hallo, hier dürft hier einen versuch von mir lesen, wie ich in englisch schreibe. ich mag diesen os sehr und übersetze ihn bestimmt noch irgendwann aber jetzt müsst ihr damit leben, dass ich faul und unfähig bin und es so lasse. (außerdem klingt englisch einfach besser, don't fight me)((sollten menschen mit guten englischkentnissen das lesen dürfen sie mir gerne verbesserungen in die kommentare packen ich habe sehr lange nichts mehr in englisch geschrieben wie man wahrscheinlich merkt ok bye))

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The first time was an accident. It really was. Neil didn't mean to. It just slipped out of his mouth before he could have prevented it. Andrew had just shot the ball from his goal to the other side and Neil just couldn't help himself but be the impressed boyfriend.

"Nice shot, Drew!", he had shouted. Like the oblivious idiot he was. Across the Exy stadium with all their teammates around them. Andrew hadn't looked very pleased with that, but he had said nothing. He just pressed his lips together and gripped his racquet a little bit tighter. Maybe Neil imagined it, but he could have sworn, that Andrew's eyes glinted his way. If it was approval or boredom, that wasn't easy to say, with the helmet on Andrew's head and the distance between them.

"Did he really just said that and didn't get stabbed?", Nicky asked shocked and removed his helmet to stare at Neil. "When I said that, Andrew threatened to skin me alive. Why is Neil so special?"

"You're also not allowed to share a bed with him, so where exactly are you going with that question?", Allison said. "It's not like these two have been dating for months now."

"You don't understand", Nicky demanded. "Andrew hates, no, despises nicknames with all his heart. As he and Aaron were bartenders in Eden's, some guy called him with some nickname and Aaron had to physically hold Andrew back, so he wouldn't stab that dudes' eye out. He went completely nuts about it but refused to tell me why."

"So?", she asked and shrugged. "I still don't see your point, Nicky. Andrew and Neil are a thing and Andrew and that guy weren't. I would have been uncomfortable too, if some random weirdo called me Sweety or disgusting shit like that. I didn't even allow Seth to call me Ali."

"This has nothing to do with our training!", Kevin shouted from his position. "So as long as you two won't stop gossiping, I won't train with you."

"Was that a threat or an offer?", Matt whispered behind Neil's back.

Neil himself was red all over the face and didn't say anything for the rest of the training. He kept shooting the ball at Andrew's goal but refused to look at him. Andrew was quiet nether less, so it didn't make a difference, but the looks he send Neil, were sending cold shivers down his spine.

After their training had ended, Kevin let them go with the repeated warning, that they should focus more on the ball and not the gossip, which everyone ignored. Neil didn't want to leave the shower because then he had to drive back with Andrew and Nicky, but he couldn't hide forever. And Andrew hadn't said anything. Maybe he hadn't noticed. Maybe he just didn't care enough.

But Andrew did care. The drive to the dormitory was silent and kind of uncomfortable, but after Andrew had sent Neil the look and the boy had followed him to the rooftop, three words hung between them in the cold night. "Yes or no?"

Neil didn't trust himself enough to speak again, so he just nodded and let Andrew's hands cup his face, so the shorter boy could pull him down. Their lips met in a cold breeze, like a disappearing wind in the summer night, like the hot steam from a cup of tea in the evening, like the ending of a movie. It felt like everything and nothing, and it wasn't until their lips parted, that Neil realized, that Andrew's heart was pounding hard against the palm of his hand, that was spread across the other boys chest.

"Was it wrong?", Neil asked, his voice nothing more than a whisper.

"What", Andrew responded. He sounded bored, but his breath was rapid, as he leaned back to fish his lighter out of his pants.

"Calling you... that." He almost said Drew again, but he wasn't sure how Andrew would handle it. Even though they were together for a long time now, Neil couldn't read the blond boy perfectly. There were layers that he hadn't touched yet, secrets he hadn't seen yet and truths he hadn't heard yet.

"I didn't hate it", Andrew said. "But I hate you."

Neil almost smiled at that. "Every time you say that, I believe you a little less."

"No one asked you." Andrew put his hand in Neil's neck and pulled him to him one last time, before he stood. He looked tired even though Neil never saw Andrew tired. "Get back inside. It's freezing."

It wasn't but Neil followed his fellow Fox to their dorm room, where Kevin and Nicky sat in the beanbags and watched some movie. Andrew didn't bother with them but went straight to the bedroom. He waited for Neil to come after him before he closed the door with a quiet thud.

"Yes or no?", Neil asked with a low tempting voice and had his arms already reached out.

"No." Andrew stared him down, mouth a thin line and his face almost as pale as his hair.

"Oh. Is something wrong?" The blond boy shoved his bag to one side, opened the window and got himself another cigarette lit.

"No", he answered. "Nothing."

"You can talk to me, you know."

"I do, but I don't want it. Now be quiet." Andrew pointed to the bed but waved his hand in dismissal. He obviously didn't care what Neil did now. The blond boy closed his eyes while smoke poured into the night.

*

The second time, Neil does it on purpose to watch Andrew's reaction.

"Pass me my helmet, would you, Drew?"

Andrew stopped midway to Neil's helmet, his hand frozen in the air. He stared at the other boy. The remaining Foxes in the locker room remained quiet, but Neil felt Nicky's stare at the back of his head. It was disorienting, but he could handle it, as long he could keep his eyes at Andrew.

"He did it again", Matt whispered but his voice barley reached him. "Does he have a death wish?"

"Nothing new", Aaron said, not even interested in the situation. He packed his stuff and left the room without a glance to his twin.

Andrew took Neil's helmet in his hands, reached out and waited. Neil wanted to take it from him, but as soon as his fingertips brushed over the bright orange material, Andrew shoved it away from him and flung the helmet across the room, where it landed in a corner. "Must have dropped it", he said with a bored voice, but the glance in his eyes betrayed him.

Kevin pushed Nicky and Matt out of the locker room, even though they both wanted to watch, what was going on. He sent Neil a look that clearly said "you have ten minutes" before he slammed the door behind him and left Neil and Andrew alone.

"What's wrong?", Neil asked.

"Don't", Andrew answered. "Don't ask stupid questions."

"I am stupid", he reminded him. "I need things spelled out for me."

Andrew gritted his teeth and turned away to pick Neil's helmet up. His fingers brushed over it, as if he wanted to remove the dirt. "It's been a long time since someone called me that", he finally said. "And I didn't particularly like it."

"Who said it?", Neil asked. He thought, that he already knew the answer, but the knot in his stomach made him ask.

"First it was some lady from the adoption service", Andrew said, his voice traveling trough the room as if through time. He spoke quiet and low, but Neil could hear every counted breath. "She thought she was so sweet and nice for saying it, but after she said it like the fifth time, I already wanted to strangle her. It sounded wrong. She was nothing and I didn't know or like her but she insisted on it. Like she was someone important to me. Like she could be my mother." He turned to look at Neil. "Do you want to know, who said it after that?"

The other boy swallowed hard but held Andrew's stare. He nodded but said in the movement, "Drake."

The hint of a smile swept across Andrew's lips and he nodded back. "Indeed. Whenever he called me that, I just closed my eyes and waited. He made it sound like an alarm. Like a terrible, horrible thing to come out of someone's mouth."

"I'm sorry", Neil said and made his way to where Andrew stood. He kept the distance he knew his boyfriend wanted. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know", he responded and pushed Neil's helmet in his hands. His fingers were trembling, and Neil could see them already fishing out a cigarette, so he asked, "Yes or no, Andrew?"

Andrew looked up and nodded. "Junkie", he murmured against Neil's lips and didn't pull away, as the other boy caught his fingers in his own to make sure they didn't want to escape themselves.

*

The third time Neil had said it, Andrew wanted it.

They were alone in Columbia. The night was dark, and Andrew still refused to turn on some lights. He had the windows of their room open and the lights from a near street light glinted in. His cigarette was burned down but he rolled the butt between his fingers.

He looked bored but Neil could see the movement of his eyes as if they were searching for something. "Stop it", he said. "Don't look at me like that."

"I don't", Neil answered. He rocked back and forth, undecided if he should stay or not. "Do you want some ice cream?"

"No." Andrew looked over. "Not now."

"You refuse ice cream? Is this some sort of hallucination?"

"I am bursting with laughter, really." He stood, flipped the remaining of his smoke out the window and went over to Neil. His eyes were shrouded with darkness as he said. "Call me it."

Neil didn't need to ask what he meant. "Drew." His voice barley touched his own lips as he spoke.

Andrew shuttered visibly. He breathed sharp and Neil could see that it didn't reached him the way Neil wanted to. He closed his eyes. "Again", he demanded low.

Neil hesitated but said, "Drew." The word lingered between them like an unspoken promise. "Andrew, you - "

"Again", Andrew interrupted him. His eyes were still closed but he moved his fingers forward as if to touch Neil.

"Drew."

This time Andrew waited longer. He didn't ask but Neil said, "Yes." Andrew reached out and took Neil's hand. His fingers were trembling and shaking.

"Again", he whispered.

"Andrew, you don't have to prove me anything. If you're not ready, that's fine."

"Again", Andrew said again, completely ignoring Neil's complaints.

The boy sighed. "Fine. Drew. This is not necessary, you know."

"Again."

"Drew." Neil hesitated but reached out to cup Andrew's face. "You hear me?"

"Yes, what? You're annoying." Andrew opened his eyes to look at him, his hazel glinted in the darkness.

"You don't have to push yourself", he said. "Drew."

"Can you be any more annoying?", Andrew asked and came closer.

"I haven't even started yet", Neil answered.

"Terrible things happen when you open your mouth, Josten." Andrew stared at Neil's lips. "You should keep it more closed."

Neil grinned. "Make me."

Their kiss was short and sweet. Neil could feel Andrew trembled body against his own, as the other boy leaned into the touch. "Say it", Andrew whispered against Neil's lips.

"Drew", he answered as demanded and drowned in Andrew's kiss. The blond boy wanted to swallow him whole, wanted to feel every bit of his body with his fingertips. "Drew", Neil mouthed against his hot skin. "Drew."

Andrew broke from him. He breathed sharp and his eyes were filled with darkness. His fingers left Neil and he brought some distance between them.

"Is it better?", Neil asked.

"It's never better", he answered. "But it's not terrible." Andrew looked to the window, his fingers fishing his lighter out of his pocket. He lit himself a smoke and then focused his eyes on the road again. "I wouldn't say no to ice cream now."

Neil smiled and stood. He went over to his fellow Fox and placed a quick kiss to his neck.

"Still not attractive, Josten", he murmured.

"Still not convinced", he answered. He breathed one last kiss on Andrew's skin, just light enough to make him shiver, then left the room and went down the staircase.

"Drew", Neil whispered in the kitchen's darkness. It sounded right to him. Good and familiar and brought a little sense of home to his lips.

It was like a spoken key and Neil would keep it as close as possible.