. I don't wanna talk now" I said as I walked quickly to catch up with my roomies who had already left.

I entered the great hall and the first thing I saw was Potter talking to a Hufflepuff boy laughing and smiling. BRO HOW MUCH GUYS DOES SHE CHASE AT ONCE? SERIOUSLY DUDE. I wonder who he is. Probably getting fooled by Potter or what if I'm getting fooled by her? OH NO. THIS IS BAD.

I'm pretty sure that guy's name is Keres Parsons. His innocent smile, his baby blue eyes, his unsettling curly hair, he is one of those faces with that kind face which is annoying. Such a shame Potter has such a bad taste in guys. One day she likes a cold weirdo like me and the next day she hangs out with a dude with a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSONALITY.

Now if I talk to her about this she would be like, 'why do you care, stop acting like you have a crush on me' urghhhh it's so annoying. I'm really just sick of people these days.

I'm just waiting for the day I run off from this place all alone and live in some rich paradise where no one can touch me.

I went and sat next to my friends. "Hey, had a good look at Lily?" Val asked, laughing. "What do you mean?" I asked him annoyed as I sat next to Lorcan. "The way you looked at her and that guy oh that's the definition of jealousy" Lorcan said snickering.

"Believe what you want, I don't care" I replied. I don't like Lily but I really care about the fact that we kind of kissed and she's hanging out with another weirdo like him while she is having feelings for me. I hate her but still I care about her. I don't want her to turn out like a douche bag.

Well classes resumed as usual and everything seemed pretty alright. Two weeks slipped by like a bottle of wine. Scorpius had been scheming to get together with Rose. He and Polly recently had a huge fight over lunch about Polly allegedly hanging out with this other boy.

Whereas for Rose and Hunter, things were falling apart. Their relationship was brittle and rusted. It was only for an amount of time before they broke up. Their usual lunch flirting and Rose's friends teasing her had reduced by 90% and things were not going well as Hunter had N.E.W.T.s so he's spending most of his time at the library alone, studying.

The whole Rose scandal with me got sorted out after my silence about the situation. So that whole thing was quite sorted out.

Val and Diana have been together harmoniously and things were getting genuine and sweet between them. They never went overboard or crossed any lines yet. Val would sometimes complain about how he needs to keep compromising but I just think about how much Diana has been compromising to keep up with an idiot like Val.

Petty fights happen but everything seems to work out at the end of the day with a soft kiss and a warm hug. Their relationship seems so unrealistic and healthy.

But everytime I see Michelle I pity her. Let's say Michelle is the type of person to do anything for the people she loves that sometimes she gives away her own happiness. She seems strong but deep inside she falters a lot.

She loves Val wholeheartedly but with Diana and Lily as friends she feels quite lonely that she can't express her feelings as it would mean hurting them.

Anyways, the third week of January had started and today was the first day I've got proper human emotions. I usually say I feel angry and depressed but today the emotion I felt was to another extent that I have never felt before.

Potter and my weird brother-sister relationship got mended quite quickly and our memories on Christmas eve night had pretty much faded. Everything was back on track until I knew it was about time something came up.

I was walking in the corridors with my shoelaces untied because I was too lazy to keep my bag down, bend down and tie them. I was walking in a half dead manner like always across the corridor when I saw a crowd of students clapping and cheering. Then there was silence.

"Ok" I heard Potter's voice say and the cheering continued. What the hell was happening? I walked away from whatever cult meeting they were having and was walking to my next class: Transfiguration.

I entered the classroom and Val called me to sit next to him. Oh no, everytime I sit next to him both of us end up outside class. I sat next to him with Lorcan and Hugo to my front and Jared at my back. Professor hadn't arrived yet so the class was still lively. "Dude, did you know the thing about Lily?" Val asked, smiling.

"I don't care enough about her life happenings" I said as I opened my book and started refreshing on what happened last class. To be honest though I really wanted to know but I don't wanna ask him cause I feel it would be humiliating for some reason. I'm pretty sure even if I don't ask Val would tell me so, no probs.

"Keres Parsons and Lily have been hanging out for a while you know-" Val started. Oh god are they dating bro- you've known each other for like what two weeks? "So?" I asked him nonchalantly, acting as if I didn't care. "During the free period, when they were playing truth or dare he confessed and-" he was saying and I cut him off and asked, "Why do I care?"

Lily was sitting beside Jared, I'm pretty sure she heard that and I hope she knows now that I actually don't like her. BUT BRO NO, WHY IS SHE DATING KERES? HE'S SUCH A STUCK UP INNOCENT FACE? THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING FUN ABOUT HIM. HE'S SO- URGH NOT HER TYPE. Ok, I get it I can't decide for her but how did she go from liking brats like me and Asher to a sweetheart like him.

I'm just scared that Keres is going to get caught in her so-called, 'love' trap and not escape from it. BUT KERES. SERIOUSLY? KERES? OUT OF EVERYONE SHE CHOSE KERES? SHE LITERALLY KISSED ME LIKE A MONTH AGO AND NOW SHE'S DATING A FOOL LIKE HIM?

I feel- I feel cheated even though I never liked her. I felt betrayed to an extent I've never felt before. I always tried to maintain boundaries and she crossed it. She crossed it and now she's stepping back while I am still recovering. I charge her with high infidelity.

I can't talk about this with anyone cause I feel insecure. I don't think I can trust anyone with this no matter who they are. But I feel this is gonna eat me up alive. "You zoned out?" Val asked as he tapped my back. "I feel sleepy and tired" I said as I false yawned, giving a weak smile.

"You really don't care about her? Do you?" Val asked disappointed. "For the hundredth time no" I said with a straight and annoyed face.

Maybe I feel like this because I don't have an actual life. Maybe it's cause I'm such a stuck up. Maybe it's normal for other but not for me. Maybe I'm the problem. No, I AM the problem. Maybe I'm overthinking this. Or maybe facing reality. I don't know.

I don't understand people. I can't- I haven't had the feeling of helplessness in a long time. I feel like I'm back to being in muggle school. But this time it seems like I'm fine because I actually have people around me. But I feel really lonely deep inside and no one knows.

I'll let one know I'm not fine. Cause that's who I am. Lysander Scamander can't express his feelings, its just who he is, a helpless, insecure, boy who overthinks and he keeps thinking until it fades into reality.

It's such a shame that in a matter of two days I would be thinking about this and asking myself, 'seriously Lysander? You were moody over this?'

XX~𝐿𝓎𝓈𝒶𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇~XX